Thursday, March 27, 2008

Ch-ch-ch-check, please

Bye, Chikeze, no more messing with your name.
How much are those stupid result night song and dance numbers like South Park's Getting Gay with Kids?!?!
Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Everyone has a birthday

The concept of last night's show - songs from your year of birth - was a good one. What is so crazy is how recent the kid's birth dates are - YIKES! I am very old. If I had to sing a song from my year of birth I would go with "Baby, It's You" by The Shirelles. That's how old I am!

Ramiele-Please-Get-Me-a-Professional-Stylist sang "Alone" by Heart. A good song, and better than anything else she has sung. If I were her, I would request a soprano back-up singer who does not blow me out of the water with her awesome voice - who is that - wow!

Birthday Boy Donovan Jr. is a good but not great singer with a chill personality. And how does he get his naturally straight hair to lock like that? Must be lots of wax. It was funny when he said he could have practiced more. I was waiting for him to say, but Dude, surf was up!

Sayisha was ok. As usual, Simon was right about how the song showed the limits of her voice. When she hit the biggest notes I thought, I am not getting chills here. She can't really get the super nasty going on those. No thrills from Sayisha but she is a competent singer.

Ch-ch-ch-cheated on your birth date (9/11) went next. Dude, sing more songs in your lower register - it is very nice and we hear very few baritone/bass notes in this competition.

Play it by ear Brooke sounded OK on a song I detest. She's a nice girl with a nice voice. That's about it.

Michael Johns managed to sing "We are the Champions" and it sounded great and he did not look like an idiot singing it. NICE, Michael.

I could not hate that Total Eclipse of the Heart song more. OK, maybe more now that Carly has sung it. She was really screechy on the big notes. She can go anytime now.

Tiny Blues Brother sang a song I don't know. He has a great voice, but he was not the best last night.

Could Kristy Lee PLEASE go home tonight? That song was like some ghastly Junior Miss Pageant performance. Is it unpatriotic not to vote for her? Then call me a traitor!

David Cox has had that same pseudo-badass expression since infancy! Maybe it will bother me less now that I know it is not put-on. That version of Billie Jean was SLAMMIN'!!! The best performance of the night with Michael Johns a close second. I feel safe in predicting that a white guy will win this year. I also feel safe in predicting that Paula, utter moron that she is, will end up living alone with 48 cats and she will tell them that they are magical, they are stars and that she loves all the colors and textures of their fur.

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Happy birth-year, babies!

("Dang me, I am old" could also be this week's title.)

Now THAT was an excellent show, in my never-humble opinion. Even the weaker performances (Ramiele, Jason, David "Slipping Halo" Archuleta) didn't cause me any real pain, and the strong singers were spot on. Loved it loved it loved it.

Okay, perhaps I should confess that I didn't actually hear David Archuleta, I had to take a phone call, but I saw the 30-second recap at the end and I heard the judges lambaste him, poor baby—but it's about time; he's always been a decent but limited performer, and I've never gotten the hoopla surrounding the child. Whatev. He's not going anywhere, this I know.

What I admire more than anything is smartness—in this case, meaning singers who know who they are and what they can do and play to those strengths. So a shout-out to pretty, pretty Michael Johns, who's been blandly forgettable up till now but pulled out the stops last night to blast me back to high school graduation, tooling around in a VW bus (it was Northern California, they're everywhere) with my pallies, singing "We Are the Champions" at full volume. We'd had three sips of Cold Duck apiece, we owned the night. Good times. It was exactly what Michael needed to do this week, and though generally the Idolettes should avoid Freddie Mercury, this one worked. Yay, Michael!

Another shout-out to Syesha, who has a good voice but hasn't been showcasing it well. Though I didn't know or love the song, she sang the hell out of it. Great job.

Props to my girl Brooke, who is second only to David Cook in her ability to reinterpret a song and make it her own. Sting's version of "Every Breath You Take" is a creepy stalker song; Brooke made it more tortured—like, I don't want to be glued to you in this way, but this is how it is and I can't stop myself. Not her best performance (because her best performances have been HELLA GOOD) but very good nonetheless, and to me: wicked impressive. Brooke is a smart smarty.

But who was the most brilliant last night, the smartest smarty of all? Honestly, I think it's a tie, and no one is more surprised than I am by that fact.

David "I Want to Marry Lady Chardonnay" Cook brought down the house with his soulful, haunting "Billie Jean." He is the master of breaking down a song to its essential parts, thinking it through, and rebuilding it again so it is 100% his. His voice is gorgeous, and he owns the stage. A truly brilliant performer and musician—the best I have ever seen on Idol. And I'm not just saying that because we're in love.

So given all that, who's he tied with, Lady Chardonnay-Cook? Folks, I hand that honor to Miss Kristy Lee Cook, who has been one of the most underwhelming performers so far, our perennial bottom-three girl, whose ouster this week, before last night, was about as sure a sure thing as one can get on this show—Kristy Lee Cook, who chose the most perfect song for herself, who did exactly what she needed to do last night to showcase her Aryan loveliness and Mom-and-apple-piehood, who displayed a canny awareness of who she is and what she can do . . . I can't say enough about her smartness here. Best performance of the night? No way. Something we'll be writing about forever? Again—no. But best evidence of knowing oneself and choosing the dead-on right song? Absolutely, no question whatsoever. And I really, really admire that. She may still go home, but she can hold her head high.

Great show. I had to take a little blog break to rediscover my Joy of Idol (trying to get the feeling again, don'tcha know), but guess what? (I'm being Randy now) Lady Chardonnay is in the house!

. . . and OUT.

God Help the USA

I took last week off because as you all know, it blew. Thank you Mrs. C for picking up the gauntlet!

This week the kids are singing songs from the year they were born. The intros were more interesting than usual. What sticks in my mind is that Ramiele was a biter, Michael has a drive to win that is more powerful than a locomotive and Carly's mom is hot. And sadly, about my age.

So let's begin with Ramiele. She sounded a little pitchy on ALONE. Still a million times better than I would, and she is sick. But she is in the death seat, the first spot where people forget that she sang at all. Randy is a bitch, Paula doesn't tell her she looks pretty, which is a good sign. And Simon was actually supportive and nice.

Jason Castro sings FRAGILE and my lord, he is not the brightest bulb on the tree. He has cute eyes (like Wilbur!) and nice parents. The song (which I love) sounded fine but there wasn't a time when I started to squee like I sometimes do when Jason and his pretty eyes sing. My favorite part was when Simon said he needed to pick up his game if he wanted to win. He had a look on his face that said, "Dude, I am baked out of my mind and even I know that if I am still here after the top three my career is dead!"

I don't know several song this week. most of these kids were born in the years where I was listening to Bob Marley and the Grateful Dead and little else. I was a rebel, a loner... Anyway, Syesha is singing IF I WAS YOUR WOMAN which I am going to assume is a Whitney song because every time I hear a crappy song that makes the singer's voice sound great it is usually Whitney. Anyway - Syesha sounds beautiful and is charming and I like her a lot. Hate the song though.

Chikeze, who I love, was as cute as a bug in 1985. As much as I do think he is adorable - Beckeye described him perfectly in her blog as "tic tac teeth and low hanging gums" which I found hysterical. And I am okay with that because he has disappointed me this week with IF ONLY FOR ONE NIGHT which I have never heard before and don't care to hear again. Oh Chikeze, don't go all Luther Vandross on me. I am I not going to throw my underpants on stage or whatever you are going for here. In fairness, his voice sounds great. I am just bored to tears.

Speaking of dull as the day is long, Brooke sang EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE. She started out in the wrong key and had to start over, which the judges liked! Good grief, how about just starting in the right key?? There is nothing wrong with taking a familiar song and slowing it wayyyyyyyyyyy down for effect (just wait, of just wait!!!) but this is not different enought to be interesting. She sure is nice, though. I wish she were my nanny. I bet she is very kind to the children and does crafts with them and doesn't just park them in front of Barney videos like I did when I nannied!

What is that on the horizon? What is that beautiful sound? Oh be still me heart - Micheal Johns is singing and I actually am enjoying it! He covers Queen's WE WILL ROCK YOU/WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS and he sounds brilliant! (And I love his mom's cute Aussie accent and his "I'm too good for you" face from his childhood. Well done Micheal!

TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART! There's nothing I can do, I'm always in the dark. We're sitting on a powder keg and giving of sparks, indeed. Carly sings this with her usual skill and lack of personality. What is it about this girl??? She is completely likable in her intros and judge-chats. But when she sings she falls into this personality vortex that just sucks the interesting right out of her. Forgive me for becoming Paula here, but she looked great tonight. She reminded me a bit of Lady C with her glammy eye make-up. Lady C is the bomb, eye make-up wise.

L'il Davy underwhelmed me with YOU'RE THE VOICE. Simon nailed it with his "theme park singing with animated creatures" comment. He's not going anywhere.

Kristy Lee Cook is a genius. She sang GOD BLESS THE USA. If she goes home tomorrow the terrorists win. I can't tell you the deep pit of loathing I have for this song. I love the USA, I am glad I live here. But this song makes me want to slap a baby. (Not a real baby, I just mean that it makes me that angry.) First of all "at LEAST I know I'm free" we are not the only free country. There are several. Canada leaps to mind, socialized medicine notwithstanding. Secondly, the line " the flag still stands for freedom, and they can’t take that away" always struck me as a little paranoid until my viewing buddy Mr. Mama said, "Well, the government is trying..." which cracked me up because I consider him something of a right wing fella for liberal New England. But I digress. Kristy Lee sounded really good. She did! This sort of country-ish song is perfect for her. She was strong and pretty and I really thing she may have sent Ramiele or Chikeze home with this.

Remember when I used to hate David Cook? It was really smart of them to preface his performance with pictures of him looking like Baby Skeletor because it made the real Dave look not-too-bad by comparison. I have to say that tonight's performance made me pack up all my furniture and move it to Camp David because he rocked the living hell out of BILLIE frickin' JEAN! It was awesome. I believe, Lady C! I believe, Southern Fried Lawyer and Mr. Lawyer! I believe, legions of fans who have less strict standards for coiffures! I found him attractive and I completely attribute that to the excellence of his performance.

So I think that it will be a vindicated Kristy Lee (and frankly, I could even hear that song again which I never thought I would say), Raimele, Chikeze or Carley. I am hoping Chikeze stays another week - other than that, I am unconcerned.

Brunie, OUT!

Friday, March 21, 2008

You could tell that Amanda HATED the stupid group song and dance crap.

Goodbye to Amanda
Consider yourself lucky
you won't be stuck doing
dance steps so sucky
Result night show torture
you will avoid it
Damn choreography
like ghastly school play shit
So be real happy
that you got the boot
If you had to keep "dancing"
through your brain
you would shoot

Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

On ruining Beatle's songs

I do not know why the Powers That Idol decided to do Beatles songs directly following a week of Lennon & McCartney songs. Did they get a two for one deal? Did Michael Jackson beg them to pay for the rights to some of the Beatle's songs that he stole from Paul? Michael needs the money. Even after losing $48 million to that gold-digger, Paul still does not need Idol money. (How nice would it be to have $48 million be only SIX PERCENT of your net worth-damn!) Anyway, here we go again with these kids who are haplessly ignorant of some of the greatest songs ever written.

Amanda has good energy on USSR. It was a good song choice for her. I miss her strip-ey pants, though.

Kristy Lee needs to go home next. She had absolutely no clue as to the melody of her song. You know you're in trouble when Paula tells you how beautiful you look. Buh-bye.

David Tiny Blues Brother - There you go, David. His voice is so calm, sweet and earnest. Mr. C thinks he is the Melinda Doolittle of this season - so humble and loveable. I still don't see how he loses.

Michael Johns - Simon was right - this song is too long and complex to break down to 90 seconds. Even with the rearrangement he screwed up the lyrics. The entire judges exchange with Paula justifying his mediocrity vis a vis the ear plug (that he did not use) was really awkward and weird.

Brooke was sweet and post-hippyish as usual, but she does better with an instrument in front of her.

David Cook - It was going so well until he threw in that totally random voicebox bit. It ruined the groove! You would have been better off without it, Dude.

Carly - eh. She does NOTHING for me.

Jason Castro - Let me be the first to declare him the new Donovan! Old folks like me will understand.

Sayeesha - How do you not already know the song Yesterday? I can never understand how people who consider themselves singers can be so ignorant of so many of the world's best classic songs. However, it was her best performance and her best cleavage display.

Ch-ch-ch-chia - You started so well and then it became Hee Haw. TERRIBLE!

Miss Can't Dress to Save her Life - Honey is that the best you can do with song choice/outfit choice?? It boggles the mind.

Overall the show was sub-par with too much time for random blabbing.

Next week - Led Zeppelin!!!!!!

Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Amazing Top 12 Performances Make Brunie Change Her Mind!

The new stage is big, the Beatles are good songwriters and away we go…

Syesha is the starter with GOT TO GET YOU INTO MY LIFE and she sounds fine, but Lennon and McCartney are not the kindest pick for a sultry R&B singer. She has a big glory note at the end, but I don’t know if that is going to make it memorable enough.

And I was wondering how they were planning on filling two hours with 12 singers. Apparently the answer is more commercials…

Chikeze blew my mind with SHE’S A WOMAN even though I knew that that was exactly what he was trying to do. I loved it.

Ramiele sang IN MY LIFE. Wilbur said, “She sounds like a girl, and a boy sings this song. Simon is going to hate it…” He also made fun of the people waving their arms. So far the girls are making me drowsy with their sweet, sleepy voices.

Jason covers IF I FELL and he sounds cute and a little dippy. He switches to the harmony parts at points and I kind of like that. He is not as good a singer as most, but he makes up for it with charm. And he makes a little “oh poopy!” face at the end of every song because he can’t the big note that they like at the end. Did you know he has dreads? I had no idea.

Carly sang COME TOGETHER. I liked her in her little film, and her song sounded good. Of the girls, she is the one that is growing on me the most. And certainly the best female performance so far. I also like how she responds to the judges.

Simon is so dang cute when he winks.

Wilbur’s advice to David Cook: shave your head and learn from Chikeze. Heh… My advice, sadly unheeded tonight, Don’t turn into Constintine. At least he is from Tulsa. I love Tulsa. I just wish he was different looking. Not necessarily cuter, just not all of the attributes I find personally distasteful – chin tufts, greasy hair, squinty soul eyes, poofy lips. He seems a likeable sort, I suppose. But like the maiden on her wedding night, I still need to keep my eyes closed. How did he do? He sounded great and everyone loved him.

Brooke played piano and sang LET IT BE. She sounded beautiful and didn’t do anything new but she has a real way with a simple song. When she let loose a little at the end it was really effective. Really nice job, my new favorite girl. Dang ugly dress though. And barefoot, hee!

David Hernandez sings I SAW HER STANDING THERE and did a nice little Elvis bit at the start. The song was a little old fashioned for Idol, I thought. He has a nice voice but in this song the bass line moves really quickly and the vocals always sound like they are trying to hold back the energy - even when the Beatles did it… Not a good choice.

Amanda has a softer haircut and looks cute and younger than she has before. She sang the hell out of YOU CAN’T DO THAT and I finally realized why people like her. She was fantastic on a song that I really don’t even like!

Michael is from Austraila? Do tell! He sings ACROSS THE UNIVERSE and looks like he is trying to pass a kidney stone. I am over the tiny little hold his undeniable good looks have had on me in the past. I hope the other women of America are with me. His voice is fine, but he has slipped comfortably into my least favorite boy seat. Welcome, Mike, I hope your stay is short.

Oh my gosh! Simon didn’t even know Carly’s name! I kind of love that. It means that he is less interested in this contest than I am. Bwahahaha! It is totally just his job. He could be sprinkling jimmies at Dairy Queen for all it means to him.

Kristy Lee sings – or yodels – EIGHT DAYS A WEEK. I think she might have tried this “turn it to country” shtick with something less famous and it might have worked. But this is country-fair painful. And her bouncy standing in one place and occasionally turn her leg to the other side movements didn’t help. At least it was brief. Please go home Kristy Lee. And AFTER I typed this Simon said, “Some ghastly country fair—” So I said Country Fair first. Copycat, Simon…

Little Davy is in the pimp spot again. (The pimp spot is what Television Without Pity calls the last performance, the one people remember.) Luckily, he is really a phenomenal performer. Except when he forgets the words. Oh my! Is this going to be a train-wreck? He keeps licking his lips like Barty Crouch’s son. His vocals sound great when they were on, but – Yikes!- you don’t forget the words! Luckily I think his army of prepubescent minions will vote him through to next week.

Chikeze, Carly, Brooke, David C, and Amanda should all be safe by virtue of being awesome.

Syesha, Raimele, Jason and Micheal didn’t make me want to barf or anything and hopefully will be back to impress me in the future.

Little Davy is going to be in the top 5 – not a chance in the world of him going home before that unless he comes up on stage and says, “I hate you America. Really, I mean it!” and then blows his nose on the flag.

So it looks like it is down to Kristy Lee or David H. going home, if the world is fair. What are you saying? Melinda Doolittle didn’t win last season? Okay, your guess is as good as mine.

Brunie, OUT!

Friday, March 07, 2008

Brief Girls and Surprise!

I was hoping that someone would pick up the gauntlet of writing about the girls since I found them ever so dull. Alas it falls to me, for now to say:

What is the deal with Sayisha singing about adultery two weeks in a row? Is she trying to tell us something? Is this a cry for help?

Brooke sat still and sounded pretty calm for singing about a battle field.

Kady sang some terrible Queen song and then sang it even worse after they sent her home last night. (Notice the shocking lack of narrative flow as I combine singing night recapse with results night spoilers!)

Asia'h was also sent home even though she was peppy and charming. Travesty.

Kristy Lee's boobs sang something that saved her and was kind of twangy and I don't care enough to remember what it was.

Lily Munster, Jr. sounded fantastic singing I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU and it was memorable enough that I didn't have to wrack my brain for the title. I think she is done with the show though. Something was going on. She seemed happy when singing and no other time. She seems like someone who doesn't think of herself as a capital-S-Singer and it might be that she misses her Harley and her patients.

Carley sounded great belting some big song and showing her tonsils. She seemed to have more personality during the give-and-take after, but I still find her technically great and totally dull.

Okay, that is 7 and I can't remember who the other girl is. Grrr... Oh yes Ramekin Mulberry! She sang AGAINST ALL ODDS which I like against all odds because it is that sort of 80s over-produced movie soundtrack song that I usually have no patience for. But I like little Rainbowbright Muldoon! She is tiny. With a big voice. And the hair that David Cook longs to have.

But since we know how it turns out - who cares?

As for the boys, I knew Luke was going. I loved his sing-out. He turned to his wife and started singing to her and then he thought "Oh, this song makes you sound like kind of a slut!" and turned back to the judges. (I am kidding, I just imagined that and it amused me...)

Then they brought Chikeze and Danny out and I thought "Curse you VFTW! You are making them send my tiny-toothed boyfriend home!" But it was not to be. Danny went home with tears in his eyes and a swivel in his hips.

Until next week-
Brunie, OUT!


Buddy TV is offering this What Would Simon Say About You personality quiz. I haven't taken it yet, but it looks fun.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Eight are (nearly) Great!

Dang me! (I have stolen this from Lady C. and I have been saying it for a week and a half...) I had a great time watching last night. And it wasn't just because Mrs. Mama made warm chocolate chip cookies! I think what I like with the guys is that they really are very different from one another.

Luke sang WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO-GO and he seemed confident and the song sounded great for his voice. Randy said it was "corny"! Dude, it is eighties night - ride the wave of corn... It was my favorite of his performances. I think he may still be going home, but he may have a fan base that we don't know about. And Simon was harsh. That may keep him in if people call to spite him.

Little Davy Archuletta sang ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE and he sounded like a tiny Mormon angel. I just want to put him in my pocket so that he can climb up on my shoulder and sing to me to calm me down all day. The judges didn't love him completely and yet they did. And he seems more articulate than before.

Danny Noriega who was once so embarassed that he "turned as read as a cute little tomato". How can I not love him. I love his expressive face and his tiny gay Elvis moves and his smooth-scratchy voice. And yet I tire of him. How can it be? He sang TAINTED LOVE which was a cute choice. I still hope he stays - thanks VFTW! Also, I like Randy's comments about being vocally shy. Paula was sweet and Simon was a meanie. And then they all made moose antlers and Simon looked like he would rather be doing anything else.

Is it wrong that I find David Hernandez infinitely more interesting now? He sounded fantastic singing IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW. I love his voice and he seems like a likable sort, and yet he is one of the forgettable ones to me. I love the way he takes criticism. He looks like he is really considering what they are saying.

Micheal Johns once got beat up when he was dressed like a kangaroo. So now I don't mind that people seem to worship him like a 70s-haired Australian god. It was a great song choice for him, DON'T YOU FORGET ABOUT ME, but ultimately a boring song. Randy, I think mistakenly, attributed the song to Micheal Hutchence - but whatever. I just like to point out the flaws of others. Simon proves himself a weenie by saying "I really like you!" meaning that, for him, singing doesn't matter as much as marketability.

David Cook wore a hat during his most embarrassing moment film-let covering the sins of his egregious hair. He sang HELLO and sounded strong and good. Lady C and my long-time internet pal the Southern-Fried Lawyer and her husband adore him and so I started listening without looking at him and he really can sing. So okay - I don't loath him any more. Congratulations. Funniest line of the night, "I was in Whole Foods. I was buying carrots, he was buying cereal. True story!" Bwahahahaha!

Jason Castro sang HALLELUJAH and it was all kinds of beautiful. He really sang it like he meant it. I don't know if it is just because the song is so amazing or if it was his singing. His grampa is as cute as a bug, too.

I bought Chikeze's version of I BELIEVE TO MY SOUL and it is awesome. However he sang ALL THE WOMAN I NEED. Which sounded amazing. Simon shot him down because it was once sang by Whitney. But Randy said that Luther Vandross sang it, too. Simon gets up on his gender-pony and acted the ass about "Did Whitney sing it?" I hope he doesn't go home because he is still my favorite.

I really don't want anyone to leave. Realistically I think Luke and David Hernandez or Chikeze. I would love to see Micheal Johns go and if it weren't for vote for the worst Danny would be going.

And the last three to sing made me very happy tonight. And yes, that means David Cook, Lady C!

Brunie, OUT!