I took last week off because as you all know, it blew. Thank you Mrs. C for picking up the gauntlet!
This week the kids are singing songs from the year they were born. The intros were more interesting than usual. What sticks in my mind is that Ramiele was a biter, Michael has a drive to win that is more powerful than a locomotive and Carly's mom is hot. And sadly, about my age.
So let's begin with Ramiele. She sounded a little pitchy on ALONE. Still a million times better than I would, and she is sick. But she is in the death seat, the first spot where people forget that she sang at all. Randy is a bitch, Paula doesn't tell her she looks pretty, which is a good sign. And Simon was actually supportive and nice.
Jason Castro sings FRAGILE and my lord, he is not the brightest bulb on the tree. He has cute eyes (like Wilbur!) and nice parents. The song (which I love) sounded fine but there wasn't a time when I started to squee like I sometimes do when Jason and his pretty eyes sing. My favorite part was when Simon said he needed to pick up his game if he wanted to win. He had a look on his face that said, "Dude, I am baked out of my mind and even I know that if I am still here after the top three my career is dead!"
I don't know several song this week. most of these kids were born in the years where I was listening to Bob Marley and the Grateful Dead and little else. I was a rebel, a loner... Anyway, Syesha is singing IF I WAS YOUR WOMAN which I am going to assume is a Whitney song because every time I hear a crappy song that makes the singer's voice sound great it is usually Whitney. Anyway - Syesha sounds beautiful and is charming and I like her a lot. Hate the song though.
Chikeze, who I love, was as cute as a bug in 1985. As much as I do think he is adorable - Beckeye described him perfectly in her blog as "tic tac teeth and low hanging gums" which I found hysterical. And I am okay with that because he has disappointed me this week with IF ONLY FOR ONE NIGHT which I have never heard before and don't care to hear again. Oh Chikeze, don't go all Luther Vandross on me. I am I not going to throw my underpants on stage or whatever you are going for here. In fairness, his voice sounds great. I am just bored to tears.
Speaking of dull as the day is long, Brooke sang EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE. She started out in the wrong key and had to start over, which the judges liked! Good grief, how about just starting in the right key?? There is nothing wrong with taking a familiar song and slowing it wayyyyyyyyyyy down for effect (just wait, of just wait!!!) but this is not different enought to be interesting. She sure is nice, though. I wish she were my nanny. I bet she is very kind to the children and does crafts with them and doesn't just park them in front of Barney videos like I did when I nannied!
What is that on the horizon? What is that beautiful sound? Oh be still me heart - Micheal Johns is singing and I actually am enjoying it! He covers Queen's WE WILL ROCK YOU/WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS and he sounds brilliant! (And I love his mom's cute Aussie accent and his "I'm too good for you" face from his childhood. Well done Micheal!
TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART! There's nothing I can do, I'm always in the dark. We're sitting on a powder keg and giving of sparks, indeed. Carly sings this with her usual skill and lack of personality. What is it about this girl??? She is completely likable in her intros and judge-chats. But when she sings she falls into this personality vortex that just sucks the interesting right out of her. Forgive me for becoming Paula here, but she looked great tonight. She reminded me a bit of Lady C with her glammy eye make-up. Lady C is the bomb, eye make-up wise.
L'il Davy underwhelmed me with YOU'RE THE VOICE. Simon nailed it with his "theme park singing with animated creatures" comment. He's not going anywhere.
Kristy Lee Cook is a genius. She sang GOD BLESS THE USA. If she goes home tomorrow the terrorists win. I can't tell you the deep pit of loathing I have for this song. I love the USA, I am glad I live here. But this song makes me want to slap a baby. (Not a real baby, I just mean that it makes me that angry.) First of all "at LEAST I know I'm free" we are not the only free country. There are several. Canada leaps to mind, socialized medicine notwithstanding. Secondly, the line " the flag still stands for freedom, and they can’t take that away" always struck me as a little paranoid until my viewing buddy Mr. Mama said, "Well, the government is trying..." which cracked me up because I consider him something of a right wing fella for liberal New England. But I digress. Kristy Lee sounded really good. She did! This sort of country-ish song is perfect for her. She was strong and pretty and I really thing she may have sent Ramiele or Chikeze home with this.
Remember when I used to hate David Cook? It was really smart of them to preface his performance with pictures of him looking like Baby Skeletor because it made the real Dave look not-too-bad by comparison. I have to say that tonight's performance made me pack up all my furniture and move it to Camp David because he rocked the living hell out of BILLIE frickin' JEAN! It was awesome. I believe, Lady C! I believe, Southern Fried Lawyer and Mr. Lawyer! I believe, legions of fans who have less strict standards for coiffures! I found him attractive and I completely attribute that to the excellence of his performance.
So I think that it will be a vindicated Kristy Lee (and frankly, I could even hear that song again which I never thought I would say), Raimele, Chikeze or Carley. I am hoping Chikeze stays another week - other than that, I am unconcerned.
Brunie, OUT!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
You could tell that Amanda HATED the stupid group song and dance crap.
Goodbye to Amanda
Consider yourself lucky
you won't be stuck doing
dance steps so sucky
Result night show torture
you will avoid it
Damn choreography
like ghastly school play shit
So be real happy
that you got the boot
If you had to keep "dancing"
through your brain
you would shoot
Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Consider yourself lucky
you won't be stuck doing
dance steps so sucky
Result night show torture
you will avoid it
Damn choreography
like ghastly school play shit
So be real happy
that you got the boot
If you had to keep "dancing"
through your brain
you would shoot
Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
On ruining Beatle's songs
I do not know why the Powers That Idol decided to do Beatles songs directly following a week of Lennon & McCartney songs. Did they get a two for one deal? Did Michael Jackson beg them to pay for the rights to some of the Beatle's songs that he stole from Paul? Michael needs the money. Even after losing $48 million to that gold-digger, Paul still does not need Idol money. (How nice would it be to have $48 million be only SIX PERCENT of your net worth-damn!) Anyway, here we go again with these kids who are haplessly ignorant of some of the greatest songs ever written.
Amanda has good energy on USSR. It was a good song choice for her. I miss her strip-ey pants, though.
Kristy Lee needs to go home next. She had absolutely no clue as to the melody of her song. You know you're in trouble when Paula tells you how beautiful you look. Buh-bye.
David Tiny Blues Brother - There you go, David. His voice is so calm, sweet and earnest. Mr. C thinks he is the Melinda Doolittle of this season - so humble and loveable. I still don't see how he loses.
Michael Johns - Simon was right - this song is too long and complex to break down to 90 seconds. Even with the rearrangement he screwed up the lyrics. The entire judges exchange with Paula justifying his mediocrity vis a vis the ear plug (that he did not use) was really awkward and weird.
Brooke was sweet and post-hippyish as usual, but she does better with an instrument in front of her.
David Cook - It was going so well until he threw in that totally random voicebox bit. It ruined the groove! You would have been better off without it, Dude.
Carly - eh. She does NOTHING for me.
Jason Castro - Let me be the first to declare him the new Donovan! Old folks like me will understand.
Sayeesha - How do you not already know the song Yesterday? I can never understand how people who consider themselves singers can be so ignorant of so many of the world's best classic songs. However, it was her best performance and her best cleavage display.
Ch-ch-ch-chia - You started so well and then it became Hee Haw. TERRIBLE!
Miss Can't Dress to Save her Life - Honey is that the best you can do with song choice/outfit choice?? It boggles the mind.
Overall the show was sub-par with too much time for random blabbing.
Next week - Led Zeppelin!!!!!!
Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Amanda has good energy on USSR. It was a good song choice for her. I miss her strip-ey pants, though.
Kristy Lee needs to go home next. She had absolutely no clue as to the melody of her song. You know you're in trouble when Paula tells you how beautiful you look. Buh-bye.
David Tiny Blues Brother - There you go, David. His voice is so calm, sweet and earnest. Mr. C thinks he is the Melinda Doolittle of this season - so humble and loveable. I still don't see how he loses.
Michael Johns - Simon was right - this song is too long and complex to break down to 90 seconds. Even with the rearrangement he screwed up the lyrics. The entire judges exchange with Paula justifying his mediocrity vis a vis the ear plug (that he did not use) was really awkward and weird.
Brooke was sweet and post-hippyish as usual, but she does better with an instrument in front of her.
David Cook - It was going so well until he threw in that totally random voicebox bit. It ruined the groove! You would have been better off without it, Dude.
Carly - eh. She does NOTHING for me.
Jason Castro - Let me be the first to declare him the new Donovan! Old folks like me will understand.
Sayeesha - How do you not already know the song Yesterday? I can never understand how people who consider themselves singers can be so ignorant of so many of the world's best classic songs. However, it was her best performance and her best cleavage display.
Ch-ch-ch-chia - You started so well and then it became Hee Haw. TERRIBLE!
Miss Can't Dress to Save her Life - Honey is that the best you can do with song choice/outfit choice?? It boggles the mind.
Overall the show was sub-par with too much time for random blabbing.
Next week - Led Zeppelin!!!!!!
Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Amazing Top 12 Performances Make Brunie Change Her Mind!
The new stage is big, the Beatles are good songwriters and away we go…
Syesha is the starter with GOT TO GET YOU INTO MY LIFE and she sounds fine, but Lennon and McCartney are not the kindest pick for a sultry R&B singer. She has a big glory note at the end, but I don’t know if that is going to make it memorable enough.
And I was wondering how they were planning on filling two hours with 12 singers. Apparently the answer is more commercials…
Chikeze blew my mind with SHE’S A WOMAN even though I knew that that was exactly what he was trying to do. I loved it.
Ramiele sang IN MY LIFE. Wilbur said, “She sounds like a girl, and a boy sings this song. Simon is going to hate it…” He also made fun of the people waving their arms. So far the girls are making me drowsy with their sweet, sleepy voices.
Jason covers IF I FELL and he sounds cute and a little dippy. He switches to the harmony parts at points and I kind of like that. He is not as good a singer as most, but he makes up for it with charm. And he makes a little “oh poopy!” face at the end of every song because he can’t the big note that they like at the end. Did you know he has dreads? I had no idea.
Carly sang COME TOGETHER. I liked her in her little film, and her song sounded good. Of the girls, she is the one that is growing on me the most. And certainly the best female performance so far. I also like how she responds to the judges.
Simon is so dang cute when he winks.
Wilbur’s advice to David Cook: shave your head and learn from Chikeze. Heh… My advice, sadly unheeded tonight, Don’t turn into Constintine. At least he is from Tulsa. I love Tulsa. I just wish he was different looking. Not necessarily cuter, just not all of the attributes I find personally distasteful – chin tufts, greasy hair, squinty soul eyes, poofy lips. He seems a likeable sort, I suppose. But like the maiden on her wedding night, I still need to keep my eyes closed. How did he do? He sounded great and everyone loved him.
Brooke played piano and sang LET IT BE. She sounded beautiful and didn’t do anything new but she has a real way with a simple song. When she let loose a little at the end it was really effective. Really nice job, my new favorite girl. Dang ugly dress though. And barefoot, hee!
David Hernandez sings I SAW HER STANDING THERE and did a nice little Elvis bit at the start. The song was a little old fashioned for Idol, I thought. He has a nice voice but in this song the bass line moves really quickly and the vocals always sound like they are trying to hold back the energy - even when the Beatles did it… Not a good choice.
Amanda has a softer haircut and looks cute and younger than she has before. She sang the hell out of YOU CAN’T DO THAT and I finally realized why people like her. She was fantastic on a song that I really don’t even like!
Michael is from Austraila? Do tell! He sings ACROSS THE UNIVERSE and looks like he is trying to pass a kidney stone. I am over the tiny little hold his undeniable good looks have had on me in the past. I hope the other women of America are with me. His voice is fine, but he has slipped comfortably into my least favorite boy seat. Welcome, Mike, I hope your stay is short.
Oh my gosh! Simon didn’t even know Carly’s name! I kind of love that. It means that he is less interested in this contest than I am. Bwahahaha! It is totally just his job. He could be sprinkling jimmies at Dairy Queen for all it means to him.
Kristy Lee sings – or yodels – EIGHT DAYS A WEEK. I think she might have tried this “turn it to country” shtick with something less famous and it might have worked. But this is country-fair painful. And her bouncy standing in one place and occasionally turn her leg to the other side movements didn’t help. At least it was brief. Please go home Kristy Lee. And AFTER I typed this Simon said, “Some ghastly country fair—” So I said Country Fair first. Copycat, Simon…
Little Davy is in the pimp spot again. (The pimp spot is what Television Without Pity calls the last performance, the one people remember.) Luckily, he is really a phenomenal performer. Except when he forgets the words. Oh my! Is this going to be a train-wreck? He keeps licking his lips like Barty Crouch’s son. His vocals sound great when they were on, but – Yikes!- you don’t forget the words! Luckily I think his army of prepubescent minions will vote him through to next week.
Chikeze, Carly, Brooke, David C, and Amanda should all be safe by virtue of being awesome.
Syesha, Raimele, Jason and Micheal didn’t make me want to barf or anything and hopefully will be back to impress me in the future.
Little Davy is going to be in the top 5 – not a chance in the world of him going home before that unless he comes up on stage and says, “I hate you America. Really, I mean it!” and then blows his nose on the flag.
So it looks like it is down to Kristy Lee or David H. going home, if the world is fair. What are you saying? Melinda Doolittle didn’t win last season? Okay, your guess is as good as mine.
Brunie, OUT!
Syesha is the starter with GOT TO GET YOU INTO MY LIFE and she sounds fine, but Lennon and McCartney are not the kindest pick for a sultry R&B singer. She has a big glory note at the end, but I don’t know if that is going to make it memorable enough.
And I was wondering how they were planning on filling two hours with 12 singers. Apparently the answer is more commercials…
Chikeze blew my mind with SHE’S A WOMAN even though I knew that that was exactly what he was trying to do. I loved it.
Ramiele sang IN MY LIFE. Wilbur said, “She sounds like a girl, and a boy sings this song. Simon is going to hate it…” He also made fun of the people waving their arms. So far the girls are making me drowsy with their sweet, sleepy voices.
Jason covers IF I FELL and he sounds cute and a little dippy. He switches to the harmony parts at points and I kind of like that. He is not as good a singer as most, but he makes up for it with charm. And he makes a little “oh poopy!” face at the end of every song because he can’t the big note that they like at the end. Did you know he has dreads? I had no idea.
Carly sang COME TOGETHER. I liked her in her little film, and her song sounded good. Of the girls, she is the one that is growing on me the most. And certainly the best female performance so far. I also like how she responds to the judges.
Simon is so dang cute when he winks.
Wilbur’s advice to David Cook: shave your head and learn from Chikeze. Heh… My advice, sadly unheeded tonight, Don’t turn into Constintine. At least he is from Tulsa. I love Tulsa. I just wish he was different looking. Not necessarily cuter, just not all of the attributes I find personally distasteful – chin tufts, greasy hair, squinty soul eyes, poofy lips. He seems a likeable sort, I suppose. But like the maiden on her wedding night, I still need to keep my eyes closed. How did he do? He sounded great and everyone loved him.
Brooke played piano and sang LET IT BE. She sounded beautiful and didn’t do anything new but she has a real way with a simple song. When she let loose a little at the end it was really effective. Really nice job, my new favorite girl. Dang ugly dress though. And barefoot, hee!
David Hernandez sings I SAW HER STANDING THERE and did a nice little Elvis bit at the start. The song was a little old fashioned for Idol, I thought. He has a nice voice but in this song the bass line moves really quickly and the vocals always sound like they are trying to hold back the energy - even when the Beatles did it… Not a good choice.
Amanda has a softer haircut and looks cute and younger than she has before. She sang the hell out of YOU CAN’T DO THAT and I finally realized why people like her. She was fantastic on a song that I really don’t even like!
Michael is from Austraila? Do tell! He sings ACROSS THE UNIVERSE and looks like he is trying to pass a kidney stone. I am over the tiny little hold his undeniable good looks have had on me in the past. I hope the other women of America are with me. His voice is fine, but he has slipped comfortably into my least favorite boy seat. Welcome, Mike, I hope your stay is short.
Oh my gosh! Simon didn’t even know Carly’s name! I kind of love that. It means that he is less interested in this contest than I am. Bwahahaha! It is totally just his job. He could be sprinkling jimmies at Dairy Queen for all it means to him.
Kristy Lee sings – or yodels – EIGHT DAYS A WEEK. I think she might have tried this “turn it to country” shtick with something less famous and it might have worked. But this is country-fair painful. And her bouncy standing in one place and occasionally turn her leg to the other side movements didn’t help. At least it was brief. Please go home Kristy Lee. And AFTER I typed this Simon said, “Some ghastly country fair—” So I said Country Fair first. Copycat, Simon…
Little Davy is in the pimp spot again. (The pimp spot is what Television Without Pity calls the last performance, the one people remember.) Luckily, he is really a phenomenal performer. Except when he forgets the words. Oh my! Is this going to be a train-wreck? He keeps licking his lips like Barty Crouch’s son. His vocals sound great when they were on, but – Yikes!- you don’t forget the words! Luckily I think his army of prepubescent minions will vote him through to next week.
Chikeze, Carly, Brooke, David C, and Amanda should all be safe by virtue of being awesome.
Syesha, Raimele, Jason and Micheal didn’t make me want to barf or anything and hopefully will be back to impress me in the future.
Little Davy is going to be in the top 5 – not a chance in the world of him going home before that unless he comes up on stage and says, “I hate you America. Really, I mean it!” and then blows his nose on the flag.
So it looks like it is down to Kristy Lee or David H. going home, if the world is fair. What are you saying? Melinda Doolittle didn’t win last season? Okay, your guess is as good as mine.
Brunie, OUT!
Friday, March 07, 2008
Brief Girls and Surprise!
I was hoping that someone would pick up the gauntlet of writing about the girls since I found them ever so dull. Alas it falls to me, for now to say:
What is the deal with Sayisha singing about adultery two weeks in a row? Is she trying to tell us something? Is this a cry for help?
Brooke sat still and sounded pretty calm for singing about a battle field.
Kady sang some terrible Queen song and then sang it even worse after they sent her home last night. (Notice the shocking lack of narrative flow as I combine singing night recapse with results night spoilers!)
Asia'h was also sent home even though she was peppy and charming. Travesty.
Kristy Lee's boobs sang something that saved her and was kind of twangy and I don't care enough to remember what it was.
Lily Munster, Jr. sounded fantastic singing I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU and it was memorable enough that I didn't have to wrack my brain for the title. I think she is done with the show though. Something was going on. She seemed happy when singing and no other time. She seems like someone who doesn't think of herself as a capital-S-Singer and it might be that she misses her Harley and her patients.
Carley sounded great belting some big song and showing her tonsils. She seemed to have more personality during the give-and-take after, but I still find her technically great and totally dull.
Okay, that is 7 and I can't remember who the other girl is. Grrr... Oh yes Ramekin Mulberry! She sang AGAINST ALL ODDS which I like against all odds because it is that sort of 80s over-produced movie soundtrack song that I usually have no patience for. But I like little Rainbowbright Muldoon! She is tiny. With a big voice. And the hair that David Cook longs to have.
But since we know how it turns out - who cares?
As for the boys, I knew Luke was going. I loved his sing-out. He turned to his wife and started singing to her and then he thought "Oh, this song makes you sound like kind of a slut!" and turned back to the judges. (I am kidding, I just imagined that and it amused me...)
Then they brought Chikeze and Danny out and I thought "Curse you VFTW! You are making them send my tiny-toothed boyfriend home!" But it was not to be. Danny went home with tears in his eyes and a swivel in his hips.
Until next week-
Brunie, OUT!
Buddy TV is offering this What Would Simon Say About You personality quiz. I haven't taken it yet, but it looks fun.
What is the deal with Sayisha singing about adultery two weeks in a row? Is she trying to tell us something? Is this a cry for help?
Brooke sat still and sounded pretty calm for singing about a battle field.
Kady sang some terrible Queen song and then sang it even worse after they sent her home last night. (Notice the shocking lack of narrative flow as I combine singing night recapse with results night spoilers!)
Asia'h was also sent home even though she was peppy and charming. Travesty.
Kristy Lee's boobs sang something that saved her and was kind of twangy and I don't care enough to remember what it was.
Lily Munster, Jr. sounded fantastic singing I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU and it was memorable enough that I didn't have to wrack my brain for the title. I think she is done with the show though. Something was going on. She seemed happy when singing and no other time. She seems like someone who doesn't think of herself as a capital-S-Singer and it might be that she misses her Harley and her patients.
Carley sounded great belting some big song and showing her tonsils. She seemed to have more personality during the give-and-take after, but I still find her technically great and totally dull.
Okay, that is 7 and I can't remember who the other girl is. Grrr... Oh yes Ramekin Mulberry! She sang AGAINST ALL ODDS which I like against all odds because it is that sort of 80s over-produced movie soundtrack song that I usually have no patience for. But I like little Rainbowbright Muldoon! She is tiny. With a big voice. And the hair that David Cook longs to have.
But since we know how it turns out - who cares?
As for the boys, I knew Luke was going. I loved his sing-out. He turned to his wife and started singing to her and then he thought "Oh, this song makes you sound like kind of a slut!" and turned back to the judges. (I am kidding, I just imagined that and it amused me...)
Then they brought Chikeze and Danny out and I thought "Curse you VFTW! You are making them send my tiny-toothed boyfriend home!" But it was not to be. Danny went home with tears in his eyes and a swivel in his hips.
Until next week-
Brunie, OUT!
Buddy TV is offering this What Would Simon Say About You personality quiz. I haven't taken it yet, but it looks fun.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Eight are (nearly) Great!
Dang me! (I have stolen this from Lady C. and I have been saying it for a week and a half...) I had a great time watching last night. And it wasn't just because Mrs. Mama made warm chocolate chip cookies! I think what I like with the guys is that they really are very different from one another.
Luke sang WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO-GO and he seemed confident and the song sounded great for his voice. Randy said it was "corny"! Dude, it is eighties night - ride the wave of corn... It was my favorite of his performances. I think he may still be going home, but he may have a fan base that we don't know about. And Simon was harsh. That may keep him in if people call to spite him.
Little Davy Archuletta sang ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE and he sounded like a tiny Mormon angel. I just want to put him in my pocket so that he can climb up on my shoulder and sing to me to calm me down all day. The judges didn't love him completely and yet they did. And he seems more articulate than before.
Danny Noriega who was once so embarassed that he "turned as read as a cute little tomato". How can I not love him. I love his expressive face and his tiny gay Elvis moves and his smooth-scratchy voice. And yet I tire of him. How can it be? He sang TAINTED LOVE which was a cute choice. I still hope he stays - thanks VFTW! Also, I like Randy's comments about being vocally shy. Paula was sweet and Simon was a meanie. And then they all made moose antlers and Simon looked like he would rather be doing anything else.
Is it wrong that I find David Hernandez infinitely more interesting now? He sounded fantastic singing IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW. I love his voice and he seems like a likable sort, and yet he is one of the forgettable ones to me. I love the way he takes criticism. He looks like he is really considering what they are saying.
Micheal Johns once got beat up when he was dressed like a kangaroo. So now I don't mind that people seem to worship him like a 70s-haired Australian god. It was a great song choice for him, DON'T YOU FORGET ABOUT ME, but ultimately a boring song. Randy, I think mistakenly, attributed the song to Micheal Hutchence - but whatever. I just like to point out the flaws of others. Simon proves himself a weenie by saying "I really like you!" meaning that, for him, singing doesn't matter as much as marketability.
David Cook wore a hat during his most embarrassing moment film-let covering the sins of his egregious hair. He sang HELLO and sounded strong and good. Lady C and my long-time internet pal the Southern-Fried Lawyer and her husband adore him and so I started listening without looking at him and he really can sing. So okay - I don't loath him any more. Congratulations. Funniest line of the night, "I was in Whole Foods. I was buying carrots, he was buying cereal. True story!" Bwahahahaha!
Jason Castro sang HALLELUJAH and it was all kinds of beautiful. He really sang it like he meant it. I don't know if it is just because the song is so amazing or if it was his singing. His grampa is as cute as a bug, too.
I bought Chikeze's version of I BELIEVE TO MY SOUL and it is awesome. However he sang ALL THE WOMAN I NEED. Which sounded amazing. Simon shot him down because it was once sang by Whitney. But Randy said that Luther Vandross sang it, too. Simon gets up on his gender-pony and acted the ass about "Did Whitney sing it?" I hope he doesn't go home because he is still my favorite.
I really don't want anyone to leave. Realistically I think Luke and David Hernandez or Chikeze. I would love to see Micheal Johns go and if it weren't for vote for the worst Danny would be going.
And the last three to sing made me very happy tonight. And yes, that means David Cook, Lady C!
Brunie, OUT!
Luke sang WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO-GO and he seemed confident and the song sounded great for his voice. Randy said it was "corny"! Dude, it is eighties night - ride the wave of corn... It was my favorite of his performances. I think he may still be going home, but he may have a fan base that we don't know about. And Simon was harsh. That may keep him in if people call to spite him.
Little Davy Archuletta sang ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE and he sounded like a tiny Mormon angel. I just want to put him in my pocket so that he can climb up on my shoulder and sing to me to calm me down all day. The judges didn't love him completely and yet they did. And he seems more articulate than before.
Danny Noriega who was once so embarassed that he "turned as read as a cute little tomato". How can I not love him. I love his expressive face and his tiny gay Elvis moves and his smooth-scratchy voice. And yet I tire of him. How can it be? He sang TAINTED LOVE which was a cute choice. I still hope he stays - thanks VFTW! Also, I like Randy's comments about being vocally shy. Paula was sweet and Simon was a meanie. And then they all made moose antlers and Simon looked like he would rather be doing anything else.
Is it wrong that I find David Hernandez infinitely more interesting now? He sounded fantastic singing IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW. I love his voice and he seems like a likable sort, and yet he is one of the forgettable ones to me. I love the way he takes criticism. He looks like he is really considering what they are saying.
Micheal Johns once got beat up when he was dressed like a kangaroo. So now I don't mind that people seem to worship him like a 70s-haired Australian god. It was a great song choice for him, DON'T YOU FORGET ABOUT ME, but ultimately a boring song. Randy, I think mistakenly, attributed the song to Micheal Hutchence - but whatever. I just like to point out the flaws of others. Simon proves himself a weenie by saying "I really like you!" meaning that, for him, singing doesn't matter as much as marketability.
David Cook wore a hat during his most embarrassing moment film-let covering the sins of his egregious hair. He sang HELLO and sounded strong and good. Lady C and my long-time internet pal the Southern-Fried Lawyer and her husband adore him and so I started listening without looking at him and he really can sing. So okay - I don't loath him any more. Congratulations. Funniest line of the night, "I was in Whole Foods. I was buying carrots, he was buying cereal. True story!" Bwahahahaha!
Jason Castro sang HALLELUJAH and it was all kinds of beautiful. He really sang it like he meant it. I don't know if it is just because the song is so amazing or if it was his singing. His grampa is as cute as a bug, too.
I bought Chikeze's version of I BELIEVE TO MY SOUL and it is awesome. However he sang ALL THE WOMAN I NEED. Which sounded amazing. Simon shot him down because it was once sang by Whitney. But Randy said that Luther Vandross sang it, too. Simon gets up on his gender-pony and acted the ass about "Did Whitney sing it?" I hope he doesn't go home because he is still my favorite.
I really don't want anyone to leave. Realistically I think Luke and David Hernandez or Chikeze. I would love to see Micheal Johns go and if it weren't for vote for the worst Danny would be going.
And the last three to sing made me very happy tonight. And yes, that means David Cook, Lady C!
Brunie, OUT!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Gone Baby Gone
My predictions:
(re: Brooke: Mrs C, I totally agree that the facial expression needs to be in sync with the song's message, but I'm not sure I agree that "You're So Vain" is a song of heartbreak and sadness. I've always heard it as a song of empowerment and perspective, and Brooke's sly, confident smile was very appropriate to that interpretation. I need to reflect on the lyrics some more.)
Lady C, trying to decide between choir practice or Thursday night TV and more Chardonnay, and OUT.
- Rocker Amanda, who as a person I really enjoy, but as a singer isn't a good fit for this show, I fear (both the hard-rocker thing and the can't-sing-a-simple-melody-very-well thing)
- Kady Malloy, who had two bad weeks in a row—she's dynamite in her clips, but can't seem to make the magic last for more than just one night
(re: Brooke: Mrs C, I totally agree that the facial expression needs to be in sync with the song's message, but I'm not sure I agree that "You're So Vain" is a song of heartbreak and sadness. I've always heard it as a song of empowerment and perspective, and Brooke's sly, confident smile was very appropriate to that interpretation. I need to reflect on the lyrics some more.)
Lady C, trying to decide between choir practice or Thursday night TV and more Chardonnay, and OUT.
eh...
What a downer was Girls Night In. Crikey-such a mess!
Girl #1: I love Heart, and Carly sang it well enough, but like Brunie mentioned, she does not connect with me. I feel nothing for her. And she still could use some dental bonding.
Girl #2: Pitchy and disappointing.
Girl #3: (Blonde #1) Would I believe that she went to Beauty School? Yes. How many times can I say that I hate it when singers smile while singing lyrics of heart-break/sadness/pain. She sang OK, but I don't believe her.
Girl#4: If you refer to my archived posts, you will read about my uniform of universal flattery for girls. Very long jeans, that cover high heels almost right to the floor and a mostly to partly fitted shirt depending on the thickness of one's middle. This uniform maximizes height and slenderness. Ramiel once again wore pants that taper to her ankles. You must be at least 5'9" with an overall skinniness to look good on TV in tapered pants. Trust me on this. If Ramiel is taller than 5' I would be shocked.
Girl #5: (Blonde#2) Now, here is an example of obedience to my uniform code. Kristy Lee wore very long dark pants over heels with a fitted top. She looked great! She sounded OK. However, it is usually best to end a song quickly than it is to draaaaag it out trying to squeeze in as many notes as you can before your time is up.
Girl #6: We love a smart reader, and Amanda is cool, but the song just kinda got away from her.
Girl #7: (Blonde #3) Poor crazy food freak - I know a good psychologist, Honey. She was hopelessly devoted to old fashioned clothing and style. Kinda sharp on the high notes, and really, just ordinary.
Girl #8: Alexandrea did a good job, but I wish she had busted loose and done something interesting with the song.
Girl #9 (Blonde #4) She almost fell down the stairs and maybe that made her all nervous and unable to sing even one properly pitched note. She seemed really uncomfortable like she was gonna fall off of her shoes any minute.
Girl #10: Oy! I am sorry that she was sick, but damn, that whole song was off. Flat low notes, disappearing high notes, and I just hate that "gospel jaw" when she shakes her jaw on the vibrato. That was just sad.
Overall a great big disappointment with the girlies. I dont' know why they were all so very mediocre. Maybe we could just get rid of 6 or 7 of them tonight and we could save a lot of time.
Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Girl #1: I love Heart, and Carly sang it well enough, but like Brunie mentioned, she does not connect with me. I feel nothing for her. And she still could use some dental bonding.
Girl #2: Pitchy and disappointing.
Girl #3: (Blonde #1) Would I believe that she went to Beauty School? Yes. How many times can I say that I hate it when singers smile while singing lyrics of heart-break/sadness/pain. She sang OK, but I don't believe her.
Girl#4: If you refer to my archived posts, you will read about my uniform of universal flattery for girls. Very long jeans, that cover high heels almost right to the floor and a mostly to partly fitted shirt depending on the thickness of one's middle. This uniform maximizes height and slenderness. Ramiel once again wore pants that taper to her ankles. You must be at least 5'9" with an overall skinniness to look good on TV in tapered pants. Trust me on this. If Ramiel is taller than 5' I would be shocked.
Girl #5: (Blonde#2) Now, here is an example of obedience to my uniform code. Kristy Lee wore very long dark pants over heels with a fitted top. She looked great! She sounded OK. However, it is usually best to end a song quickly than it is to draaaaag it out trying to squeeze in as many notes as you can before your time is up.
Girl #6: We love a smart reader, and Amanda is cool, but the song just kinda got away from her.
Girl #7: (Blonde #3) Poor crazy food freak - I know a good psychologist, Honey. She was hopelessly devoted to old fashioned clothing and style. Kinda sharp on the high notes, and really, just ordinary.
Girl #8: Alexandrea did a good job, but I wish she had busted loose and done something interesting with the song.
Girl #9 (Blonde #4) She almost fell down the stairs and maybe that made her all nervous and unable to sing even one properly pitched note. She seemed really uncomfortable like she was gonna fall off of her shoes any minute.
Girl #10: Oy! I am sorry that she was sick, but damn, that whole song was off. Flat low notes, disappearing high notes, and I just hate that "gospel jaw" when she shakes her jaw on the vibrato. That was just sad.
Overall a great big disappointment with the girlies. I dont' know why they were all so very mediocre. Maybe we could just get rid of 6 or 7 of them tonight and we could save a lot of time.
Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
The Girls and the Mamas
We watched at Joe Mama’s house (if you remember, he is Wilbur’s best friend and his parents are a HOOT!) and once again, there were snacks and letting the dog chase the children during commercials. It is a fun party atmosphere in which to watch, but as a result I can’t type as I view which makes it hard to go into detail.
So once again, TiVo is saving my bacon and allowing me to watch the end roundup to see if I can remember the performances.
Carly Smithson opened with CRAZY ON YOU which she was pretty much born to sing. She likes to cook and clean and there is a little switch on the back of her neck that her hubby presses each night before he puts her back in her carrying case. Which was my problem with her performance. She can sing beautifully, no doubt, but she doesn’t connect with the audience, or at least me. I think she might be a good terminator sent from the future to protect John Connor. With music.
Syesha Mercado on the other hand sparkled like crazy singing ME AND MR. JONES which sounded great and I loved it. Her big secret is that she has made local commercials. The line they showed her saying was hilarious and I am sure it will be on youtube so that I can memorize it and make my children crazy. Simon made his usual incredibly stupid remark about it not being written for a girl. Guess what Simon, half of the audience has never heard this song because they are 10. If I were a voting girl, I would have called for her.
Brooke White sang YOU'RE SO VAIN. Her secret is that she went to beauty school. She sounded good and she wasn’t looking at Simon so much, but it was funny that she kind of did. I like her more than I thought I would. See how vague these opinions are? Dang you Mamas and your hospitality!
Ramiele Malubay (former dancer) sang DON’T LEAVE ME THIS WAY and sounded fine, although I hate her hair. I like her personality. I can’t remember why, but I am hoping she sticks around.
Kristy Lee Cook and her boobs sang YOU’RE NO GOOD. I enjoyed her performance a lot (and Mr. Mama and young Fred, who is entirely too adolescent for his own good, enjoyed her top) and I am glad that last week’s problems were sickness related and that she can sing more than Amazing Grace. She is a tomboy and likes to get dirty. Do not even get me started on the response that comment received from the peanut gallery.
Amanda Overmeyer tried to change things up much to her detriment with CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON. She does not have a good voice for melodies. Which sounded crazy to me when Randy said it, but is entirely true. So I guess we should just get used to her sounding like Janis forever. That being said – she is a reader! How can I not love her? I hope she stays and stays and maybe she can teach some of the other idols to read!
Alaina Whitaker sang HOPELESSLY DEVOTED TO YOU and sounded fine. She is cute as a bug, but I find her so uninteresting that it took me ages to remember that she doesn’t like her food to touch. Really. That is the most fascinating secret she has.
Alexandrea Lushington sang IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW and if memory serves she was told it was too safe a choice. So I guess sounding awesome isn’t enough. Bah. I really like her she was my second favorite after Syesha. And her dad is an extremely good looking firefighter and as a result she once sand at ground zero. (And her outfit was loathed by the Crow/Mamas.)
Kady Malloy, it was good to know you. She did more damage to MAGIC MAN than Rissa Gietz and I did when we accidentally on purpose scratched up her brothers Heart album when we were 11. But she sings opera and seems to have pipes, so maybe it is all for the best that she is almost certainly going home tonight.
Asia’h Epperson sang ALL BY MYSELF which I could have sworn was by Eric Carmen (stolen from Rachmaninoff) but apparently is “owned” by Celine Dion. If ever there was a reason to go to war with Canada… (I am joking! I love Canada. My sister and her husband might be moving to British Columbia and I am so excited I could spit! But I do loathe Celine Dion on principle.) She sounded good but hilariously the judges who chided several contestants for “safe” choices, told brave Asia’h that she shouldn’t have attempted this musical Everest. Oh the irony! Or the hypocrisy. I can’t tell which.
So her is hoping that it is Kady and Alaina or Carly (yeah, right) going home. But I don’t think Syesha, Kristy Lee or Amanda are entirely safe either! Quite the horserace!
Brunie, OUT!
So once again, TiVo is saving my bacon and allowing me to watch the end roundup to see if I can remember the performances.
Carly Smithson opened with CRAZY ON YOU which she was pretty much born to sing. She likes to cook and clean and there is a little switch on the back of her neck that her hubby presses each night before he puts her back in her carrying case. Which was my problem with her performance. She can sing beautifully, no doubt, but she doesn’t connect with the audience, or at least me. I think she might be a good terminator sent from the future to protect John Connor. With music.
Syesha Mercado on the other hand sparkled like crazy singing ME AND MR. JONES which sounded great and I loved it. Her big secret is that she has made local commercials. The line they showed her saying was hilarious and I am sure it will be on youtube so that I can memorize it and make my children crazy. Simon made his usual incredibly stupid remark about it not being written for a girl. Guess what Simon, half of the audience has never heard this song because they are 10. If I were a voting girl, I would have called for her.
Brooke White sang YOU'RE SO VAIN. Her secret is that she went to beauty school. She sounded good and she wasn’t looking at Simon so much, but it was funny that she kind of did. I like her more than I thought I would. See how vague these opinions are? Dang you Mamas and your hospitality!
Ramiele Malubay (former dancer) sang DON’T LEAVE ME THIS WAY and sounded fine, although I hate her hair. I like her personality. I can’t remember why, but I am hoping she sticks around.
Kristy Lee Cook and her boobs sang YOU’RE NO GOOD. I enjoyed her performance a lot (and Mr. Mama and young Fred, who is entirely too adolescent for his own good, enjoyed her top) and I am glad that last week’s problems were sickness related and that she can sing more than Amazing Grace. She is a tomboy and likes to get dirty. Do not even get me started on the response that comment received from the peanut gallery.
Amanda Overmeyer tried to change things up much to her detriment with CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON. She does not have a good voice for melodies. Which sounded crazy to me when Randy said it, but is entirely true. So I guess we should just get used to her sounding like Janis forever. That being said – she is a reader! How can I not love her? I hope she stays and stays and maybe she can teach some of the other idols to read!
Alaina Whitaker sang HOPELESSLY DEVOTED TO YOU and sounded fine. She is cute as a bug, but I find her so uninteresting that it took me ages to remember that she doesn’t like her food to touch. Really. That is the most fascinating secret she has.
Alexandrea Lushington sang IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW and if memory serves she was told it was too safe a choice. So I guess sounding awesome isn’t enough. Bah. I really like her she was my second favorite after Syesha. And her dad is an extremely good looking firefighter and as a result she once sand at ground zero. (And her outfit was loathed by the Crow/Mamas.)
Kady Malloy, it was good to know you. She did more damage to MAGIC MAN than Rissa Gietz and I did when we accidentally on purpose scratched up her brothers Heart album when we were 11. But she sings opera and seems to have pipes, so maybe it is all for the best that she is almost certainly going home tonight.
Asia’h Epperson sang ALL BY MYSELF which I could have sworn was by Eric Carmen (stolen from Rachmaninoff) but apparently is “owned” by Celine Dion. If ever there was a reason to go to war with Canada… (I am joking! I love Canada. My sister and her husband might be moving to British Columbia and I am so excited I could spit! But I do loathe Celine Dion on principle.) She sounded good but hilariously the judges who chided several contestants for “safe” choices, told brave Asia’h that she shouldn’t have attempted this musical Everest. Oh the irony! Or the hypocrisy. I can’t tell which.
So her is hoping that it is Kady and Alaina or Carly (yeah, right) going home. But I don’t think Syesha, Kristy Lee or Amanda are entirely safe either! Quite the horserace!
Brunie, OUT!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Not without surprises
As my fabulous and observant co-bloggers have already written - some of the worst performers last week turned out to be some of the best this week, and some of the best last week were the worst this week. My quick takes:
Boy 1 - One of the Davids who was great last week. This song was pitched WAY TOO HIGH for him, and it seemed like it was too fast for him to sing as well. Not good.
Boy 2 - Happy Dread Boy - it was almost OK.
Boy 3 - Maybe you should never sing Killer Queen without a band. And without Freddie Mercury. Ick. And if you don't know how to pronounce Moet & Chandon, just ask someone, dude.
Boy 4 - Robbie gettin' the NASCAR vote. Have I mentioned that NASCAR is one of the most moronic wastes of time and resources in the universe? Although Foreigner is NOT on my list of fave bands, I do have a soft spot for this song due to the following anecdote from my wild youth. I was at a New Year's Eve Party circa 1979 when slinky Danskin leotards and wrap skirts were all the rage. I was wearing said skimpy leotard and skirt with killer heels, and this was when a PERFECT BODY belonged to me. A bitchy jealous woman at the party says to my then boyfriend, "Isn't she freezing?" He replied, "She's Hot Blooded". Nice.
Boy 5 - I hated Miss Noriega so very much last week, but damn, he did OK last night! And I like that he acknowledged that last week was a big ol' mess.
Boy 6 - David with slanted nose did OK. I think that next week he will be even better and full of confidence after all the positive reinforcement from the judges.
Boy 7 - Jason is so fake and vegas-y and I really don't like him. Buh-Bye.
Boy 8 - CH-CH-CH-Cheezy - Another one whom I HATED last week, but did VERY WELL this week. Just DO NOT TALK BACK TO SIMON.
Boy 9 - I could hear the sound of Lady C. and Brunie falling for this kid as soon as he said "word nerd". He sounded very good but please stop winking at the camera. No one should wink at the camera while singing. EVER. Also, same advice as Cheboygan - do not talk back to Simon.
Boy 10 - Tiny Blues Brother. This song makes even the most cynical, cold-hearted MF'ers cry. So, that means me. This kid is so natural, so sincere, can he be real?? I think that it will be very very very difficult to beat this kid. Just a beautiful performance.
Let's see if any of the girlies can surprise me tonight.
Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Boy 1 - One of the Davids who was great last week. This song was pitched WAY TOO HIGH for him, and it seemed like it was too fast for him to sing as well. Not good.
Boy 2 - Happy Dread Boy - it was almost OK.
Boy 3 - Maybe you should never sing Killer Queen without a band. And without Freddie Mercury. Ick. And if you don't know how to pronounce Moet & Chandon, just ask someone, dude.
Boy 4 - Robbie gettin' the NASCAR vote. Have I mentioned that NASCAR is one of the most moronic wastes of time and resources in the universe? Although Foreigner is NOT on my list of fave bands, I do have a soft spot for this song due to the following anecdote from my wild youth. I was at a New Year's Eve Party circa 1979 when slinky Danskin leotards and wrap skirts were all the rage. I was wearing said skimpy leotard and skirt with killer heels, and this was when a PERFECT BODY belonged to me. A bitchy jealous woman at the party says to my then boyfriend, "Isn't she freezing?" He replied, "She's Hot Blooded". Nice.
Boy 5 - I hated Miss Noriega so very much last week, but damn, he did OK last night! And I like that he acknowledged that last week was a big ol' mess.
Boy 6 - David with slanted nose did OK. I think that next week he will be even better and full of confidence after all the positive reinforcement from the judges.
Boy 7 - Jason is so fake and vegas-y and I really don't like him. Buh-Bye.
Boy 8 - CH-CH-CH-Cheezy - Another one whom I HATED last week, but did VERY WELL this week. Just DO NOT TALK BACK TO SIMON.
Boy 9 - I could hear the sound of Lady C. and Brunie falling for this kid as soon as he said "word nerd". He sounded very good but please stop winking at the camera. No one should wink at the camera while singing. EVER. Also, same advice as Cheboygan - do not talk back to Simon.
Boy 10 - Tiny Blues Brother. This song makes even the most cynical, cold-hearted MF'ers cry. So, that means me. This kid is so natural, so sincere, can he be real?? I think that it will be very very very difficult to beat this kid. Just a beautiful performance.
Let's see if any of the girlies can surprise me tonight.
Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Two of the Five Senses
While I am waiting for the commercials to run themselves out I will be going back to describe each contestant’s “look”. I realized today that I don’t even see appearances anymore unless they are strange. So I will try to recap the visuals as well as the sounds and personalities.
Michael Johns
GO YOUR OWN WAY
[Jeans, a bright orange tee that says “Music gives me peace of mind” and David Cassidy’s hair from 1972.]
Rough, a little reedy at the top end. Not very creative arrangement. But Fleetwood Mac is ultimately a dull band. Not horrible but not my fave.
Jason Castro
I JUST WANT TO BE YOUR EVERYTHING
[Jeans, blouse and dreadlocks that practically take themselves to the parking lot of a Moe concert to busk for vegan corn dogs.]
Dang! He took a disco song and almost made it something else.
They still put the drum machine and disco-bass on it, but when it wasn’t on it sounded great! Liked it a lot.
Luke Menard
KILLER QUEEN
[Lost his razor, didn’t have time to wash his hair, dressed like a bus conductor and still so so pretty.]
Nice voice, but he mispronounced three words in the first few lines. And he looked silly. Didn’t love it.
Robbie Carrico
HOT BLOODED
[Unwashed, unshaven and still wearing the white shirt and black pants he had to wear for chorus in high school.]
Whoo Foriegner! He sounded okay, but he was still doing his boy band hand movements. He can not kick the habit. Didn’t love it.
Danny Noriega
SUPERSTAR
[Student council president]
What a beautiful voice! And he only curled his lip once. He had a nice peaceful face as he sang. I really liked it.
David Hernandez
PAPA WAS A ROLLIN’ STONE
[Jerry Seinfeld meets street corner hustler.]
He can sure sing. He does the boy band hand motions too!! And he makes funny faces. But he sounds fantastic. My favorite so far.
Jason Yeager
LONG TRAIN RUNNING
[One part Tom Cruise, three parts Brad Pitt, one part Cruella DeVille dressed like Johnny Cash.]
Surprisingly good white boy soul. He looked too happy, though. I thought he sounded better than the judges did. Obviously, they need to get rid of the pretty, dumb ones.
Chikeze
I BELIEVE
[Prep school tennis coach double polo and jeans.]
My favorite of the night! I knew he could sing it and sell it at the same time. And I truly don’t think he thought about saying you can’t wear something on tv twice. Hee…
David Cook
ALL RIGHT NOW
[10th grade boy in his first battle of the bands jeans and black – natch – tee.]
Okay, I do like that he called himself a word-nerd, but I still can’t stand him He sounded okay and he plays okay. But I am hoping that they send him away. It was nice of him to invite Endora and Vanessa Redgrave to watch him. And yet he is the new Constantine. I hate his hair.
David Archuletta
IMAGINE
[Jeans, leather jacket and a blue tee that it appears his Nana got to with her bedazzler.]
I HATE THIS SONG WITH THE PASSIONATE INTENSITY OF A THOUSAND BURNING SUNS! (Unless John Lennon is singing it.) And yet, I really did like Little Davy’s ™ version. He is the one to beat. (Hey, just as I typed that Simon said it! Now I shall type, Brunie is pretty. Say it Simon. Say it dammit!!)
I can’t stand the way that Simon dissed David Cook’s film about crosswords. He really did make the point that stupidity sells. And screw that. I mean, I hope David Cook leaves, but still – there is no shame in crosswords! Word searches, sure, but not crosswords!
Okay – So I am afraid Luke Menard and Jason Yeager are leaving. But I really hope that it is David Cook and Michael Johns (yeah right…)
I actually voted tonight. I don’t want Chikeze going home and I don’t want Danny Noriega going home. So I voted once for Danny and 3 times for Chkeze (I have a little crush. It’s those tiny teeth in his great big smile. And the hot hot voice. Yeah, I’ll say your name is Chkeze!) My little co-viewer wanted me to vote for Michael Johns so I did call once. And he wanted me to vote for Little Davy ™, but the line remained busy every time I tried. I think he is safe…
And now, to bed!
Brunie, OUT!
Michael Johns
GO YOUR OWN WAY
[Jeans, a bright orange tee that says “Music gives me peace of mind” and David Cassidy’s hair from 1972.]
Rough, a little reedy at the top end. Not very creative arrangement. But Fleetwood Mac is ultimately a dull band. Not horrible but not my fave.
Jason Castro
I JUST WANT TO BE YOUR EVERYTHING
[Jeans, blouse and dreadlocks that practically take themselves to the parking lot of a Moe concert to busk for vegan corn dogs.]
Dang! He took a disco song and almost made it something else.
They still put the drum machine and disco-bass on it, but when it wasn’t on it sounded great! Liked it a lot.
Luke Menard
KILLER QUEEN
[Lost his razor, didn’t have time to wash his hair, dressed like a bus conductor and still so so pretty.]
Nice voice, but he mispronounced three words in the first few lines. And he looked silly. Didn’t love it.
Robbie Carrico
HOT BLOODED
[Unwashed, unshaven and still wearing the white shirt and black pants he had to wear for chorus in high school.]
Whoo Foriegner! He sounded okay, but he was still doing his boy band hand movements. He can not kick the habit. Didn’t love it.
Danny Noriega
SUPERSTAR
[Student council president]
What a beautiful voice! And he only curled his lip once. He had a nice peaceful face as he sang. I really liked it.
David Hernandez
PAPA WAS A ROLLIN’ STONE
[Jerry Seinfeld meets street corner hustler.]
He can sure sing. He does the boy band hand motions too!! And he makes funny faces. But he sounds fantastic. My favorite so far.
Jason Yeager
LONG TRAIN RUNNING
[One part Tom Cruise, three parts Brad Pitt, one part Cruella DeVille dressed like Johnny Cash.]
Surprisingly good white boy soul. He looked too happy, though. I thought he sounded better than the judges did. Obviously, they need to get rid of the pretty, dumb ones.
Chikeze
I BELIEVE
[Prep school tennis coach double polo and jeans.]
My favorite of the night! I knew he could sing it and sell it at the same time. And I truly don’t think he thought about saying you can’t wear something on tv twice. Hee…
David Cook
ALL RIGHT NOW
[10th grade boy in his first battle of the bands jeans and black – natch – tee.]
Okay, I do like that he called himself a word-nerd, but I still can’t stand him He sounded okay and he plays okay. But I am hoping that they send him away. It was nice of him to invite Endora and Vanessa Redgrave to watch him. And yet he is the new Constantine. I hate his hair.
David Archuletta
IMAGINE
[Jeans, leather jacket and a blue tee that it appears his Nana got to with her bedazzler.]
I HATE THIS SONG WITH THE PASSIONATE INTENSITY OF A THOUSAND BURNING SUNS! (Unless John Lennon is singing it.) And yet, I really did like Little Davy’s ™ version. He is the one to beat. (Hey, just as I typed that Simon said it! Now I shall type, Brunie is pretty. Say it Simon. Say it dammit!!)
I can’t stand the way that Simon dissed David Cook’s film about crosswords. He really did make the point that stupidity sells. And screw that. I mean, I hope David Cook leaves, but still – there is no shame in crosswords! Word searches, sure, but not crosswords!
Okay – So I am afraid Luke Menard and Jason Yeager are leaving. But I really hope that it is David Cook and Michael Johns (yeah right…)
I actually voted tonight. I don’t want Chikeze going home and I don’t want Danny Noriega going home. So I voted once for Danny and 3 times for Chkeze (I have a little crush. It’s those tiny teeth in his great big smile. And the hot hot voice. Yeah, I’ll say your name is Chkeze!) My little co-viewer wanted me to vote for Michael Johns so I did call once. And he wanted me to vote for Little Davy ™, but the line remained busy every time I tried. I think he is safe…
And now, to bed!
Brunie, OUT!
"I'm a huge word nerd"
(Me too! Me too! I love you, David Cook! But I'm getting ahead of myself)
So about those boys . . .
What an odd night! Last week's golden boys, Michael Johns and Jason Castro, were strangely ordinary; last week's train wreck Chikezie was one of the breakout stars; Luke Menard and Danny Noriega really stepped up; and the only sure thing seems to be little munchkin David Archuleta (gee, what rhymes with "anointed"?). Oh, and that Robbie will STILL be trying to convince Simon that he's authentic, right until the day he's voted off. Keep fightin' the good fight, Robbie.
David Hernandez, who performed quite well on Week 1, did an awesome "Papa Was a Rolling Stone." Not sure why every judge forgot they liked him fine last week, but whatever. Tonight they loooooove him, and that's a good thing.
Personally, I love me some David Cook, my confident rocker, I have from Day 1, and charisma is in the eye of the beholder, SIMON. This cat's got charisma to burn, in my book. Love his voice, love his stage presence, love his UN-BORING CROSSWORD PUZZLE ADDICTION (grrrr! my rage is still at "simmer"), love love love him. He is my favorite boy. (Lady Darcy, check out this guy; doesn't he look like my long-lost love, the Wedding Singer?)
Going home on Thursday, pretty much for sure, is poor ol' Jason Yeager (hair streak), who we never saw before and who never really had it going on. Joining him—that's a crapshoot. Jason C, Luke, Danny? Those seem the likeliest. But I really don't know.
I voted for David Cook, Chikezie, and David Hernandez, and Mimosa asked me to vote for Jason Castro ("I'd like to touch his hair," she said), and had no trouble getting through for any of them—not a good sign, usually. We shall see.
Bring on the singing girls!
Lady Chardonnay, still seething but less so, and OUT.
So about those boys . . .
What an odd night! Last week's golden boys, Michael Johns and Jason Castro, were strangely ordinary; last week's train wreck Chikezie was one of the breakout stars; Luke Menard and Danny Noriega really stepped up; and the only sure thing seems to be little munchkin David Archuleta (gee, what rhymes with "anointed"?). Oh, and that Robbie will STILL be trying to convince Simon that he's authentic, right until the day he's voted off. Keep fightin' the good fight, Robbie.
David Hernandez, who performed quite well on Week 1, did an awesome "Papa Was a Rolling Stone." Not sure why every judge forgot they liked him fine last week, but whatever. Tonight they loooooove him, and that's a good thing.
Personally, I love me some David Cook, my confident rocker, I have from Day 1, and charisma is in the eye of the beholder, SIMON. This cat's got charisma to burn, in my book. Love his voice, love his stage presence, love his UN-BORING CROSSWORD PUZZLE ADDICTION (grrrr! my rage is still at "simmer"), love love love him. He is my favorite boy. (Lady Darcy, check out this guy; doesn't he look like my long-lost love, the Wedding Singer?)
Going home on Thursday, pretty much for sure, is poor ol' Jason Yeager (hair streak), who we never saw before and who never really had it going on. Joining him—that's a crapshoot. Jason C, Luke, Danny? Those seem the likeliest. But I really don't know.
I voted for David Cook, Chikezie, and David Hernandez, and Mimosa asked me to vote for Jason Castro ("I'd like to touch his hair," she said), and had no trouble getting through for any of them—not a good sign, usually. We shall see.
Bring on the singing girls!
Lady Chardonnay, still seething but less so, and OUT.
Liar Liar Pants on Fire!
Simon, I am talking to YOU. And I'm dealing with my rage by blogging rather than, I dunno, drinking heavily, as I otherwise might.
"The criticism is meant to be constructive"??? HORSE MANURE.
What is constructive about loudly wishing this were the Oscars and people could be cut off by music? Poor dumb Jason was answering an inane question posed to him by Ryan, on national TV. He's supposed to say, "Sorry, Ryan, I don't want to bore Simon"? Really?
Simon's job is to be outrageously rude. This gets people to watch his show, which gets people to watch the commercials that are paying for his show. PERIOD.
He is a very smart man and often has an astute take on things, but would we tune in to hear him express himself nicely? If he actually did provide constructive criticism, would this show be such a monster hit? I think not.
And the thing is—up until this year, I thought he knew that. But this year, he's taking himself WAY too seriously, and it is so not fun to watch.
Sometimes Simon is smart and funny, but more and more he is simply an ass. And—enough already.
Lady Chardonnay OUT.
"The criticism is meant to be constructive"??? HORSE MANURE.
What is constructive about loudly wishing this were the Oscars and people could be cut off by music? Poor dumb Jason was answering an inane question posed to him by Ryan, on national TV. He's supposed to say, "Sorry, Ryan, I don't want to bore Simon"? Really?
Simon's job is to be outrageously rude. This gets people to watch his show, which gets people to watch the commercials that are paying for his show. PERIOD.
He is a very smart man and often has an astute take on things, but would we tune in to hear him express himself nicely? If he actually did provide constructive criticism, would this show be such a monster hit? I think not.
And the thing is—up until this year, I thought he knew that. But this year, he's taking himself WAY too seriously, and it is so not fun to watch.
Sometimes Simon is smart and funny, but more and more he is simply an ass. And—enough already.
Lady Chardonnay OUT.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
"The best Top 24 in Idol history"
(R. Seacrest, 2-21-08, 8:01 p.m.)
Okay, relentless pimping aside, I will agree that there are far fewer obvious weak links than there usually are at this stage. The "weakest" girl, in my opinion, was Amy Davis, who sang "Where the Boys Are" in a perfectly pretty voice. If she's the weakest girl, the girls are doin' all right. The boys' weakest link, I think, is young Garrett Haley (Peter Frampton's son), who also has a nice voice; I think he's just a little too young and unformed, musically, to compete with the others. (Chikezie did not have a great night, but I've heard him sing before, and I think he is really good. I hope he gets another chance. But, word to the wise: If you're going to mouth off to Simon, you have to be really, really good at it. Learn from the sad tale of Chris Sligh, Cheez Man.)
I had this little realization today about Jason Castro (Mr. Dreadlocks). We're seeing him, basically, for the first time, so last night it was all "Who's this guy?" and "What's with the hair?" and "Okay, he sounds all right." Then came the judges' tongue bath, and I almost fell over. He wasn't bad, not at all, but he wasn't GREAT, I don't think. But then I realized: They're not seeing him for the first time, they've known him for weeks and months, and every time he performs they're seeing everything he's ever done and the personality they've come to love in addition to what he's doing right at that moment. Which is what we all do. It would be nice if we could know each person in the Top 24 at that level, and maybe one day the show will give us this opportunity. But until that happy day comes, the people we know the least are still the first ones we vote off, almost without exception.
Going home tonight:
Garrett
Colton (Ellen) or Jason (hair streak & son)
Amy
Alaina or Kady or Kristy Lee (interchangeable blonde girls)—and I hope it's Alaina, even though it's her birthday. Actually, I don't care if it's Kristy Lee, though I feel bad about her horse; I just don't want it to be Kady
Mrs C, Luke is all kinds of pretty, but I don't see my spiritual husband Hugh Jackman, per se. Of course, being my husband and all, I know his face intimately. Luke can dream . . .
Lady C OUT!
Okay, relentless pimping aside, I will agree that there are far fewer obvious weak links than there usually are at this stage. The "weakest" girl, in my opinion, was Amy Davis, who sang "Where the Boys Are" in a perfectly pretty voice. If she's the weakest girl, the girls are doin' all right. The boys' weakest link, I think, is young Garrett Haley (Peter Frampton's son), who also has a nice voice; I think he's just a little too young and unformed, musically, to compete with the others. (Chikezie did not have a great night, but I've heard him sing before, and I think he is really good. I hope he gets another chance. But, word to the wise: If you're going to mouth off to Simon, you have to be really, really good at it. Learn from the sad tale of Chris Sligh, Cheez Man.)
I had this little realization today about Jason Castro (Mr. Dreadlocks). We're seeing him, basically, for the first time, so last night it was all "Who's this guy?" and "What's with the hair?" and "Okay, he sounds all right." Then came the judges' tongue bath, and I almost fell over. He wasn't bad, not at all, but he wasn't GREAT, I don't think. But then I realized: They're not seeing him for the first time, they've known him for weeks and months, and every time he performs they're seeing everything he's ever done and the personality they've come to love in addition to what he's doing right at that moment. Which is what we all do. It would be nice if we could know each person in the Top 24 at that level, and maybe one day the show will give us this opportunity. But until that happy day comes, the people we know the least are still the first ones we vote off, almost without exception.
Going home tonight:
Garrett
Colton (Ellen) or Jason (hair streak & son)
Amy
Alaina or Kady or Kristy Lee (interchangeable blonde girls)—and I hope it's Alaina, even though it's her birthday. Actually, I don't care if it's Kristy Lee, though I feel bad about her horse; I just don't want it to be Kady
Mrs C, Luke is all kinds of pretty, but I don't see my spiritual husband Hugh Jackman, per se. Of course, being my husband and all, I know his face intimately. Luke can dream . . .
Lady C OUT!
Those who shall remain nameless.
It is only with careful note-taking that I am able to remember anything about most of these kids. They remain numbers to me until they prove themselves. Except that I have a dim memory of most of the boys being named David. So, in that cold, heartless spirit for which I am renowned, here we go:
NAMELESS BOYS:
Boy#1 - I liked him, I think he has potential. I think he's one of the many Davids.
Boy#2 - I kinda remember his name is something like Cheekago or something. Dude, the suit is heinous! And I hate that mouthy back talk that some kids give Simon. Just shut up and take it, we don't even know your name yet, Cheezsammich!
Boy#3 - Eh - hate that little cheesy sideways smile.
Boy #4 - My Mother used to sing this song to my Dad. 'Nuff Said. Hated it.
Boy#5 - I like One is the Loneliest Number - a great song, an OK rendition.
Boy#6 - The tiny white Blues Brother. Love him!
Boy#7 - Jailhouse LAME!
Boy#8 - Mr. Cynicletary says that this guy kinda looks like Hugh Jackman - Lady C - do you agree - does he look like one of your many faux-husbands? He reminded me of Donny Osmond. And that ain't good.
Boy #9 - Boy singing Suspicious Minds - DO NOT SMILE WHILE SINGING OF HORRIBLE BREAK-UPS!!
Boy#10 - Peter Frampton's secret love child. I think he has potential if he could stop being terrified.
Boy#11 - Happy dread lock guy with happy singing style. I happy him.
Boy#12 - Damn - pretty good, oh nameless one!
I hope Cheezit and Ultra lame Jailhouse Rock singer go bye bye tonight.
NAMELESS GIRLS:
Girl #1 - BORING
Girl#2- FLAT
Girl #3- ORDINARY
Girl #4- The first interesting performer of the night - she rocked it!
Girl # 5- I like the song Where the Boys Are - too bad she did NOTHING with it!
Girl #6 - Still just singing the song plain and easy - please, do SOMETHING with the song!
Girl #7- OK, I remember this name because she and Ryan said it like 20 times. Alexandrea Lushington. Lushington - isn't that your maiden name, Lady Chardonnay?? She was young and entertaining, thank you, Miss Lushington.
Girl #8: Personality is funny and cool, vocals just OK last night.
Girl #9 - Good! Young! Loose!
Girl #10 - Another good song - You Don't Have to Say You Love Me...not bad on the vocals, but her outfit was way too casual and unflattering.
Girl #11 - GREAT VOICE!
Girl #12 - Strong voice, bad teeth.
Any two girls #1, 2, 3, 5 or 6 can go tonight and I will never have wasted a brain cell on remembering their names.
Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
NAMELESS BOYS:
Boy#1 - I liked him, I think he has potential. I think he's one of the many Davids.
Boy#2 - I kinda remember his name is something like Cheekago or something. Dude, the suit is heinous! And I hate that mouthy back talk that some kids give Simon. Just shut up and take it, we don't even know your name yet, Cheezsammich!
Boy#3 - Eh - hate that little cheesy sideways smile.
Boy #4 - My Mother used to sing this song to my Dad. 'Nuff Said. Hated it.
Boy#5 - I like One is the Loneliest Number - a great song, an OK rendition.
Boy#6 - The tiny white Blues Brother. Love him!
Boy#7 - Jailhouse LAME!
Boy#8 - Mr. Cynicletary says that this guy kinda looks like Hugh Jackman - Lady C - do you agree - does he look like one of your many faux-husbands? He reminded me of Donny Osmond. And that ain't good.
Boy #9 - Boy singing Suspicious Minds - DO NOT SMILE WHILE SINGING OF HORRIBLE BREAK-UPS!!
Boy#10 - Peter Frampton's secret love child. I think he has potential if he could stop being terrified.
Boy#11 - Happy dread lock guy with happy singing style. I happy him.
Boy#12 - Damn - pretty good, oh nameless one!
I hope Cheezit and Ultra lame Jailhouse Rock singer go bye bye tonight.
NAMELESS GIRLS:
Girl #1 - BORING
Girl#2- FLAT
Girl #3- ORDINARY
Girl #4- The first interesting performer of the night - she rocked it!
Girl # 5- I like the song Where the Boys Are - too bad she did NOTHING with it!
Girl #6 - Still just singing the song plain and easy - please, do SOMETHING with the song!
Girl #7- OK, I remember this name because she and Ryan said it like 20 times. Alexandrea Lushington. Lushington - isn't that your maiden name, Lady Chardonnay?? She was young and entertaining, thank you, Miss Lushington.
Girl #8: Personality is funny and cool, vocals just OK last night.
Girl #9 - Good! Young! Loose!
Girl #10 - Another good song - You Don't Have to Say You Love Me...not bad on the vocals, but her outfit was way too casual and unflattering.
Girl #11 - GREAT VOICE!
Girl #12 - Strong voice, bad teeth.
Any two girls #1, 2, 3, 5 or 6 can go tonight and I will never have wasted a brain cell on remembering their names.
Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I Learned the Truth at Seventeen...
The sweetest moment of the night was when, in response to Ryan's telling the audience that they could not adopt David Archuletta, he said, "I'm seventeen!" He did not follow it by saying "geeze!" but he did whack Ryan in the arm with his arm in the cutest way that made him seem ever so young. It was adorable. But more about that later.
And now, in chronological order...
David "blink and you'll miss him" Hernandez singing IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR:
He has a nice strong voice, but is so stiff and nervous that I worry he will break. He is one of the expendbles.
Chakeze "where's my last name?" [Eze] singing MORE TODAY THAN YESTERDAY:
I LOVED the changing of the style. I don't think it was in a great key for him. His voice sounded thinner than usual, but everything Simon hated about him, I loved. Didn't care for the "Is Charlie Chaplin your stylist?" quip, it sounded rehearsed and I hate it when people snot back at Simon (with one exception that I will get to later). He is on the fence.
David "my hair picks up girls at the bar and then doesn't call them the next day" Cook singing HAPPY TOGETHER:
I did king of like what he did with the song. Kind of an emo version which is ironic, considering the title of the song. But he sounded a little whiny. And I don't like him. He is expendable.
Jason "I HAVE A SON!!!" Yeager singing MOON RIVER:
Damn, I am tired of people pimping their kids on this show. I have two kids and neither one of them makes me a better singer. Shut up about it and just coast on your tremendous good looks the way God intended you to! Heh... Just kidding, his voice is actually very nice, and I liked the way he moved the melody around a bit. Ultimatly it was forgettable, but he may get by on his looks. This will be a theme with a few of these fellas. I am fence-y with him.
Robbie "not the kind of famous I was looking for" Carrico singing ONE:
He tossed off an aside about opening for Britney, but that was when he sang pop music. Ewwww! He's a rocker now! And I actually found his performance to be positively Bo Bicean. I liked him a lot. He did do a few boy band hand moves which I loathe (as did a few others) and he did pretty up his voice a few times before he noticed and recalibrated his rock-o-meter for maximum rocking. I like him a lot and I would bet the farm that he will be back next week.
David "who cares that I can't string two words together coherently" Archuletta singing SHOP AROUND:
Oh my gosh, he was amazing! And the fact that he was so gobsmacked by the compliments just made him all the cuter. He is adorable and I imagine that Walt Disney is feverishly trying to defrost himself in the nearest microwave in hopes that he can steal wee Davy away to clone him in a lab under Space Mountain to make an army of perfect teen-pop performers. Cute, personable, very very talented and absolutely safe.
Danny "not going to insert a prison joke here" Noreiga singing JAILHOUSE ROCK:
Oh Danny, I had such high hopes! He reminds me of one of my students and I love his voice, but he did horribly. He just chose badly. And his dancing really makes me question his sexuality. I had heard he was gay, but dang, he dances about as well as I do. Which is to say - ouch! I kind of agree that it was "verging on the grotesque" but I am really hoping for another chance for him. And I did love his little throw away "some people didn't like that" to Simon. It was just a little sassy aside and not an ineffective smack like Luke or Chikeze's. I am going to call him on the fence because I hope he is, but he is in the bottom four.
Luke "please just come to my house and let me look at your for hours and hours" Menard singing EVERYBODY'S TALKING:
His is ever so pretty and has a nice voice but it was fortettable. Truly. I liked the nice delicate note at the end, but it is only his lovely face that is keeping him on the fence.
Colton "my hair is not an extention of my personality, it is just nice" Berry singing SUSPICIOUS MINDS:
I liked this performance a lot! I don't like the goofy boy band hand gestures, but they seem in keeping with his "musical theater" background. His voice is nice, he seems genuinely likeable and I think he will appeal to people who find David Archuletta just a bit too edgy. He is on the fence.
Garrett "it's not my fault they keep me out of the sun" Hawley singing BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO:
He is a sad indicator that it might not be fair to have former professionals in with the great unwashed. He has a nice voice and is cute-ish, but just not very polished. He looks like the lost Bay City Roller and he is from Ohio. His performance was just dull enough to get him on the expendable list.
Jason "illegitimate son of Lisa Cuddy and the singer from Counting Crows" Castro singing WHAT A DAY FOR A DAYDREAM:
I was taken quite by surprise by the judges' response to him. I loved the performance, there was kind of a hippie-dippy jam band feel to some of his inflection that I thought would be lost on them. I was thrilled that they seemed to like him as well as I did. His family looked kid of grumpy, though. Heh, he is totally safe. I almost voted for him, but then I remembered that that would mean I care too much. (Unlike taking obsessive notes and typing this out for an hour or so...)
Michael "the anoited one" Johns singing (of course) LIGHT MY FIRE:
Words can not express how annoyed I was by this performance. Don't get me wrong, I like this guy a lot and I think he is the closest thing we have to a lock on the top 12, but my Grandma could sing this song and I would watch thinking, "Wow, Grandma, you do a good Jim Morrison!" It is his song and no one elses. And I think MJ did a nearly perfect Morrison impression without a lick of originality. From the wrap-up at the end, it looked like he went off the book a lot more in the dress rehearsa, so I might have liked that better, but I just didn't care for this at all. Needless to say, though, he is safe.
So, to recap, possible leavers are:
Garrett Hawley
Danny Noriega
David Cook
David Hernandez
Probably not leaving, but you never can tell:
Chikeze
Jason Yeager
Luke Menard
Colton Berry
Safe as houses:
Michael Johns
Jason Castro
David Archuletta
Robbie Carrico
If I were picking, Cook and Hawley would be leaving. We shall see...
Brunie, OUT!
And now, in chronological order...
David "blink and you'll miss him" Hernandez singing IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR:
He has a nice strong voice, but is so stiff and nervous that I worry he will break. He is one of the expendbles.
Chakeze "where's my last name?" [Eze] singing MORE TODAY THAN YESTERDAY:
I LOVED the changing of the style. I don't think it was in a great key for him. His voice sounded thinner than usual, but everything Simon hated about him, I loved. Didn't care for the "Is Charlie Chaplin your stylist?" quip, it sounded rehearsed and I hate it when people snot back at Simon (with one exception that I will get to later). He is on the fence.
David "my hair picks up girls at the bar and then doesn't call them the next day" Cook singing HAPPY TOGETHER:
I did king of like what he did with the song. Kind of an emo version which is ironic, considering the title of the song. But he sounded a little whiny. And I don't like him. He is expendable.
Jason "I HAVE A SON!!!" Yeager singing MOON RIVER:
Damn, I am tired of people pimping their kids on this show. I have two kids and neither one of them makes me a better singer. Shut up about it and just coast on your tremendous good looks the way God intended you to! Heh... Just kidding, his voice is actually very nice, and I liked the way he moved the melody around a bit. Ultimatly it was forgettable, but he may get by on his looks. This will be a theme with a few of these fellas. I am fence-y with him.
Robbie "not the kind of famous I was looking for" Carrico singing ONE:
He tossed off an aside about opening for Britney, but that was when he sang pop music. Ewwww! He's a rocker now! And I actually found his performance to be positively Bo Bicean. I liked him a lot. He did do a few boy band hand moves which I loathe (as did a few others) and he did pretty up his voice a few times before he noticed and recalibrated his rock-o-meter for maximum rocking. I like him a lot and I would bet the farm that he will be back next week.
David "who cares that I can't string two words together coherently" Archuletta singing SHOP AROUND:
Oh my gosh, he was amazing! And the fact that he was so gobsmacked by the compliments just made him all the cuter. He is adorable and I imagine that Walt Disney is feverishly trying to defrost himself in the nearest microwave in hopes that he can steal wee Davy away to clone him in a lab under Space Mountain to make an army of perfect teen-pop performers. Cute, personable, very very talented and absolutely safe.
Danny "not going to insert a prison joke here" Noreiga singing JAILHOUSE ROCK:
Oh Danny, I had such high hopes! He reminds me of one of my students and I love his voice, but he did horribly. He just chose badly. And his dancing really makes me question his sexuality. I had heard he was gay, but dang, he dances about as well as I do. Which is to say - ouch! I kind of agree that it was "verging on the grotesque" but I am really hoping for another chance for him. And I did love his little throw away "some people didn't like that" to Simon. It was just a little sassy aside and not an ineffective smack like Luke or Chikeze's. I am going to call him on the fence because I hope he is, but he is in the bottom four.
Luke "please just come to my house and let me look at your for hours and hours" Menard singing EVERYBODY'S TALKING:
His is ever so pretty and has a nice voice but it was fortettable. Truly. I liked the nice delicate note at the end, but it is only his lovely face that is keeping him on the fence.
Colton "my hair is not an extention of my personality, it is just nice" Berry singing SUSPICIOUS MINDS:
I liked this performance a lot! I don't like the goofy boy band hand gestures, but they seem in keeping with his "musical theater" background. His voice is nice, he seems genuinely likeable and I think he will appeal to people who find David Archuletta just a bit too edgy. He is on the fence.
Garrett "it's not my fault they keep me out of the sun" Hawley singing BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO:
He is a sad indicator that it might not be fair to have former professionals in with the great unwashed. He has a nice voice and is cute-ish, but just not very polished. He looks like the lost Bay City Roller and he is from Ohio. His performance was just dull enough to get him on the expendable list.
Jason "illegitimate son of Lisa Cuddy and the singer from Counting Crows" Castro singing WHAT A DAY FOR A DAYDREAM:
I was taken quite by surprise by the judges' response to him. I loved the performance, there was kind of a hippie-dippy jam band feel to some of his inflection that I thought would be lost on them. I was thrilled that they seemed to like him as well as I did. His family looked kid of grumpy, though. Heh, he is totally safe. I almost voted for him, but then I remembered that that would mean I care too much. (Unlike taking obsessive notes and typing this out for an hour or so...)
Michael "the anoited one" Johns singing (of course) LIGHT MY FIRE:
Words can not express how annoyed I was by this performance. Don't get me wrong, I like this guy a lot and I think he is the closest thing we have to a lock on the top 12, but my Grandma could sing this song and I would watch thinking, "Wow, Grandma, you do a good Jim Morrison!" It is his song and no one elses. And I think MJ did a nearly perfect Morrison impression without a lick of originality. From the wrap-up at the end, it looked like he went off the book a lot more in the dress rehearsa, so I might have liked that better, but I just didn't care for this at all. Needless to say, though, he is safe.
So, to recap, possible leavers are:
Garrett Hawley
Danny Noriega
David Cook
David Hernandez
Probably not leaving, but you never can tell:
Chikeze
Jason Yeager
Luke Menard
Colton Berry
Safe as houses:
Michael Johns
Jason Castro
David Archuletta
Robbie Carrico
If I were picking, Cook and Hawley would be leaving. We shall see...
Brunie, OUT!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Cowboy Drew! Cowboy Drew!!
Idol has made a dreadful mistake!
My poor little heart goes break break break.
That deep-voiced honey, the one that I crave—
Oh, f*** it, I'll settle for Michael and Dave.
I'm sad for Cardin and Kyle and of course for Drew. I'm delighted about Josiah, who never looked more like a slightly deranged homeless kid than he did tonight—oh, please, please go home to your folks, ramblin' boy.
And as for the previously invisible Colton and Alexandrea and Amy and Jason and Garrett and Luke and Cady? I wouldn't get too comfy, kids. That's all I'm sayin'.
Congratulations to the Greatest. Top 24. EVER! (© Seacrest, 2008) You heard it here. (Celeste! My smelling salts!)
Lady Chardonnay, broken-hearted and OUT.
Idol has made a dreadful mistake!
My poor little heart goes break break break.
That deep-voiced honey, the one that I crave—
Oh, f*** it, I'll settle for Michael and Dave.
I'm sad for Cardin and Kyle and of course for Drew. I'm delighted about Josiah, who never looked more like a slightly deranged homeless kid than he did tonight—oh, please, please go home to your folks, ramblin' boy.
And as for the previously invisible Colton and Alexandrea and Amy and Jason and Garrett and Luke and Cady? I wouldn't get too comfy, kids. That's all I'm sayin'.
Congratulations to the Greatest. Top 24. EVER! (© Seacrest, 2008) You heard it here. (Celeste! My smelling salts!)
Lady Chardonnay, broken-hearted and OUT.
Hollywood Hysteria
(Alternate title: "Y'ever eat deer jerky?")
Okay, we've all had contestants shoved in our faces, but this may be the first time an entire season was shoved in our face! The greatest singers humankind could assemble! The most dramatic cut in Idol history! Once I actually started noting it, I got,"This year, the talent is better than ever" and "Yesterday's historic elimination . . . !" (Seacrest, 2008). Guess last year's lameness (and, more to the point, the subsequent dip in the ratings) has everyone's shorts a bit damp, so to speak. But it does make for a somewhat wearying viewing experience. This new group, what we've seen of them, may be simply swell, but really, guys, I can get there myself.
So we're in Hollywood, and as sensible as the changes may be (much as I adored the doo-wop foursomes, what did they really have to do with anything? And making you wait in the Room O' Doom with a Brittenum Twin is beyond cruel), doing it this way . . . was just like another audition show, wasn't it? I didn't need two hours of it. When Oklahoma's Next Governor walked into his hotel room to find two girls—that was the liveliest thing that happened all night, and made me mourn Old Hollywood. Show us the girls! Show us their reactions, and a befuddled front-deskperson! Show us how this wacky Three's Company gets resolved! But Idol went another way, and simply showed us . . . somebody else singing. Well, I guess it is a singing show, and I shouldn't complain (but then, what would I have to blog about?).
(Mimosa's take on the Gov: "He could be like Aiken.")
Brooke "No R-Rated Movies" started off the evening, and she is niceness personified. I definitely got a Carole King vibe from her. I like Brooke a lot, and I believe the scenes of her sobbing in the elevator are Idol tomfoolery! Will Idol still love Brooke tomorrow? We shall see.
Lots of disappointments, including my sweet gay friend Leo—so dull, so very dull on the big stage. And delights to be had as well: Crowned Beauty Queen Brooke blowing Unchained Melody—such joy! Amy the Virginity Cheerleader—squeaky, so very squeaky! (But here's the thing—well , two things really: She sounded much better the second day, so clearly she can learn and improve. And why on earth would her vocal coach have her learn a brand-new song just hours before the most important audition of her life? Bad judgment on everybody's part.)
I liked some of the instrument players way more than the judges did. Mimosa said, "The judges are very cranky."
Li'l Martini: "Some of it is pretty terribly bad."
I do not get Josiah at all. Why do the judges love him so much? He gives me a freak.
Who I love: Michael Johns, the hubba-hubba Aussie, and David Cook, the quietly confident rocker. I could listen to these guys sing all day.
Li'l Martini: "You're writing very boldly." Okay, Mr. Mouthy, it's your bedtime now.
Here's an Idol mystery: Why do Irish Carly and Confident David Cook both have blue tongues? Do I want to know, really?
Young David Archulata has a sweet, clean voice, and is impressive for 16—but why the tongue bath? And freakin' Josiah again—I don't see a designated Anointed One this year (several could hold that title) but I really don't get the peeing frenzy over these two. And I'm glad Simon called out Josiah for how precious he was being in his last audition—but to then let him go through, when others who I thought equally good (meaning: okay) (Angela with the sick daughter comes to mind—not because of the daughter, but because she had a sweet voice with potential) . . . I just don't see what they see, sometimes. Or hear.
And now, the question we should all be asking: WHERE IS COWBOY DREW? Drew Poppinfresh, my Idol boyfriend, I am not forsaking you for Michael and David, but where the heck are you, baby? I caught a glimpse of him in a breakout room, draped around a girl who won't appreciate him, but not a note did we hear my honey sing. Bad Hollywood Week! Bad!!
And I HATE when Idol recaps something we just saw within the hour. It's a two-hour composite of a week's worth of drama—you can't find something new to show us for the last five minutes?! Give me a break.
So, my predictions for tonight:
Top 12 Girls
Irish Carly
Kristy Lee Someone, the cage-fighter
Syesha, who sang Aretha with no voice—she's a superstar
A'siah, whose father just died—ditto
Amanda the rocker nurse
Nice Brooke
Beth Stalker, maybe
Tiny Asian Girl, maybe
. . . and four others who were previously invisible to us—in other words, don't get attached
Top 12 Boys
Cowboy Drew Poppinfresh, please baby please baby please
Aussie Michael
Confident David Rocker
Young David "Second Coming" Archulata
Josiah "Just Go Home to Your Parents Already" Car-Dweller
Robbie Silly String
Somebody Hernandez, who we've never seen before but did well last night
Oklahoma's Next Governor, who has totally grown on me (but I think it's gonna be a small-doses kind of enjoyment)
Rocker Robbie
Chiceze, maybe
. . . and two others (don't even bother to learn their names, frankly)
Later!
Lady Chardonnay (actually drinking Yellow Tail Chardonnay—product placement!—right this very minute; see how mellow my typing is?) OUT.
Okay, we've all had contestants shoved in our faces, but this may be the first time an entire season was shoved in our face! The greatest singers humankind could assemble! The most dramatic cut in Idol history! Once I actually started noting it, I got,"This year, the talent is better than ever" and "Yesterday's historic elimination . . . !" (Seacrest, 2008). Guess last year's lameness (and, more to the point, the subsequent dip in the ratings) has everyone's shorts a bit damp, so to speak. But it does make for a somewhat wearying viewing experience. This new group, what we've seen of them, may be simply swell, but really, guys, I can get there myself.
So we're in Hollywood, and as sensible as the changes may be (much as I adored the doo-wop foursomes, what did they really have to do with anything? And making you wait in the Room O' Doom with a Brittenum Twin is beyond cruel), doing it this way . . . was just like another audition show, wasn't it? I didn't need two hours of it. When Oklahoma's Next Governor walked into his hotel room to find two girls—that was the liveliest thing that happened all night, and made me mourn Old Hollywood. Show us the girls! Show us their reactions, and a befuddled front-deskperson! Show us how this wacky Three's Company gets resolved! But Idol went another way, and simply showed us . . . somebody else singing. Well, I guess it is a singing show, and I shouldn't complain (but then, what would I have to blog about?).
(Mimosa's take on the Gov: "He could be like Aiken.")
Brooke "No R-Rated Movies" started off the evening, and she is niceness personified. I definitely got a Carole King vibe from her. I like Brooke a lot, and I believe the scenes of her sobbing in the elevator are Idol tomfoolery! Will Idol still love Brooke tomorrow? We shall see.
Lots of disappointments, including my sweet gay friend Leo—so dull, so very dull on the big stage. And delights to be had as well: Crowned Beauty Queen Brooke blowing Unchained Melody—such joy! Amy the Virginity Cheerleader—squeaky, so very squeaky! (But here's the thing—well , two things really: She sounded much better the second day, so clearly she can learn and improve. And why on earth would her vocal coach have her learn a brand-new song just hours before the most important audition of her life? Bad judgment on everybody's part.)
I liked some of the instrument players way more than the judges did. Mimosa said, "The judges are very cranky."
Li'l Martini: "Some of it is pretty terribly bad."
I do not get Josiah at all. Why do the judges love him so much? He gives me a freak.
Who I love: Michael Johns, the hubba-hubba Aussie, and David Cook, the quietly confident rocker. I could listen to these guys sing all day.
Li'l Martini: "You're writing very boldly." Okay, Mr. Mouthy, it's your bedtime now.
Here's an Idol mystery: Why do Irish Carly and Confident David Cook both have blue tongues? Do I want to know, really?
Young David Archulata has a sweet, clean voice, and is impressive for 16—but why the tongue bath? And freakin' Josiah again—I don't see a designated Anointed One this year (several could hold that title) but I really don't get the peeing frenzy over these two. And I'm glad Simon called out Josiah for how precious he was being in his last audition—but to then let him go through, when others who I thought equally good (meaning: okay) (Angela with the sick daughter comes to mind—not because of the daughter, but because she had a sweet voice with potential) . . . I just don't see what they see, sometimes. Or hear.
And now, the question we should all be asking: WHERE IS COWBOY DREW? Drew Poppinfresh, my Idol boyfriend, I am not forsaking you for Michael and David, but where the heck are you, baby? I caught a glimpse of him in a breakout room, draped around a girl who won't appreciate him, but not a note did we hear my honey sing. Bad Hollywood Week! Bad!!
And I HATE when Idol recaps something we just saw within the hour. It's a two-hour composite of a week's worth of drama—you can't find something new to show us for the last five minutes?! Give me a break.
So, my predictions for tonight:
Top 12 Girls
Irish Carly
Kristy Lee Someone, the cage-fighter
Syesha, who sang Aretha with no voice—she's a superstar
A'siah, whose father just died—ditto
Amanda the rocker nurse
Nice Brooke
Beth Stalker, maybe
Tiny Asian Girl, maybe
. . . and four others who were previously invisible to us—in other words, don't get attached
Top 12 Boys
Cowboy Drew Poppinfresh, please baby please baby please
Aussie Michael
Confident David Rocker
Young David "Second Coming" Archulata
Josiah "Just Go Home to Your Parents Already" Car-Dweller
Robbie Silly String
Somebody Hernandez, who we've never seen before but did well last night
Oklahoma's Next Governor, who has totally grown on me (but I think it's gonna be a small-doses kind of enjoyment)
Rocker Robbie
Chiceze, maybe
. . . and two others (don't even bother to learn their names, frankly)
Later!
Lady Chardonnay (actually drinking Yellow Tail Chardonnay—product placement!—right this very minute; see how mellow my typing is?) OUT.
There's No Business Like Old Business
Before I move on to the wonders of HOLLYWOOD WEEK, I simply must do something with the scrawled notes I made on a Spiegel catalogue insert (because I like to keep an accurate record, don'tcha know).
Dear readers, let us travel back in time . . .
Actually, first go waaaay back to the guy who brought the bag of stuffed animals. I have nothing more to say about him, per se, but remember when he set down his bag? Didn't it look like it had more stuff in it? Do you think he had another audition after this one? Fascinating, really.
Loved Rocker Robbie, whose friends celebrated with Silly String. Especially loved when Ryan joined in the fun, then recoiled when he got Silly String in his hair. Oh, the horror.
Corliss and Brittany—it was nice to see Randy get some love.
Julie, the American Junior—I was too overwhelmed with loathing to hear a note she sang. My loathing has its own zip code, is what I'm saying. Dreadful girl.
Crazy-eyed Josh Jones, the glass cutter—while I hated the song he sang, I enjoyed his voice—and as I looked down to note this on my Spiegel page, I missed his crazy eyes entirely. I'm still not convinced this is enough of a reason to invest in Tivo, however . . . ("Crazy eyes, 24-7! Never miss a crazy eye again!" Yeah.)
Asia'h (it will take me all season to learn where to place the apostrophe), whose dad just died—Simon's gentleness with her made me bawl.
Brooke the Crowned Beauty Queen—how desperately I wanted her to suck. How deeply disappointing that she was okay-plus. Oh, the hate, the hate.
Amanda, the biker nurse—"Wow I really like her," I said to Mimosa, who snarked, "Do I know you?" To clarify: I don't like her voice at all, but she herself is a hoot.
Man, this is the season for sob stories! Makes A-Fed's tracheotomy scar seem like a hangnail.
Josiah lives in his car. I'm already tired of Josiah.
Li'l Martini is in love with Chiceze (I will learn how to spell it, I promise). Chiceze is a lot of fun. We could do worse.
I was psyched to see JoAnne, the plus-size model—at last, a big girl on the show who knows how to dress. We won't see her in a tucked-in shirt and jeans, I suspect. If she makes it out of Hollywood, that is, and given Simon's love for the plus-size in general . . . oh, yeah, we'll see her again. For sure. Yeah.
I can now toss my scribblings aside and join Brunie in Hollywood (baby!)!
Lady C OUT . . . for just a second.
Dear readers, let us travel back in time . . .
Actually, first go waaaay back to the guy who brought the bag of stuffed animals. I have nothing more to say about him, per se, but remember when he set down his bag? Didn't it look like it had more stuff in it? Do you think he had another audition after this one? Fascinating, really.
Loved Rocker Robbie, whose friends celebrated with Silly String. Especially loved when Ryan joined in the fun, then recoiled when he got Silly String in his hair. Oh, the horror.
Corliss and Brittany—it was nice to see Randy get some love.
Julie, the American Junior—I was too overwhelmed with loathing to hear a note she sang. My loathing has its own zip code, is what I'm saying. Dreadful girl.
Crazy-eyed Josh Jones, the glass cutter—while I hated the song he sang, I enjoyed his voice—and as I looked down to note this on my Spiegel page, I missed his crazy eyes entirely. I'm still not convinced this is enough of a reason to invest in Tivo, however . . . ("Crazy eyes, 24-7! Never miss a crazy eye again!" Yeah.)
Asia'h (it will take me all season to learn where to place the apostrophe), whose dad just died—Simon's gentleness with her made me bawl.
Brooke the Crowned Beauty Queen—how desperately I wanted her to suck. How deeply disappointing that she was okay-plus. Oh, the hate, the hate.
Amanda, the biker nurse—"Wow I really like her," I said to Mimosa, who snarked, "Do I know you?" To clarify: I don't like her voice at all, but she herself is a hoot.
Man, this is the season for sob stories! Makes A-Fed's tracheotomy scar seem like a hangnail.
Josiah lives in his car. I'm already tired of Josiah.
Li'l Martini is in love with Chiceze (I will learn how to spell it, I promise). Chiceze is a lot of fun. We could do worse.
I was psyched to see JoAnne, the plus-size model—at last, a big girl on the show who knows how to dress. We won't see her in a tucked-in shirt and jeans, I suspect. If she makes it out of Hollywood, that is, and given Simon's love for the plus-size in general . . . oh, yeah, we'll see her again. For sure. Yeah.
I can now toss my scribblings aside and join Brunie in Hollywood (baby!)!
Lady C OUT . . . for just a second.
Hawleywood, Baby!
I just crack up every time Randy would yell, "It's Hawleywood, Baby!" And yet I am helpless not to type it myself.
So it was Hawleywood last night and it was fine. I was looking forward to the group sing but I guess they realized that it wasn't fair to those who got saddled with the weak. And I was looking forward to the rooms o' doom where everyone looks around at each other and tries to decide if they are in the room o' winners or the room o' going home. But they 86ed that too.
What they (foolishly) gave us instead was the questionable treat of seeing pre-idols playing instruments. Not a good idea... If they were too good at playing, Simon hated it. If they were too lame, Simon hated it. I do think that the boost in confidence the contestants may have gotten from having an instrumental crutch was far outweighed by the fact that they couldn't concentrate as hard on their singing.
So the ones I see going far are Irish-American girl, Australian-American boy, car-liver (ewwww, but my kids love him), cute 16 year old boy with preternaturally good voice, gay-ish 18 year old boy with sweet big eyes, gorgeous black girl who had no voice but sang Aretha like a dream, no-R-rated movie piano playing girl, and maybe tiny Asian girl. At least they are the only ones I remember.
Four minutes into the episode they were showing a rehearsal and I stopped my TiVo (yea, Tivo!!) to see a girl in a bright pink sweater reading a copy of Catcher in the Rye while she was sitting around waiting to sing. I was so thrilled to see a reader. I told Lady Char about this miracle and she said, "A reader? Oh, she'll go far..." Which, of course. And then we bonded about how we both think Holden Caufield is a bit of a whiner. Then we decided to go tanning and get extensions and not even study for our biology midterm. Kegger at the Chars Friday night!!
I am a little concerned about how much I am looking forward to the cutting heads tonight! If we flood out and my house floats away I don't know what I am going to do about missing Idol!
Brunie, OUT!
So it was Hawleywood last night and it was fine. I was looking forward to the group sing but I guess they realized that it wasn't fair to those who got saddled with the weak. And I was looking forward to the rooms o' doom where everyone looks around at each other and tries to decide if they are in the room o' winners or the room o' going home. But they 86ed that too.
What they (foolishly) gave us instead was the questionable treat of seeing pre-idols playing instruments. Not a good idea... If they were too good at playing, Simon hated it. If they were too lame, Simon hated it. I do think that the boost in confidence the contestants may have gotten from having an instrumental crutch was far outweighed by the fact that they couldn't concentrate as hard on their singing.
So the ones I see going far are Irish-American girl, Australian-American boy, car-liver (ewwww, but my kids love him), cute 16 year old boy with preternaturally good voice, gay-ish 18 year old boy with sweet big eyes, gorgeous black girl who had no voice but sang Aretha like a dream, no-R-rated movie piano playing girl, and maybe tiny Asian girl. At least they are the only ones I remember.
Four minutes into the episode they were showing a rehearsal and I stopped my TiVo (yea, Tivo!!) to see a girl in a bright pink sweater reading a copy of Catcher in the Rye while she was sitting around waiting to sing. I was so thrilled to see a reader. I told Lady Char about this miracle and she said, "A reader? Oh, she'll go far..." Which, of course. And then we bonded about how we both think Holden Caufield is a bit of a whiner. Then we decided to go tanning and get extensions and not even study for our biology midterm. Kegger at the Chars Friday night!!
I am a little concerned about how much I am looking forward to the cutting heads tonight! If we flood out and my house floats away I don't know what I am going to do about missing Idol!
Brunie, OUT!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Joe Mama and Family Hospitality
Yesterday was the most fun IDOL night so far!
High points:
Shannon the belcher - what the hell were you thinking? Do not screech Janis Joplin. But I honestly think that with a better song they would have liked you.
Silly string rocker guy - you are lovely!
Brittany and Corliss - you should get your own reality show! I won't watch it because I hate that shit. But I like you.
Otherwise forgettable girl that sings one of my favorite songs, At Last.
Yes, I realize that that is not a tremendous number of high points. The reason it was so awesome was because Little Wilbur and watched it at his best friend's house. I never realized that the audition shows, which usually just carbonize little bits of my soul, are actually a bucket of fun when watched with beer snacks and friends! Joe Mama (the best friend) has the dryest sense of humor ever bestowed upon a nine year old. And his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Mama, watch with a sense of enjoyment that Mr. Crow, frankly, lacks.
We ate really good snacks, belched loudly, made boob jokes, and had a wonderful time. We are inviting ourselves over again next week!
Until then -
Brunie, OUT!
High points:
Shannon the belcher - what the hell were you thinking? Do not screech Janis Joplin. But I honestly think that with a better song they would have liked you.
Silly string rocker guy - you are lovely!
Brittany and Corliss - you should get your own reality show! I won't watch it because I hate that shit. But I like you.
Otherwise forgettable girl that sings one of my favorite songs, At Last.
Yes, I realize that that is not a tremendous number of high points. The reason it was so awesome was because Little Wilbur and watched it at his best friend's house. I never realized that the audition shows, which usually just carbonize little bits of my soul, are actually a bucket of fun when watched with beer snacks and friends! Joe Mama (the best friend) has the dryest sense of humor ever bestowed upon a nine year old. And his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Mama, watch with a sense of enjoyment that Mr. Crow, frankly, lacks.
We ate really good snacks, belched loudly, made boob jokes, and had a wonderful time. We are inviting ourselves over again next week!
Until then -
Brunie, OUT!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
"I'm going to explode, and happiness will just go flying everywhere!"
I liked:
And then to follow it with a Montage O' Swell! My goodness! Have we ever seen such a thing (other than the rushed collage of "By the way, these people made it too" that we sometimes get at the end of an audition show)? And . . . what an odd-looking boy. Hmm. His voice is good, but . . . wow.
During commercials, Mimosa and I amused ourselves by smothering Li'l Martini with kisses, which made him scream. Then, in this hilarious Barry White voice (he's 7), he growled, "The ladies attract me easily." Which made us scream (with laughter). And THAT was the most entertaining thing that happened between 8 and 9 at the Chardonnay household, my friends.
Lady Chardonnay OUT!
- Cute Jason, the lyric-forgetter.
- Rocker David, with his quiet confidence ("I think my voice will get me through, but I may not be what they're looking for"—what a cutie! Daughtry 08?).
- Sweet gay Leo—we would totally hang out.
- Ryan as judge. Fabulous.
And then to follow it with a Montage O' Swell! My goodness! Have we ever seen such a thing (other than the rushed collage of "By the way, these people made it too" that we sometimes get at the end of an audition show)? And . . . what an odd-looking boy. Hmm. His voice is good, but . . . wow.
During commercials, Mimosa and I amused ourselves by smothering Li'l Martini with kisses, which made him scream. Then, in this hilarious Barry White voice (he's 7), he growled, "The ladies attract me easily." Which made us scream (with laughter). And THAT was the most entertaining thing that happened between 8 and 9 at the Chardonnay household, my friends.
Lady Chardonnay OUT!
Thursday, January 24, 2008
"I don't think you're as good as you think you are"
Wow, my little brother used to say this all the time! Well, what he said was, "You're not so big." Still. Good burn, Simon!
Not a whole lot stands out regarding the last few nights (I have sharper memories of the previews for that lie detector show—Mimosa said, "I can't believe she doesn't care about the starving African children!"), and certainly no one displaced my Idol boyfriend, Cowboy Drew. I did make a new best friend, but it was short-lived. To my TOTAL SHOCK. Who was this new AmyMandisaGina? Read on! Because THIS . . is American Idol.
(da-dah!)
Some noteworthy auditioners, for reasons good and bad:
On Tuesday, I reallyreally liked Carly, the tattooed Irish girl, but seeing her again on Wednesday—I think it was the wine talking. Possibly not for the first time.
Lady Chardonnay OUT!
Not a whole lot stands out regarding the last few nights (I have sharper memories of the previews for that lie detector show—Mimosa said, "I can't believe she doesn't care about the starving African children!"), and certainly no one displaced my Idol boyfriend, Cowboy Drew. I did make a new best friend, but it was short-lived. To my TOTAL SHOCK. Who was this new AmyMandisaGina? Read on! Because THIS . . is American Idol.
(da-dah!)
Some noteworthy auditioners, for reasons good and bad:
- The single dad with the long-haired mush-mouth daughter—it stunned us to realize the daughter was a boy. My son, Li'l Martini, was particularly disturbed. "Dude," he kept saying.
- Michael, a good-looking Australian boy with a very nice voice, who sang my all-time favorite Otis Redding song. I think he's this year's Ace.
- Alberto, the hippie nature freak, LITTERED as he floated away. Somewhere, an Indian is weeping.
- Michelle and Jeffrey, the big brown brother-sister pair—much to my surprise, they sounded lovely! It will be interesting to see how far they go.
- London, with the pretty voice and the dead father—doesn't she look just like "no R-rated movies" girl? I like them both, I just think we're seeing a lot of the same girl this year. Carrie, without the country.
- My new best friend, Lyndsey the Air Force pilot—loved her, loved her voice, was sooooo happy that my Idol BFF had arrived! And then—they didn't pick her?! I am simply astounded. I thought she was great. Certainly as good as:
- Amy Catherine, the virginity cheerleader, who has a perfectly okay voice but sang a song that was way too big for her. What are they thinking, picking one and not the other?!
On Tuesday, I reallyreally liked Carly, the tattooed Irish girl, but seeing her again on Wednesday—I think it was the wine talking. Possibly not for the first time.
Lady Chardonnay OUT!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
"If she were a doggie, I'd walk her / If she were Columbo, I'd Peter Falk her"
That (written by Paula's stalker) was the Best. Song. EVER. I could've listened to it all day. Well, we sort of did, but still.
To my surprise, I'm enjoying the auditions more than usual. The producers seem to have found a decent balance between good singers, attention-starved freaks, and the truly sad. Yes, I could do with zero of the latter, though on occasion there's overlap between groups 1 and 3 (sweet girl with the sick baby, for example). But I've laughed out loud more than once, and that's saying something.
The Good Singers
No one really stands out for me yet; we have 20 pretty blonde girls with pretty voices (one fights in a cage; one's last name is "Stalker", one was on meth, one is "the best singer we've heard so far"—sure she is), and a handful of pretty black girls with pretty voices—fine. There's a pretty black boy with dreads, who thinks he has "a lot of growth potential"—well, his ego sure does. And there's Cowboy Drew, my new Idol boyfriend, who sings to his tractor; the judges were underwhelmed, but I was totally whelmed—he's all kinds of deep-voiced dreamy.
The Freaks
I . . . am Lady Chardonnay.
And . . . OUT!
To my surprise, I'm enjoying the auditions more than usual. The producers seem to have found a decent balance between good singers, attention-starved freaks, and the truly sad. Yes, I could do with zero of the latter, though on occasion there's overlap between groups 1 and 3 (sweet girl with the sick baby, for example). But I've laughed out loud more than once, and that's saying something.
The Good Singers
No one really stands out for me yet; we have 20 pretty blonde girls with pretty voices (one fights in a cage; one's last name is "Stalker", one was on meth, one is "the best singer we've heard so far"—sure she is), and a handful of pretty black girls with pretty voices—fine. There's a pretty black boy with dreads, who thinks he has "a lot of growth potential"—well, his ego sure does. And there's Cowboy Drew, my new Idol boyfriend, who sings to his tractor; the judges were underwhelmed, but I was totally whelmed—he's all kinds of deep-voiced dreamy.
The Freaks
- Glittery Alexis—put her in a sequined tube top, it's the potty-mouthed freak from two years ago. ENOUGH.
- Mr. Chest Hair (it's American Hot Wax Idol!), who I should've hated but I liked his smile, so I'm choosing to believe his family is being held at gunpoint or something, and he did this under duress.
- Princess Leia. Charming girl. Yeah.
- Fingernail guy, even though he was an okay singer. Dude. Seriously. You will NEVER see a girl naked now.
- The next governor of Oklahoma—he's in Wikipedia under "whatever."
- Temptress and her barely breathing mother. Said daughter Mimosa, "They just broke my heart." And that was before she even sang. (Mr. Lady Chardonnay happened by at that moment—he does not watch Idol—and said, "That was . . . cringe-worthy. They put that on national TV?" Oh, Mr. Lady C. Dear little naif.)
- Tammy Deadpan. (I shouldn't laugh, but the deadpan kill me.)
- James Lewis, who sang "Go Down Moses" without moving his lips, mouth, or tonsils, and somehow made "people" a one-syllable word—a terrible singer, but he brought me much joy. Is that wrong?
- Yuka, who gave us this beautiful quote: "I want to love a girl from the hair to the the nipple." As who among us does not?
- The mid-show recap of things we saw . . . two minutes ago. Idol clearly knows its none-too-bright audience.
- Paula "signing" along with that last up-with-people number. I audibly whooped.
- Randy's sideburns!
I . . . am Lady Chardonnay.
And . . . OUT!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Teachable Moments
The first few weeks of Idol are quite painful. I watch them because I like to have someone to root for during the Hollywood show, even if it is someone who I have been programed to like because they used to be fat or made an album called "Jesus Loves Me" when they were four.
In addition to finding someone upon whom I can temporarily pin my hopes, these weeks serve a second purpose.
I use them to try to teach my children the difference between making fun of someone who is sad and delusional and someone who is clearly in on the joke.
Crazy eye make-up girl as opposed to chest-waxing princess Lea in bondage.
Princess Lea who thought she had a shot versus "stalker" guy.
I am ashamed for the show when they try to get laughs at the expense of people who are clearly already used to being the brunt of other people's mean spirited laughter. Bad show, bad...
I am just going to try to slog through until they start singing for real.
Here's hoping we get there quick!
Brunie
In addition to finding someone upon whom I can temporarily pin my hopes, these weeks serve a second purpose.
I use them to try to teach my children the difference between making fun of someone who is sad and delusional and someone who is clearly in on the joke.
Crazy eye make-up girl as opposed to chest-waxing princess Lea in bondage.
Princess Lea who thought she had a shot versus "stalker" guy.
I am ashamed for the show when they try to get laughs at the expense of people who are clearly already used to being the brunt of other people's mean spirited laughter. Bad show, bad...
I am just going to try to slog through until they start singing for real.
Here's hoping we get there quick!
Brunie
Sunday, December 30, 2007
What is that whisper on the wind?
I can feel it coming!
I need to email Mrs. Cyn and Lady Char and let them know that I can feel it on the air.
A few weeks of embarrassment of the "I can't believe I am watching this crap" variety and
then the wonderful week in LA
followed by the top 24 - my favorite part! -
finally its narrowed down to 12 and the countdown to me not caring anymore.
Maybe this will be the year that I make it all the way to the end of the season before losing my will to watch.
Dare to dream!
Brunie
I need to email Mrs. Cyn and Lady Char and let them know that I can feel it on the air.
A few weeks of embarrassment of the "I can't believe I am watching this crap" variety and
then the wonderful week in LA
followed by the top 24 - my favorite part! -
finally its narrowed down to 12 and the countdown to me not caring anymore.
Maybe this will be the year that I make it all the way to the end of the season before losing my will to watch.
Dare to dream!
Brunie
Sunday, June 17, 2007
America's Next Top Idol! or, Lady Chardonnay Blogs the Finales
I must shamefacedly admit that only this week did Mimosa and I actually watch the Idol finale. (Um, we're busy?) We're very excited that Jordin won—the first year EVER that I've actually voted for the winner! (I didn't watch Kelly/Justin, and I've picked wrong ever since—ding, dong, the streak is dead! Maybe.)
But now we've seen it, and what a spectacle it was. Though I also have some thoughts about all the season-enders I watched. It's sunny, let's share!
I liked how the finale opened, Blake and Jordin and "I Saw Her Standing There" and their sweet little kiss at the end. So cute! Mimosa's comment: "I saw them kiss in her dressing room." Ooh! Le scandale!
You know what I didn't like? The 24 finale. Lame season, desperately lame final two hours. What a disappointing use of James Cromwell, whom I love. And where was the big reveal, i.e., that Jack is the father of that cute little blond boy, rather than Baldy? Very disappointing. And I could not give a rat's patootie about that cold fish Audrey Raines; I so hope we're done with her (though I love William Devane; I'm fine with his character hanging around. I enjoy an actor having fun onstage, and Mr. Devane always brings a party). Wifey, Nina, Audrey, what a dull group of ladyfriends Jack's had. I liked the redhead he was shacked up with a few seasons back, though she's a football coach's wife in Texas now, I'm holding no hope of seeing her again. Next season, I am definitely playing the "Dammit, Chloe!" drinking game!
Back to Idol. Mimosa and I fast-forwarded through Gwen Stefani, forgive us. Then we got all giddy when we realized that Ryan was introducing Kelly, and I misted up, thinking about her journey—she's come a long way, baby. And what a hot outfit! Mimosa: "Those boots are not good for P.E." True, that.
We fast-forwarded through the flippin' Golden Idols, aka, Parade o' Freaks. Insulting. Demeaning. Time-wasting. Bring on the Idolettes, for pity's sake! Enough with the nonsense!
I also don’t care whether CSI's Sara is dead or not, as I am squarely in the "Grissom Belongs with Lady Heather" camp. However, I'm even more squarely in the "Let's See More of Scantily Clad Warrick and Catherine" camp. My friend Diva V-luscious says she can't get into Warrick and Catherine, they're too gorgeous; it's like watching the Prom King and Queen frolic, yawn. She likes Grissom and Sara because they're more lumpy and normal-looking. Which I think is a good point, except for the part where I totally disagree, I can't get enough of Warrick. As I may have mentioned, only the dust on my TV screen keeps me from jumping up and kissing his likeness. My best friend Lady Darcy actually made me a Gary Dourdan Christmas ornament, and I believe I'm the only Lady in the world to boast such a thing. Well, except Gary Dourdan's mother, maybe.
And Idol again. FINALLY, we see someone more than tangentially connected to this year's show: The Boys Are Back in Town! And . . . dear Chris Sligh seems to have found all the weight he lost. Too bad. Phil still sounds great to me, I'm absurdly pleased to see "Sanjaya!," and Brandon—woo! How he wants me! Simmer, Brandon. Then Smokey, and oh my goodness, how I love Smokey, even more when I don't actually look at him, because his alien underwater eyes are now just a bit scary.
We fast-forwarded through Blake doing whatever he was doing. Me and Mimosa, we're not so much fans of the current modern songs of today. This is why we watch Idol, for heaven's sake.
Something else I watch: Lost. And by jingo, was that a crackin' good finale or what? And we must wait YEARS for the next installment! Bye-bye, little hobbit—as my friend Young Henry said re: the death of Gary in thirtysomething, "I got to have all the excitement of a main character dying, without the sadness of actually liking that character." Sorry, Charlie. And who's in the casket? Can it be Sawyer? (Who else would Jack emphatically describe as "not a friend"?) But then who is Kate scurrying home to? Oh! Such excitement awaits! (years from now)
Back to Idol, and our female Idolettes. Finally! Mimosa was so excited about seeing Stephanie (her first favorite) again. And now, three hours into this interminable show, there's Stephanie, looking adorable and soloing for nine seconds. All right! And how cute is my Gina, even in that sack dress? And . . . goodness, it's Hayley Scarnato and her wonder crotch. Wow. I had actually forgotten her. Gladys Knight = all kinds of awesome, and I loved how awed and humbled Melinda looked, this time in the proper context.
A whole lot of nonsense followed (though I did like Simon crossing his fingers when he and Ryan were up for an award, though we fast-forwarded through the rest of it—so sad! so desperately sad!)—Sanjaya, crying girl, Joe Perry's chest hair ("What do you think of all this, Mimosa?" Mimosa: "I don’t . . . know"), and just about now it really hits me: What in the holy heck is going on? This show is supposed to be about (1) the winner, and (2) the other contestants we fell in love with this year, also the boy contestants. (Ha! I kid.) Why are we watching Green Day? Why are we singing Beatles songs, since (spoiler!) Paul McCartney does NOT make like Prince, even though I began to get my hopes up? Bette flippin' Midler? I DO NOT GET WHAT THEY ARE DOING. Why have we seen the Idolettes for barely five minutes? What is going on?
Almost as shockingly confusing was the Heroes finale—holy cow, are both brothers dead? I looooooved them! And that's huge—after playing whiny pretentious Jess, I never thought I'd like Milo Ventimiglia in anything. But the essential sweetness of Peter won me over. And Nathan—steely cold perfection. The show will miss them both.
Back to Idol. Okay, I am no Taylor fan, but I thought he looked good, way less spastic than before, and he sounded fine. Mimosa and Li'l Martini (joining us briefly) were less impressed. Mimosa: "He sounds okay." Li'l Martini: "A little dumb." Okay, and then Taylor began to spazz out, because he's Taylor, and no one should write another word about how weird Phil looks, because Taylor is now the definition of weird-looking, all buggy eyes and contorted features. He sounds great, but he is a freaky-lookin' freak.
And now it's more Beatles stuff, as Sgt. Pepper teaches the band to play and Kelly Clarkson . . . does a sort of jig, I don't know what else to call it. Mimosa: "I thought Kelly Clarkson was soft rock. This is . . . rock. Just rock." I am very excited to see the four previous Idols, and no I do not miss that grinning clown Fantasia, not a wee little bit. Taylor sounds great again (Mimosa: "Now THIS is hot. It's slow, but it's hot."). The Ruben-Jordin duet is sublime. Just loved every bit of this.
And something else I loved every single bit of: the Gilmore Girls finale, which was perfection on a plate. Only if Lauren Graham stepped out of my TV to give me a hug could it have been improved upon. Loved it.
It's Idol again, and we have our results: Jordin is officially America's sweetheart, blow me down, and she sings that very silly song very prettily and looks very pretty, and America chose well, I think, for all the reasons Mrs. Cynicletary outlined so brilliantly below. A more or less satisfying conclusion to a somewhat disappointing season.
Which could also be said of Veronica Mars, I suppose—awesome series, disappointing final season. I wish they'd been better-prepared for the series finale; we're left with one heapin' heap of unfinished business. TV movie in our future? Fingers crossed!!
So there you have it—the final blog of the finale, finally. See you in January!
Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Teatime Junior Miss) OUT.
But now we've seen it, and what a spectacle it was. Though I also have some thoughts about all the season-enders I watched. It's sunny, let's share!
I liked how the finale opened, Blake and Jordin and "I Saw Her Standing There" and their sweet little kiss at the end. So cute! Mimosa's comment: "I saw them kiss in her dressing room." Ooh! Le scandale!
You know what I didn't like? The 24 finale. Lame season, desperately lame final two hours. What a disappointing use of James Cromwell, whom I love. And where was the big reveal, i.e., that Jack is the father of that cute little blond boy, rather than Baldy? Very disappointing. And I could not give a rat's patootie about that cold fish Audrey Raines; I so hope we're done with her (though I love William Devane; I'm fine with his character hanging around. I enjoy an actor having fun onstage, and Mr. Devane always brings a party). Wifey, Nina, Audrey, what a dull group of ladyfriends Jack's had. I liked the redhead he was shacked up with a few seasons back, though she's a football coach's wife in Texas now, I'm holding no hope of seeing her again. Next season, I am definitely playing the "Dammit, Chloe!" drinking game!
Back to Idol. Mimosa and I fast-forwarded through Gwen Stefani, forgive us. Then we got all giddy when we realized that Ryan was introducing Kelly, and I misted up, thinking about her journey—she's come a long way, baby. And what a hot outfit! Mimosa: "Those boots are not good for P.E." True, that.
We fast-forwarded through the flippin' Golden Idols, aka, Parade o' Freaks. Insulting. Demeaning. Time-wasting. Bring on the Idolettes, for pity's sake! Enough with the nonsense!
I also don’t care whether CSI's Sara is dead or not, as I am squarely in the "Grissom Belongs with Lady Heather" camp. However, I'm even more squarely in the "Let's See More of Scantily Clad Warrick and Catherine" camp. My friend Diva V-luscious says she can't get into Warrick and Catherine, they're too gorgeous; it's like watching the Prom King and Queen frolic, yawn. She likes Grissom and Sara because they're more lumpy and normal-looking. Which I think is a good point, except for the part where I totally disagree, I can't get enough of Warrick. As I may have mentioned, only the dust on my TV screen keeps me from jumping up and kissing his likeness. My best friend Lady Darcy actually made me a Gary Dourdan Christmas ornament, and I believe I'm the only Lady in the world to boast such a thing. Well, except Gary Dourdan's mother, maybe.
And Idol again. FINALLY, we see someone more than tangentially connected to this year's show: The Boys Are Back in Town! And . . . dear Chris Sligh seems to have found all the weight he lost. Too bad. Phil still sounds great to me, I'm absurdly pleased to see "Sanjaya!," and Brandon—woo! How he wants me! Simmer, Brandon. Then Smokey, and oh my goodness, how I love Smokey, even more when I don't actually look at him, because his alien underwater eyes are now just a bit scary.
We fast-forwarded through Blake doing whatever he was doing. Me and Mimosa, we're not so much fans of the current modern songs of today. This is why we watch Idol, for heaven's sake.
Something else I watch: Lost. And by jingo, was that a crackin' good finale or what? And we must wait YEARS for the next installment! Bye-bye, little hobbit—as my friend Young Henry said re: the death of Gary in thirtysomething, "I got to have all the excitement of a main character dying, without the sadness of actually liking that character." Sorry, Charlie. And who's in the casket? Can it be Sawyer? (Who else would Jack emphatically describe as "not a friend"?) But then who is Kate scurrying home to? Oh! Such excitement awaits! (years from now)
Back to Idol, and our female Idolettes. Finally! Mimosa was so excited about seeing Stephanie (her first favorite) again. And now, three hours into this interminable show, there's Stephanie, looking adorable and soloing for nine seconds. All right! And how cute is my Gina, even in that sack dress? And . . . goodness, it's Hayley Scarnato and her wonder crotch. Wow. I had actually forgotten her. Gladys Knight = all kinds of awesome, and I loved how awed and humbled Melinda looked, this time in the proper context.
A whole lot of nonsense followed (though I did like Simon crossing his fingers when he and Ryan were up for an award, though we fast-forwarded through the rest of it—so sad! so desperately sad!)—Sanjaya, crying girl, Joe Perry's chest hair ("What do you think of all this, Mimosa?" Mimosa: "I don’t . . . know"), and just about now it really hits me: What in the holy heck is going on? This show is supposed to be about (1) the winner, and (2) the other contestants we fell in love with this year, also the boy contestants. (Ha! I kid.) Why are we watching Green Day? Why are we singing Beatles songs, since (spoiler!) Paul McCartney does NOT make like Prince, even though I began to get my hopes up? Bette flippin' Midler? I DO NOT GET WHAT THEY ARE DOING. Why have we seen the Idolettes for barely five minutes? What is going on?
Almost as shockingly confusing was the Heroes finale—holy cow, are both brothers dead? I looooooved them! And that's huge—after playing whiny pretentious Jess, I never thought I'd like Milo Ventimiglia in anything. But the essential sweetness of Peter won me over. And Nathan—steely cold perfection. The show will miss them both.
Back to Idol. Okay, I am no Taylor fan, but I thought he looked good, way less spastic than before, and he sounded fine. Mimosa and Li'l Martini (joining us briefly) were less impressed. Mimosa: "He sounds okay." Li'l Martini: "A little dumb." Okay, and then Taylor began to spazz out, because he's Taylor, and no one should write another word about how weird Phil looks, because Taylor is now the definition of weird-looking, all buggy eyes and contorted features. He sounds great, but he is a freaky-lookin' freak.
And now it's more Beatles stuff, as Sgt. Pepper teaches the band to play and Kelly Clarkson . . . does a sort of jig, I don't know what else to call it. Mimosa: "I thought Kelly Clarkson was soft rock. This is . . . rock. Just rock." I am very excited to see the four previous Idols, and no I do not miss that grinning clown Fantasia, not a wee little bit. Taylor sounds great again (Mimosa: "Now THIS is hot. It's slow, but it's hot."). The Ruben-Jordin duet is sublime. Just loved every bit of this.
And something else I loved every single bit of: the Gilmore Girls finale, which was perfection on a plate. Only if Lauren Graham stepped out of my TV to give me a hug could it have been improved upon. Loved it.
It's Idol again, and we have our results: Jordin is officially America's sweetheart, blow me down, and she sings that very silly song very prettily and looks very pretty, and America chose well, I think, for all the reasons Mrs. Cynicletary outlined so brilliantly below. A more or less satisfying conclusion to a somewhat disappointing season.
Which could also be said of Veronica Mars, I suppose—awesome series, disappointing final season. I wish they'd been better-prepared for the series finale; we're left with one heapin' heap of unfinished business. TV movie in our future? Fingers crossed!!
So there you have it—the final blog of the finale, finally. See you in January!
Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Teatime Junior Miss) OUT.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Thanks, kids!
Well, another year of Idol has come and gone. Congratulations, Jordin! You deserved to win. I am sure we will be seeing many of this year's kids on the charts very soon.
Now - it is time for my DANCE SHOW DANCE SHOW! "So You Think You Can Dance" is on Fox on Thursdays at 8:00. I love this show! Maybe even more than I love Idol!
See you next time. Happy Summer to all of our faithful readers.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Now - it is time for my DANCE SHOW DANCE SHOW! "So You Think You Can Dance" is on Fox on Thursdays at 8:00. I love this show! Maybe even more than I love Idol!
See you next time. Happy Summer to all of our faithful readers.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Lewis & Sparks Expedition
There you have it, another year of American Idol. Last night's show was a tad shrill, I thought. Everything so crazy and loud.
As I have said previously, Blake is the better performer, and Jordin is the better singer. And since this is, wait for it, a singing competition, I believe that Jordin will win.
At seventeen, Jordin is not well-formed enough as an artist to protest or even mind the inevitable pop phenom that will be created out of her. By the time she is ready to make some artistic statements, she should have enough dough and credibility to do her own thing. It has worked out that way very well for Kelly Clarkson. This competition is like some kind of sorority hazing. They make you sing songs that you've just learned on live TV, criticize you in front of millions of people, then make you sing and record as your first single the worst songs ever written, before they say, OK, here's a great song for you to sing, and you will make millions and win Grammys. I think Jordin can handle that. She even sang that incredibly heinous last song with heart. (How horrible was that dreck - honestly!)
Blake will be better off in second place. He is much more formed artistically with his own established style. And let's not forget the next dance craze, "The Blake Take" (see previous post for instructions). Second through fourth places are really the best spots to get on Idol. You have an established audience, producers will take a chance on you, and you are not tied to the machine that is American Idol for years of your life.
Both Blake and Jordin will be just fine. It's been a fun musical expedition with our young explorers, Lewis and Sparks.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
p.s. Last year Prince made magic on the final episode. There is no way to top Prince, I'm just saying. XO
As I have said previously, Blake is the better performer, and Jordin is the better singer. And since this is, wait for it, a singing competition, I believe that Jordin will win.
At seventeen, Jordin is not well-formed enough as an artist to protest or even mind the inevitable pop phenom that will be created out of her. By the time she is ready to make some artistic statements, she should have enough dough and credibility to do her own thing. It has worked out that way very well for Kelly Clarkson. This competition is like some kind of sorority hazing. They make you sing songs that you've just learned on live TV, criticize you in front of millions of people, then make you sing and record as your first single the worst songs ever written, before they say, OK, here's a great song for you to sing, and you will make millions and win Grammys. I think Jordin can handle that. She even sang that incredibly heinous last song with heart. (How horrible was that dreck - honestly!)
Blake will be better off in second place. He is much more formed artistically with his own established style. And let's not forget the next dance craze, "The Blake Take" (see previous post for instructions). Second through fourth places are really the best spots to get on Idol. You have an established audience, producers will take a chance on you, and you are not tied to the machine that is American Idol for years of your life.
Both Blake and Jordin will be just fine. It's been a fun musical expedition with our young explorers, Lewis and Sparks.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
p.s. Last year Prince made magic on the final episode. There is no way to top Prince, I'm just saying. XO
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Jordin Takes It In a Walk
(And it's totally deserved.)
That's my prediction, and I'm sticking to it.
Lady Chardonnay, thinking about hitting up Daughtry for some eye make-up tips, and OUT.
That's my prediction, and I'm sticking to it.
Lady Chardonnay, thinking about hitting up Daughtry for some eye make-up tips, and OUT.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
America is Stupid
Well, the part that voted for their "American Idol" Tuesday night. I was so mad last night that I didn't even post. If I had there would have been an -ing word in the title describing "stupid" and I know that our reader in Huntertown would have been very disappointed in me for using it!
I know it is just TV and I am aware that [crying jags over the demise of the GILMORE GIRLS - and an awesome ending it was! - notwithstanding] television is for entertainment and means nothing. And yet, I am really disappointed that I am not going to get to hear Melinda sing next week. That is what it boils down to for me. Hers is the performance that I look forward to every week. I can count on being entertained and surprised by her.
Jordin and Blake are fine. I have liked Jordin in the past a lot. I find her a bit disingenuous sometimes- she seems to slap on a look of surprise when she realizes that the camera is on her. But at other times she seems just like a kind of silly, pretty, talented, biggish girl who I would really like. And how can you not appreciate her feelings for Mmm Bop?
I bet Blake is more irritating in real life than you would think. I'd bet my big toe that he was a fat boy in middle school. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!) He has that "pay attention to me" thing running all the time and he wants to be played in the story of his life by Jim Carey. Need I say more? And he has funny lips. But he is from Washington state which is slightly in his favor. And I LOVED the way he was with Chris R. the night he went home. So my heart won't be broken if he wins either.
I guess I just don't care which way it goes. I will probably watch just to see the top 10 sing again. But I won't be emotionally invested. I mean it...
Brunie, OUT!
I know it is just TV and I am aware that [crying jags over the demise of the GILMORE GIRLS - and an awesome ending it was! - notwithstanding] television is for entertainment and means nothing. And yet, I am really disappointed that I am not going to get to hear Melinda sing next week. That is what it boils down to for me. Hers is the performance that I look forward to every week. I can count on being entertained and surprised by her.
Jordin and Blake are fine. I have liked Jordin in the past a lot. I find her a bit disingenuous sometimes- she seems to slap on a look of surprise when she realizes that the camera is on her. But at other times she seems just like a kind of silly, pretty, talented, biggish girl who I would really like. And how can you not appreciate her feelings for Mmm Bop?
I bet Blake is more irritating in real life than you would think. I'd bet my big toe that he was a fat boy in middle school. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!) He has that "pay attention to me" thing running all the time and he wants to be played in the story of his life by Jim Carey. Need I say more? And he has funny lips. But he is from Washington state which is slightly in his favor. And I LOVED the way he was with Chris R. the night he went home. So my heart won't be broken if he wins either.
I guess I just don't care which way it goes. I will probably watch just to see the top 10 sing again. But I won't be emotionally invested. I mean it...
Brunie, OUT!
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Three songs and you're out!
Well, that was an interesting show. Let's recap, shall we?
All three kids sang three songs, one chosen by a judge, one by the Producers and one by the kids themselves.
Jordin: First she sang Rose Royce's "Wishing on a Star", which is a very lovely song and Jordin sang it well. I can't believe that she sang it so well having never heard it before. It is a real skill to be able to learn and sing a song under pressure in just a week. Kudos Jordin! Song two: I hate that Donna Summer song - it is her worst in my opinion. Jordin was only OK on that number. Lastly, she sang that I'm-the-only-one-to-love-you song - very beautiful voice - Jordin can really sing. I did sense a certain drop in energy from her last night, and who can blame them for getting tired at this point. She did well, but maybe not as well as I thought she could have/should have/would have. I have thought that Jordin could win it all, but after last night I am less sure.
Blake. Song one - Roxanne - love the song - just liked Blake's rendition. It was OK. Song two by Maroon 5 - excellent - a really perfect performance all around. Last song - very good again.
In order to do the Blake dance, you must stand facing front, then half turn your body and look behind your right shoulder as if someone behind you has just called to you - then move back facing front. Blake does this move at least 3 times in every song. The moon walky deal is much harder, so start with the Blake Take until you are ready for the advanced Blake-isms. He did extremely well last night. As an all-around performer, I think Blake is best.
Melinda. Melinda, Melinda. A glorious night for you, my dear. First, that crazy difficult Whitney song. I heard two tiny little notes that were not perfect, but other than that - genius! And her low-notes are just gorgeous! Song two - Nutbush City - FANTASTIC! I loved the moves she did with the microphone, and she really rocked it! (Although whenever I hear that song I remember the awful scene in What's Love Got To Do With It, in which Ike Turner rapes Tina while she tries to record this, the first song she ever wrote, in her home studio. Ike is jealous and goes nuts. Again.) Fry-the-bacon-up-in-a-pan song last - excellent. I did not care for the suit she wore, but damn, that girl can SING!
Melinda most deserves a place in the finals. Jordin is a better singer than Blake, but Blake is a better performer than Jordin. It should be a very interesting night tonight.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
All three kids sang three songs, one chosen by a judge, one by the Producers and one by the kids themselves.
Jordin: First she sang Rose Royce's "Wishing on a Star", which is a very lovely song and Jordin sang it well. I can't believe that she sang it so well having never heard it before. It is a real skill to be able to learn and sing a song under pressure in just a week. Kudos Jordin! Song two: I hate that Donna Summer song - it is her worst in my opinion. Jordin was only OK on that number. Lastly, she sang that I'm-the-only-one-to-love-you song - very beautiful voice - Jordin can really sing. I did sense a certain drop in energy from her last night, and who can blame them for getting tired at this point. She did well, but maybe not as well as I thought she could have/should have/would have. I have thought that Jordin could win it all, but after last night I am less sure.
Blake. Song one - Roxanne - love the song - just liked Blake's rendition. It was OK. Song two by Maroon 5 - excellent - a really perfect performance all around. Last song - very good again.
In order to do the Blake dance, you must stand facing front, then half turn your body and look behind your right shoulder as if someone behind you has just called to you - then move back facing front. Blake does this move at least 3 times in every song. The moon walky deal is much harder, so start with the Blake Take until you are ready for the advanced Blake-isms. He did extremely well last night. As an all-around performer, I think Blake is best.
Melinda. Melinda, Melinda. A glorious night for you, my dear. First, that crazy difficult Whitney song. I heard two tiny little notes that were not perfect, but other than that - genius! And her low-notes are just gorgeous! Song two - Nutbush City - FANTASTIC! I loved the moves she did with the microphone, and she really rocked it! (Although whenever I hear that song I remember the awful scene in What's Love Got To Do With It, in which Ike Turner rapes Tina while she tries to record this, the first song she ever wrote, in her home studio. Ike is jealous and goes nuts. Again.) Fry-the-bacon-up-in-a-pan song last - excellent. I did not care for the suit she wore, but damn, that girl can SING!
Melinda most deserves a place in the finals. Jordin is a better singer than Blake, but Blake is a better performer than Jordin. It should be a very interesting night tonight.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Not enough heaven
Barry Gibb Barry Gibb ohmygosh Barry Gibb! was my first reaction on hearing of this week's guest judge.
Alas, as Barrys go, Mr. Gibb is no Mr. Manilow. His "coaching" was beyond lame: "I was shocked that she chose that song! It was written for a man! And she's a lady!" Time to move on, falsetto boy.
I did like the music. I own Best of the Bee Gees. "How Deep Is Your Love?" is my all-time hottest slow-dance song, as its gentle driving beat requires just a little bit of . . . friction. Love it. And Barry was of course my favorite Bee Gee. But age has not been so kind to our friend, and he just didn't wow me at all.
And neither did the Idolettes, who were basically . . . fine. I thought Blake was the worst and Jordin was the best, but nobody did anything to write home about.
And yet, the fans, they clamor for a blog entry. Blessings on Brunie, who found much more to say than I'm able to!
I realized, before Chris was booted last week, that if Jordin gets cut, I'm basically done with this show for the year. It's Fantasia vs. Diana vs. Jasmine all over again, and I could not give a rat's patootie. (Though the current Top Three is more talented than that Top Three, I hasten to add. Season 3—Idol's nadir.)
So, bye-bye LaKisha. We'll miss your big ol' voice and great rack. Blake goes next, and then we have a real battle—Polished Leading Lady vs. Bubbly Ingenue—and it's anyone's guess who'll be left standing.
Unless I'm totally wrong, and Blake wins it all. Gah.
Lady Chardonnay, a bit weary (young girls, they do get weary) and OUT.
Alas, as Barrys go, Mr. Gibb is no Mr. Manilow. His "coaching" was beyond lame: "I was shocked that she chose that song! It was written for a man! And she's a lady!" Time to move on, falsetto boy.
I did like the music. I own Best of the Bee Gees. "How Deep Is Your Love?" is my all-time hottest slow-dance song, as its gentle driving beat requires just a little bit of . . . friction. Love it. And Barry was of course my favorite Bee Gee. But age has not been so kind to our friend, and he just didn't wow me at all.
And neither did the Idolettes, who were basically . . . fine. I thought Blake was the worst and Jordin was the best, but nobody did anything to write home about.
And yet, the fans, they clamor for a blog entry. Blessings on Brunie, who found much more to say than I'm able to!
I realized, before Chris was booted last week, that if Jordin gets cut, I'm basically done with this show for the year. It's Fantasia vs. Diana vs. Jasmine all over again, and I could not give a rat's patootie. (Though the current Top Three is more talented than that Top Three, I hasten to add. Season 3—Idol's nadir.)
So, bye-bye LaKisha. We'll miss your big ol' voice and great rack. Blake goes next, and then we have a real battle—Polished Leading Lady vs. Bubbly Ingenue—and it's anyone's guess who'll be left standing.
Unless I'm totally wrong, and Blake wins it all. Gah.
Lady Chardonnay, a bit weary (young girls, they do get weary) and OUT.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Distracted By Shiny Objects...
Last year Lady Char wrote an awesome post about how she gets to a certain point where she can't bear to think that the contestants are being sent away so she pretends that they are just sick and aren't going to be able to sing the next week. ["Oh, Kevin must have an earache tonight..."] I couldn't post last week because it seemed like too much of a coincidence that Chris and Phil were both coming down with something. Get well soon, boys!
I have to say that last week was great and I adore Jon Bon Jovi. He is truly getting hotter with age. Barry Gibb? Not so much... I was not a big hair band girl in the '80s and kind of was on the old end of the Bon Jovi experience. But you can bet that I have a make-out memory for every song in the Brothers Gibb catalog!
Melinda opened with Love You Inside and Out. [In my family the lyrics went a little something like this: "Love you inside and out, I'm in the hamper with my butt hanging out..." It's a long story involving my little sister and the laundry chute.] She sounded fantastic as usual, but didn't do anything new or amazing.
Blake stepped up with You Should Be Dancing which was fine but a little beat boxy-annoying. Now I loved his version of whatever the hell he sang on Bon Jovi night, but I grow t-t-t-t-tired of his sh-sh-sh-sh-shtick.
Lakisha was up next with a slower smokier version of Staying Alive which I loved and the judges did not.
Jordan sang To Love Somebody and hit it out of the park. I hope that little girl is sincere, because I am kind of pulling for her.
Back to Mindy-doo, bringing it after the judges told her that she really needed to sell her second song. She covered How Can You Mend a Broken Heart and she was stellar. I just love her. I don't think it is entirely fair to grade on a curve and expect more of her each time when she is so clearly amazing.
The phrase "dead to me" quickly leaped to mind when Blake sang This is Where I Came In. But the desire to detest him was just too weak and I became sleepy just watch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ching him.
Kiki sang Run To Me and sounded beautiful and looked beautiful. But just as Mr. Crow seems to be over the awesome powers of her breasts [and believe me, when I told him it was BeeGees night he ran out of the room like monsters were chasing him], so did the judges seem to be over the awesome power of her magnificent voice. I hope she's not getting the flu!
Jordan closed up with Woman in Love which sounded great, but a little one dimensional. She is only 17 and I think that kind of shone through. And as much as I like the sort of stridently demanding lyrics of the song, it really needs almost a nagging quality to sell it.
Who will go home tonight? What are you talking about? I hear Blake wasn't vaccinated for chicken pox, though.
Brunie, OUT!
I have to say that last week was great and I adore Jon Bon Jovi. He is truly getting hotter with age. Barry Gibb? Not so much... I was not a big hair band girl in the '80s and kind of was on the old end of the Bon Jovi experience. But you can bet that I have a make-out memory for every song in the Brothers Gibb catalog!
Melinda opened with Love You Inside and Out. [In my family the lyrics went a little something like this: "Love you inside and out, I'm in the hamper with my butt hanging out..." It's a long story involving my little sister and the laundry chute.] She sounded fantastic as usual, but didn't do anything new or amazing.
Blake stepped up with You Should Be Dancing which was fine but a little beat boxy-annoying. Now I loved his version of whatever the hell he sang on Bon Jovi night, but I grow t-t-t-t-tired of his sh-sh-sh-sh-shtick.
Lakisha was up next with a slower smokier version of Staying Alive which I loved and the judges did not.
Jordan sang To Love Somebody and hit it out of the park. I hope that little girl is sincere, because I am kind of pulling for her.
Back to Mindy-doo, bringing it after the judges told her that she really needed to sell her second song. She covered How Can You Mend a Broken Heart and she was stellar. I just love her. I don't think it is entirely fair to grade on a curve and expect more of her each time when she is so clearly amazing.
The phrase "dead to me" quickly leaped to mind when Blake sang This is Where I Came In. But the desire to detest him was just too weak and I became sleepy just watch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ching him.
Kiki sang Run To Me and sounded beautiful and looked beautiful. But just as Mr. Crow seems to be over the awesome powers of her breasts [and believe me, when I told him it was BeeGees night he ran out of the room like monsters were chasing him], so did the judges seem to be over the awesome power of her magnificent voice. I hope she's not getting the flu!
Jordan closed up with Woman in Love which sounded great, but a little one dimensional. She is only 17 and I think that kind of shone through. And as much as I like the sort of stridently demanding lyrics of the song, it really needs almost a nagging quality to sell it.
Who will go home tonight? What are you talking about? I hear Blake wasn't vaccinated for chicken pox, though.
Brunie, OUT!
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Lost without you
The title of my post has nothing to do with either Phil or Chris. It has to do with my favorite song that was sung live. Lost Without You is my FAVORITE song right now. I downloaded Robin Thicke's whole album and listen to it on my MP3. Mr. Cynicletary and I sing it to each other. I just hate the fact that he is Alan Thicke's son. It damages his credibility somehow, but I have gotten over it since he is such a great song writer, and damn, Pharrel is one of the greatest producers of all time!!
Anyway, Idol, right. I was glad to see Phil go, and kind of resigned to see Chris go too. I think it was the right decision. Now it will get crazy hard!
One of our brilliant and discerning readers posted a comment about my comment that the kids have all lost weight. Indeed, with their schedule and stresses, how could you NOT lose weight after weeks and weeks on the show? I think Lakisha has lost the most and looks fab-u-lous. I did not however, enjoy the red stripe around the middle of her shirt on Tuesday. Everyone looks great in very long bootcut jeans over high heels with a not too tight top. Well, all the girls anyway.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Anyway, Idol, right. I was glad to see Phil go, and kind of resigned to see Chris go too. I think it was the right decision. Now it will get crazy hard!
One of our brilliant and discerning readers posted a comment about my comment that the kids have all lost weight. Indeed, with their schedule and stresses, how could you NOT lose weight after weeks and weeks on the show? I think Lakisha has lost the most and looks fab-u-lous. I did not however, enjoy the red stripe around the middle of her shirt on Tuesday. Everyone looks great in very long bootcut jeans over high heels with a not too tight top. Well, all the girls anyway.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Put another dime in the jukebox, baby!
('Cause I love rock 'n' roll!)
******************
I've been sitting here staring at my screen for three minutes.
Really, what is there to say? Everyone performed reasonably well, and if you like Bon Jovi, you had a great night of entertainment.
Phil sang great and looked great . . . unless you don't like Phil, because at this point, it's all pretty subjective. Is LaKisha a better singer than Jordin? Is Phil better than Blake? They're all competent—it really comes down to personal taste.
Lady C's Conspiracy Theory: I haven't been keeping close track, but hasn't Phil performed in the Forgettable First spot more than any of the others? And hasn't Melinda performed in the Final Remember Me spot more than the others? That's my impression.
Jordin looked great (sporting Mrs. Cynicletary's becoming spring uniform of cropped skinny pants, tunic, and heels) and struggled with the low notes. Hopefully, her popularity will carry her through. Then again, part of being a professional is playing to your strengths and minimizing your challenges, à la Blake, and maybe she should've dropped that song once even cute Jon raised his eyebrows.
Side note: Jon Bon Jovi was a pretty good coach, I thought. It would be nice to see more of his actual coaching, but his take on each singer was right on. And oh my is he pretty !
LaKisha looked great, sounded lovely on a boring song, and was fun and sassy. Last week I would've said that she was going home next; now I have no idea.
Blake, hmm. I'm not a song purist, per se, but it really irks me that the phrase "made it your own" is applied any time someone does anything different with a song, regardless of whether said tinkering improves it or not. On Motown Night, I hated what he did with "You Keep Me Hanging On"—a song of despair shouldn't be so flippin' jazzy!—and last night I thought all the beatbox stuff, while skillful, had nothing to do with the song! He was my second-least favorite of the night.
And who was your least favorite, Lady C? That would be Tinny McNasal, back in full flower, who was even reedier than usual. (Unless you love him, in which case I'm sure he sounded fine.) His "Dead or Alive" couldn't even hold a candle to Daughtry's, let alone the original. I will be SO happy to bid him adieu. I will be SO SO SO happy if I can do so this evening!
Bringing it all home was Melinda, whom I've admired without fulling warming up to before now, but last night she blew my mind. Is there nothing the woman can't do? She is amazing.
I voted like a crazy person for Jordin and Phil, then decided that it would be hypocritical not to vote for the best performance as well, so I voted for Melinda too, and I just hope that I didn't shoot my favorites in the foot.
Going home? I've got my fingers crossed that it will be Chris and Blake, but I suspect it will be Chris and Phil. Sigh.
Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Flashdance Hits the Suburbs) OUT.
******************
I've been sitting here staring at my screen for three minutes.
Really, what is there to say? Everyone performed reasonably well, and if you like Bon Jovi, you had a great night of entertainment.
Phil sang great and looked great . . . unless you don't like Phil, because at this point, it's all pretty subjective. Is LaKisha a better singer than Jordin? Is Phil better than Blake? They're all competent—it really comes down to personal taste.
Lady C's Conspiracy Theory: I haven't been keeping close track, but hasn't Phil performed in the Forgettable First spot more than any of the others? And hasn't Melinda performed in the Final Remember Me spot more than the others? That's my impression.
Jordin looked great (sporting Mrs. Cynicletary's becoming spring uniform of cropped skinny pants, tunic, and heels) and struggled with the low notes. Hopefully, her popularity will carry her through. Then again, part of being a professional is playing to your strengths and minimizing your challenges, à la Blake, and maybe she should've dropped that song once even cute Jon raised his eyebrows.
Side note: Jon Bon Jovi was a pretty good coach, I thought. It would be nice to see more of his actual coaching, but his take on each singer was right on. And oh my is he pretty !
LaKisha looked great, sounded lovely on a boring song, and was fun and sassy. Last week I would've said that she was going home next; now I have no idea.
Blake, hmm. I'm not a song purist, per se, but it really irks me that the phrase "made it your own" is applied any time someone does anything different with a song, regardless of whether said tinkering improves it or not. On Motown Night, I hated what he did with "You Keep Me Hanging On"—a song of despair shouldn't be so flippin' jazzy!—and last night I thought all the beatbox stuff, while skillful, had nothing to do with the song! He was my second-least favorite of the night.
And who was your least favorite, Lady C? That would be Tinny McNasal, back in full flower, who was even reedier than usual. (Unless you love him, in which case I'm sure he sounded fine.) His "Dead or Alive" couldn't even hold a candle to Daughtry's, let alone the original. I will be SO happy to bid him adieu. I will be SO SO SO happy if I can do so this evening!
Bringing it all home was Melinda, whom I've admired without fulling warming up to before now, but last night she blew my mind. Is there nothing the woman can't do? She is amazing.
I voted like a crazy person for Jordin and Phil, then decided that it would be hypocritical not to vote for the best performance as well, so I voted for Melinda too, and I just hope that I didn't shoot my favorites in the foot.
Going home? I've got my fingers crossed that it will be Chris and Blake, but I suspect it will be Chris and Phil. Sigh.
Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Flashdance Hits the Suburbs) OUT.
Two have to go...
Tonight will begin the tricky part. If Phil goes, which I hope he does, someone else will have to go with him and I really like everyone else. Based only on last night's performances, Jordin did the worst, but I LOVE Jordin, and in general she has been so great and could win it all. She had lots of trouble with her low notes, and she just did not seem comfortable. Bend your knees, Jordin - find your inner rocker! Even Melinda rocked better. And can we all just agree that Melinda is in a different league as the rest? No matter what, she always does well. It sounds like she has a week longer than everyone else to practice. I loved her attitude last night! And she looks great in jeans. I think she will be safe.
I loved Blake's version of Been Done Jovi. He kicked ass! He was mesmerizing and I loved the beat boxing. I think he will be safe too.
Kiki came with it last night too. A little shakey to start, but she brought it on home with conviction - righteous! I am afraid that she might be in danger tonight.
I though Chris did a very fine version of the oft covered Dead or Alive. He has really improved and his interpretation was very good. I also fear for him though.
Phil did a good enough job for someone who has been practicing a song for 15 years. I hope he goes tonight, and with him will be.... will be...someone I like much better than him.
Everyone looked really good last night. I would bet that more than 70 pounds total has been lost by the kids.
Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
I loved Blake's version of Been Done Jovi. He kicked ass! He was mesmerizing and I loved the beat boxing. I think he will be safe too.
Kiki came with it last night too. A little shakey to start, but she brought it on home with conviction - righteous! I am afraid that she might be in danger tonight.
I though Chris did a very fine version of the oft covered Dead or Alive. He has really improved and his interpretation was very good. I also fear for him though.
Phil did a good enough job for someone who has been practicing a song for 15 years. I hope he goes tonight, and with him will be.... will be...someone I like much better than him.
Everyone looked really good last night. I would bet that more than 70 pounds total has been lost by the kids.
Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
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