A Kindler Gentler Bitch-Slap

When oh when will this end? Can't we just get to Hollywood, please?

Here is what I noticed last night. Some of these people who "can't sing" according to Simon and Randy sing just fine. Just not American Idol-fine. Earnest long haired girl (who Jacob on TWoP said has hair that "whispers softly, 'My family is in a cult'.") has a perfectly pretty church singing voice. The first girl who was oh-so-confident beneath her nervousness (she sang "Reflection" which I persist in hoping is going to be the Supremes "Reflections" instead of the irritating Xtina song...) was karaoke-fine. The jumped on her like she was barbecuing kitties.

Although I enjoyed the way that Simon and Randy cut through the contestants like a hot knife through butter, I missed Paula. I was amused by her love for the Jack Osborne-ish looking funny boy. I really liked the repartee between the judges last night as a whole. It seemed much less fake-conflict-y than usual. And there were less sad-crazy people and more happy-crazy-old-big-bird-funny people. Although you could see how ticked off Simon was to have his time wasted.

Altogether - this was the first auditions episode that didn't make me feel a little dead inside. Thank you polite citizens of Birmingham for restoring my faith in humanity!

Alabama On My Mind

Right now, I'm in a haze of Oscar fever, trying to catch all the biggies before my own personal Super Bowl, February 25, so my Idol fever has abated just a tad. But daughter Mimosa, whose priorities are in the right place, woke me this morning with the cry, "Mom! Tonight Idol's in Alabama!"

Sweet home Alabama. I spoke to Mimosa of Lynyrd Skynyrd, and also of Reese Witherspoon having to choose between Patrick Dempsey and Josh Lucas and how only Hollywood could see this as a Big Problem. Okay, Alabama references? Mine are limited. (And we'd already covered the Montgomery bus boycott two weeks ago.) But I'm excited now, because every night brings us closer to the end of the audition process, and that's what I really care about.

I agree with my blogging sisters that the adopted 16-year-old boy is pretty-pretty and has a nice voice, but beyond that—we'll see. When I look back over the sad, wasted contestant pool, it's mostly girls who have stayed with me:

• Army Girl, my first favorite
• Background Singer Girl, who's more than ready for her place in the sun
• Half-Pint New York Pride, the little girl with the three different voices (more on her in a minute)
• The Glamorous BFFs, namely, untrained BFF #2, who outsang her pallie
• Bad Daughter, who's here without Daddy's permission

. . . and a handful of others.

My favorite of the freaks, hands down, was Tone-Deaf Girl, who dreamed of being the first American Idol who couldn't sing. She fascinated me, because she seemed so not-crazy at first, and I thought she had a legitimate, smart point to make . . . but I kept listening and waiting for it, and turns out? No. She did not. But I loved her weepy dripping entitled little crazy self, and I'm so glad we had this time together.

So about Little Miss New York—she has the kind of in-your-face confidence that borders on obnoxious, and right now she's on the delightful side of that line, but no guarantees that she and I won't teeter-totter across it for the rest of the season. But I'm rooting for her. She's one spicy meatball, and I can't wait to see how she plays with others.

See you in Alabama, my friends! (I choose Josh Lucas.)

Lady Chardonnay (whose look today is "Hippie Hippie Chic") OUT.

Memphis and New York

I am with Mrs. Cynicletary about the beautiful 16 year old boy. I was watching with a bunch of high school teachers - one of whom stared at him hungrily and muttered, "I'm going to jail..."

There has got to be a drinking game based on whether or not the contestants are talented or deluded or sincerely mentally ill. But I think that the game would end badly. I am going to live through the auditions, but I feel dirty somehow.

Brunie, out!

The Joy of Idol

The winner!

That 16 year old dude who looks like that model, Tyson, might win the whole shebang!

xo,
Mrs. Cynicletary

"When does the singing start?"

That's a quote from my son, Li'l Martini, who saw the first 20 minutes of the Minneapolis auditions and promptly revised his definition of injustice (which, only minutes earlier, had centered on the fact that sister Mimosa gets to stay up till 9:00 to watch Idol). Li'l Martini simply blew a kiss to the spirit of Prince and went to bed without a whimper.

I almost called this post "When Jugglers Cry," but, clearly, didn't. Big topic on GMA this morning: Has American Idol gotten too mean? "Yes!" cried the earnest author of Odd Girl Out and assorted people on the street. (Who should not be called street people, or streetwalkers. An important distinction.) But anyway, it's funny that we're all focusing on everything but the actual singing.

Because—the singing? Not so much happening.

By 9:30 I was quite cross and ready to love somebody. As sweet as Crack Baby was, as fun as Hoochie Koochie Girl was, as I-don't-have-an-adjective as Sailor Boy was, none of them grabbed me in any way. But then came Fatigue-Sporting Mechanic Girl, and I liked her instantly. Her voice isn't the best, but I don't even care; I'm just so happy to have a pulse again.

Fatigued Mechanic was immediately followed by Lovely With Lots of Hair, who was delightful, but it didn't matter, my heart was already full. (However, the sixth pick of the night gave me a freak; I love California Dreamin', but what is that thing on his nose? I'm lighting a candle for it in church this Sunday, I cannot watch a nose growth for an entire season.)

Frankly, I'm pretty much done with the audition shows. I love it when they get to Hollywood (which is actually my favorite part of all—the only time we get to see them working and being their best worst selves). We could fast-forward through all this crap, and you could color me happy. But 10 quadrillion viewers clearly have another opinion . . .

(Though the person who said it was annoying, I do love the phrase "urban Amish." I'm going to do that from now—take a random adjective and random noun and put them together to describe my fashion choices. Today I'm "1970s' Air Hostess." Really, you should see me; I have a little scarf and everything.)

It's good to be back!

Lady Chardonnay OUT.

The Joy of Idol

The Joy of Idol

All I can say is, in Seattle I would be a super-model beauty queen. How many truly unattractive people can there be in one city?

Like Brunie, I dislike this part of the show. Humiliating people who are clearly mentally ill is not funny to me.

I will remain heartlessly ambivalent until at least Hollywood.

Hugs & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

P.S. Happy Birthday to Mr. Cynicletary.

I used to love Minnesota...

This is the part of Idol that I just can't stand. People who are slightly less talented then they have been led to believe, people who are trying to get on television by any means necessary and people who are so unbelieveably deluded that it is painful to watch. I can't really get behind the show until they get to Hollywood and I don't really enjoy it until they are down to the top 24.

That being said - I think we will see a little more of crack-baby girl, zit-nosed boy and this-contestant-was-brought-to-you-by-the-U.S.-Navy. I don't want to remember the rest of them.

What say you, sisters?

Brunie, OUT!

Who Wants to Be a Superhero?

Not me, that's for sure. But my children have drawn me into this craptastic show where the only way to win is by taking yourself very very seriously. There is one guy called Feedback who I think will win. He LOVES being a superhero. You know that he spent all his high school years making model airplanes. And Fat Mama is going to rid the world of bullies by, in theory, throwing donuts of justice at them. I really want to love Fat Mama, but I don't know - she seems kind of humorless. But I think humor is not highly prized. There is one guy who seems normal-ish. His name is Major Victory. And I like to imagine him rescuing me. He has a nice chin.

Dont' get me wrong - this show bites HARD. But it seems to beg to be written about. We will see if I make it through the whole show.

I have to wait to see if there is a pithy ending before I sign off.

Until next time...

Brunie

The Joy of the Dance Show!

Idol is over, and now a show I might like even better is on - So you think you can dance, AKA The Dance Show!! I love this show! It is on Fox on Wednesdays with voting results on Thursdays. Check it out!

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

It started like...and then...

When last night's two hour extravaganza began, and the first few numbers were sung, I was thinking, is this a Mormon compound or something? All the young girls were paired with really old guys, and the young guys were in a separate group with each other. Paris was OK with the 100 year old Al Jarreau, but then I feared for Kat's safety when she sang with the very scary looking Meatloaf. Don't get too close Kat - he'll eat you! Or sweat on you! Don't know what's worse! Burt Bacharach wrote a lot of songs, some of them good, but again, what's with the 100 year old guys. (And the 500 year old Dionne Warwick - love her but she cannot hit the high notes anymore.) Were they trying to make Taylor seem younger?

I cannot explain Toni Braxton. She seemed to be on Paula meds. And though she looked great, she really could have changed out of her pajamas for the show. And how scared of her was Taylor?? Maybe Taylor is gay because when she tried to snuggle up against him he ran the other way. And she didn't sing anything audible. That "duo" was really weird.

Then came the ghastly High School musical numbers with all the kids and their lame choreography. Chris just should not sing any Fleetwood Mac songs - it is painful. But his song with LIVE was excellent. He's a better lead singer than the one they have! God, I miss him. It was very nice to see all the kids singing, even though, as I say, it looked like a High School musical a lot of the time.

So, the end of the show neared and I was like, well that was kind of fun and kind of really strange, and then...AND THEN...IT BECAME THE GREATEST AMERICAN IDOL SHOW IN ALL OF HISTORY!!!!! PRINCE?! PRINCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE PRINCE! Oh my god. He is the coolest, baddest, motherfucker ever. Every other performer looks like a rank amateur with no stage presence, talent or charisma compared to him. Nothing compares to you, you might say, like the lyrics of the song he wrote which was popularized by Sinead O'Connor. And although he is pushing 50 he looks EXACTLY THE SAME as he did 30 years ago. Man, he is the greatest and I sat there glued to my TV with my mouth hanging open. I told my husband that if I ever get in a room alone with Prince I am temporarily single. Delicious! Delirious! Prince is my Idol.

Oh, and Taylor won the show.

Can't I Vote for Chris Anyway?

Underwhelmed. Unexcited. Ready to be done with it all.

So Simon called it for Taylor (as I've been doing), and that's the only thing that makes me think Kat has a shot, given Simon's amazing record of prediction failure, pretty much all season (though don't be asking me for examples—who has that kind of time?).

First songs: Katharine sang that stupid song about a stupid mammal of a stupid color in a stupid fruit tree. Of ALL the songs she sang so beautifully this season—seriously, THAT one? You go back to THAT one? I am at a loss. Then Taylor sings something recognizable (we ask so little, we the Idol audience), and with that alone, the first round was his in a walk. (In fairness, he sang the recongizable song quite nicely, with a minimum of spazzing.)

Second round: Katharine in full voice did another kick-ass rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," every bit as lovely and glorious as the first time, and again I say: Just hand her the crown right now. We won't be topping that any time soon. And then Taylor sang Elton John's "Levon," and I wouldn't have wanted to follow Katharine either, but "Levon" was simply a silly choice. He should've sung "Try a Little Tenderness" again—that was his only shot at topping Kat in Round 2.

And then our grand finale, when the Idolettes have to sing the treacly bit of twee they're contractually bound to, and here's where I roused myself into an actual fury, because if they're forced to sing a crappy song, it should be the SAME crappy song, which is only fair. Because how could you write two different songs with the EXACT SAME MEASURE of crapitude? With two different songs, one singer will have an advantage—AS WE SAW.

Katharine's song blew and she didn't sing it great. And she went first. Taylor not only had the advantage of going second (though this is not the source of my fury, I hasten to add) but got to sing a better song. Even though it also blew, and he didn't sing it great. But it blew WITH A JAZZY BEAT, and again, we ask so little, we the Idol audience, but we do like a totally lame dance song better than a totally lame ballady song, because at least we can wriggle mindlessly in our seats during the former, which is two rungs up on the joy ladder from picking our cuticles during the latter. I was PISSED.

So Taylor will probably win. I tried voting for Kat but could never get through (though I didn't knock myself out, I'm forced to admit), but my understanding is that it all comes down to text-messaging anyway, given how quickly the phone lines become a hopeless snarl. And I love my Idol with a burning passion, I do, but I'm not paying jack for it, and that's all there is to it.

Tonight: the 12 Idolettes on stage together again at last! It will be fun to see Chris and Mandisa—and then I'm ready to put the season to bed. Or put Chris to bed. Or something like that . . .

Lady Chardonnay OUT.

Next week the four horsemen of the apocolypse are coming by to watch the finale.

And why is that? Because I actually enjoyed Taylor the most this week!

My least favorite was Kat. Pretty, pretty Kat. (And I am a mere one degree of seperation from her. One of the women in my new teachers' group went to Boston Conservatory with her and says she is "quite nice".) But I was mildly surprised by how little I hated "I Believe I Can Fly", bored by the obvious Fantasia rip-off that was "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" which I know was beautiful but still bored me, and who knew what that last train wreck was? So - no love for Kat.

Elliot was fine. "Open Arms" was pretty good - if sharp. "What You Won't Do" was fine, too. But, um, sharp. And he wasn't sharp on the "I Always Wondered Why You Were Sleeping With Me Anyway" song.

But I liked all three of Taylor's performances. And I can't stand Taylor! But "Dancing in the Dark" was fine and it was cute when he danced with Paula. And "You Are So Beautiful" sounded great. Although he looked creepy as hell. Like he was terrified of the mic stand or the audience or of his own vulnerability. If his vulnerability had fangs claws and a big sign that said, "I am going to kill you Taylor." And I loved "Try a Little Tenderness". I knew he could sell it and he did. He even pre-paid some love because I didn't want to hurt him when he went all nutty at the end. I just smiled and said, "Oh that Taylor!" Of course I told him to shut the fork up when he shouted out to the Soul Patrol ALL BLOODY NIGHT LONG! Had Frank not been in the room, I wouldn't have even mentioned cutlery.

And so Elliot is gone. Good luck - or as I said in my pithiest bon mot of the day:
Scurry back to your iron lung, little hobbit!

Brunie, OUT!

Still cranky after all these songs

Without Chris, Idol kinda blows. I mean, I like Elliot a lot and he did well with each song, getting better with each one really, and I thought he did extremely well with his last number. While he has tremendous control and soul, he does not have major volume and power necessary for (awful) songs like Open Arms. You really have to belt that one, and I'm not sure Elliot can belt. Although with the GIGANTICALLY LOUD arrangements who could tell. Maybe no one can sound loud over the horribly overwraught arrangements we've been hearing lately.

Kat - first song - too much, too much - just chill it, Kat. Song two - amazing, fantastic, moving. She really has a beautiful voice with a huge range. As she was singing Rainbow, I was wondering if she was removing vocal runs as she sang, trying to "keep to the melody" as Randy rightly suggested. Song three was cute and OK, but a weird choice. She should have sung another ballad.

Taylor -song one - karaoke. The most interesting thing about that song is the idea of Clive Barker calling Bruce Springsteen to get permission to use it. "Hello, Clive Barker calling for Mr. Springsteen." I wonder what Bruce thought he was calling about. What is the text of that call? Where are the NSA wire tappers when you need them? Song two - pretty good, although I hate it when he does that fake Joe Cocker voice breaking up thing. Last song - really good. As much as I think Taylor deserved to go home sooner, he really did a great job with that. Except for the stupid ending. And I repeat my criticism of his lack of camera skills. It's like the camera is a girl he cheated on and lied to and he can't look her in the eye.

It is clear that Clive wants Taylor to win, as he gave Elliot and Kat crappy songs to sing. Randy was a big cranky poop who didn't like anything. He said Elliot was sharp on one song - no way, Dog. Paula was useless as usual. I am so tired of the Simon/Ryan crap. Just shut up, Ryan. Just ignore him, Simon.

Based on America's sex-crazed/scared hypocrisy, Kat should go. Based on a lack of power, stature and perfect teeth, Elliot should go. Based on lack of charm and a market for his records, Taylor should go. Chris, Chris - we miss you!!

I'm thinking that our boy Elliot will be out tonight. At least then he can get all those teeth straightened and capped before the nationwide tour. But, wouldn't it be funny if Taylor went instead? That might be the only outcome that could take away the lingering sting of Chris' unfortunate departure.

Not over it yet,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

Turns out, I like the combination of the Final Five better than I like any one of them individually. Kat? Taylor? Elliott? I don't really care that much, especially since I think (and have thought for weeks now) that Taylor, my least favorite, is going to win. He's never been in the bottom three (shades of Carrie Underwood); the handwriting's on the wall, if you ask me.

And that's fine. Taylor's fine. His personality annoys me to an alarming degree, but I've got no issues with his voice, and I don't expect him to show up in my dining room any time soon, so he can be his precious barmy self all he wants, and the only relationship he and I will have is through my daughter's radio. I can live with that.

(There are Idolettes I've HATED—Scott Savant and that grinning clown Fantasia come immediately to mind—but Taylor isn't one of them.)

Last night, hmm. No one was at the top of their game. Elliott sounded fine. Three times. Fine. I'm hard-pressed to remember what he sang.

. . .

Nope, it's gone. (Like Elliott? We'll see.) He needed to super step up tonight, and he just didn't. But was he bad? No. He's rarely outright bad, which you can't say for the princess and the horndog. But, unlike them, Elliott rarely inspires seizures of devotion, so what can you do.

So then came the princess, and I am completely at a loss. Didn't Kat used to have an amazing voice? Wasn't she Best in Show? Who the hell is messing with her mic?!!! She sang her first (stupid) (overplayed) song (what was Clive thinking? Or, I should say, what were the people who dressed Clive's body and propped him up thinking?) weirdly (what was the arranger thinking?) and didn't sound good at all. And then the Katharine McMagic kicked in, and she sang an almost unrecognizable (in a good way) "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," beautifully and magically and spine-tingly amazingly, and I was enraptured and in love and dizzy with joy (I've got McPheever!), and I mentally began fitting her with the Idol crown. And then she sang song number three, some bluesy thing, and she was fun and sounded okay, but it wasn't great, and was such an anticlimax besides, and I am simply at a loss. Who is Katharine McPhee? Is she a great singer who's had a couple of off weeks? Is she a potentially great singer who doesn't know what to do with that fine instrument she's got? Is she an average singer who can turn some vocal tricks to her advantage? I don't know enough about music to answer this myself, but it seems to me that these are the $64K questions.

And then there was Taylor, who sang "Dancing in the Dark" exactly like Bruce Springsteen (though I still enjoyed it, because I like Mr. Springsteen and I like that song), then sounded fine on "You Are So Beautiful" while looking completely barking terrified of (a) the mic and (b) the camera. WTF? And then he gave my favorite Taylor performance, ever, minus the last 30 seconds, on "Try a Little Tenderness." I'm so glad we got to hear him do that song after all! (For those not up on their Idol conspiracies, Taylor was planning to sing this during Big Love night but got told the day before that it wasn't "love songy" enough. As if! Suspicious minds, indeed.) Perfect match of voice and song, he sounded gorgeous, and then of course spazzed it all to hell in the last few seconds, because that is who he is. Ah, well. I enjoyed a lot of it a lot.

So, how did you vote, Lady C? Fine question. I soul-searched a bit (while doing a crossword puzzle—keeps me razor sharp) and then decided to give Katgirl the benefit of the doubt, so I picked up the phone and readied myself to sacrifice Elliott.

Oh, silly me.

Couldn't get through, not once, not ever, and I tried pretty consistently for the whole two hours. And I even tried to vote for Elliott once, just to see, and couldn't get through for him either. Beats the heck out of me how Taylor racks up so many votes every week—how does anyone get through?!!!!

Who will go tonight? Couldn't tell you. (See: "yam, prediction ability of a") Maybe they'll vote Chris off again (and it will hurt just as much the second time).

Lady Chardonnay OUT.

So mad!

I am totally pissed and bummin' that Chris will not be there to sing three songs tonight. Just as I was REALLY warming up to him. Dammit!

Elliot and Kat had better sing like angels (with dirty faces?) and Taylor should fall on his. Of course, people would think he did that on purpose...

With extreme crankiness,
Mrs. Cynicletary

The Man That Got Away

Oh, Chris. You will be missed.

(It would be worth going to a concert, just to see Chris duck all the flying panties and hybrids. Who'd a thunk that a growly-voiced bald fellow in a cowboy hat, with some "interesting" facial hair choices, devoted to his wife and stepchildren, would become such a white-hot sex symbol?!)

For what it's worth, Taylor got at least three lyrics wrong on "In the Ghetto," and the Katharine floggers can go way back and sit down. I'm just saying.

I have little else to add, though Mrs. Cynicletary urged me to share the following anecdote: As I was leaving the office last week, Stocky Accounting Guy called after me, "Nice boots!" I thanked him prettily and continued to pick my way across the street . . . then turned around and said, "You said boots, right?"

Just one more giddy moment in the diamond-studded life of Lady Char.

Many xxxxxxx's and ooooo's and mmmmm's to Chris, the dear departed . . .

Lady C OUT.

Theory of authentic sexual power and American Idol

After the travesty which was Chris' Idol exit, I have devised a theory, as follows: The American Idol winner cannot be a person of authentic sexuality. On Tuesday night Chris came with some powerful sexual energy and scared all the mamby-pamby Idol voters. I know that I was not the only one thinking-woh-he is SUPER HOT! And some scared-of-their- own-sexuality types thought, he's so sexy, I'm getting aroused - THAT'S BAD I MUST NOT LOOK AT HIM.

Look at the past winners - Kelly Clarkson, girlish, cute but not what you would call sexy. Ruben - the asexual black man, the only kind that America can accept. Fantasia, not a pretty face or a sexy look or personality. Carrie - churchy little girl next door-NOT minxy as Simon would say.

Based on this theory, Kat will be eliminated next because she is sexy. That leaves the completely unsexy, seems like he's 100 years old Taylor. (My theory is the only explanation for why he is still on the show.) Then there's the very talented, likable, but not what you would call a sexual powerhouse, Elliot. The only outcome now acceptable to me is to have Elliot win because he is the best singer remaining.

I'm pissed at prudish, hypocritical America, who spends billions on pornography, loves to watch scantily clad girls on as many TV screens as possible, but who cannot admit that they like sex. And it makes them uncomfortable to watch a real man pumping out some awesome sexual energy.

Chris - I'm sure that you will get a kick-ass record contract, and you will not have to record whatever lame-ass song that they make every winner record. Some dreck by Carol Bayer Sager. You will be able to maintain your integrity. You have already accomplished your goal of making life better for your family. You will never work retail again, brother. I love you!

With cynicism in full effect,
Mrs. Cynicletary

At Least Lady C and Mrs. C didn't Wreck His Marriage...

Holy crap! I didn't see that coming at ALL! Really, second only to who blew up the bus on Veronica Mars, this is the biggest surprise of the TV season for me. I could have seen anyone else going home before Chris. I want to yell "Do overs!"

I thought for sure Kat would be going home and I had hoped for Taylor. Good grief. I am stunned.

I guess Chris was not as good as usual last night, but Kat was downright BAD. Taylor really sounded great on "In the Ghetto" and Elliot (who usually makes me snore) completely charmed me with "Evil" and I even liked the other we-are-the-world-y one.

Could it be that we are going to have an 87 year old Idol or an Idol in an iron lung? Kat is an excellent singer and pretty pretty, but there is already Kelly Clarkson (whose name I always picture Steve Carrell screaming) and Carrie Underpants.

Am I demented? The idea of an Elliot/Taylor match up is becoming less weird to me. Although I never saw the Reuben/Clay-off so maybe it is not as strange as it feels to me. I guess I am surprised that the 2 least marketable people in the whole top 12 are still in the running.

Confused and full of processed meat products (Pyramid? There is a pyramid made of food?) I remain,
Brunie

We've got a hot one!

I have always liked Chris. I've always thought that he was a very good singer, and cool looking. Somehow, last night, he kicked up that certain, as the French say, I don't know what, to some higher plane of hotness. When he was singing his second song, standing behind the judges, I was like, YIKES! He is smokin hot all of a sudden! I voted for Chris many times, and I am very concerned that I was able to get through so often.Lady C and I agreed that we also called his number a lot to hear his hot voice.("Chris, hi - it's me Lady C!" she squealed into the phone.) Lady C. has lots of time to call and talk to prerecorded messages as she puts her kids to bed at 5:30pm - as soon as they are finished with their pyramid shaped food. They're Egyptian.

Elliot was just great -and he has never looked better. He is the "Most Improved" Idol. He seemed happy and confident last night.

Taylor's first song was very Karaoke, as Simon said. I thought he did well with song number two, but in my head I hear the voice of Cartman from South Park singing the background vocals, "In the ghetto...." in his little Cartman voice. It's a bit distracting.

Katherine was super cute at first with song(s) number 1. But she forgot the lyric. Just for a second, but she did. To me, this makes it easy to say that she should go, even though I love her and she would make a perfectly wonderful American Idol. She did oversing song number two as well, though. She is super-talented, and if she goes, I will not cry for her. Forgetting lyrics=buh bye. (See Melissa way below.)

I would like to see Elliot, Chris and Kat in the semi-finals, because I don't think that Taylor is the American Idol. But, I think that it will be an all-boy semi, which sounds very dirty. But fun. They could all get naked and...well...never mind.

XXX rated love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

You Say Tomato I Say Duck Billed Platypus...

Remember how Lacy C. said that we have different opinions and then went on with all her loving optimistic expectations for tonight? Once again we are not on the same page. (I used to think we were evil twins, but now I am not so sure. Maybe we are evil fraternal twins? Or evil sisters who are only one grade apart?)

You know how it is when you are playing checkers with your kids and eveyone has gotten to the point where all your pieces have been kinged and you are just wandering around the board either a) trying to keep from winning too quickly or b) trying to keep them from humiliating you too quickly depending on which kid you are playing? That is what Idol feels like to me. Everybody has been kinged. There is no one left who I really am rooting for. I hope Kat or Chris wins because I think ultimatly they are the most American Idol-y. But if Elliot wins - he has a beautiful voice so good for him. And if Taylor wins it will be a big WTF? moment for America but ultimatly hilarious watching Simon have an apoplectic seizure on TV.

But it is not glorious for me. I am more excited about the peanut buster sundae I got at Dairy Queen this afternoon and which is waiting patiently for me in the freezer. And I am WAY more excited about the finale of Veronica Mars this evening. You can bet that Lady C. will get no voting done this evening because I will be calling her to SQUEE every commercial!

But I soldier on, knowing that I will be pulled in the minute I hear the dreadfully dull duh duh de duh music and see the ambi-sexual idol walk the catwalk. And perhaps there will be pelvis shaking.

Living in hope I remain,
B. Crow (whose children go to bed at a perfectly reasonable hour)