I have a confession to make.

First opining, then confessing:

On April 11th I wrote, "It is also certain that a guy named David will win this year." But I must admit that I did think it would be David A. I am very very surprised that the more mature, subtle, sexually real man won. As Lady C. indicated, maybe tweenyboppers do not rule the idol world. How 'bout that?

OK, and now for my confession. I have not voted even once this whole season of American Idol. Not once. And everything turned out exactly like I wanted. I don't know what it means, but I feel better getting that off my chest.

Tonight starts my very favo fave show, So you think you can dance dance dance dance! w00t!

Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Baby What a Big Surprise

Well, color my world with love! I did NOT see that coming. My faith in the pixielike tween girls with feverishly dialing computer programs was boundless—I've never seen them, but still I believed, I believed! Maybe they aren't real. Maybe, like me, the Cookie lovers stepped up their game and actually voted on Tuesday, something that I for one have scarcely been moved to do all season (see "pixies," above). Who knows?

But for once, someone I've loved from the beginning actually made it through (I have a BAD habit of falling in love with early boots—Amy Adams and Mandisa come to mind)—and, to my and Mrs. Cynicletary's shock, the Idol is a person of "authentic sexuality," arguably a first!

This was my initial impression of David Cook, on January 30:

I liked Rocker David, with his quiet confidence ("I think my voice will get me through, but I may not be what they're looking for"—what a cutie! Daughtry 08?).

. . . and I think we're all admiring my smartness now, yes? Quiet confidence (other people have called this "smugness," but I respectfully disagree) and a determination to always be himself, to mold the show to his style rather than the other way around. That is David Cook, the best musician, I believe, that Idol has ever chosen. Good on you, America.

Lady Chardonnay, happy, proud, and OUT.

America's Next Top David

(or, The Idol We Deserve)

Man, that was a weird show! Or, I should say, a weird two shows, at the very least, because I clearly saw two different things going on. And then there was that whole other show that the judges saw, where David A. cured cancer and hung the moon, but that is another story and far beyond my limited powers of analysis, and blogging.

Show 1: David A., whom forevermore I shall call Tickle Me David (thanks to my smarty colleague, Miss WordPerfect), competed for the American Idol Championship. He brought his A game, did exactly what he needed to do, did not veer from his packaged formula one iota, sang the song we all wanted to hear again ("Imagine"), and will likely take home the title tonight, in a blaze of tears, Clearasil, and hormones.

Show 2: David C. performed, competently as ever, for another episode of American Idol. He did not seem to understand that this was THE CHAMPIONSHIP. The fighting analogies . . . puzzled him. He good-naturedly hugged his opponent and gave him head noogies. And he chose, as his final sing-out, a song we've never heard him sing, rather than "Billie Jean," the song we clamored for.

One has to wonder—does David C. actually want the title? He didn't perform badly, after all—but he also didn't sing for his life, as Tickle-Me did. Did Shoeless Joe really throw the game? Will we ever know for sure?

My excellent boss has believed that the whole thing's fixed, ever since Jason Castro flubbed the one line everyone can sing of "Mr. Tambourine Man" and didn't even seem rattled by it. I didn't think so then (little seems to rattle mellow Mr. Castro), but now I truly wonder.

Random thoughts:

• After Tickle-Me sang "Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me," Li'l Martini remarked, "I despise him, but this is a good song." Mimosa: "That's not even a sun behind him, it's a star."

• Every time they show Tickle Me Senior in the audience, I think, "Wow, Danny Bonaduce's here!" Separated at birth, those two.

• Idol should borrow a page from Survivor and do The Walk of the Fallen Idols. I would love to hear Tickle-Me's heartfelt tribute to Amanda Overmeyer. Or David C. having to wax rhapsodic over Kristy Lee Cook.

Miss WordPerfect says that she can't bear to watch two solid hours of Tickle-Me tonight, but if we go by past finales we'll see the Idolettes for maybe 15 minutes. She has other reasons to fear the finale, of course, but that ain't one of 'em.

I predict a blowout for Tickle Me David, though I did my duty and phoned it in for David C. as long as my redial held out. Hey, he phoned it in for me, it's the least I could do.

Lady Chardonnay, chilling the bottles in preparation for tonight, and OUT.

Cookie vs. Archie in the Warmest Fuzziest Hug-fest of the Year!

Wow, they really pumped this as a head to head battle. Simon said, "You must hate your competitor." No, not so much... They practically spooned each other on stage. Such nice boys, really!

First Round:
Clive "Walking Cadaver" Davis chose I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR which I though - "Wow, something from this generation!" and then I remembered that I actually heard it played at a funeral in 1989 - nearly 20 years ago. I guess "current" is a relative term. Cookie sounded great and I started to like him.

L'il Davy had to sing DON'T LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON ME which is basically a song that sings itself. It is completely awesome. And he did sound great and looked so gobsmacked when they complimented him that I started to like him too.

Second Round:
The less said about the wretched songs the better. Instead of commenting on the performances, which were both better than they should have been given the quality of the songs or the songs themselves (which sounded like DC's Disney Movie song-that-plays-over-the-credits and a high school talent show winner) I will post the lyrics to next year's wining song. (Fingers crossed!)


"I Believe in the Angel of Inspiration Now" (The Windows of My Love)

When I am feeling desperation,
I look to the sky
I see the angel of inspiration
Flying by...

When I need help
In a timely fashion
She gives a yelp
And tries to crash in...

The windows of my love.
The windows of my love.
Ooooooh
The windows of my love

When I need her aid
so quickly,
All my hopes are flayed
So sickly

She comes to me
She comes right now.
I love her so,
Oh yeah, oh wow...

The windows of my love.
The windows of my love.
Ooooooh
The windows of my love

(Repeat chorus 428 times and yodel like Mariah Carey's dyspeptic cat)
Thanks to TRISH for the title!

ROUND #:
David Cook (yes, I will use their real names this one time...) sang a song that I vaguely know and started to cry a little at the end! IT WAS AWESOME! I loved him. Not the song but the Paula-pleasing emotionality. Simon bitched him out for doing something he hadn't done before which sort of illustrated all that is wrong with this show.

David Archuletta sang IMAGINE (again...) and sounded great (again...) and all the judges had a spontaneous orgasm. It was gross to watch, frankly. If I were slightly more jaded I might think that Simon knows everyone's numbers and therefore knows who will win and wants to look like he knew it all along. Of course, it could just be that in the theater DA sounds significantly better than DC. But really it seems like DC is the more original and exciting singer.

But what do I know?

Brunie, OUT!

Bye Bye Sye...

So Mrs. C (and just about everyone else who has voiced a prediction about this week's results) was right and Syesha went home. She seemed not at all surprised.

The thing that kind of freaked me out was that they told L'il Davy he was saved before Cookie. Does this mean that he had more votes? Is there a possibility that L'il Davy could actually win this thing in spite of the fact that he has a voice and no presence at all and Cookie is actually somewhat charismatic? The mind boggles.

Entertainment Weekly had an article this week about ways that AI could change up to become interesting again and the one that most appealed to me was that they could announce the number of votes that each contestant received. I would love to know how the numbers break down each week. I know that there are sites that tell you this, but it seems to me that I heard that they are not always reliable. Or maybe I am just too lazy to go look and prefer to have "The Producers" tell me. Have you noticed how ominous "The Producers" sounds? Like "The Creators" or "The Creatures" or "The Overlords". At least they didn't make us look at the dessicated corpse of Clive Davis this year. (I almost typed Clive Owen - oh that it should never come to pass!)

Anyway, I am not even going to go into details on the performances Tuesday night because I am sure you all slept through it just like I did. They all sounded good, blah blah blah. The funniest thing all night was when Ryan asked Syesha why she wanted a chair and Mrs. Mama, my AI viewing buddy, quipped, "Because they wouldn't give her a pole." Bwahaha... Our little Syesha sure has been dancing close to the Haley Scarnato ledge. Luckily, she can sing and isn't just incredible good looking. And it is nice to have someone to even out the lack of cute in our front runners.

Seriously, look at L'il Davy and Cookie and they are a somewhat homely pair. Really pre-teen girls - wipe the hormones from your eyes and take a good long stare. That's right, not that cute...

Finally the visits home - this could be my favorite part of the whole season. I LOVE when the contestants go to their hometowns and weep like toddlers. It makes me like them so much because no matter how mildly arrogant (David Cook) or fake (Syesha) or downright irritating (Davy) they are to me at this point in the show, there is so little artifice when they go back to their homes. It humanizes them.

And the upside for me is that I actually care a little bit about what happens next week. It seems like Cook should be the clear choice, but I do remember that male AI winners usually land with a thunk and am kind of hoping for a L'il Davy upset.

Brunie, OUT!

Nap time for the kids

Is it me or did everyone seem a little tired last night? God knows these kids have been on a wild roller coaster ride of thrills, trills and kills lately, and with the big trip to their home towns this week, I think they are exhausted, and it showed in their singing.

If I've said it once, I've said it 100 times - David A. has a great voice. He can sing anything - even a Chris Brown song - almost. He messed up the lyric a little and seemed rushed and uncomfortable with that, his most current song. I'll bet his Dad, recently of the "add a quick line from the Beautiful Girls song" during Stand By Me last week, encouraged him to sing it. Methinks Dad scours the pop charts looking for ways to make David a teen sensation.

Since singing Proud Mary, Syesha has found her hotness. Or her stylist has, at least. She looked fantastic last night, and sang about as well as she can. You could tell that she really disliked that last song - Hit Me Up or whatever it was - she did not look like she was having fun, although she did look cute and tiny in those very tight jeans. She's a Broadway-bound baby, and will find much success, even if she goes home tonight. Which she will.

David C. sounded good too, although, again, tired. On The First Time Ever...he sounded just lovely, soft and yet not wimpy. With his songs, the edit to 90 seconds really hurt. Although I detest that Don't Want to Miss a Thing, Aerosmith song, and the fact that it was shortened was OK with me. Damn, of all the great Aerosmith songs, the Producers chose that one? Ick. I especially hate the lyric, "Cause I'd miss you Babe and I don't want to miss a thing." You just can't sing the word"miss" twice within eight words of each other. Was there no alternative - "Cause I love you Babe, and I don't want to miss a thing, "Cause I want you Babe, need you Babe, crave you, Babe- I mean insert almost any one syllable word and don't repeat 'MISS"!!

Overall, I recommend a day off with complete bedrest for the kids - except Syesha because she will get plenty of rest when she leaves the show. Tonight.

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Rock and Roll Hall of Flaming Talent

(Just kidding...)

There were some surprises tonight and I am writing as I watch so I am not even aware of all of them yet. There is also some tremendous pimpin' - quelle suprise...

First off was Cookie - he was HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF. I had just had a big meal and wasn't all that interested. Also, one of the top 500 most influential songs? Really??

Syesha did PROUD MARY proud. She shook it up in a not too slutty way and had a lot of fun. I thought she sounded great and looked great. I loved it.

Oh my... Jason Castro committed a heinous act of cultural decimation by attempting Bob Marley's I SHOT THE SHERIFF. It was bad. Which was too bad because he was excited about singing a song he loved. But it was just lame. He looked cute, but TPTB were very willing to let
him shoot himself in the foot. (But not the deputy.)

L'il Davy did a stellar job with STAND BY ME and finally earned the strokes that Randy seems unable to stop giving him. It was a great song for him and he mixed it up a little with BEAUTIFUL GIRLS for just a few seconds. It was a good job and my favorite LD performance since IMAGINE.

And speaking of surprises - BABA O'RILEY??? On AI??? The Who's most often miss-named song (admit it Lady C, you thought it was called TEENAGE WASTELAND, didn't you?) in a horrible arrangement. The arrangement blew hard, but this boy really can sing. I really loathed that that song was on here, but he really has a fantastic voice. When he jumped up an octave, I sat up in my seat. Very impressive.

(I am just going to take the time to say that Ryan's hair looks bizarre. He looks like Bob's Big Boy)

Syesha looked amazing (Apparently I am channeling Paula, but the girl is beautiful...) She sang A CHANGE IS GOING TO COME and sounded amazing. I love that song and she really did it justice. Now she just broke down - it seemed like when Paula complimented her. I don't know if it was the performance of a lifetime (the tears, I mean) or if she really meant it, but I like to think the latter. Ryan, Paula and Simon gave Randy all kinds of crap about making her cry (he didn't like it) but I think it was the emotions of the song getting to her. Good TV, that's for sure.

Jason did better with MR. TAMBOURINE MAN, but he did botch the lyrics and will be almost certainly going home tomorrow night. He is outclassed as a singer by the other three and he knows it. I doubt there will be tears tomorrow night when we say goodbye to him. And Simon was nice enough to advise him to get an early start on his packing.

And who is that singing LOVE ME TENDER? Why it is sultry L'il Davy! It is a "romantic love song". I have to say that he is hell of a singer and did a nice job with this. And of course 12 year old girls all over the country are dropping $4.95 for next months Teen Beat magazine with him on the cover. He is crazy strange looking when he sings, but it sounds so sweet! I am extremely uncomfortable the Randy said he "was so tender and caressed each word". He really did a great job tonight.

My pix for the night:

Love Me Tender - just as soon as I get through puberty.
A Change is Gonna Come - and has already come.
Proud Mary - and Proud Syesha, too.
Stand By Me - but don't touch me because I am 11.
Baba O'Riley - or slightly older than teenage wasteland.
Hungry Like the Wolf - hungry for victory!
I Shot the Sherrif - and should have just turned my weapon on myself.
Mr. Whatever Guy - in the jingle-doodle - blah-blah I'll do whatever.

Brunie, OUT!