Friday, May 25, 2007

Thanks, kids!

Well, another year of Idol has come and gone. Congratulations, Jordin! You deserved to win. I am sure we will be seeing many of this year's kids on the charts very soon.

Now - it is time for my DANCE SHOW DANCE SHOW! "So You Think You Can Dance" is on Fox on Thursdays at 8:00. I love this show! Maybe even more than I love Idol!

See you next time. Happy Summer to all of our faithful readers.

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Lewis & Sparks Expedition

There you have it, another year of American Idol. Last night's show was a tad shrill, I thought. Everything so crazy and loud.

As I have said previously, Blake is the better performer, and Jordin is the better singer. And since this is, wait for it, a singing competition, I believe that Jordin will win.

At seventeen, Jordin is not well-formed enough as an artist to protest or even mind the inevitable pop phenom that will be created out of her. By the time she is ready to make some artistic statements, she should have enough dough and credibility to do her own thing. It has worked out that way very well for Kelly Clarkson. This competition is like some kind of sorority hazing. They make you sing songs that you've just learned on live TV, criticize you in front of millions of people, then make you sing and record as your first single the worst songs ever written, before they say, OK, here's a great song for you to sing, and you will make millions and win Grammys. I think Jordin can handle that. She even sang that incredibly heinous last song with heart. (How horrible was that dreck - honestly!)

Blake will be better off in second place. He is much more formed artistically with his own established style. And let's not forget the next dance craze, "The Blake Take" (see previous post for instructions). Second through fourth places are really the best spots to get on Idol. You have an established audience, producers will take a chance on you, and you are not tied to the machine that is American Idol for years of your life.

Both Blake and Jordin will be just fine. It's been a fun musical expedition with our young explorers, Lewis and Sparks.

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

p.s. Last year Prince made magic on the final episode. There is no way to top Prince, I'm just saying. XO

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Jordin Takes It In a Walk

(And it's totally deserved.)

That's my prediction, and I'm sticking to it.

Lady Chardonnay, thinking about hitting up Daughtry for some eye make-up tips, and OUT.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

America is Stupid

Well, the part that voted for their "American Idol" Tuesday night. I was so mad last night that I didn't even post. If I had there would have been an -ing word in the title describing "stupid" and I know that our reader in Huntertown would have been very disappointed in me for using it!

I know it is just TV and I am aware that [crying jags over the demise of the GILMORE GIRLS - and an awesome ending it was! - notwithstanding] television is for entertainment and means nothing. And yet, I am really disappointed that I am not going to get to hear Melinda sing next week. That is what it boils down to for me. Hers is the performance that I look forward to every week. I can count on being entertained and surprised by her.

Jordin and Blake are fine. I have liked Jordin in the past a lot. I find her a bit disingenuous sometimes- she seems to slap on a look of surprise when she realizes that the camera is on her. But at other times she seems just like a kind of silly, pretty, talented, biggish girl who I would really like. And how can you not appreciate her feelings for Mmm Bop?

I bet Blake is more irritating in real life than you would think. I'd bet my big toe that he was a fat boy in middle school. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!) He has that "pay attention to me" thing running all the time and he wants to be played in the story of his life by Jim Carey. Need I say more? And he has funny lips. But he is from Washington state which is slightly in his favor. And I LOVED the way he was with Chris R. the night he went home. So my heart won't be broken if he wins either.

I guess I just don't care which way it goes. I will probably watch just to see the top 10 sing again. But I won't be emotionally invested. I mean it...

Brunie, OUT!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Three songs and you're out!

Well, that was an interesting show. Let's recap, shall we?

All three kids sang three songs, one chosen by a judge, one by the Producers and one by the kids themselves.

Jordin: First she sang Rose Royce's "Wishing on a Star", which is a very lovely song and Jordin sang it well. I can't believe that she sang it so well having never heard it before. It is a real skill to be able to learn and sing a song under pressure in just a week. Kudos Jordin! Song two: I hate that Donna Summer song - it is her worst in my opinion. Jordin was only OK on that number. Lastly, she sang that I'm-the-only-one-to-love-you song - very beautiful voice - Jordin can really sing. I did sense a certain drop in energy from her last night, and who can blame them for getting tired at this point. She did well, but maybe not as well as I thought she could have/should have/would have. I have thought that Jordin could win it all, but after last night I am less sure.

Blake. Song one - Roxanne - love the song - just liked Blake's rendition. It was OK. Song two by Maroon 5 - excellent - a really perfect performance all around. Last song - very good again.
In order to do the Blake dance, you must stand facing front, then half turn your body and look behind your right shoulder as if someone behind you has just called to you - then move back facing front. Blake does this move at least 3 times in every song. The moon walky deal is much harder, so start with the Blake Take until you are ready for the advanced Blake-isms. He did extremely well last night. As an all-around performer, I think Blake is best.

Melinda. Melinda, Melinda. A glorious night for you, my dear. First, that crazy difficult Whitney song. I heard two tiny little notes that were not perfect, but other than that - genius! And her low-notes are just gorgeous! Song two - Nutbush City - FANTASTIC! I loved the moves she did with the microphone, and she really rocked it! (Although whenever I hear that song I remember the awful scene in What's Love Got To Do With It, in which Ike Turner rapes Tina while she tries to record this, the first song she ever wrote, in her home studio. Ike is jealous and goes nuts. Again.) Fry-the-bacon-up-in-a-pan song last - excellent. I did not care for the suit she wore, but damn, that girl can SING!

Melinda most deserves a place in the finals. Jordin is a better singer than Blake, but Blake is a better performer than Jordin. It should be a very interesting night tonight.

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Not enough heaven

Barry Gibb Barry Gibb ohmygosh Barry Gibb! was my first reaction on hearing of this week's guest judge.

Alas, as Barrys go, Mr. Gibb is no Mr. Manilow. His "coaching" was beyond lame: "I was shocked that she chose that song! It was written for a man! And she's a lady!" Time to move on, falsetto boy.

I did like the music. I own Best of the Bee Gees. "How Deep Is Your Love?" is my all-time hottest slow-dance song, as its gentle driving beat requires just a little bit of . . . friction. Love it. And Barry was of course my favorite Bee Gee. But age has not been so kind to our friend, and he just didn't wow me at all.

And neither did the Idolettes, who were basically . . . fine. I thought Blake was the worst and Jordin was the best, but nobody did anything to write home about.

And yet, the fans, they clamor for a blog entry. Blessings on Brunie, who found much more to say than I'm able to!

I realized, before Chris was booted last week, that if Jordin gets cut, I'm basically done with this show for the year. It's Fantasia vs. Diana vs. Jasmine all over again, and I could not give a rat's patootie. (Though the current Top Three is more talented than that Top Three, I hasten to add. Season 3—Idol's nadir.)

So, bye-bye LaKisha. We'll miss your big ol' voice and great rack. Blake goes next, and then we have a real battle—Polished Leading Lady vs. Bubbly Ingenue—and it's anyone's guess who'll be left standing.

Unless I'm totally wrong, and Blake wins it all. Gah.

Lady Chardonnay, a bit weary (young girls, they do get weary) and OUT.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Distracted By Shiny Objects...

Last year Lady Char wrote an awesome post about how she gets to a certain point where she can't bear to think that the contestants are being sent away so she pretends that they are just sick and aren't going to be able to sing the next week. ["Oh, Kevin must have an earache tonight..."] I couldn't post last week because it seemed like too much of a coincidence that Chris and Phil were both coming down with something. Get well soon, boys!

I have to say that last week was great and I adore Jon Bon Jovi. He is truly getting hotter with age. Barry Gibb? Not so much... I was not a big hair band girl in the '80s and kind of was on the old end of the Bon Jovi experience. But you can bet that I have a make-out memory for every song in the Brothers Gibb catalog!

Melinda opened with Love You Inside and Out. [In my family the lyrics went a little something like this: "Love you inside and out, I'm in the hamper with my butt hanging out..." It's a long story involving my little sister and the laundry chute.] She sounded fantastic as usual, but didn't do anything new or amazing.

Blake stepped up with You Should Be Dancing which was fine but a little beat boxy-annoying. Now I loved his version of whatever the hell he sang on Bon Jovi night, but I grow t-t-t-t-tired of his sh-sh-sh-sh-shtick.

Lakisha was up next with a slower smokier version of Staying Alive which I loved and the judges did not.

Jordan sang To Love Somebody and hit it out of the park. I hope that little girl is sincere, because I am kind of pulling for her.

Back to Mindy-doo, bringing it after the judges told her that she really needed to sell her second song. She covered How Can You Mend a Broken Heart and she was stellar. I just love her. I don't think it is entirely fair to grade on a curve and expect more of her each time when she is so clearly amazing.

The phrase "dead to me" quickly leaped to mind when Blake sang This is Where I Came In. But the desire to detest him was just too weak and I became sleepy just watch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ching him.

Kiki sang Run To Me and sounded beautiful and looked beautiful. But just as Mr. Crow seems to be over the awesome powers of her breasts [and believe me, when I told him it was BeeGees night he ran out of the room like monsters were chasing him], so did the judges seem to be over the awesome power of her magnificent voice. I hope she's not getting the flu!

Jordan closed up with Woman in Love which sounded great, but a little one dimensional. She is only 17 and I think that kind of shone through. And as much as I like the sort of stridently demanding lyrics of the song, it really needs almost a nagging quality to sell it.

Who will go home tonight? What are you talking about? I hear Blake wasn't vaccinated for chicken pox, though.

Brunie, OUT!

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Lost without you

The title of my post has nothing to do with either Phil or Chris. It has to do with my favorite song that was sung live. Lost Without You is my FAVORITE song right now. I downloaded Robin Thicke's whole album and listen to it on my MP3. Mr. Cynicletary and I sing it to each other. I just hate the fact that he is Alan Thicke's son. It damages his credibility somehow, but I have gotten over it since he is such a great song writer, and damn, Pharrel is one of the greatest producers of all time!!

Anyway, Idol, right. I was glad to see Phil go, and kind of resigned to see Chris go too. I think it was the right decision. Now it will get crazy hard!

One of our brilliant and discerning readers posted a comment about my comment that the kids have all lost weight. Indeed, with their schedule and stresses, how could you NOT lose weight after weeks and weeks on the show? I think Lakisha has lost the most and looks fab-u-lous. I did not however, enjoy the red stripe around the middle of her shirt on Tuesday. Everyone looks great in very long bootcut jeans over high heels with a not too tight top. Well, all the girls anyway.

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Put another dime in the jukebox, baby!

('Cause I love rock 'n' roll!)

******************

I've been sitting here staring at my screen for three minutes.

Really, what is there to say? Everyone performed reasonably well, and if you like Bon Jovi, you had a great night of entertainment.

Phil sang great and looked great . . . unless you don't like Phil, because at this point, it's all pretty subjective. Is LaKisha a better singer than Jordin? Is Phil better than Blake? They're all competent—it really comes down to personal taste.

Lady C's Conspiracy Theory: I haven't been keeping close track, but hasn't Phil performed in the Forgettable First spot more than any of the others? And hasn't Melinda performed in the Final Remember Me spot more than the others? That's my impression.

Jordin looked great (sporting Mrs. Cynicletary's becoming spring uniform of cropped skinny pants, tunic, and heels) and struggled with the low notes. Hopefully, her popularity will carry her through. Then again, part of being a professional is playing to your strengths and minimizing your challenges, à la Blake, and maybe she should've dropped that song once even cute Jon raised his eyebrows.

Side note: Jon Bon Jovi was a pretty good coach, I thought. It would be nice to see more of his actual coaching, but his take on each singer was right on. And oh my is he pretty !

LaKisha looked great, sounded lovely on a boring song, and was fun and sassy. Last week I would've said that she was going home next; now I have no idea.

Blake, hmm. I'm not a song purist, per se, but it really irks me that the phrase "made it your own" is applied any time someone does anything different with a song, regardless of whether said tinkering improves it or not. On Motown Night, I hated what he did with "You Keep Me Hanging On"—a song of despair shouldn't be so flippin' jazzy!—and last night I thought all the beatbox stuff, while skillful, had nothing to do with the song! He was my second-least favorite of the night.

And who was your least favorite, Lady C? That would be Tinny McNasal, back in full flower, who was even reedier than usual. (Unless you love him, in which case I'm sure he sounded fine.) His "Dead or Alive" couldn't even hold a candle to Daughtry's, let alone the original. I will be SO happy to bid him adieu. I will be SO SO SO happy if I can do so this evening!

Bringing it all home was Melinda, whom I've admired without fulling warming up to before now, but last night she blew my mind. Is there nothing the woman can't do? She is amazing.

I voted like a crazy person for Jordin and Phil, then decided that it would be hypocritical not to vote for the best performance as well, so I voted for Melinda too, and I just hope that I didn't shoot my favorites in the foot.

Going home? I've got my fingers crossed that it will be Chris and Blake, but I suspect it will be Chris and Phil. Sigh.

Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Flashdance Hits the Suburbs) OUT.

Two have to go...

Tonight will begin the tricky part. If Phil goes, which I hope he does, someone else will have to go with him and I really like everyone else. Based only on last night's performances, Jordin did the worst, but I LOVE Jordin, and in general she has been so great and could win it all. She had lots of trouble with her low notes, and she just did not seem comfortable. Bend your knees, Jordin - find your inner rocker! Even Melinda rocked better. And can we all just agree that Melinda is in a different league as the rest? No matter what, she always does well. It sounds like she has a week longer than everyone else to practice. I loved her attitude last night! And she looks great in jeans. I think she will be safe.

I loved Blake's version of Been Done Jovi. He kicked ass! He was mesmerizing and I loved the beat boxing. I think he will be safe too.

Kiki came with it last night too. A little shakey to start, but she brought it on home with conviction - righteous! I am afraid that she might be in danger tonight.

I though Chris did a very fine version of the oft covered Dead or Alive. He has really improved and his interpretation was very good. I also fear for him though.

Phil did a good enough job for someone who has been practicing a song for 15 years. I hope he goes tonight, and with him will be.... will be...someone I like much better than him.

Everyone looked really good last night. I would bet that more than 70 pounds total has been lost by the kids.

Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary