The One Where Siobhan Became the Underdog and Lee's Life Changed Forever

Hully gee! Once again, I got all comfy with my low, low expectations, and then these Idolettes, for the most part, knocked my (Bower)socks off! If Siobhan is one of the weakest, you know there's some mad singing going on. Or it's Armageddon — it could always be Armageddon.

But the Four Horsemen have thus far evaded my living room, so I'm going with the former.

Siobhan's our lead-off singer tonight, and chose to tackle "Through the Fire." First off, the big glasses threw me, as I kept thinking I was seeing Big Glasses Girl from Hollywood Week – and what shenanigans were going on now? Was it another Chris Golightly/Tim Urban thing, and they had to pull in yet another previously-passed-on Idolette? But no, it was just Siobhan doing that I-can-get-away-with-this-nonsense thing that wildly talented beautiful girls with attitude can in fact get away with, but it didn't make me love her, nor did her diva 'tude post-performance, though I'm getting ahead of myself.

Her performance was just all right, and Randy called it: It wasn't the big screamy notes, it was the lower notes that were the problem. But the big screamies are kind of their own problem too, because they're now predictable and a little silly.

And then she went back to the dressing room and didn't talk to anyone; I get that she's young and it's hard to get your first bad reviews, but sweetie, America's watching; put on your happy face and move on. Have a hissy later in the shower, like a grown-up.

I don't for one minute think she's in trouble, but hopefully this will be a wake-up call and she'll sing for her life next week, because that would be cool to hear.

ANYWAY. Batting second is Casey, rocking out on a bluesy "Hold On, I'm Coming" with his great raspy voice; it's not a hugely original version, but he gives a confident, assured performance and sounds fantastic. He is in the zone, man. The judges all liked it too, and Casey beams.

Michael is singing India Arie's "Ready for Love" (yes, I know that's not how she does her name, but I am a writer of English), a song neither Kara nor I knew, but as far as I can tell he does a nice job with it. I liked that he avoided his falsetto. I'm still not a huge fan of his voice, and when he sings a ballad I find it all a little dull, but I actually think his voice is getting better. And he is such an immensely likable presence, he'll be around for a while.

Didi promises to emote through "What Becomes of the Broken-Hearted?" and then sings a curiously flat version of it. Who'da thunk the day would come when we'd beg for more emotion from Didi? Yeah, this just wasn't good at all, and I don't know what to make of it. The judges are likewise nonplussed. I'm sad, because I used to love her (but it's all over now).

That crazy kid Tim takes it into his head to sing Anita Baker's "Sweet Love," and earnestly assures Usher that he has in fact been in love, and next year he gets to stay up till 10:30 and borrow the car two nights a week! Oh, Tim. I do truly love how much fun he's having with all this — he beams and beams as the judges flay him. (He doesn't sound terrible — he's fine. The song is way too sophisticated for him, that's all.)

So Andrew's next, and I have my usual feeling of total disinterest, other than mild surprise that he's still here — hut blow me down, he does a very nice job with "Forever." I'm still not a big fan of his voice, but tonight he pulled it together and it all worked. Nicely done, Andrew.

Little bitty Katie tells Usher that she's singing "Chain of Fools," and I'm thinking, Ohhhh honey. But I freakin' loved it! (Way more than the judges did, for sure.) What I saw was a young girl casting off all the confusing advice she's received, singing a song she's sung into her hairbrush 1,200 times, having a great time playing a part, and just really letting go and enjoying herself. And that made me happy. Go, kitten!

Pre-Lee side note: I had lunch with our usual blogging partner Mrs. Cynicletary today, and she confirmed that she's not into blogging this season and has barely connected with the show so far — but the one contestant she's interested in is Lee, as she sees great potential there and he's already starting to get better. So she may be one of the few who weren't completely stunned by what came next.

Lee, who has always been a consistent, competent performer, brought down the house tonight! He nails "Treat Her Like a Lady" with astonishing vocals and tremendous stage presence, charisma emanating like a sexy halo. He looked confident and mature and handsome. What a singer! What a performance! Where on earth did that come from??!!!

"This may be the night your life changed forever," said Simon, and I got a chill.

Thank goodness la Bowersox is up next, because I can't imagine anyone else following Lee's stealth brilliance with any success. Though Lee did steal a bit of Crystal's thunder; by the time we got a gander at her stilettos, I think we were all surprised out.

But it deserves to be commented on: Crystal cleans up very, very nicely. ("Crystal's a girl!" I squealed.)

I couldn't watch her while she played the piano because she made me too nervous, but her voice was as pure and lovely as ever. "Midnight Train to Georgia" was a perfect song for her. A very nice, clean, polished, fine performance. And good for her for mixing it up a bit.

Little Aaron closes the show, singing "Ain't No Sunshine," one of those fabuloso songs that it's hard to really screw up, and he doesn't really screw up, he sounds sweet and fine, but it's nothing to write home about. But I was a tad disappointed: Aaron was the recipient of the one and only piece of Usher advice that I thought actually useful, and that was how to sing the long string of "I know I know I know I know . . ."s. Aaron did it really well with Usher, but then he didn't do it on stage, which was a bummer. But Aaron is such a cute little pup, I don't think he's in danger.

But then . . . who is? Most people did pretty well tonight!

Based solely on tonight's performances, the bottom three should be Didi, Tim, and Siobhan, with Didi going home. I truly can't believe that Siobhan will be in the bottom three, though, and I suspect that my delight over Katie's inner vixen will NOT be the popular opinion, so Katie will likely take her usual place in the bottom three with Didi and Tim. Though I still think Didi will go home.

Wow, for a season touting "the strongest women yet!", the chicks are sure dropping like flies, aren't they?

Lady Chardonnay, out!

What I Did Last Night

(instead of watching Idol)

A PTO meeting at Li'l Martini's school, then a lovely bubble bath, then climbing into bed to watch "Lost." Which I slept through most of, so I'll have to repeat the process tonight, sans meeting. I'll try to catch Idol today, but I'm dealing with a computer meltdown and a 130-page math curriculum to edit — the odds, they aren't so good.

Sister bloggers, might you step up? (Mrs. Cynicletary has succumbed to ennui this season; she has yet to make it through a whole episode without the urge channel-surf. And BrunhildeCrow is busily packing galoshes and the like for her upcoming jaunt to the wetter coast — I'm not counting on either of them, frankly, but a girl does like to be asked.)

Lady Chardonnay, back to work and out!

Everybody Must Get Stoned

It's Stones night, and I am one happy mama! I love the Stones, especially Keith, I love when the Idolettes sing songs I know, I am high on life.

And if I'd bet on "lost" as the drinking-game word of the night, I'd be considerably snockered right about now. Too bad.

Setting the tone for the evening is Michael Lynche, who is feeling no pain; he owns the stage, and the crowd goes wild. It kind of doesn't even matter what his vocals sound like (though he sounds pretty good); he is such a giant chocolate teddy bear, and his joy is infectious. And his version of "Miss You" is also a lot of fun (I kinda like it better than the original, in fact — don't tell Keith!!). A great start to the evening, or, as Randy says, "Dawg, you slayed it."

My girl Didi Benami is next, singing one of my favorite Stones songs, "Play with Fire." Hmm — half of me likes her torchy rendition, half of me is finding it a little weird, and it seems like she hit a bum note at the end. I do still love her voice, though; she's got this little twang that I find very appealing. Potato, potahto, BeckEye!

Casey James has decided to channel Bad Blake tonight, singing, "It's All Over Now," and the result is smokin'! I LOVED it. (Though Simon's comment, that Casey still needs to push himself, is not unreasonable.)

Lacey Brown chose the song that used to be my son's lullaby, "Ruby Tuesday," and does all kinds of weird twisty Lacey things to it, and I'm growing weary of her vocal acrobatics. I was looking for a BIG chorus here, but she just kept on keeping on with her sleepy version (and later Ellen used the word "sleepy" as well, so I'm totally right). Li'l Martini was disgusted: "You used to sing THAT to me?" "Yes, but better," I said. Then I notice what she's wearing: a lacy beige half-slip over her nice striped shirt, which: odd. Though it reminds me of when I was in college and used to wear all these cotton slips I bought at Goodwill, you know, as outerwear. You can do that when you're in college, or at least at my little hippie college you could. But we're grown-ups now, and even Madonna wears her underclothing actually under her clothing.

Li'l Martini: "You're not going to judge her on her outfit, are you?"

I sent him to bed.

Up next is Andrew Garcia with "Gimme Shelter," and honestly, his vocals didn't bother me at all. He's still not my favorite, but I didn't have to fight the urge to stab my ears with pointy things, and that is a huge step forward in the healing, friends. The Stones!! They are so magic!! (Ellen Chardonnay DeGeneres calls it his best performance yet, and I am forced to agree.)

Little Katie Stevens has chosen to sing "Wild Horses," and I feel bad for her. In her brilliant book Sex Tips for Girls, Cynthia Heimel suggests dancing aerobically to Stones music as a fun path to physical fitness, though she cautions you to avoid songs like "Wild Horses" (not aerobic) and to dance like Mick rather than Keith. Mick is aerobic. Keith mostly stumbles. The point is, I think "Wild Horses" is a major snoozer, though Katie looks very pretty, very age-appropriate for once, and gives it a sweet teenage yearning that I didn't anticipate. A good-not-great performance, but she's getting there.

Tim Urban sings "Under My Thumb," and I keep thinking of our reigning Idol, sweet young Kris — isn't Tim basically Kris Lite? Perfectly cute, perfectly nice, perfectly competent, not going to set the world on fire any time soon — just a nice, nice boy. The difference, I guess, is that Kris really was capable of greatness on occasion, and I don't think Tim's there — but anyway. It was a perfectly nice performance, and I guarantee no one will ever give it a second thought. Except for the people reading this sentence right now.

For the second time tonight, Kara refers to Randy and Ellen as "the guys," which is just so weird. Did Kara ever call Paula a "guy"? Man, she is grating.

I start doing math in my head, counting the remaining singers and my thus-far-unsung favorite Stones songs and wondering if I'll get lucky — and, shaZam! Here's my favorite girl, Siobhan Magnus, singing my favorite song, "Paint It Black"!!

. . .

. . .

(That blank space is a moment of silence for Siobhan, who rendered me speechless.)

(LOVE.)

(HER.)

Unfortunately, someone has to follow la diva, and it falls to poor Lee DeWyze, who sings "Beast of Burden," sounds a lot like yesterday's Casey James, and never really ignites. It's fine, and I still love his craggyy voice, but the arrangement was too familiar and therefore dull.

Hey, something's gotten into Ellen tonight — she finally seems comfortable at the judges' table, and her comments have ranged far beyond her usual "great." Someone got the lady a thesaurus! Good on her.

Paige Miles is wearing an unfortunate outfit — what's with all the shorts over dark stockings? Is this a hot new look? yikes — and rocks out a little bit with "Honky Tonk Woman," but it's still a little off. Maybe it's her laryngitis, but my fear is that she's this year's Lill Rounds — an undeniably good singer, but an inability to really connect with a song and the audience. I don't remember her from Hollywood, so I'm still waiting for this great voice that Simon keeps talking about. I hope I get to hear it.

When I heard that little Aaron Kelly was singing "Angie," I did my first (well, and only) spit take of the night, but he does a very sweet job of it. (I can't imagine ever writing a review of Aaron's singing that doesn't revolve around the word "sweet.")

Closing the show is Crystal Bowersox, singing another of my favorite Stones songs, "You Can't Always Get What You Want," and while the judges were a bit less whelmed, I thought she was fantastic. Less folk-y than usual and more rock-y, she was polished and professional, simultaneously hot and cool, and she sounded sublime. Love the song, love her, loved the performance.

So that was the show, and given all the bitching I've done about this season's lackluster talent, I have to give the Idolettes their props: They are a pretty good group after all.

Going home? I have no idea. Tim and Lacey were the weakest, but I suspect that each has a cult-like fan base, so the lower-wattage Andrew, Lee, Didi, Katie, or Paige could be in trouble instead. Yes, it could be any one of these seven. You heard it here!

Lady Keith Chardonnay Richards, OUT!

Everything I Thought I Knew

A few years ago, the company I worked for hired an interim CFO. This thrilled me, because I didn't know that such a job even existed. And I love when that happens, because it lets me keep believing that somehow, somewhere, my dream job actually exists.

Which is: to read TV Guide and then be quizzed on it.

Ah — that's my heaven. I absorb nothing so readily as the content of TV Guide. I don't even watch that much TV, really (which is ironic, for the girl blogging a TV show) — I've never seen an episode of Melrose Place in my life, for example, but I can tell you the basic overview of the original show and name the entire cast, and even drop a few plot points re: its latest incarnation.

I'm not especially proud of this skill. Like people who can spit really far or burp the alphabet — it's just an odd thing that I happen to be able to do very well.

But now — hmm. I have to wonder if TV Guide has gone deranged.

There they are: the eight finalists that TV Guide labeled "the ones to watch." And as faithful viewers well know, the only one who even made it to the Top 12 is Andrew "Yawni" Garcia, Gokey 2.0, and his days are likely numbered.

(which: yay !!)

Can I continue to hitch my wagon to the star of such a deeply impaired publication?

Lady Chardonnay, befuddled and OUT.

Half a Mind

Lady Char has brilliantly recapped the performances this week. While I don't agree at all about the boys (I loathed Tim and Aaron and loved Todrick and Alex.) apparently America was drinking the same hooch she was.

Now for the girls, I am overjoyed. I have been wanting to slap Lily for awhile and while I never was appalled by Kaitlyn, I far prefer Paige to her and I really hope Paige gets her somethings in a something (Ducks in a row? Babies in the bathwater? Whatever cliche that means she stops sucking...). Lady Char was 100% right and America agreed!

And I am so looking forward to the theme nights!

See you next week.

Brunie, OUT!

I Know What Boys Like

. . . and it ain't Randy Jackson in a bikini, my friends.

So, Idol also has male singers, apparently! This is my first time seeing them since Hollywood (when I was — what's the word? — unwhelmed), so I settled in for a comfy evening of low expectations and ennui.

Lee "Who?" Dewyze starts us off with a song I don't know, called "I'm Awake, I'm Asleep, I Have Dreams & Seams," and he is the very definition of affable. I enjoy his voice, I enjoy his low-key performance — there's no real star power here, but what's not to like? Go, Lee!

Hmm, perhaps I have misjudged these fellows! Perhaps I've been too quick to bond myself to quirky brilliant Siobhan, charismatic Crystal, and my lovah Didi! With an open mind, I warmly greet #2 guy, Alex Lambert.

And with his first nasal note, I slam it back shut again. Alex sings about "Trouble" dogging him since the day he was born (six years ago), and I feel his misery, BELIEVE me. Go home, Alex, to that strange barber-less town where you live. Please. Go home.

Up next is Tim Urban, whom I believe to be the "Vote for the Worst" whipping boy this term. He sings "Hallelujah," and I am at a loss, because I think he's delightful. His voice is clean and true, and it's a lovely rendition of this lovely song. The VFTW people can go hang — I am solidly on the Tim Urban train. Tonight anyway.

Andrew Garcia is up next, and I do my little Zen breathing thing where I let go of all my stored Danny Gokey resentment and open my mind to the clean slate that is Andrew. He doesn't help me by gibbering unintelligbly about "roots" for about five years. Andrew is singing "Genii in a Bottle," huh, and from the first note he's lost me; I cannot abide that high reedy voice of his. I also must document Andrew's accessories: V-neck cardigan, two chunky diamond earrings, and a chain on his pants. He's like the nerdiest gang member ever.

Once again I tried, Dear Readers, Lord knows I tried, but Andrew is simply Not For Me.

Casey James sits on a stool with his acoustic guitar and sings "You'll Think of Me," very simply, with his deep, lovely voice. This is the kind of low-key but smooth performance I go all kinds of nutty for, and no, it was not Casey's pulchritude, I kept my eyes closed the whole time, sisters. I'm determined to quit posting about how very, very pretty Casey is; as TV Guide admonished Kara, "Keep it in your pants, will ya?" He is a genuinely talented man and deserves better.

Hmm, but I'm startled by the judges' lukewarm praise, and Simon's later dis of "boring" performers who "sit on a stool playing a guitar." Wow — I find almost nothing hotter than a guitar-playing long-haired lovely man straddling a stool, but then, Simon is way more intrigued by Randy in a bikini than I'll ever be, so I guess it's safe to say that our romantic fancies have little overlap.

Time for Aaron "16!" Kelly, who sings a great big song with his sweet big-boy voice, and dances awkwardly, like one of those toys where you push a button on the bottom and it does a series of deep knee bends (what are those called?). But he is very dear and seems more confident onstage than the last time I saw him. His voice is fine, he's eminently lovable, and I want a lifetime of puppies and muffins for Aaron Kelly, really I do. Can I vote for that?

And now I'm starting to worry, because the only one I've really disliked is Alex Nasalbert (well, and Andrew, but I think there's a law against voting him out), and two boys have to go home; what does this mean for Casey? But thank heaven for Todrick Hall, who tries to convince us that he wants "Somebody to Love," when it's abundantly clear that he already loves himself quite sufficiently. Todrick prances and preens and delivers an outstandingly underwhelming vocal; you need a great voice to perform this great song, which Todrick has not got. Period. But oh my is he pleased with his little prancy self. Ugh.

Michael Lynche, another high-voiced man, is bringing us home tonight, and I haven't been that impressed with him before — and when he opens "This Woman's Work" with his customary falsetto, I roll my eyes. But then he won me over with his expert command of the stage, beautiful vocals, and near-perfect connection to this song. A truly fine performance and a joy to watch and listen to. Michael Lynche, who knew?

So, wow, that was some show! Low expectations, it turns out, are exactly the right companion for an evening of Idol.

Who is going home? you ask. Well, of course I vote for Alex Nasalbert, Andrew Underwhelming, and Todrick Prancypants, but I am scared for the Nice Boys who sang clean, quieter songs: Lee, Tim, and Casey. Come on, Idol voters! (of whom I am not, so far this season anyway) Let the right one(s) in!

With that, I bid you a good night. Lady Chardonnay, OUT!

Laid-Back Ladies

It's a calm, peaceful, low-key evening here at Idol tonight, which is odd, since this is the chicas' last chance to make the Top 12. But rather than sing for their lives in an all-out musical catfight, they're taking the mellow road. S'cool, baby.

First up is Katie "17!" Stevens, who sings "Breakaway" by Kelly Clarkson pretty much exactly like Kelly Clarkson, except maybe not quite as good, though Katie sounds fine and has a very nice voice. It's a low-energy performance, which (spoiler!) beautifully sets the tone for the rest of the show. Ellen says, nicely, "Child, you're 17, what on earth do you have to break away from?", and Katie replies that she's breaking away from her small town and that this song is actually quite meaningful for her, which makes me like Katie lots and lots and wish her well. Simon is also gracious with the child, which makes me go all shmoopy. I think they really like this girl and are feeling bad that she can't come back in a few years. There's the Allison Iraheta brand of 17, where you know exactly who you are, you own the stage and take no prisoners, and then there's the Katie Stevens brand, where the pieces are all there and you can kinda make out the pattern, but you haven't put the whole puzzle together yet. Well, we'll see.

Next is Siobhan Magnus, who, I just found out, I'm one degree of separation from; a woman in my writing group is pals with Siobhan's parents, which is totally cool. Siobhan sings "House of the Rising Sun" and I don't write a single word while she's singing, I am utterly mesmerized. Beautiful. Stunning. Dare I say . . . Lambert-esque? LOVED her performance.

Lacey Brown has adorable green fingernails and sings "The Story" in her scratchy Lacey voice while seducing the camera. (Li'l Martini was put off by her lipstick indulgences.) She's fine. If you like her, and I generally do, you'll like this performance okay, and if you don't you won't. She probably won't go home tonight, but I see her as an early boot from the Top 12.

I see that my nemesis Katelyn Epperly is up next, and I brace myself . . . but then she comes out looking relatively normal (except for the wild pink halo, but I blame the lighting guy for that) and sings a pleasant song from my youth ("I Feel the Earth Move") in a perfectly nice voice, and I have to struggle to remember why I dislike her so intensely. It's not a bad performance at all, but again — it's curiously laid-back and relaxed for a night with so much at stake. And isn't this girl in a band or something? You'd think she'd have more performance chops. I'm left stymied, but — good news! — I'm all done hating. Which, I'm sure, will be an enormous relief to Katelyn Epperly.

My girl crush Didi Benami is up next, and I learn from Ryan that I've been mispronouncing her name all this time. Unless Ryan is mispronouncing it. He says buh-NAW-mee, I say BEN-uh-mee. What do you say? Let's vote, then we'll tell Didi. Anyway, she sings Fleetwood Mac's "Rhiannon," and while I would have loved her to pick up the tempo a bit (no! not on Mellow Night!), I think she sounds great and unique and I continue to love her.

Oh, poor Paige Miles. How do you screw up "Smile"? The title alone is a pretty simple stage direction, miss! This song should not be a major downer! Okay, I will stop kicking, but I was bummed for her because she does have a nice voice. But I fear we shall not hear it on this stage again.

Crystal Bowersox bats seventh, singing Tracy Chapman's "Give Me One Reason," a song that sounds like every other Tracy Chapman song (which, bleh — not a fan), but Crystal makes me like it; her voice is so clear and true and beautiful, and she is such a poised and compelling performer. I haven't actually seen the boys sing yet, but from what I hear it seems like this contest is Crystal's to lose. But I've been wrong before! Pretty much every year, in fact.

(I paid close attention to what Crystal was wearing tonight, as it occurred to me that I couldn't recall a single outfit ever worn by Crystal – and even while staring straight at it, I couldn't tell you exactly what she was wearing. A — shirt? And — pants? A shapeless, colorless garment with arms and legs, I can tell you that. Intriguing.)

Bringing us home was gray-haired Lilly Scott, singing the Patsy Cline classic "I Fall to Pieces," and I have just one word: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Okay, I'm a liar, I have three more words: NO! NO! NO!

I'd really hoped that Kellie Pickler's "rendition" of "Walkin' After Midnight" was the worst Idol mutilation of the glorious Ms. Cline I would ever have to endure, but no. No! NO!

This, for me, was excruciating.

I don't think Lilly's going home, though. I think we're likely to say goodbye to Paige Miles, Lacey Brown, Katelyn Epperly, or Katie Stevens (likeliness of leaving in that order — I'm guessing that some Mama Bears were moved into ferocious protectiveness of little Katie, and that will keep her alive another day). Crystal B'sox is safe as houses, and I think Siobhan, Didi, and Lilly will easily join her in the Top 12. But who will fill those last two slots? Your guess is as good as mine.

Now bring on the boys! (Wow, if I had a nickel . . .)

Lady Chardonnay OUT!

All About Oscar

Lady Chardonnay regrets she's unable to blog this week.

The Oscars are my Super Bowl, my Winter Olympics, my Summer Olympics, my Finding-Out-Who-Shot-J.R. moment — the summit, the apex, the zenith of my TV watching. And every year I host a party, which requires a feverish amount of planning (games! cocktails! attire!). Plus, I try to see every major nominee, and this year, with 10 possible Best Pictures, I've been a busy girl. (Just last night: A Single Man and An Education, back to back. Whee! I told Mr. Lady Chardonnay that five minutes into the former, all I could think about was coming home and clinging to him for many hours, but then after the latter I hated all men — husbands, fathers, beaux, they all suck — and he was free to go about his business.)

So not only Idol blogging but Idol viewing have taken a back seat; I haven't watched the show since the girls performed last week. I will catch up next Tuesday, but in the meantime, sister, I've got cocktails to concoct! (I'm working on my recipes for Avatar Blues and Inglorious Bastertinis. I'm also designing my hair and make-up after Julianne Moore's in A Single Man. I'm busy!!!)

Enjoy the boys tonight. I'll see you post-Oscar!