Avoiding the Chair

Sorry for the less-than-timely blogging, I simply have not been moved to write. Why does Idol feel so lackluster this season? Is it simply the absence of Paula? Have they never recovered from the dubious addition of Kara? I dunno.

Anyway — the kids and I watched the first five-hour episode in which they gave away seven seats to the Top 24, and after that exercise in excruciating slowness we unanimously agreed to skip the second marathon and instead watch Season 3 of "Soap." Excellent choice! That show was brilliant. We're caught up in the Jodie-Baby Wendy-evil Carol courtroom drama now, which is white-knuckle entertainment, let me tell you, and puts the saga of poor Angela Martin to shame.

(I do feel bad for poor Angela Martin, who seems like a very nice girl, but the way Idol used her is just gross. Anyway, she has Ellen pimping for a record deal now and her own Kara-penned song ["Climbing the Rainbow of My Dead Daddy/Missing Mama/Ill Infant to My Moment"], and that? Is the Pathway to Success, my friends. I wish her well.)

So we've got our Top 24, comprising many names I don't remember and some early favorites. Here are the 10 that I'm excited about:

1. Crying waitress Didi Benemi
2. Hippie Crystal Bowersox, with the gray teeth and killer voice
3. Casey James, aka Blonde Ponytail Boy — zoo-whee mama!
   
4. Chosen Girl Katie Stevens, cutie-pie whose grandma has Alzheimer's (though I'm not quite getting the judges' fawning; is she that much greater than the other girls? It's OK, though, I like her)
5. Tyler Grady, Titanium Wrist Boy
6. Ashley Rodriguez, pride of New England — great voice, great look
   
7. Janell Wheeler, pretty-pretty blondie with the surprisingly good voice
   
8. Funky girl Lacey Brown and . . .
   
9. . . . funky girl Siobhan Magnus — I love a funky girl, and these two are cool
10. Lilly Scott, with the dyed gray hair

Clearly, I'm into girls this season.

Then we have the Nonentity Nine, a bunch of people I don't know/remember: Michelle Delamor, Paige Dechausse, Lee DeWyze, Jose Munoz, Benjamin Honeycutt, John Park, Jermaine Sellers. I remember Aaron Kelly (he's 16, y'all!) but have no opinion about him. Big Mike Lynche, whatever, he's fine, but not worth blogging about.

There are three WTF? contestants: Haeley Vaughn and Katelyn Epperly, who sounded actively bad to me, and Alexander Lambert, who FORGOT THE LYRICS. I wish Simon would stick to his guns on this one. I loathe a lyric-forgetter.

Oh, and there's one guy I will christen Not Chris Golightly because I don't remember his name now — and even if I did, it wouldn't matter, because I don't remember him. Jason somebody? (I could hate him automatically because he's also Not Luke, Li'l Martini's man-love. However, my fickle boy is willing to switch his affections to Casey or Tyler, so all is well.)

And finally we have Andrew "Gokey 2.0" Garcia, whom I will try very, very hard to warm up to, as he is clearly this year's Chosen Boy, and it would be easier to make my peace with this now than to spend the season gnashing my teeth. It's not that he's a bad singer — he's fine (like Danny), competent (like Danny), a tad pleased with himself (soooooo like Danny), and, to me, utterly undeserving of the judges' absolute adoration. Oh, he'll go far, that one.

Some all-girl action tonight — you know I'll be there! Me and Katy Perry.

Lady Chardonnay OUT.