Blessed Are the Meek: For They . . .

. . . are the next American Idol!

I take nothing away from sweet Kris. Well-played, well-earned, well done—he had a KICKIN' season, and I couldn't be happier for him.

We've all seen Idolettes who've grown and blossomed throughout the season, but we haven't seen one of them win before. And, I would argue, every season up till now, it wasn't that hard to figure out who would win, if you were paying attention to things like never being in the bottom three. But this year knocked everything I "knew" on its head.

Adam was not for all tastes, and, as I noted before, there were people who would never vote for him for reasons that have nothing to do with singing. It doesn't matter. He is going to have a brilliant career. I'm nothing but happy this morning.

So let's go back in time now, shall we, and talk about these two crazy shows?

Honest Liz hosted a party on Tuesday, which was great fun. Attendees were me, Brunie, Mimosa, Wilbur, Little Joe, and Felicity Goddess Mother (FGM). A great deal of hooch was poured, and my favorite snack was the never-ending glass of Twizzlers. Good times!

The TV screen split, revealing Adam on one side and Kris on the other. Dramatic! The leopard vs. the puppy! See, you think the leopard will win, don't you? So you try to save the puppy. Dang. I should've thought of that. But at the time I'm all, Go, leopard! Sigh.

We speculate over whether Kara did indeed write this year's Crappy Coronation Song. "Kara writes the songs that make me vomit," opined one quipster (much hooch had been poured, it took me an hour to puzzle out the word "vomit" here from my notes—don't ask me to accurately report who said anything).

Ongoing topic of the evening: Would you rather hear that your child was going to jail, war, or Harvard? Don't ask.

FGM waxed rhapsodic over Adam's eye make-up, wishing he'd write a book of eyeliner tips. Ooh, career path! 'Cause (spoiler!) I happen to know he'll need a paying gig, come tomorrow.

We are stupefied by our first glimpses of the judges. Paula has been bronzed and is honoring her Irish roots by dressing in lucky green. And is honoring her whorish roots with her boobage, there is no other explanation.

Simon, not to be outdone, displays his own boobage. My God, it's a forest in there. I shield my daughter's eyes. The boys grow very excited and verbose, and Brunie Lays Down the Law, namely, You don't speak when Simon speaks. We got it.

Adam performs "Mad World" and it's as eerie and beautiful as I remember, and also strangely full of joy, and I love Adam so much. Simon, who's been sniping all season that this is a singing competition, criticizes Adam's . . . coat.

Okay. See, as I "recap," all the signs were there, I just didn't read them, I was busy holding up my empty glass and saying, "Wilburrrrr?" in my most cajoling voice. Yes, I was enticing 11 year olds to pour my wine. Your point?

Kris sings "Ain't No Sunshine" and it's awesome and he's adorable and we had a group swoon. (Honest Liz, I meant to clean that up after—sorry!)

Paula's bright greenness amuses us for the rest of the evening. She said . . . something, and I shouted, "Blarney!" in a lilting Irish accent. Oh how we laughed.

Randy's jacket is likewise cracking me up. After the show he'll sell you a car!

We see Kris holding a prop baby, and I want to vote for him immediately.

Adam comes out wearing such tight pants, Brunie comments, "I can tell his religion from here." He sings "A Change Is Gonna Come" and emotes like crazy. Mimosa and I are drinkin' the Kool-Aid, we sway on the sofa, arms overhead. I wish I had a lighter to hold up. Adam cares. Also, we admire his exquisite dental work. Adam flosses.

Katie Holmes is in the house! Covering Suri's ears! "She doesn't want Suri to know that some men are gay," I whisper. Hee.

"You can sing your face off" is really not a compliment I enjoy. Bad visual. Let's find another one, shall we, Randy?

Kara says "artistry," I yell "Artistry!" and take a drink, which amuses the boys, because they are young. I told them that I also get to drink for "Make it your own" and "rainbow." Not to give anything away, but Kara got me snockered.

Paula said something, and I cried "Paula go bragh-less!" in my wonderful Irish accent. This brought down the crowd, because we are young. And snockered.

And we are just in the mood for a Crappy Coronation Song, which doesn't disappoint. This Is My Shining Rainbow Moment, My Now, While I Climb the Mountain, as sung by Adam and then Kris, and Brunie and I have a minor dust-up over whether it's actually the same song (I say yes, she says no), but as dust-ups go, this one set a new record for minor—(1) see "snockered" above, and (2) once seated, neither of us actually likes to get up. But she felt my wrath, I'll you that.

Folks, I've been working nine-hour days at the computer for the past week and a half (hence, the lack of blogging) and my wrists are killing me, so I must stop for now and "do" the finale later. I will leave you with a final anecdote:

Brunie called me at 10:10 last night and said, "Can you believe it? FGM was pissed." I said, "I haven't watched it yet. Wait, FGM liked Kris, right? Kris doesn't win?" Brunie back-pedaled marvelously but ordered me to watch it, and also said that something happened that made her like Kara after all. Me: "She realized that her song was crap and said that no one has to sing it after all?" Brunie: "I don't like her that much."

(I stopped working at midnight, took a quick hot shower, and fell into bed with the tape Mr. Lady C had made for me . . . which stopped right after Tatiana. So, in fact, Ms. Brunie, you did tell me who the winner is! For which I am grateful.)

Lady Chardonnay OUT! But back again soon.

LaSalle and Alabama!

I could have sworn that Ryan introduced them as LaSalle and Alabama. He is such a mush mouth. And the boys' mics are not working.

Why did they keep Micahela Gordon on the payroll? Carly is okay - at least she was last season. I think I was not even wearing support hose when MG was on there.

SO the idolettes come out and sing ROCK STAR - which is a real song, much to my surprise. And Wilbur says, "I hate this crap..." And I can't disagree. It blows.

Then David Cookie Monster comes out to sing and Honest Liz needs an adult undergarment. He has a really nice voice. He stll looks like he has a giant brain. (Must be all the vocabulary!) He can really sing. The disembodied hands of idol wave back and forth like inferi in the cave of the horcrux!

Then they do horrible flashbacks to the horrible people that I hate. I am sure Norman Gentle will be carrying this bad boy home. And I called the velcro pants. According to HL, "It's going to be a long two hours. Steve Martin is rolling over in his...oh, never mind..."

Lil and her amazing boobs come out on stage and is met by Queen Latifah singing some song I have never heard. For a really long time.

Jason Mraz must be so freaking sick of this song he is singing with Anoop and the girl whose name I forgot weeks ago.

Keith Urban and Kris sing a song that I actually heard before. (Thanks, NASCAR!) They sound fine. I don't really like this kind of country music. Either stay in the roadhouse like Dwight Yokam or take it all the way over to the Jayhawks. This is kind of half-assed pop/country. Like Juice Newton. (Okay, I did love her...)

At the commercials Wilbur would sing "Skip it! Skip it! I'm an angry little boy! Skip it!"

What the hell is this song? Flossie, flossie? Great crapping Hattie. Fergie's shoes scare the living daylights out of me, and her face is scarily botoxed. Wilbur, "I sure hope she falls!" I love the way ALlison yells, "The Black-Eyed PEEEEEEEEAS!" They were interesting.

And then the horror show of women who made me crazy. And bikini girl has new boobs! And Ryan mentions it. And Kara shows us that not only can she sing, but she also has an awesome body. And I like her for the first time in weeks.

And Allison is singing with Cyndy Lauper and Felicity Goddess Mother has an anuerism and dies. We will miss her. Not to be catty, but Cyndy has definetly had work done. She's still odd, though.

So we were talking about who would sing with the near-idols and when Danny came out someone said, "He will be singing with Liam Neeson!" But it was Lionel Ritchie.

And now Adam is singing BETH and I am finally understanding the Sheriff of Sarcasm being in love despite his obvious preference for the boys. Dreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeamy! And KISS comes out and blows everyone's mind.

Now Steve Martin is not in his grave, but rather playing the banjo for Sarver, who sounds good. And Megan Joy sounds a little creaky, but she grows on me. And their harmony is nice. And Steve Martin wrote that song! I like the "took you out to dinner" part.

Commercials come and they are singing DO YOU THINK I'M SEXY? Why? Because Rod Stewart's grandpa is here! He sounds bad, but I do appreciate all the previous singing. When he sings, "The morning sun, when it's in your face, really shows your age." FHM said, "You too, Rod. You too..."

And more horrible flashbacks. And I am forced to see Tatiana again! And there is an unfunny bit where she pretends that she isn't supposed to be making a fool of herself.

And now they are singing QUEEN, because Adam is the lost love child of Freddie Mercury. Incidentally - you must all go read FREDDIE AND ME because it is awesome. The boys sound great, but I want to know who wins and go to bed now... HL says, "Oh man, Kara and Paula..." and Wilbur says "...are DRUNK!"

And now we will find out it is KRIS. We are all in shock. He is a love duck, but Adam is so much better. Even Kris says, "Adam deserves this!" So I love him a wee bit more. And Adam moved to the back of the idolettes. And according to HL and FGM he is crying and his sparkles are falling into Allison's hair.

I can't wait 'til Lady C. finds out what happened...

Brunie, OUT!

As Hall and Oates Would Say: She's Gone

What a quiet trio we are!

I was saying to Mrs. Cynicletary today, there's just something flat about Idol after the fourth runner-up goes home. Maybe not every year . . . but Season 3, I simply stopped watching when La Toya London waved goodbye. Diana, Jasmine, Aphasia? Color me SO bored. Season 4, I knew Carrie was going to win, yawn, I loved Bo and liked Vonzell, but my true favorite was my darling Anthony Fedorov, and I missed him desperately thereafter. And in Season 6, only after Chris Daughtry went home (back to the place where he belongs) did I realize that he'd been my favorite all along.

And that's how I feel right now. I love Adam, of course, and am as tickled as can be that he'll sing against Kris rather than smug Danny, but oh! how it all pales next to my dream of an Allison-Adam finale! My anxiety over darling Allison, her knockout performances followed by her weekly damning with faint praise, her uncertain place on the Couch of Safety—this has kept me riveted, week in, week out.

Now . . . whatev. No matter who wins, Adam will go on to have a brilliant career, and Kris, our Most Improved Idol, will do just fine. The finale . . . just doesn't matter.

I miss my girl!

Oh, well.

I have nothing substantial to say about this week's show, so here's some randomness:

• Random Danny quote: "As the show goes on, you feel the pressure as the show goes on." No kidding.
• Random Adam note: Every week, after he's declared "safe," he mouths "Thank you" to me and to America. My sweet gay son has nice manners, does he not?
• Random Kris fact (I love this SO MUCH): His ringtone is the theme to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

That's all I got.

Finale party next week at Honest Liz's! Where I shall attempt to get my groove back via festive libations.

Until then—Lady Chardonnay OUT!

The X-Factor

All three guys are excellent singers. It comes down to the emotional connection for me. Adam is very talented and a good technical singer. He has a clear view of his image. But watching him just leaves me a little cold. Kris is also very talented, and a laid-back cutie type of guy. I bet he's a good friend. With Danny - I am feeling him. The emotional connection is there for me and I find him to be the most authentic.
So, I am thinking Danny & Adam in the finals. But, wouldn't it be funny if Kris won it all? Now that would be a surprise.

Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Rock on!

Unlike Lady C., I was born this century and love the rock and or roll! It was funny to see Slash's face - not his eyes of course, but look - he does have a nose and mouth! And he speaks!

Adam: He started out with the smarm and fakiness again, but I gotta hand it to him, he really kicked ass at the end of Whole Lotta Love. I have been waiting for him to sing some Led Zep all season, and he for sure did it well. I was also waiting for Slash to say how much he sounds like Axel Rose - but if he did it was not on camera. Kara - he is NOT a Rock God, and you are not a good analyst. She was particularly annoying last night.

Allison: Well I must agree with Brunie that I liked Allison's version of Cry Baby even better than the awesome Janis! She is a better singer than Janis was and I thought she did a great job. She made a strong emotional connection too. I liked her hair - more brown, and more extensions. She looked good!

Danny & Kris: Their harmonies were beautiful! I don't love the song, nor do I usually like duets between two guys, but they did well. Kris looked a little more comfortable, but Danny sounded a little stronger, and he looks good in red.

Kris: Kris is the most improved idol, and he continued to sound good and look relaxed with Come Together. I really liked the breakdown in the middle. And about whatever Kara says - I. Don't. Care.

Danny: The scream at the end was good in the rehearsal take, but in the show he kinda blew it. That kind of screaming is what ruined Steven Tyler's vocal chords. I wonder if Danny has laryngitis today. I love me some Danny and feel sure that he is safe, but it was not his best performance. BTW, Kara - you said that Danny should sing some older Aerosmith than Dream on, like Crying or Crazy. MORON - Crying and Crazy were songs of theirs from the 90's and Dream On is from the 70's - a MUCH older song of theirs. You are just stupid.

Duet dos: Allison and Adam sing Slow Ride. I liked it. She has a lower voice than he! I like Allison in tight pants and clunky boots - good looks! Adam seemed out of place somehow in the lineup last night. And is he wearing heels or something - I don't remember him looking so tall.

So, I am thinking that Kris goes tonight. Finals should be Danny and Allison, but it might be Danny and Adam, or Adam and Allison...

Paula takes the stage tonight? Oh no!

Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

I Can Stand Anything for an Hour, But That's All

Here are the notes I jotted:

• Slash—was he married to an Everley Brothers daughter?
• Kara's hair looks horrible.
• Paula's boobs . . . are so very visible. For God's sake, I can match drapes to those things.

What I did not take notes on:

• Adam's song
• Allison's song
• Kris's song
• Danny's song

Because ohmygodthismusicbleh. I'm just saying. Your mileage may vary.

I did enjoy the A&A duet—what a magnificent Final Two they would be. And I liked Kris's version of "Come Together" way more than Carly's version of it last year, and as I recall, the judges wet themselves over Carly, so go figure.

For the first time, I got some busy signals when dialing tonight (for Allison)—good sign? Hope so!

Lady Chardonnay OUT.

Rock and Roll all night...

So Slash is the helper o'the day. And I don't know how much he had to do with it but Adam KILLED with WHOLE LOTTA LOVE. Mr. Crow nearly grabbed his heart and fell to the ground when he heard his beloved Led Zep being played on Idol. He said, "Surely Jimmy Page didn't authorize this..." And Honest Liz and I just looked at him as if to say, "Oh yes, no one hardly at all watches this show. He'll never find out.."

So next came Allison and HL and I adored her. The judges didn't seem to share our excitement. But we looked at each other after she sang with a guilty face. Because we both liked it better than the Joplin version. Not that I don't love Janis, but I thought that Allison made it a little more musical. And she was a hoot after with her little saucy talk.

Now Danny and Kris are sounding amazing on Styx's RENEGADE. Shockingly, I agreed with Randy that their harmonies were beautiful. And stronger than the solo parts. Also Kara made me smile for the first time ever by saying, "You are the guys that help the little women cross the street." I am assuming that Danny took Amy will grab Kris's arm and Meg will pat Danny's arm gently as she comforts him for his loss. Beth will watch from heaven with his wife. Jo wouldn't be caught dead with this bunch, but she might see if Allison wants to go skating or hiking or something. [Maybe jaunt to Prince Edward Island to see Anne of Green Gables, says HL.]

Kris hoped to pee his pants in front of Slash which amused me. He sand COME TOGETHER. I didn't expect to like it at all. I am not a fan of this song in general. But he sounded smooth and edgy enough to carry it off. I liked it a lot. And I am shocked that I agree with Randy again. Did someone slip him some make-brunie-happy pills? In other news HL hates Kara. Simon called it "Like eating ice for lunch" to which Wilbur said, 'The perfect meal for the summer..."

Danny is singing DREAM ON "like a dying velociraptor" according to Wilbur. He sounds fine, but it is the weakest of the night. Paula dances and "looks like she should be working for Willy Wonka". He looks like an angry hobbit and he completely blew the scream at the end. In a perfect world, that would be his ticket home. But it might not be. And sweet baby James, I actually agreed with Kara. She annoys me still, but she was accurate.

Adam and Allison sang SLOW RIDE, which I always think of as kind of a dull song, and did a great job. They were cute as bugs and rocked out. Loved them...

Weakest of the night was Danny, to be sure. But his rabid fans might just save his cheesy Wisconsin bacon.

Brunie, OUT!

What are you doing after?

Lady Char and Mrs. Cyn have covered the action beautifully. Everyone with the possible exception of Matt did an amazing job. I was just as floored as the next guy when Adam ended up in the bottom three! And I loved it that Kris went back to the couches of safely before he did. They never said if that means he had the second lowest score, though. At this point I truly don't care who leaves! I really like all four of them and they each have a specific strength which I will tell you now!

Kris Kewtie-Pie- He is the prettiest! But also, he is the most commercial right now. Cheeze Whiz, I sound like Kara - ew... But he is all Jason Mrazzy or John Mayery or Ryan Montbleuy. He has a nice sound and his only obvious flaw is his propensity for making his jaw go sideways.

Danny Deadwife - When I close my eyes and don't have to look at his hobbittey dancing he has the most appealing boy-voice on the show. It is really beautiful. And he (or the powers that be) have stopped beating me about the head and neck with his marriage. Also, he is from Wisconsin. Which is a nice place.

Allison Adolescent - She has the best girl-voice! And the only boobs. (Other than Danny.) She is cute as a bug and is almost a savant at singing! She doesn't seem like the brightest bulb on the tree, but she can belt them out.

Adam Amazing - I am sorry to be so biased, but I really think he is far and away the best performer. He is also the one who started taking chances early and really set the bar for an amazing season of risk taking and stellar performances. When Taylor Hicks was on the other night, I looked at him and thought - he wouldn't have made it into the top 5 this year! Go Adam!

And now, the explanation for the picture. Wednesday night Wilbur and I went to Honest Liz's place to watch with her and Felicity Goddess-Mother. He was so funny all night long. When he first saw Paula's outfit and HL said she looked gift-wrapped he said, "She must be giving herself to Simon." But the best comment of the night was when Paula said that Adam makes her feel amazing. Wilbur said, in a perfect Paula-impresison voice, "Do you want to go to Papa Gino's with me after the show?" We laughed so hard that we nearly fell off furniture and soiled ourselves. The best part is that I have been sending students to Honest Liz's classroom asking her if she wants to go to Papa Gino's after school and it is funny every time!

I just don't know what to hope for next week!

Brunie, OUT!