There's Got to Be a Morning After

So, I watched my tape of last night's show. I'm all caught up now.

Yup. Seen it all.

Every. Interminable. Minute.

Yeah.

How many ways are there to say, Damn, that was boring? And that the parts that weren't boring were actively painful, for a variety of reasons?

All except Danny, who was very good and lots of fun and nice to look at. None of which makes him the Second Coming, I hasten to add, but having been preceded by the Evening of Ennui, I forgive Paula and the Gang for their mass tizzy.

The outright bad: Casey Carlson, who danced like a chicken, sang poorly, and I don't care about her anyway. Though it did crack me up when Kara said, "NOBODY goes NEAR those [The Police's] songs!" Since when? Brooke White did a stellar version of "Every Breath You Take" last year. But I don't care about Casey, so I'm not fightin' the good fight today. Bye, Casey.

People I like okay performed okay:

• Jackie Tohn, whose voice I loathe but who is undeniably talented—sounded fine
  
• Alexis "Kitten with a Whip" Grace, pink-haired girl—sounded fine
  
• Brent Keith, country boy, dimpled cutely and sounded fine, though Kara's comment, "This song doesn't range enough," was right on (Li'l Martini loves this guy, commenting, "Ex-cell-ent. And handsome!")
  
• Anoop Desai emoted boringly and sounded fine, though he is still very likable (why is that? what is it about Anoop?)
  
• Michael Sarver, who is NOT Brent Keith (an easy mistake) sounded okay singing a song I HATED, and I almost fell out of my chair when Paula said that my beloveds Bo and Elliot sang it as well. Guess I blocked that out. Or maybe I had a drink that night—it's possible.

In fact, given the over-enthusiasm the judges displayed for the first three singers, I desperately wished I had some of what they were drinking! But while I don't mind teaching my kids that a nice drink enhances one's viewing pleasure, I don't want them thinking it's essential. Even if it is, in this case.

[I'm working on the cocktail selection for my upcoming Oscar party, which involves much testing and sampling. I'm currently enjoying an Elizabeth Taylor, a violet-blue number that's said to be the color of the lady's eyes. And a nifty little drink it is as well! A definite contender. I'll keep you posted.]

Halfway through my viewing (mind you, with LOTS of fast-forwarding— who on earth wants to hear what the parents think?) I lost Mimosa, who said, "It really isn't that exciting. I'm totally bored!" Sister-girl needs a blog!

Minor surprise: Invisible Man Rikky Braddy sounds very nice singing a song about singing a song, and I would be very happy at the bar where he's singing. Too bad he doesn't have a chance (see: Invisibility). Though I did like his parents' "Braddy Bunch" T-shirts.

Major disappointments: Cutie-pie Stephen Fowler. Sweet Ann Marie Boskovich. And most of all, adorable Stevie Wright. I like them all so very much, and yet none of them did really well. Such a shame.

Gee, hmm, have I left anyone out? Anyone? Anyone?

Anyone?

Damn, this is the biggest pain I felt all night, even greater than the agony of Stevie's failure to bring it. How desperately I wanted Tatiana to fail! How excited I became when I heard she'd chosen Whitney! Whitney! The Holy Grail of singers (according to Idol)!

But she didn't fail. She simply didn't. Her singing was very good, in fact. Her speaking, in contrast, was as screamingly annoying as ever (but when I imitated her on the phone to Brunie, it was once again fantastic fun and I highly recommend it as therapy).

If this is a singing show, Tatiana should go through.

Since it's almost never been a show totally about singing (Melinda who?), I'm trusting in the fans to Do the Right Thing and send the crazy home. Enough, already!

Predictions:

• Danny, natch
  
• Brent Keith, who gets the country fan vote
  
• Either Anoop (who is well-liked) or Alexis (who probably deserves it)

And we'll see #4 person above, Jackie, maybe Rikky, and (I'm sorry, but I truly believe this) freakin' Tatiana on the wild card round.

Prove me wrong, America! Please! Please! You have my dream in your hands this is all I've ever wanted oh please oh please vote please vote!

(Dang me, it's fun to be crazy! Try it!)

Lady Chardonnay OUT!