"It's Our Biggest Season Yet"

(Quoth R. Seacrest, February 2009, and what can he possibly mean?)

I love the group sings. LOVE them. And I'm not sure that a great argument can be made that they have anything to do with the rest of the competition (though High Lord Dave makes a good case), but I missed them desperately last year and loved the heck out 'em last night.

And the drama is predictably dramatic and delightful, but I would also like to see more of the groups who do well—what's their secret? How did they find one another, choose their song, work it out? For me, seeing a job done well under trying circumstances is also very entertaining, and it makes the final product, a polished performance, mean that much more.

I'd also like to see the round where good, solid performers (Son of Alan, say, or Deaf Grandma Girl) get cut, because otherwise it's too random and unsatisfying. Did they really screw up, or was it just one of those things?

We saw SO MUCH of some groups (I was over the Nathaniel-Kristen-Pink Hair drama after five minutes, and has there been a more annoying contestant than Giggling Self-Important Tatiana in recent memory? And aren't Bikini Girl's 15 minutes up yet?) and almost nothing of groups I was really curious about. Like: Why did a pro like Tattooed Rocking Emily screw up so bad? She sings with a band! She knows how to perform! Why did she make a last-minute song switch on Day 1, and drop her lyrics so badly on Day 2? What was going on there? (And again, I love her mom to death. Emily's going to be fine, but I still feel bad for her.) And I kept catching glimpses of Ann Marie, aka You Need More Make-Up Girl, and it looked like she got through, but did we see her perform? Did she bring the star quality Simon et al. were looking for? I really want to know.

Some earlier favorites were less charming on second viewing. Homeless Rose—such a whiner! (Mimosa: "Do you think Rose is really negative?") Lil Rounds continues to wow the judges, but I thought her song choice ("I-E-I-E-I Will Always Love You" ) was boneheaded, and she sounded nowhere near as great as I remembered. I still like her—but the pedestal, it is chipped.

Here was a nice surprise: the melting voice of Stephen Fowler! Where did he come from? Have we seen him before?

I continue to loathe Von Smith, the screaming dwarf. What do the judges see in him?

All in all, they've made some changes this year that I heartily approve of (more Hollywood, fewer auditions, less time spent on freaks); now if they'll just stop showing us clips of things we saw less than five minutes ago (do they really think that new viewers are tuning in every few minutes? Or do they honestly believe we are just that moronic?), I'll be a happy Lady.

The Idol moment that made me gasp out loud followed the splendid four-way of Dead Wife Danny, BFF Jamar, and two unnamed girls:

Simon: "Danny, please step forward."

[long stricken pause]

Simon: "Danny, you have made it to the next round."

[longer pause, visibly dripping with angst]

Simon: "And the other three, you're going with him."

Oh! the drama.

Lady Chardonnay OUT!