A Day in Hollywood

(A night of yelling at the TV, "Are you kidding me?")

Gentle Readers, I apologize for my tardy blogging. It's just been one of those weeks. But before I move on to the present day, I want to finish up with Hollywood—my opinions, they are legion. Go back in time with me, won't you?

Quick thoughts on Hollywood, Day 3:

• Blind Scott looks better behind a piano, much less Stephen Tobolowsky-ish, and I like him a lot. He should always carry a piano.
• Adam Lambert deconstructs a Cher song and sounds great (and even TV Guide is noting his resemblance to David Cook, which I pointed out ages ago. I should SO be a TV Guide writer!)
• How can Miss Teenage Teen Queen possibly still be there?
  
• New find (to me): Ju'not Joyner, who croons "Hey There Delilah" in a nice scratchy voice. Like!
• Leneshe, our "thuggish ways" girl, sounds ordinary and gets cut. On reflection, I think wearing a big hat was a mistake—we needed to see more of her sunshine smile and happy face.
• I am DONE with Norman Gentle, and I would thoroughly enjoy giving Tatiana a swat.

On to the final cuts! Or, as Ryan says, "It's the final judgment." Well, that's a little Book of Revelations for me, Ry, but potato, potahto.

Another Ryan quote has me laughing uncontrollably: "This year, we've changed everything." And what is Ryan referring to here? The HOUSE in which our contestants receive their Final Judgment. Like they care. Oh, Ryan.

(I guess a Top 36 is something new—I'm trying to figure out how it can work mathematically. If only there were some way to find out!)

So our contestants make their way up a staircase (instead of an elevator! Idol has changed everything!) and we receive the judges' (crazy-ass) verdicts. Which mostly I agree with, at first anyway:

• Anoop ("Like him!" I said. Mimosa adds, "SO much!")
• Von Smith, who emotes, "This is why I'm alive!" (To pummel me with song?)
• A bunch of less interesting people: Alex Hyphenate, cute Arianna, Casey, Megan with the tattooed arm, tall Taylor
• Adam Lambert, yay!
  
• Jasmine Nasal, less yay

Then:

• Lyric Forgetter Joanna? A lyric-forgetting repeat offender? Simon, you threaten with forked tongue

Ryan again: "It's Day 4 of a long, grueling Hell Week." Which, by his own math, has been three days. Long, indeed.

At this point something significant occurred, which at the time I didn't even realize: The kids and I watched only the first half of The Chair of Judgment and taped the rest to watch later. The next day, reading Brunie's post about who survived the final cuts, I writhed in horror. Norman Sprinkles? Crying Boy? Freakin' Tatiana? Should I prepare my kids or let them learn in "real" time?

I decided to at least warn Mimosa, who is a sensitive soul. But I didn't just tell her the names, I acted out each person.

And that's when we learned the thing of significance.

Acting like Tatiana? Is FUN.

Acting like Crying Boy and Norman Comfort is also fun. But acting like Tatiana is really really fun. Mimosa did it, then we did it for Li'l Martini, then he did it too.

So I have a soupçon more compassion for the horror that is these three, because they may not be as impaired as I'd believed. They may simply be having a good time with their own crazy selves, and that is somehow more palatable.

The rest of the Top 36 (the ones we saw, anyway) seem fine, particularly Stevie Wright (we love her!), Scott "Piano Man" MacIntyre, and Lil Rounds.

Hated the sing-offs, which were clearly just a gimmick (as evidenced by the Sing-Off of the Burly Men—if choosing both singers is an option, the whole thing becomes a farce). Simon was especially assy during the Pretty Jen/Funky Kristen death match, where Funky Kristen clearly outsang her opponent, yet Simon insisted on framing it as (1) Pretty Girl vs. Not Pretty Girl, and (2) Jealous Female Judges Who Can't See Past Pretty Jen's Pretty Face. This is nonsensical for two reasons:

1. Kristen is merely a bath, a good haircut, and a foundation garment away from being a Pretty Girl.
2. Watch your own show, insufferable git! You're allowed to pick both of them!

Whatever.

I wasn't home last night (sorry to miss your call, Miss Bru!), so I'll watch last night's show this afternoon and try to resist reading Brunie's post before then. (Oh, who am I kidding?) After that my goal is Timely Blogging, by jingo! Because, honestly, I take really crappy notes. (For example, I wrote this about Jamar, Dead-Wife-Danny's BFF: gotta lowse hart, croats Delilah, I'm nut fun thire is rot qood, even as Paula seys "nitre." Got that? Yeah, me either.)

Speaking of BFFs, I'm blowing a kiss to my own, Lady Darcy, who told me that "Pantone picked 'mimosa' as year's top color"! Color me so proud.

Lady Chardonnay OUT!