Top Nine

Last night was top 9 and it looks like we are going to whip through this in an hour and a half followed by the end of society as we know it, I mean the Osbornes. Thanks to the wonders of TiVo I will be watching it in 40 minutes this morning!

Tonight the Idols can choose anything they want as long as it is a top itunes download. Which means I won’t know any of the songs they do. Wah. I like it when they have to squeeze their “artistry” into a “box”. Who is more annoying – Kara or Randy?

Anoop is singing something by Usher – an artist about whom I can’t help but wonder if his House is Falling. Ladies and gentlemen, pop cultural references, Brunie-style! This song is dull and Anoop has a weird chain on his arm. His homies say this girl is crimping his style. And he is yodeling. Oh it is going to be a long night/morning. You may go back to grad school Anoop (although, I hate that Kara and Simon both brought up college – ooh, higher education is anti-cool). And take Kara with you because I am done with her. The score is Kara 1, Randy 0.

Megan is doing Bob Marley! I might even know this song. “the judges punched me in the mouth” – ha! Okay, listening to her I think that I wouldn’t want to listen to a whole album by her, even though I find her voice interesting to listen to. But part of it is that she has that weirdness to her. I think that a good producer could maker her into a Macy Gray or that other weird sounding girl who sings “in these shoes”. But she sounds consistently weird and not in a good way. So far I want to smack Kara, but I haven’t heard from Randy yet. Nope – Kara takes this one too! I hate it when Idol contestants talk about “My fans” because I don’t think that they have fans so much as the show has fans. Wel, except for Adam, because he has earned them,

Danny is up next in a strange blouse. He is singing Rascal Flatts. I picture them looking like raccoons. Danny looks good this week, not as doughy as usual, although he needs to lose the beard-let. He sounds fine. I like him fine. Randy spoke in complete clichés – he may get the point this round. Kara said that “he moved this audience emotionally and that’s hard to do”. Right! This audience is not emotional at all. They just keep holding back, poor repressed things…

Allison has bizarre hair and crazy dress, but she is singing a song I love and she is singing well with a guitar. But it sounded a little muffled to me, somehow. Randy has focused on the outfit rather than the song. Kara too. I am going to give the point to Randy just because he still annoys and I don’t want him to forget. I guess I need them both to make me realize how much more I like Simon and Paula. Simon mentioned that she seemed to shout the song, which could be a bit of truth.

Scott is singing Billy Joel! I hope he doesn’t give me sister a seizure. Oh, it is JUST THE WAY YOU ARE so chances are it won’t. His piano playing is really amazing. His vocals aren’t the sort of thing that is going to impress the judges, but the fact that he is doing his own arrangement and there are a lot of unique bits in there. And his voice is good, too. I am sure the judges (Simon) are going to mention that this was his chance to be current and he blew it off. But he sounded great tonight and if it weren’t morning, I would have voted for him. And that is saying a lot. Kara didn’t bother me – so I must have loved the song. Randy said “one of the best of the night” and called him Scotty. So he gets the point, but just barely…

Matt is still as homely as the day is long. But he is from Michigan and plays the piano so I will give him the benefit of the doubt. He is surrounded by the audience, which seems creepy. I do like this song and he sounds good vocally, although he seems nervous. And he is playing a keyboard, which I am opposed to for moral reasons. I think that in the case of Allison and Scott, their instruments added to their performance. He was just playing backup for himself. Randy says “check it out, dog” – a classic! But he was cogent. Kara is asking him to make a commitment. She is so needy – she gets the point.

Lil is singing Celine Dion, which I am torn about. I want to hate Celine Dion because she sings in the range that dogs can hear. But she is Canadian. It is impossible to hate Canadians. Lil appears to be wearing a wig! (Last week I commented on her pretty hair and Mrs. Cyn pointed out that it was unlikely that her hair grew 4 inches in a week. Wigs are so outside my frame of reference I had to look them up on the internet. Yep, they are real.) So she sang well and her babies are there! And they aren’t even looking at her. They are tired babies. She sounded good, and I like her. I doubt she is leaving. (and Kara gets the point for saying “Eric Carmen, what?”. Just because. Okay, so Lil started crying and it really seemed to me that she was crying because her kids were there, because the judges weren’t that mean.

Adam is singing PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC. Oh my… He is doing that creepy thing with his face again. He is so much more confident than the others and damn if he isn’t making it interesting – a song I have heard approximately eight thousand times since I was 12. I am not rewinding it, but I would (except that Mr. Crow is getting out of the shower and would commit ritual suicide if I made him watch it). Do you think that Paula wrote down her comments ahead of time and memorized them? Randy used the word “corny” which I love. Adam thanks the band! He is so gracious! Kara used the phrase “up in here” which is slap-worthy. She gets the point.

And they are pimping Kris tonight! He is playing keyboards. And singing AIN’T NO SUNSHINE, which I love. Of course it is one of my greatest hits but perhaps he can do it justice. And there is a caterpillar crawling across his lip! Oh, Kris, don’t mar your beauty. His vocals sound great for someone who is also playing piano. He may be a better musician than I originally thought. Although he looks like he is passing a stone on the last note. Kara counted her words tonight so I give her the point.

So tonight the big winners for me are Adam and Scott.
The safe because they didn’t suck are Danny, Lil, Allison and Kris.
The perhaps damned are Megan, Anoop and Matt.
And the big winner for most annoying judge is Miss Kara!

Brunie – OUT!