As Roy Orbison said, It's o-o-ver

Well, then.

Before I leap into recapping, I need to review the events of my evening and, in fact, contemplate my entire life.

Last week, blogger BeckEye (awesome Web site — check it out; I love her recaps a zillion times more than Television Without Pity's) expressed surprise that I'd never heard U2's "Beautiful Day." I guess it's possible that I've heard it . . . but I definitely don't know it.

I'm not, as I've said, so much a fan of the current modern songs of today. To me, the music you young people listen to is mostly unmelodic and unpretty. A thumping beat, without much else to recommend it. But that's fine. You listen to your music, I'll listen to mine — we can all get along!

But tonight I had a crushing disappointment. There's an event I look forward to all year — the annual meeting of the company I sort of work for. We have a business presentation for an hour (snore), but then there's free hooch and free food and a band and dancing! I love to dance, and I don't get to do it very often. I hang out with my blogging sister Mrs. Cynicletary and her handsome husband, and we dance the night away.

And we also mock the band, a little, as they tend to play the exact same songs every single year. Of course, the only one I can remember at the moment (it's late) is "Brick House." So, imagine "Brick House" played over and over, for two hours —that's pretty much what we're dancing to. It's very predictable and, yes, not remotely contemporary.

But here's the thing. I know "Brick House." I like "Brick House." And while I wouldn't mind dancing to, say, "Single Ladies" or "Bad Romance" (a song I only learned to like from watching "Glee"), frankly, I'm perfectly happy to dance to "Brick House."

But this year, we didn't hire the band. We hired a DJ. And he played almost nothing but current modern songs of today, none of which I knew, none of which I liked, and none of which I wanted to dance to.

I danced to exactly one song, early in the evening: "September" by Earth Wind and Fire. Then I stood on the sidelines with my jaw agape, listening to crap song after crap song. And finally, I went home.

I can't tell you how disappointed I am!!!!

So why does a girl who listens to a soft-rock station, when she's not listening to CDs of Motown, '70s'-ish pop, and show tunes, blog about American Idol? (A show that many people say would be improved by the addition of more modern music, which I would hate?) Good question. I'm doing it because Brunie stuck a URL in my hand and said, "We're writing a blog about Idol now." And for a few years, it was a lot of fun. But this year? Not so much. And unless they hire a judge or two who knocks my socks off, I think this will probably be my swan song.

But having said that, I want to wrap things up properly and blog the finale, which I did watch in real time. (I guess I needed a week or two to . . . savor it. Yeah. That's why I haven't written yet. I've been savoring.)

THE FINALE

Crystal appears, in a Catholic schoolgirl fetish outfit.

Li'l Martini: "She looks like a nerd."
Me: "I think she looks cute."
Li'l Martini: "You like nerds?"

All the Idolettes then appear dressed as naughty schoolkids, with all the menace of a tardy Osmond. School's out for summer, people! Except, it's only May. Alice Cooper looks semi-cadaverous.

Kris Allen sings . . . something. How happy he must be to hand over the crown of Most Boring Idol. (Oops — spoiler!)

Siobhan and Aaron torture me with slo-mo Bee Gees, then we're joined by two-thirds of the actual Bee Gees, who turn up the tempo just a wee bit. I note that Barry can no longer do the "false." Listen, I'm old and my feet are swelling in the heat; I'm feeling you, Barry. "How Deep Is Your Love?" is my favorite slow-dance song, because it has just enough of a rhythm to get some serious grinding action going. You know, if you're into that sort of thing. I'm a proper married lady now, and Mr. Lady Chardonnay doesn't really dance. But every once in a while, I play "How Deep Is Your Love?" and dance with my hubby in the living room. Slow dancing is a beautiful thing.

Okay, out of my living room and back to Idol. It makes me sad to see Barry and Robin and then remember that Maurice and Andy are dead. They should have brought back Blake Lewis, Chris Sligh, and the rest of the foursome who rocked "How Deep Is Your Love (Love Love Love Love)?" during Hollywood Week. That would have been awesome. This is just sad.

Big Mike's in the house, singing "Takin' It to the Street" with Michael McDonald. For a moment, I wonder if Taylor Hicks will join them, as he sings this song on the Season 5 CD. But it's a Taylor-free moment. And folks, if I'm thinking that a dash of Taylor Hicks will liven things up, we are in dire straits indeed.

Simon is NOT enjoying the Dane Cook song, which, perversely, makes me enjoy it a little more.

The girls come out for a girly group sing of Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful," a draggy boring song I am thoroughly sick of, but they sound very lovely singing together. And yet, I am haunted by déjà vu.

Me: "Haven't they sung this already this season?"
Mimosa: "You're thinking of 'Glee.'"

The girls sound demented singing the second song. I fidget. Christina sings. I yawn. A lot.

Ricky Gervais is a riot.

The boys sing that they can't go for that, then they switch to "Maneater." OK, they're not contemporary in the least, but these are way more fun songs. (Also fun: marveling over Timmy's tan! He's Malibu Ken!) I'm happy. Casey looks relaxed and sounds great, making me more sure than ever that he deliberately dropped the ball, for whatever reason.

Crystal sings some Alanis and is soon joined by Ms. Morissette, and they gyrate around the stage with almost no interaction. Weird. Bring on da quirk, bring on da wack.

The world's two most diffident finalists thank Ford, quietly, for their new cars. Mimosa and I go into hysterics imitating them.

Casey sings of roses and thorns with balding Brett Michaels.

Lee sings a Chicago medley. Again, not contemporary, and again, I'm happy. In fact, I'm in total heaven. I love this crazy band! I, ahem, "became a woman" to "Color My World." And no, I don't mean I got my period. Shortly thereafter, my first college beau chose "Just You and Me" as our song. I sing along with Lee (and, it may be worth noting, no one in my house yells, "Quiet, Mom! We want to hear Lee's beautiful voice!") and have a swell time.

First reaction upon seeing Paula: How cool that she's here! She looks fabulous!!

Second reaction, moments later: Ooooookay then.

Well, Paula's as nutcase bonkers as ever, but it's still great to see her. One question: In all the footage in the Paula Memory Reel, is there a single clip of her and Kara? Hmm.

All the Idols but David Cook are here, and they sound perfectly lovely together. I get a little misty. That was a cool moment. Then they're joined by many former Idolettes, in virginal white, and there's so many, I can hardly see them all. And then it's over. Well, that was odd.

Simon sweetly thanks us, the audience, and says, "You guys are really the judge of the show."

Me: "Wow, that was really nice."
Me and Mimosa, in unison: "And it's true."
Mimosa: "Pickle jinx!"

Child.

Janet Jackson sings, like, twenty songs. Is this some weird attempt to connect Idol to Michael? I grow weary. Just get to the end already. And I have to say, I have this incredible anticlimactic sense — I grow ever more sure that the winner is the underwhelming and thoroughly outsung Lee.

Randy informs us that "Tonight is about Crystal and Lee," and Mimosa and I guffaw.

I have nothing to say about Joe Cocker.

The winner is crowned, and it's indeed Lee. "How do you feel?" Ryan asks. "I can't say," says Lee, as inarticulate as ever. He sings that well-known U2 song, sounds fine, confetti falls, whatever. We'll see how well his album does. I don't think Kris Allen needs to lose any sleep.

I am glad this season is over.

Thanks for reading! Have a wonderful summer.

Lady Chardonnay, OUT!

"That was a kiss on the cheek, when I wanted a kiss on the lips!"

It's almost the finale, woo-hoo! Only one more night of the dullest season evah, yeah! A duel to the finish, yee-haw!

Right.

The opening montage is kind of fun, seeing Lee and Crystal on Day 1, looking geeky and hopeful and so very, very young. Man, this show is not good for the skin. Lee went from dewy youth to middle-aged man in a few short months.

During those early days, who predicted that it would be Lee and Crystal at the end? Crystal, yes, but Lee? It took me half a season to remember how to pronounce his last name.

And Lee's singing first, with his favorite song from the entire season, which to my total astonishment is not "Treat Her Like a Lady," the performance where everything changed for him, but "The Boxer," a song from one of the episodes I missed (Songs of Inspiration Night? whatev). And what a weird choice. The judges have been urging Lee to really break out and go for it all season, so he sings a sleepy tune from lo these many decades ago, brings nothing really new to it, and encourages us all to take a collective catnap. I guess if you're a Lee fan this was good; he didn't do anything wrong, per se. But am I jumping to my feet, as I did after nearly every song during last year's sing-off? (Ah, Kris. Ah, Adam. Sigh.) No sirree, Bob! I am not jumping.

"This night's gonna come down to a duel to the finish!" Randy orates nonsensically, as I howl. Well, that was fun.

Crystal sings "Me and Bobby McGee," which I was glad about, because I also missed this one the first time (how could I have missed so many shows this season when I feel like I spent 99 hours with this crowd???), and she's fine, though I can barely understand a word (it's hot here, I have the fan on; is that it?). Not her greatest performance, but fine.

Why did both kids pick songs with long strings of nonsense syllables? Of all the songs from their entire season . . . Oh, youth today.

Hey, Simon doesn't declare the winner of Round 1! Though I loathe this tic of his, I am strangely LOST without it. (Shout-out!)

Lee's next song is "Everybody Hurts," which I am un-sick of and eager to hear Lee sing. I think he sounds quite beautiful, and I like his more up-tempo version. The judges don't think his voice sounded as pretty as I did (I long for Harry Connick at this moment, yelling at the camera, "Pitchy is not a word!") but they're generally more pleased, 'cause now he's in it to win it, instead of — I dunno, in it for the cute clothes?

(Hey, did you hear that Kara's lobbying for Harry Connick Jr. to replace Simon? Now that, I might actually watch.)

Crystal sings "Black Velvet," which I don't know — am I really the only one? This show has made me face the fact that I know maybe 10 songs written after my formative years. But I can rock the standards, daddy-o! Anyway, she sounds great but is wearing a dress cut very badly for her, which I find distracting. Nothing about the cut of Lee's outfit distracted me, so maybe I'll give Round 2 to Lee, but just barely. By a hemline.

Lee's Crappy Coronation Song is called "Beautiful Day," and as CCSs go, it's not that terrible. We've all heard worse. He does a perfectly nice job with it.

[Update: Apparently this is a well-known U2 song. Oy. See "I only know 10 songs," above.]

Crystal's CCS is, hmm, I can't read my notes. Something about a mountain? It is likewise un-terrible, and she sounds really gorgeous. The judges go Lady Gaga for her, and it looks like Crystal's won it. Well, in the judges' minds anyway, but what do they know, they picked Adam last year. I'm not bitter.

Simon's parting words to Crystal are very sweet, and I was touched.

During Lee's and Crystal's final interviews, I'm reminded anew what a dull, inarticulate group this was. "Why'd you choose that song, Idol-ette?" "Well, it's about dreams, and I have dreams, and so it really spoke to me. Don't ever let anyone tell you you can't have a dream!"

(Because, that means you're not getting enough REM sleep and you will DIE. But I'm betting that's not what they mean.)

So that was our show. Tomorrow night we say goodbye to Sime and crown a winner. Wonder which event will seem BIGGER?

Lady Chardonnay, palpitating (not) from all the excitement (not), and out! (yes!)

Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

So, two are in it to win it, and one is just along for the ride. If Sweet Casey James doesn't go home tomorrow night . . . well, it will be all kinds of wrong, that's all.

Casey opens the show with a song that Randy and I don't know, "OK It's All Right With Me," a dull number that Casey sings very mediocre-ly. (Is that a word?)

I hate when the Idolettes sing songs I don't know. Yeah, I rolled my eyes when Paula chose the Rolling Stones' "Satisfaction" for Bo Bice, but then I sat back with great interest to see what this talented young man would do with a song that every one of us knows by heart.

Think about David Cook's reconstruction of "Billie Jean" and "Hello," or what Adam Lambert did to anything he touched. For me, a particular joy of this show is hearing an Idolette take a song I know well and mix it up.

("Mix it up" being key here.)

Crystal goes on to semi-prove my point by singing a great and familiar song, "Come to My Window," except she doesn't mix it up at all — and I'm not sure that this song called for a harmonica. She sounds fine, but she really brought nothing new to it. (Well, except a harmonica.) Still, it is a great song, and it's fun to hear her sing it. If I were grading the evening, Casey would have a C so far, and I'd give Crystal a B.

Lee has chosen Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Simple Man," and again, I don't know this song, but it's a nice fit for him. He sounds good. An A- performance.

Kara seems to be auditioning for Simon's chair; she has so far used the phrase "having a moment," and now she tells Lee that Round 1 goes to him, a pronouncement usually made by Simon (and no less irritating when made by Kara). Simon, as per usual, has no visible reaction to this. Has he been fully present once this season?

Round 2! Kara and Randy teamed up to choose a song for Casey (which I found odd; Ellen's the newest judge, why didn't she have to share her choice with someone?), and they chose John Mayer's "Daughters," a song I truly loathe, which makes it not unlike every other song by John Mayer, all of which sound the same to me. Loathsome human, boring-as-snot singer. While I like Casey's voice a squillion times better than Mr. Mayer's, there's just not much to this. And with this B- performance, Casey has pretty much purchased his ticket home. (Which I have to believe was his intention — we have seen him be so much better than this.)

Ellen has chosen "Maybe I'm Amazed" for Crystal, a choice that surprised both me and Simon, but I have to say: I LOVE what Crystal did with this. She didn't change the song too much (literally — singing about how she's a man looking for a woman, which I found a tad distracting), but she did things that were unusual for her, singing outside her usual range, putting down her guitar, and using the whole stage. Actually, I found her choreography somewhat awkward ("Okay, I'll walk over here now"), but again — I applaud her for challenging herself, and I thought she sounded great. A solid A.

Lee will be singing "Hallelujah," chosen by Simon, and again I'm surprised — didn't Jason Castro give us the definitive version just two seasons ago? And Little Timmy sang it just a matter of weeks ago! But Lee does a lovely job of it, despite a corny arrangement (that choir! Too much). His nice scratchy voice was a great fit with the tortured lyrics, giving it a different kind of power than Jason's version. I give him an A as well.

So there you have it. The Idolettes' GPAs for the evening are as follows: Casey: C+, Crystal: B++, Lee: A-.

It wasn't a painful hour by any means, but am I wrong to hope that a Top Three performance would inspire more glowing praise than "not painful"? I think not.

Lady Chardonnay, prepared for the white-hot excitement of a Crystal-Lee finale (yawn) and out!

What—the Love Theme from "Planet of the Apes" Was Taken?

Either I am a hundred years old, or these kids are morons. Someone says, "Pick a song from a movie — and you're in the Top 4 now, the stakes are high, it's really gotta be great," and your response is to choose . . . the "classic" song from Caddyshack ?????

Morons.

I don't think Crystal (the aforementioned Caddyshack song-chooser) is in any danger of going home, but if she does it serves her right. Not that any of the other three did any better.

My alternate title for the night: Wasted. Opportunity.

Morons!

Okay, I'm in a bit of a mood. But I'm watching this Top 4 and thinking of Top 4s of yesteryear. Like, well, last year's: Matt "Third Eye" Giraud, Danny Smuggie, Sweet Kris, and Glambert. Not my all-time favorite Top 4, but a thoroughly excellent group.

(All-time best Top 4? Would it be Carrie, Bo, Vonzell, and Anthony? Or Taylor, Katharine, Elliott, and Chris? Just writing these names is making me weep. I am a hundred years old, and Idol's glory days seem so very, very long ago.)

Though I did have a great idea for next year's judges: Dump Ellen (who I love but who hasn't brought anything to the show), dump Kara (long overdue), keep Randy, and add Marie Osmond and David Foster, who were surprisingly good on the otherwise forgettable "Celebrity Duets" from a few years back. (The third judge was Little Richard, who out-cuckooed Miss Abdul by a squillion light years.) Marie is warm and engaging and has very good musical instincts. David is snarky, with a different, more energetic vibe than Simon. Together, they were entertaining and insightful (when they weren't faux-bickering, which got tiresome quickly).

Anyway. I know it will never happen, but that's my dream panel.

Okay, so, so far my post has been a lot of blather without really recapping the show . . . which should tell you how wild I am to get to it! Yeah.

Lee opens with that well-known movie song "Kiss from a Rose." I go to lots of movies, I haven't a clue which movie this song is attached to. He sings it almost exactly like Seal and seems embarrassed much of the time. Does Lee realize he's in the Top 4? Are they all reluctant to claim the title "Winner of the Lamest Idol Season Ever"? That's gotta be it.

You know what I would have liked to hear Lee sing? "Everybody's Talking" from Midnight Cowboy. Or "On the Wings of a Dove" from Tender Mercies. Or "Purple Rain" (from Purple Rain). These would have been great for his voice, and I think he could have done something really interesting with each.

Wasted. Opportunity.

Big Mike's up next, singing "Hold Me" by Michael Jackson from . . . who the hell knows. The only Michael Jackson movie I know of is The Wiz. Though, heck, Mike could've sung "Ben," the tender love song dedicated to a rat — that would've killed. I don't know this song, and I do like the gospel arrangement, it's a nice fit with Mike's voice — but does he knock my socks off, like a Top 4 performance should? Not a prayer.

Mike is the king of falsetto, right? Okay, so let's just ponder this for a second. Falsetto . . . movie music . . . how about the Bee Gees and any song from the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack? I would have LOVED to hear Big Mike sing "How Deep Is Your Love?" or "More than a Woman."

Wasted. Opportunity.

Casey's singing "Mrs. Robinson" and the thing I most enjoyed was his panicked expression when he realized that "the guys" thought he was singing about Kara. Ha! Ha! As I've said before, I like Casey, and he didn't do anything outright wrong, so I pretty much liked the performance. But as I've also said before (two paragraphs ago, to be specific) — Top 4, sock-knocking? Hell to the no.

What would have been a great song for Casey? "Live and Let Die." I think he would've have hit that one out of the park. Or any song from Crazy Heart. Or "Mama, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys." Or "Wonderful World." Or for God's sake, if it had to be Simon and Garfunkel, why that song? Why not the much more beautiful and haunting "Scarborough Fair" or my personal favorite from that film, "April Come She Will"?

WASTED. OPPORTUNITY.

Really, I'm crying now. I love Casey. What a dope.

Crystal rocks the pimp spot with her chosen song from Caddyshack. She brings some much-needed energy to the stage and is channeling her inner Janis, but the bottom line is — it's essentially a stupid song and another wasted opportunity. She's safe as houses, but I am still longing for her to burn up the stage and sing something beautiful and haunting and powerful, something that grabs me by the throat and holds me spellbound for a full minute after she's done. I know she's capable of it. It's the Top. Freaking. 4. What is she waiting for?

Great movie songs for Crystal: "To Sir with Love." (Don't knock it, I saw a spiky-haired rocker grrl burn up the stage with this one a few years ago, and the audience went mad.) "One Night Only" from Dreamgirls. "I Know Where I've Been," the powerful ballad Queen Latifah's character sings in Hairspray.

Sigh.

Both duets were great, though — I'm glad we had those. And according to Simon, Crystal is "back in the game," which – yay? So it's not all bad news.

But this season can't end quickly enough. I don't care who goes home fourth, third, or second. Crown Crystal already, let's throw in the towel and hope for something better next time. Or stick a fork in Idol and declare it done — that would be fine too. I enjoyed moments of this season, but not this tired Top 4. I miss Siobhan and Katie, I guess. Or I am clogged with ennui. I need some Biore ennui strips.

Lady Chardonnay, disappointed!! and out.

p.s. I must blow a kiss to Heaven for its newest angel, Miss Lena Horne, a movie musical goddess who changed the world. "Stormy Weather," there's another great movie song. But don't get me started.

The Puppy Pack!

They are so darn cute! And nice to each other! And from the Ford Commercial, they seem to have a fun time together. I have to say that I would totally love a teevee show about these five wacky kids and their adventures each week. See Big Mike's wife try to throw him a surprise party while "the guys" cause wacky trouble and Mamasox pulls their chestnuts out of the fire. See Lee and Casey both have a crush on the same girl and then it turns out she likes Aaron! Zoiks!

And they have a big production number each week, like the Monkees. Because for the first time EVER I loved the musical number of doom.

[AndI am awfully excited about THE GOOD GUYS - and not just because one of the stars is on Lady Char's answering machine.]

I am at the point where, even though I found last night a little dull, I really don't want to see anyone go! Ooh, quiet, Lady Gaga is on... She is fascinating - like a cross of Kate Bush, Madonna and Yoko Ono. I completely missed Madonna. She was around, but I was not paying attention. I wonder if she seemed this weird to women my age.

But back to the show. I am going to Tivo forward through the filler and will get back with what is going to be my hearbreak over losing Casey, my resignation over Big Mike's departure or my surprise that Aaron's little army of prepubescent girls failed to text enough.

So the whole "backstage with Harry Connick" made him look like a complete jerk! I know he was probably not that bad, and it is the way it was cut. But they really went mean! More puppies! More kitties! More love! And his singing was boring. Snap! He is still cute as a bug. I loved him in MEMPHIS BELLE. And I like his songs. Who knew?

There is a lot of filler this week, but it doesn't seem filler-y to me. I keep watching it, in spite of my desire to Tivo. I think I am just afraid that they are going to send someone home and then my Five Puppies show will just be a dream!

OKay it is down to Mike and Aaron. I suppose either one could go. It isn't really fair because Casey was the worst last night (although he sounded great through this whole show). But I don't really care, because I like him. And not because he is pretty. I guess I like Aaron's voice better, but Mike adds an element of fun.

Oh - bye little Aaron. He is a cute little thing and I hope he will get the Tiger Beat covers he so richly deserves.

Off to work -
Brune, OUT!

Ring-a-ding-dull

Everyone looks very swanky and viva glam tonight, but any resemblance to Ol' Blue Eyes ends there.

Frank was The Man, and I certainly don't expect our Idolettes to touch the hemline of his genius. And my friends, I am here to tell you: They do not. It was a pretty dull show, for the most part, which is especially disappointing at this stage of the game, when our Top 5 should be knocking it out of the park. What we saw tonight was a lot of bunting. Read on . . .

Li'l Aaron's up first, singing "Fly Me to the Moon," a swingin' li'l ditty, and Aaron, looking all grown up in his big-boy tie, sings it sweetly and competently and brings nothing original to it whatsoever. It wasn't bad, it was fine, but it wasn't a Top 5 performance.

(Who else is surprised that Aaron is still here? I have nothing against the little sweetie, I just thought he'd be gone around seven, maybe. Thanks, tween girls!)

Next, it's Casey's turn, and I am not a fan of the ponytail on this man, I must say. I have nothing against ponytails — Mr. Lady Chardonnay grew a ponytail for Mimosa (and cut it off for Li'l Martini), and I looooooved it — but it's not a good look for Mr. James. He's chosen "Blue Skies," another slight little number, and while I enjoyed his performance very much (generally, I'm a fan, and it was fun for me to see him sans gee-tar) – again, it was nothing to write home about, though he did mix up the arrangement a bit and make it more original. Well, more than Aaron did, anyway. The judges were even less pleased, and honestly, I fear for my handsome boy tonight.

As a side note, I have to say that I loved the whole bit with Simon and the Sinatra hankie; a very cool moment, and I believe that Simon truly will treasure it always.

Crystal's up next, looking gawgeous!! She's chosen "The Summer Wind," and it's a nice, controlled performance — I get a cool Peggy Lee vibe from her — but she never breaks out, really, which we're all looking for her to do, and given what she's capable of, this is all pretty underwhelming. She really looks great, though — and did I hear that she's sporting a diamond on her left hand? You know what they say about the single ladies, boyfriend. Man up already.

Big Mike is our penultimate singer (I look for every opportunity I can to use the word penultimate) and does a really lovely job with "The Way You Look Tonight," a song it's almost impossible to screw up. Which he doesn't. But I'm curious: Has Mike's voice/style/presentation changed one iota from the first moment we saw him? As a singer, he seems to have evolved the least. Again, I never was a big fan, so I probably cut Mike less slack than I cut Casey. But he always sounds pretty much the same to me.

(The judges are considerably more whelmed and praise him to the skies, which are bluer for Mike than Casey, that's for sure. I will argue that most of the accolades should go to the song. Then again, points to Mike for choosing the prettiest song.)

Comments Mimosa, after seeing Mike standing next to Ryan: "They look like they're wearing the same suit." (She's not watching Idol, she's only here waiting for Glee to start.)

When I hear that Lee is singing "That's Life," I groan a little; this song seems to be de rigeur for Sinatra/Rat Pack night, and it's not my favorite. But Lee does a fantastic job with it; it is just the right song for him, and he has another one of those nights. Well, good for Lee.

(I missed the judges' response because I was making phone calls; we're having a small crisis in my circle of friends, and if you're a praying sort, please pray for Li'l Martini's best friend, who's been throwing up since Saturday and is being taken by ambulance to Children's Hospital tonight. He's the sweetest boy; I know he's in the best hands and he's going to be fine, but you can't help worrying.)

Tomorrow night, watch for them to do that awful thing where, say, Casey and Crystal are on one side, Lee and Aaron are on the other, and Ryan makes Big Mike try to guess who the bottom two are and go join them. Hopefully, Mike will have the sense of . . . shoot, I can't remember who did this. Bo Bice? David Cook? What I mean is: the person who sat down on the stage and refused to play Ryan's petty game. That is the way to play that scene, my friends. Sinatra-style. Though he'd probably punch Ryan in the nose and call him a punk.

I think Casey's going home tomorrow night, and I'm sad but resigned. Aaron's tweenie girls will keep him in a bit longer, and Crystal's going to win this whole thing, so who else could be going home? It's my blondie bear, pretty much for sure. Oh, well. We both had a nice ride.

Lady Chardonnay, swinging on a star and out!

Fallen Angel

Wow. Did NOT see that coming.

I watched the last 15 minutes of last night's show, and when I saw who was in the bottom 3 (after doing a double-take at Casey), I nodded wisely. Yes, sage that I am, I called it: Mike is going home.

Well, we all know how that played out.

I'm sad but not stunned. Siobhan peaked early, fell quickly, and never regained her momentum. I hope that she goes on to have a lovely and colorful career — she's talented and focused, and I wish her all the best.

Now, Casey in the bottom 3 instead of Lee? America, you are on ludes. And that is one American girl's opinion.

Lady C, out!

I'm a Little Bit Country

Wow, Brunie and I are "simul"blogging, first time all season, I think! And her post only confirms what I already believed to be true: It's Opposite Day in the Chardonnay household, as I rarely agreed with the judges and agree with Brunie only once. Which means that Big Mike is for sure going home, but you didn't hear it from me.

Despite the above title and my obsession with the soundtrack of Crazy Heart and my subsequent doomed crush on Waylon Jennings (I just feel we have no future), I'm not a country music lover and knew very few of these songs. I still had a good time tonight, though, and I must say that Shania — based on what she elicited from our Idolettes — is one fine mentor.

Lee opened the show, looking and sounding a bit sleepy; he started to rouse himself toward the middle and it got better, but it was never electric, and Lee is capable of more than this. But then the judges cheer and huzzah, and I grow confused.

Mike's up next, and I start to frown. He just sounds — hmm, what's a word that means "not good"? That's how he sounds. I actually write the word "girly," then I feel bad. But his voice is all high and breathy and — oh, it does not sound good. But the first three judges are celebrating Opposite Day with a vengeance, and they smite my opinion! Ow!

Except: then Simon says "girly" and I have the proverbial cow. Mimosa came running to see what the ungodly noise was. (Me, cow — she went back to her magazine.)

(Neither of my kids will watch Idol any more. They are done with this season. I muster my wits and carry on, for the sake of the blog, don'tcha know.)

I do love that Mike made Shania cry. That was sweet.

Casey says he's going to step up, and I grow excited and hopeful, because I've been waiting for this for a long time. And it's not a particularly challenging song, it seems to me, but nonetheless, he does push his voice to places I haven't heard from him yet. I am really impressed. His performance reminded me, in an odd way, of Siobhan's version of "Across the Universe," with its quiet tempo and technical precision (though halfway into the song, Casey did rock it out). I really really really liked this, and the judges have finished celebrating their contrariness and finally agreed to hear what I hear. Ellen even used the words "Bob Seger," which I have applied to Casey in the past and which made me feel very musically astute. You know, like Ellen.

Crystal looks adorable and is oddly subdued. She sounds okay but not great. "Okay Crystal" is still better than, say, "Great Mike," but still. I'm disappointed.

(Though having Crystal falter makes the competition a bit more interesting, perhaps. I don't tend to watch the Wednesday night shows, even though I'm in that wacky minority that looooooves the Up with People group numbers — it's just me, Ryan Seacrest, and Snuggles the Fabric Softener Bear — but I am rather curious about tomorrow night's results.)

Sweet little Aaron sits sweetly on his stool, and I prepare for his weekly song of sweetness. And then my jaw drops, because, my goodness, turning 17 has made a man of our sweet baby! He sounds great and assured, and it's a very confident, mature performance. The judges are likewise impressed, and we all beam with pride. Which Aaron accepts, sweetly.

Siobhan is closing, and I have high hopes; I haven't seen her in a week, and her last two performances before that were not so great. And I really want to like this . . . but there is just so much going on! From her busy, busy outfit to her big country band to her relentless pacing to her big affected attitude (the better to sing this song, my dear) — it all kind of overwhelms her voice, which is just too small at the beginning to stand up to all that big busy-ness. And then she finds her signature glory notes . . . and they get away from her, a little bit. It was interesting, and kind of fun, I guess, but not the best Siobhan performance by a long shot, and I am starting to worry that she's lost herself.

So that was our show, and man! I feel like a woman. Don't you?

My favorites of the night were Casey and Aaron, both of whom made me cry a little. In my Mama Bear way, I'm just so proud of both of them!

Going home, as I said, will likely be Mike, who's been voted out before; tonight's performance won't have anyone power-dialing for him. And Lee will be in the bottom three. But will one of our golden girls join him there? This may be enough to get me to watch a results show after all.

Up with People 4-Evah! Lady Chardonnay, out!

Keeping Expectations Low...

I like Shania Twain based on what I learned from the book pictured here. It isn't about Shania, but it is a sweet story about a girl trying to make it in Nashville and each chapter begins with a mini-biography of a country musician who came from nowhere and made it big.

I like Shania because she was raised dirt poor and when she was 22, had moved away and was finally making some noise in Nashville, her parents died. She put her dreams on hold and spent the next 4 years back in Canada where she took in her younger siblings and raised them herself.

So I am pretty sure as a person she is awesome. However, I don't know any of her songs! I have heard MAN I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN and there is another woman-y one that I can't remember the name of. But I am pretty sure I am not going to know any of these tunes.

Lee starts off with STILL THE ONE which is not the one where "We're still havin' fun and you're still the one" that I remember from my youth. He does that Lee thing where he looks a little pained and sings with his scratchy old voice. He sounded fine.

(Hey, did you know Alison Irahita is on the cover of LATINA magazine this month? She looks cute as a bug.)

Big Mike sings IT ONLY HURTS WHEN I'M BREATHING which is one of those "clever" songs where it says crazy crap that kind of means the opposite. It is so odd that the arms of the inferi don't even know what to do. And his last note sounds like it is in a different key. But that could just be the song. Apparently hid did well, but I couldn't tell.

Casey sings DON'T which I have never heard before in my life. I cracked up when he said "I am only playing rhythm guitar." He sounds good, not great. But the crowd goes wild. The judges liked the country vibe. And they really liked the connection he had with the song. And then Simon tried to pimp him out to Shania who is MY AGE for heaven's sake!

What is Miss Crystal doing out here in the middle of the competition? Damn, Ryan draws attention to Shania's white teeth and Crystal doesn't even flinch. Although I do. She is singing NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW and she does a cute little falsetto and I really like it. She sounds a little Joni Mitchell-ish. I kind of like it because it is different from her usual thing. But I wonder if it is a little light for the competition. And I want to slap Kara. And Simon gets all shirty! I hope it won't hurt her chances...

L'il Aaron sings YOU GOT A WAY or some such crap like that. He once again sounds really good if you just don't look. I really do hope he will be a little Tiger Beat poster boy when he leaves IDOL. I don't think he is going to be here much longer. Randy uses the word "wheelhouse" twice in the same show losing all credit that he gets for using it in the first place. Aaron says he was singing the song to his mom which is sweet and also kind of icky. Simon even liked him.

Siobahn looking like her wacky little self is singing ANY MAN OF MINE. Shania sounds so darned Canadian when she is giving advice! She is my second favorite Canadian singer of all time! Siobahn is going home because she is not doing much and she is dragging behind the band a little. She get's her big ass note in there, but it is too little too late. I can't believe they ended with her. Now I love little Siobahn and her wacky glassblowing oxygen deficient brain. But I didn't like it and I can't believe the judges bought it. Bleh...

I think that Siobahn or Big Mike should go byesies. But what do I know?

Off to watch GLEE...

Brunie, OUT!

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N !

Queried one of our many fans, "Was the 'inspirational' week so non-inspirational that there is no update?"

Though many flip remarks come to mind (We hate inspiration! We are all about boot straps and perspiration!), the real answer is that around these parts it's school vacation week, and we devoted mammas have been tending to our young and spending that quality time.

(I read four library books and fell in love with a new cocktail, the Trystini: raspberry vodka, triple sec, and passion fruit nectar. Boy howdy, is it gooooooood!!!)

(In other words: AWESOME week.)

I have every expectation that blogging will resume this week, as the kids are back in school and we have nothing but time on our hands.

Then again, flesh is weak. Que sera sera.

Lady Trystini Chardonnay out!

Thank you, thankyouverymuch...

So I know that Lady Char has been carrying the rest of us for the past few weeks. It just so happens I am home at the same time that Idol is on. So I thought I would celebrate by typing as I watch.

So Crystal opened with SAVED and did my favorite thing, which is singing like the best singer that ever sang. I am very tired of Randy name checking Bonnie Raitt (who I like as a personality, but am not all that big a fan of). The judges gave her the tongue bath she so richly deserves.

Andrew sang a Vegas-y version of HOUND DOG that didn't make me want to vomit. Ellen made my least favorite judge remark when she used the word "swagger". Dammit! Kara just said "swagger" too. Blech. The judges hated him and I have a suspicion he will be gone tomorrow.

Tim is singing I CAN'T HELP FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU. His guitar playing is good and Adam thinks he is so so pretty. And frankly, he is not bad. It hurts me to say it, but he is not annoying to me. Well, he still does that annoying thing where he says "uh" or "en" before a vowel as he is singing. And I believe he wimped out of ending on the falsetto. But he sounded good and compared to how he usually sounds - he was pretty awesome. I still loathe him, but he doesn't deserve to go based on this performance.

Lee is doing a bluesy version of A LITTLE LESS CONVERSATION. It isn't his best ever, but I do love his voice. I think it was a little bland myself. The judges seemed pleased. Quite pleased.

Little Aaron is going to sing BLUE SUEDE SHOES and in his promo he sounded fantastic. And he does in performance as well. If you don't look at him he sounds freaking amazing! I just can't watch his Elvis dancing. But he sounded great. Simon pointed out that he didn't do anything new, but he did the old stuff well.

Siobahn looks incredibly stunning tonight. She looks huge next to little Ryan on the stools. Or he looks tiny next to her. Who can tell? Okay, her face looks a little funny to me when she is singing SUSPICIOUS MINDS. She sounds good but looks a little like Mrs. Cunningham from Happy Days. She rocks it out about 3/4 of the way through and makes me love her again. Randy concurs. And while I could care less what Randy says, he is right. In response to Simon's dis she makes what, from anyone else would sound like a bitch-statement, "If I can't even label myself, I don't think it is necessary to be labeled." But she believes it, so I will allow it.

I bet Brian Dunkleman stabs a Ryan Seacrest voodoo doll over and over every night before he falls into his fitful, tortured sleep.

Big Mike (He has a baby, did you know?) sings IN THE GHETTO. Beautiful voice. Damn. Beautiful voice. Man, that was really good.

BABY, WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO? is the question that Katie is singing. She sounds good and looks like the cutest dominatrix in the eleventh grade. I don't think it was half as good as last week, but not bad.

Casey is batting clean-up and he is singing LAWDY MISS CLAWDY. "Please don't excite me", indeed! He sounds all jam-band-y and I like it a lot. When he sings he's "down in misery" he has a little smile on his face that convinces me that his misery involves LOTS of patchouli smelling sex. It wasn't my favorite Casey, but it was pleasant.

In watching the review clips I am shocked to find that after Mike, my favorite is Tim! This is such a Mrs. Cynicletary moment. The two preformers who annoy me the most are my faovorites of the night! I also think Crystal, Lee and Aaron sounded great. Siobahn and Casey weren't overwhelming, but they were still good. Andrew and Katie are going home in my perfect world. We will see tomorrow.

Brunie, OUT!

Didgeri-diggity-doo!

Once again, I debated the merits of a likely dull Idol evening vs. crawling into bed with Lost and V and a hot cuppa (and I battled a migraine all day, I am one tuckered tootsie), but curiosity (or my Type A personality) won out, and I chose to hear the Idolettes tackle the Lennon-McCartney songbook. And the tide has turned, or the worm, or something, because these lackluster songbirds have finally stepped up and found their voices; tonight's weakest performer still wasn't half bad, and this was a pretty great show all around, I thought. Your mileage may vary, but me? I am drinkin' the Kool-Aid, man, and I'm a happier person for it.

First up is young Aaron, who sings "The Long and Winding Road" perfectly nicely. I think I say this about Aaron every week. He has a perfectly nice voice and is a lovely young man. I don't see any real star power, but it's a decent rendition of a lovely song. And — spoiler! — this perfectly nice performance, turns out, is one of the weakest of the night. So, not so great for Aaron, maybe, but good news for us!

Tonight's time-filling innovation is "Get to Know Your Idolettes" — little snippets about each of them in "real" life. I enjoyed it, and the person I enjoyed the most, consistently, throughout the night was — Katie! She is such a fun, funny girl; she can do hilariously spot-on imitations of the others, and seems to have warm, genuine relationships with all of them. Who knew?

And she's up next, singing "Let It Be," one of those perfect songs that it's hard to mess up, and Katie does well with it — changing the tempo just enough that it's not pure karaoke, but still respecting the purity of the song. It's a sweet, strong, confident performance. Wow, is she growing on me! I would not have predicted this. The judges are likewise surprised and impressed.

Andrew, still beaming with confidence from last week's surprise hit performance, does a bouncy version of "Can't Buy Me Love" and looks like the love child of Wayne Newton and Kim Jong Il, to the point where I can't even look at him any more. He sounds fine and it's a kind of fun version, but ultimately a bit silly. So he joins Aaron under the "Weakest of the Night" banner — but I've heard him be way worse than this, for sure.

Big Mike has chosen to speed up the tempo of "Eleanor Rigby" and sounds a bit like Tom Jones doing so. I liked the arrangement; the judges were mixed. I will say, though, that Mike's skill as a performer outweighs his skill as a vocalist, and at some point someone besides me will notice that. This is a singing competition, after all, as a certain Brit used to remind us weekly, before he became so obsessed with having "a moment."

When I hear that Crystal is singing "Come Together," a song I loathe, I groan and cringe and brace myself. Then I remember that Crystal is magic. (See: Tracy Chapman) And she is indeed fantastic. Best of the night, in my opinion. Didgeri-whee!

Tim "Can You Believe I'm Still Here?" is up next with a perfectly nice version of "All My Lovin'." His voice is fine, it's a peppy song (though he pronounces "I'll" like "all" — "To-morrow all miss you" — which I don't like; I'm a fan of e-nun-ci-a-tion) — again, I don't see any real star quality, but there's nothing really wrong here. The judges are a tad more impressed, and Tim seems gratified.

Casey Trevor Drake Fabio says that he's singing John Lennon's "Jealous Guy," a song I don't know, and a few bars in I grow very sad, wishing that John were here to sing it. But Casey does a great job, especially toward the end when he's all fired up and Bob Seger-y; I love his growly voice. To me, he was second only to Crystal tonight.

Mrs. C opined last week that only Lee is really getting better, but I think for the most part they all are, Casey and Katie in particular (in addition to Lee, I mean). And for that reason, perhaps, there is something to be said for having slightly-less-than-stellar contestants at the outset. I compare this season to the previous most-lackluster season, the one won by Jordin Sparks, and I think about those folks (Phil, Blake, Melinda, LaKisha, Haley, Sanjaya...), and I really do think this group is better.

(Because, that group? Really blew. But I digress.)

Siobhan's up next, and I'm nervous for her, given her not-so-great performance last week — and after she sings, I'm still a bit nervous, I must admit. Her restrained version of "Across the Universe" was technically almost perfect — "from a singing perspective," as Kara said, it was beautiful. But as a whole, it was just kind of odd — and Siobhan is an odd, quirky girl, and we all love that about her, but as I said — I'm worried. I don't think she's going home, but I do think she needs to be very, very brilliant next week. Which she totally can be.

I tend to read my book (tonight: Keeping the House by Ellen Baker, sooooo good so far!) during commercials without looking up, but this tag for a Fox news story made me howl: "Sent to Fake Prom." Oh, that poor girl.

(For some reason, it reminded me of one of my favorite Lifetime Television for Women movie titles: "She Woke Up Pregnant." Don't ask me to explain how my brain works.)

Lee drew the Pimp Spot this week, and, whoo! Talk about high expectations. Which he doesn't quite live up to, though his rendition of "Hey Jude" is really good, especially the ending . . . and I'm looking at my notebook to write these words, then I look back up at the TV screen — and there's a bagpiper.

(I totally thought I was on ludes. That was a trip.)

So that was our show, and I had a swell time: some lovely young voices, and some of the greatest music evah. Mrs. C said recently that people are either Elvis people or Beatles people, and I protested that I was both (which annoyed her greatly), but I realized later that I was talking only about singing; when you consider musicianship as a whole, of course the Beatles are the masters of the universe. (Sorry, King.)

The bottom two seats will likely contain Andrew and Aaron tomorrow night (though I think Aaron has a lot of rapid-dialing fangirls, so who knows), but I really have no idea who will occupy seat #3. Tim? Katie, out of habit? Siobhan (gasp!)? Mike? Truly, no clue.

Going home, I think, will be Andrew — which is too bad, in a way, as he should have been sent home for much worse performances than this one! But it's time.

Lady Chardonnay, out!

The One Where Siobhan Became the Underdog and Lee's Life Changed Forever

Hully gee! Once again, I got all comfy with my low, low expectations, and then these Idolettes, for the most part, knocked my (Bower)socks off! If Siobhan is one of the weakest, you know there's some mad singing going on. Or it's Armageddon — it could always be Armageddon.

But the Four Horsemen have thus far evaded my living room, so I'm going with the former.

Siobhan's our lead-off singer tonight, and chose to tackle "Through the Fire." First off, the big glasses threw me, as I kept thinking I was seeing Big Glasses Girl from Hollywood Week – and what shenanigans were going on now? Was it another Chris Golightly/Tim Urban thing, and they had to pull in yet another previously-passed-on Idolette? But no, it was just Siobhan doing that I-can-get-away-with-this-nonsense thing that wildly talented beautiful girls with attitude can in fact get away with, but it didn't make me love her, nor did her diva 'tude post-performance, though I'm getting ahead of myself.

Her performance was just all right, and Randy called it: It wasn't the big screamy notes, it was the lower notes that were the problem. But the big screamies are kind of their own problem too, because they're now predictable and a little silly.

And then she went back to the dressing room and didn't talk to anyone; I get that she's young and it's hard to get your first bad reviews, but sweetie, America's watching; put on your happy face and move on. Have a hissy later in the shower, like a grown-up.

I don't for one minute think she's in trouble, but hopefully this will be a wake-up call and she'll sing for her life next week, because that would be cool to hear.

ANYWAY. Batting second is Casey, rocking out on a bluesy "Hold On, I'm Coming" with his great raspy voice; it's not a hugely original version, but he gives a confident, assured performance and sounds fantastic. He is in the zone, man. The judges all liked it too, and Casey beams.

Michael is singing India Arie's "Ready for Love" (yes, I know that's not how she does her name, but I am a writer of English), a song neither Kara nor I knew, but as far as I can tell he does a nice job with it. I liked that he avoided his falsetto. I'm still not a huge fan of his voice, and when he sings a ballad I find it all a little dull, but I actually think his voice is getting better. And he is such an immensely likable presence, he'll be around for a while.

Didi promises to emote through "What Becomes of the Broken-Hearted?" and then sings a curiously flat version of it. Who'da thunk the day would come when we'd beg for more emotion from Didi? Yeah, this just wasn't good at all, and I don't know what to make of it. The judges are likewise nonplussed. I'm sad, because I used to love her (but it's all over now).

That crazy kid Tim takes it into his head to sing Anita Baker's "Sweet Love," and earnestly assures Usher that he has in fact been in love, and next year he gets to stay up till 10:30 and borrow the car two nights a week! Oh, Tim. I do truly love how much fun he's having with all this — he beams and beams as the judges flay him. (He doesn't sound terrible — he's fine. The song is way too sophisticated for him, that's all.)

So Andrew's next, and I have my usual feeling of total disinterest, other than mild surprise that he's still here — hut blow me down, he does a very nice job with "Forever." I'm still not a big fan of his voice, but tonight he pulled it together and it all worked. Nicely done, Andrew.

Little bitty Katie tells Usher that she's singing "Chain of Fools," and I'm thinking, Ohhhh honey. But I freakin' loved it! (Way more than the judges did, for sure.) What I saw was a young girl casting off all the confusing advice she's received, singing a song she's sung into her hairbrush 1,200 times, having a great time playing a part, and just really letting go and enjoying herself. And that made me happy. Go, kitten!

Pre-Lee side note: I had lunch with our usual blogging partner Mrs. Cynicletary today, and she confirmed that she's not into blogging this season and has barely connected with the show so far — but the one contestant she's interested in is Lee, as she sees great potential there and he's already starting to get better. So she may be one of the few who weren't completely stunned by what came next.

Lee, who has always been a consistent, competent performer, brought down the house tonight! He nails "Treat Her Like a Lady" with astonishing vocals and tremendous stage presence, charisma emanating like a sexy halo. He looked confident and mature and handsome. What a singer! What a performance! Where on earth did that come from??!!!

"This may be the night your life changed forever," said Simon, and I got a chill.

Thank goodness la Bowersox is up next, because I can't imagine anyone else following Lee's stealth brilliance with any success. Though Lee did steal a bit of Crystal's thunder; by the time we got a gander at her stilettos, I think we were all surprised out.

But it deserves to be commented on: Crystal cleans up very, very nicely. ("Crystal's a girl!" I squealed.)

I couldn't watch her while she played the piano because she made me too nervous, but her voice was as pure and lovely as ever. "Midnight Train to Georgia" was a perfect song for her. A very nice, clean, polished, fine performance. And good for her for mixing it up a bit.

Little Aaron closes the show, singing "Ain't No Sunshine," one of those fabuloso songs that it's hard to really screw up, and he doesn't really screw up, he sounds sweet and fine, but it's nothing to write home about. But I was a tad disappointed: Aaron was the recipient of the one and only piece of Usher advice that I thought actually useful, and that was how to sing the long string of "I know I know I know I know . . ."s. Aaron did it really well with Usher, but then he didn't do it on stage, which was a bummer. But Aaron is such a cute little pup, I don't think he's in danger.

But then . . . who is? Most people did pretty well tonight!

Based solely on tonight's performances, the bottom three should be Didi, Tim, and Siobhan, with Didi going home. I truly can't believe that Siobhan will be in the bottom three, though, and I suspect that my delight over Katie's inner vixen will NOT be the popular opinion, so Katie will likely take her usual place in the bottom three with Didi and Tim. Though I still think Didi will go home.

Wow, for a season touting "the strongest women yet!", the chicks are sure dropping like flies, aren't they?

Lady Chardonnay, out!

What I Did Last Night

(instead of watching Idol)

A PTO meeting at Li'l Martini's school, then a lovely bubble bath, then climbing into bed to watch "Lost." Which I slept through most of, so I'll have to repeat the process tonight, sans meeting. I'll try to catch Idol today, but I'm dealing with a computer meltdown and a 130-page math curriculum to edit — the odds, they aren't so good.

Sister bloggers, might you step up? (Mrs. Cynicletary has succumbed to ennui this season; she has yet to make it through a whole episode without the urge channel-surf. And BrunhildeCrow is busily packing galoshes and the like for her upcoming jaunt to the wetter coast — I'm not counting on either of them, frankly, but a girl does like to be asked.)

Lady Chardonnay, back to work and out!

Everybody Must Get Stoned

It's Stones night, and I am one happy mama! I love the Stones, especially Keith, I love when the Idolettes sing songs I know, I am high on life.

And if I'd bet on "lost" as the drinking-game word of the night, I'd be considerably snockered right about now. Too bad.

Setting the tone for the evening is Michael Lynche, who is feeling no pain; he owns the stage, and the crowd goes wild. It kind of doesn't even matter what his vocals sound like (though he sounds pretty good); he is such a giant chocolate teddy bear, and his joy is infectious. And his version of "Miss You" is also a lot of fun (I kinda like it better than the original, in fact — don't tell Keith!!). A great start to the evening, or, as Randy says, "Dawg, you slayed it."

My girl Didi Benami is next, singing one of my favorite Stones songs, "Play with Fire." Hmm — half of me likes her torchy rendition, half of me is finding it a little weird, and it seems like she hit a bum note at the end. I do still love her voice, though; she's got this little twang that I find very appealing. Potato, potahto, BeckEye!

Casey James has decided to channel Bad Blake tonight, singing, "It's All Over Now," and the result is smokin'! I LOVED it. (Though Simon's comment, that Casey still needs to push himself, is not unreasonable.)

Lacey Brown chose the song that used to be my son's lullaby, "Ruby Tuesday," and does all kinds of weird twisty Lacey things to it, and I'm growing weary of her vocal acrobatics. I was looking for a BIG chorus here, but she just kept on keeping on with her sleepy version (and later Ellen used the word "sleepy" as well, so I'm totally right). Li'l Martini was disgusted: "You used to sing THAT to me?" "Yes, but better," I said. Then I notice what she's wearing: a lacy beige half-slip over her nice striped shirt, which: odd. Though it reminds me of when I was in college and used to wear all these cotton slips I bought at Goodwill, you know, as outerwear. You can do that when you're in college, or at least at my little hippie college you could. But we're grown-ups now, and even Madonna wears her underclothing actually under her clothing.

Li'l Martini: "You're not going to judge her on her outfit, are you?"

I sent him to bed.

Up next is Andrew Garcia with "Gimme Shelter," and honestly, his vocals didn't bother me at all. He's still not my favorite, but I didn't have to fight the urge to stab my ears with pointy things, and that is a huge step forward in the healing, friends. The Stones!! They are so magic!! (Ellen Chardonnay DeGeneres calls it his best performance yet, and I am forced to agree.)

Little Katie Stevens has chosen to sing "Wild Horses," and I feel bad for her. In her brilliant book Sex Tips for Girls, Cynthia Heimel suggests dancing aerobically to Stones music as a fun path to physical fitness, though she cautions you to avoid songs like "Wild Horses" (not aerobic) and to dance like Mick rather than Keith. Mick is aerobic. Keith mostly stumbles. The point is, I think "Wild Horses" is a major snoozer, though Katie looks very pretty, very age-appropriate for once, and gives it a sweet teenage yearning that I didn't anticipate. A good-not-great performance, but she's getting there.

Tim Urban sings "Under My Thumb," and I keep thinking of our reigning Idol, sweet young Kris — isn't Tim basically Kris Lite? Perfectly cute, perfectly nice, perfectly competent, not going to set the world on fire any time soon — just a nice, nice boy. The difference, I guess, is that Kris really was capable of greatness on occasion, and I don't think Tim's there — but anyway. It was a perfectly nice performance, and I guarantee no one will ever give it a second thought. Except for the people reading this sentence right now.

For the second time tonight, Kara refers to Randy and Ellen as "the guys," which is just so weird. Did Kara ever call Paula a "guy"? Man, she is grating.

I start doing math in my head, counting the remaining singers and my thus-far-unsung favorite Stones songs and wondering if I'll get lucky — and, shaZam! Here's my favorite girl, Siobhan Magnus, singing my favorite song, "Paint It Black"!!

. . .

. . .

(That blank space is a moment of silence for Siobhan, who rendered me speechless.)

(LOVE.)

(HER.)

Unfortunately, someone has to follow la diva, and it falls to poor Lee DeWyze, who sings "Beast of Burden," sounds a lot like yesterday's Casey James, and never really ignites. It's fine, and I still love his craggyy voice, but the arrangement was too familiar and therefore dull.

Hey, something's gotten into Ellen tonight — she finally seems comfortable at the judges' table, and her comments have ranged far beyond her usual "great." Someone got the lady a thesaurus! Good on her.

Paige Miles is wearing an unfortunate outfit — what's with all the shorts over dark stockings? Is this a hot new look? yikes — and rocks out a little bit with "Honky Tonk Woman," but it's still a little off. Maybe it's her laryngitis, but my fear is that she's this year's Lill Rounds — an undeniably good singer, but an inability to really connect with a song and the audience. I don't remember her from Hollywood, so I'm still waiting for this great voice that Simon keeps talking about. I hope I get to hear it.

When I heard that little Aaron Kelly was singing "Angie," I did my first (well, and only) spit take of the night, but he does a very sweet job of it. (I can't imagine ever writing a review of Aaron's singing that doesn't revolve around the word "sweet.")

Closing the show is Crystal Bowersox, singing another of my favorite Stones songs, "You Can't Always Get What You Want," and while the judges were a bit less whelmed, I thought she was fantastic. Less folk-y than usual and more rock-y, she was polished and professional, simultaneously hot and cool, and she sounded sublime. Love the song, love her, loved the performance.

So that was the show, and given all the bitching I've done about this season's lackluster talent, I have to give the Idolettes their props: They are a pretty good group after all.

Going home? I have no idea. Tim and Lacey were the weakest, but I suspect that each has a cult-like fan base, so the lower-wattage Andrew, Lee, Didi, Katie, or Paige could be in trouble instead. Yes, it could be any one of these seven. You heard it here!

Lady Keith Chardonnay Richards, OUT!

Everything I Thought I Knew

A few years ago, the company I worked for hired an interim CFO. This thrilled me, because I didn't know that such a job even existed. And I love when that happens, because it lets me keep believing that somehow, somewhere, my dream job actually exists.

Which is: to read TV Guide and then be quizzed on it.

Ah — that's my heaven. I absorb nothing so readily as the content of TV Guide. I don't even watch that much TV, really (which is ironic, for the girl blogging a TV show) — I've never seen an episode of Melrose Place in my life, for example, but I can tell you the basic overview of the original show and name the entire cast, and even drop a few plot points re: its latest incarnation.

I'm not especially proud of this skill. Like people who can spit really far or burp the alphabet — it's just an odd thing that I happen to be able to do very well.

But now — hmm. I have to wonder if TV Guide has gone deranged.

There they are: the eight finalists that TV Guide labeled "the ones to watch." And as faithful viewers well know, the only one who even made it to the Top 12 is Andrew "Yawni" Garcia, Gokey 2.0, and his days are likely numbered.

(which: yay !!)

Can I continue to hitch my wagon to the star of such a deeply impaired publication?

Lady Chardonnay, befuddled and OUT.

Half a Mind

Lady Char has brilliantly recapped the performances this week. While I don't agree at all about the boys (I loathed Tim and Aaron and loved Todrick and Alex.) apparently America was drinking the same hooch she was.

Now for the girls, I am overjoyed. I have been wanting to slap Lily for awhile and while I never was appalled by Kaitlyn, I far prefer Paige to her and I really hope Paige gets her somethings in a something (Ducks in a row? Babies in the bathwater? Whatever cliche that means she stops sucking...). Lady Char was 100% right and America agreed!

And I am so looking forward to the theme nights!

See you next week.

Brunie, OUT!

I Know What Boys Like

. . . and it ain't Randy Jackson in a bikini, my friends.

So, Idol also has male singers, apparently! This is my first time seeing them since Hollywood (when I was — what's the word? — unwhelmed), so I settled in for a comfy evening of low expectations and ennui.

Lee "Who?" Dewyze starts us off with a song I don't know, called "I'm Awake, I'm Asleep, I Have Dreams & Seams," and he is the very definition of affable. I enjoy his voice, I enjoy his low-key performance — there's no real star power here, but what's not to like? Go, Lee!

Hmm, perhaps I have misjudged these fellows! Perhaps I've been too quick to bond myself to quirky brilliant Siobhan, charismatic Crystal, and my lovah Didi! With an open mind, I warmly greet #2 guy, Alex Lambert.

And with his first nasal note, I slam it back shut again. Alex sings about "Trouble" dogging him since the day he was born (six years ago), and I feel his misery, BELIEVE me. Go home, Alex, to that strange barber-less town where you live. Please. Go home.

Up next is Tim Urban, whom I believe to be the "Vote for the Worst" whipping boy this term. He sings "Hallelujah," and I am at a loss, because I think he's delightful. His voice is clean and true, and it's a lovely rendition of this lovely song. The VFTW people can go hang — I am solidly on the Tim Urban train. Tonight anyway.

Andrew Garcia is up next, and I do my little Zen breathing thing where I let go of all my stored Danny Gokey resentment and open my mind to the clean slate that is Andrew. He doesn't help me by gibbering unintelligbly about "roots" for about five years. Andrew is singing "Genii in a Bottle," huh, and from the first note he's lost me; I cannot abide that high reedy voice of his. I also must document Andrew's accessories: V-neck cardigan, two chunky diamond earrings, and a chain on his pants. He's like the nerdiest gang member ever.

Once again I tried, Dear Readers, Lord knows I tried, but Andrew is simply Not For Me.

Casey James sits on a stool with his acoustic guitar and sings "You'll Think of Me," very simply, with his deep, lovely voice. This is the kind of low-key but smooth performance I go all kinds of nutty for, and no, it was not Casey's pulchritude, I kept my eyes closed the whole time, sisters. I'm determined to quit posting about how very, very pretty Casey is; as TV Guide admonished Kara, "Keep it in your pants, will ya?" He is a genuinely talented man and deserves better.

Hmm, but I'm startled by the judges' lukewarm praise, and Simon's later dis of "boring" performers who "sit on a stool playing a guitar." Wow — I find almost nothing hotter than a guitar-playing long-haired lovely man straddling a stool, but then, Simon is way more intrigued by Randy in a bikini than I'll ever be, so I guess it's safe to say that our romantic fancies have little overlap.

Time for Aaron "16!" Kelly, who sings a great big song with his sweet big-boy voice, and dances awkwardly, like one of those toys where you push a button on the bottom and it does a series of deep knee bends (what are those called?). But he is very dear and seems more confident onstage than the last time I saw him. His voice is fine, he's eminently lovable, and I want a lifetime of puppies and muffins for Aaron Kelly, really I do. Can I vote for that?

And now I'm starting to worry, because the only one I've really disliked is Alex Nasalbert (well, and Andrew, but I think there's a law against voting him out), and two boys have to go home; what does this mean for Casey? But thank heaven for Todrick Hall, who tries to convince us that he wants "Somebody to Love," when it's abundantly clear that he already loves himself quite sufficiently. Todrick prances and preens and delivers an outstandingly underwhelming vocal; you need a great voice to perform this great song, which Todrick has not got. Period. But oh my is he pleased with his little prancy self. Ugh.

Michael Lynche, another high-voiced man, is bringing us home tonight, and I haven't been that impressed with him before — and when he opens "This Woman's Work" with his customary falsetto, I roll my eyes. But then he won me over with his expert command of the stage, beautiful vocals, and near-perfect connection to this song. A truly fine performance and a joy to watch and listen to. Michael Lynche, who knew?

So, wow, that was some show! Low expectations, it turns out, are exactly the right companion for an evening of Idol.

Who is going home? you ask. Well, of course I vote for Alex Nasalbert, Andrew Underwhelming, and Todrick Prancypants, but I am scared for the Nice Boys who sang clean, quieter songs: Lee, Tim, and Casey. Come on, Idol voters! (of whom I am not, so far this season anyway) Let the right one(s) in!

With that, I bid you a good night. Lady Chardonnay, OUT!