Hello, Larry

So tonight I accidentally caught two minutes of Larry King — (excuse me, I had to go rinse and spit) — and who should be on but our three judges + Ryan, quelle surprise! It was fun to see them in a different setting. Simon and Randy looked much the same, Paula looked outstandingly fresh and pretty, and Ryan was—well, frankly, bumpy. I don't know if it's warts or moles or benign facial cysts, but Ryan has several noticeable bumps around and about his face, which don't show up on the expensively lit Idol stage but in Larry's cheap-ass studio you couldn't miss 'em. And given the notorious vanity of la Seacrest, if I were a certain facialist I'd be quaking in my boots tonight. But anyway.

Some learnings: All have signed on for at least two more seasons; Simon, much to his dismay, "quite likes" the song Randy just produced for Paula; and they all predict a David v. David finale. And before they've even performed, Simon thinks that Syesha or Kristy Lee will go home this week. Well, that's just math, isn't it. (Actually, he didn't say "Kristy Lee," he said, "that one whose name I can never remember." Oh, dear.)

I meant to write about Ramiele last week (the title of that post would've been "Get Shorty") but simply ran out of time. It's too bad; she was one of my favorites going in, but she seemed to peak early and never did get the hang of the big ol' stage. Good luck to you, tiny one, and we'll see you on the tour.

And now a word to Our Miss Brooke, who's had three less-than-stellar weeks and needs to step up tonight. Brooke, doll, what were you thinking with that cheerful rendition of "Jolene"? You know better than that! Quit twinkling at the audience, and focus on your song! She's still my favorite girl, but I've been burned before.

Tonight I'm hoping that Kristy Lee will drape an American flag about her shapely form, and that freakin' David Archuleta will hawk a loogy at it.

Lady Chardonnay OUT.