Believe, Hope and Dream. Or not...

In the interest of full disclosure, I hate inspirational music. I already have a positive outlook, thank you very much. I don’t need some falsetto-ed meathead forcing me to “believe” or “hope” or “dream”. Shut up and sing about lust, revenge or driving fast…

Chris opened the show with Clapton’s CHANGE THE WORLD and he sounded great. He reminded me of Michael MacDonald a little bit. He didn’t seem smarmy or anything. And the judges loved him.

Melinda sang THERE WILL COME A DAY which I had never heard before. I think it might be Jesus-y which I am all in favor of, but seems odd on Idol. I couldn’t really focus on the words because I was so amazed at the sight of an actual neck under her fabulously singing face! She had visible neck, people! She had a kind of low riding choker which looked fantastic. Her voice was amazing, as usual. The judges loved her and Simon said “master class” again which makes him a poncy twit.

Blake sang IMAGINE. There was a question from a fan beforehand. Blake was asked “What is the biggest sacrifice you have made to be on Idol?” And Blake used tremendous effort of will and did not respond “My integrity.” The thing about IMAGINE that is so great is that it exists at all. It is the power and the message and the fact that Lennon died violently that create the perfect poignancy of this song. I don’t ever want to hear anyone sing this song other than John Lennon or a fourth grade choir.

Lakisha sang a Fantasia song that I never heard before and disliked so intensely that I have blocked out whatever the title might be. The judges went on and on about how hard it is to compare to “the Fantasia version” which made me laugh because I have managed to live this long without hearing it. But I suppose they would have been paying more attention to Fantasia than I have. Mr. Crow was unable to come up with an accurate description of her bosoms and was all snotty when I asked him for one, claiming that he barely noticed them this week. So I am left with my own description which is restrainedly restrained. Her dress was fantastic. I love it. I want it and then I want a fancy place to wear it. Sadly, I think Idol might be done with Miss Kiki.

Phil sang something like THE CHANGE which is not actually about menopause much to my dismay. He got a chance to talk about his little girls before he sang. And he got to mention Oklahoma and the OK City bomber. And damned if Lakisha isn’t going home this week. He sounded good and the judges liked him. And the kind of people who like him are the kind of people who will vote a million times just to get all those dimes for the poor children.

No no no no no no- I want Jordin’s dress. And her voice. And her hair. And I want to make her some rice pudding and give her advice about boys. She sang YOU’LL NEVER WALK ALONE which is a song I don’t really like. but she sang the hell out of it. And I love that she makes herself cry. I am this close to putting all my betting money on Jordin!

And now I am off to call on the off chance that America only votes 4,999,999 times.

Brunie, OUT!