Baby Love

(I am speaking of my love child, Adam Lambert. LOVE him! But not in a pervy Mrs. Robinson kind o' way, I just want to nestle him to my motherly bosom and take away his pain. Except, he's feeling no pain; have we ever met such a cheerful cocky boy? LOVE this kid!)

So my goal of timely blogging promptly hit a snag: When Idol and Lost square off, there is no contest; I'm hangin' with Sun and Sayid. And there never seemed to be a good time to watch my tape, though I finally did watch it. But, my hand to God, Gentle Readers, as of this writing, I don't know what the results are. I'll look them up before I finish. But I am practically writing in real time, or at least real oblivion, as we speak. Cherish the moment!

I have to say, though, I hope they bag this "Top 36" Slaughter of the Innocents nonsense before next year. Saying goodbye to one or two people at a time, that we can handle, but saying goodbye to nine? It's too much. So we shut off, which means that we don't care about any of them. I haven't voted once, I am not remotely invested, Stevie's gone, I just don't care.

So, in a state of profound ennui, I say: Bring on the next 12! But I had to force myself to type that exclamation point.

Jasmine Nasal survived a four-way with Bikini Girl, but alas, that was her Idol highlight. She is not good at all.

Matt Giraud (who knew this was pronounced phonetically? I've been saying "zher-oh") sounds fine singing an awful song. Too bad, I kind of like him.

Dang me, there's a lot of chat afterward!

Jeanine Vailes, so very old at 28, promises that she'll do better and choose a better song next time. Honey—if you can do better than this, why didn't you do it this time? Ryan made me laugh, though: "Based on their reactions, Jeanine, what did you do . . . to your legs to prepare?" She does indeed have very nice legs, even for a crone.

(Twenty-eight! Honey! I have purses older than you!)

Norman Spastic . . . is not even funny. For God's sake, Randy will laugh at lint. How desperately I hope that this is the last time I will ever write this person's name.

"Red"headed Alison Irahita is fantastic! Focused, calm, controlled, and she sounds great. I wish I'd seen her before, so I had something to compare this to. But it looks like she just may break the invisibility curse. Good for you, "Red"!

Kris Invisible is boring and over-sings, in my opinion, though the judges disagree. Simon opines, "I think the chicks are going to love you." Simon, you're so '70s! We're "birds" now.

Megan Joy Corkrey with the tattooed arm looks very pretty, wiggles fetchingly, and is undoubtedly talented; I simply hate her voice. But I don't hold that against her. Paula hearts her, which I find cute.

Matt Breizke, aka Big Bald Guy, has a lovely voice and sings a weird-ass song. Hysterically, one of the judges refers to "the great Matt we saw in Hollywood"—yeah, that would be the Matt whom you forced to do a sing-off, that's how great you thought he was. Dopes.

Jessie Langseth looks scary and bloodless, but the more she talks, the more I start to like her a little. Her voice is scary, though. I don't know what to think of Jessie.

I love Kai Kalama the person and I like Kai Kalama the singer and I have high hopes. Alas, Kai Kalama chose tonight to pass a stone. He sounds okay (especially during the growly bits), but his wrenched-up face is alarming.

Mishavonna Henson is a nice girl who sings a bad song. Sing with me now: "Eh-eh-eh-eh." Yeah, that was the song. Oy, these current modern songs of today! ("If that's music, what's that stuff Cole Porter wrote?" Quick, quiz kids, what am I quoting?)

And then, and then. The clouds parted, the sun broke through, Obama was president all over again, and I was six kinds of happy! Adam Lambert brought the party, belting "Satisfaction" as he made love to his microphone. What a FUN performance! He made me laugh out loud from sheer joy. Take that, Norman Wannabe! (Yes, I typed the name again, of my own free will. Such is the power of Adam Lambert.)

Now here's where it gets crazy for me and Idol shoots itself in the foot. With this top vote-getter, top boy, and top girl construct, the three top vote-getters don't necessarily get picked. Which is WRONG. Say that Adam Lambert is the top vote-getter, which I fully expect, and that Alison Red is the top girl (ditto). This means that even if Megan Joy is our next runner-up, she doesn't make the top three! Instead, they have to choose from the less exciting boy pool. Oh, well.

So those are my predictions: Adam, Alison, and a random boy (I'm hoping for Kai, but it could be Big Matt or Kris Invisible).

And now I'm going to go see how I did.

* * * * *

Well, who is the smartest Lady ever? Would anyone else have predicted Kris Invisible? Weird, though.

So our Top 12 so far comprises a lot of boys—Dead Wife Danny, Big Mike Sarver, Adam Nummy, and Kris Invisible—and two cool girls, Alison Red and Alexis Pink. Curious.

I'm looking for some more girls to bring it next week (meaning: tonight), though I fear the two "stars" are also boys: Blind Piano Man Scott and Crying Boy Nathaniel. Sigh.

'Til then!

Lady Chardonnay OUT.