Can't I Vote for Chris Anyway?

Underwhelmed. Unexcited. Ready to be done with it all.

So Simon called it for Taylor (as I've been doing), and that's the only thing that makes me think Kat has a shot, given Simon's amazing record of prediction failure, pretty much all season (though don't be asking me for examples—who has that kind of time?).

First songs: Katharine sang that stupid song about a stupid mammal of a stupid color in a stupid fruit tree. Of ALL the songs she sang so beautifully this season—seriously, THAT one? You go back to THAT one? I am at a loss. Then Taylor sings something recognizable (we ask so little, we the Idol audience), and with that alone, the first round was his in a walk. (In fairness, he sang the recongizable song quite nicely, with a minimum of spazzing.)

Second round: Katharine in full voice did another kick-ass rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," every bit as lovely and glorious as the first time, and again I say: Just hand her the crown right now. We won't be topping that any time soon. And then Taylor sang Elton John's "Levon," and I wouldn't have wanted to follow Katharine either, but "Levon" was simply a silly choice. He should've sung "Try a Little Tenderness" again—that was his only shot at topping Kat in Round 2.

And then our grand finale, when the Idolettes have to sing the treacly bit of twee they're contractually bound to, and here's where I roused myself into an actual fury, because if they're forced to sing a crappy song, it should be the SAME crappy song, which is only fair. Because how could you write two different songs with the EXACT SAME MEASURE of crapitude? With two different songs, one singer will have an advantage—AS WE SAW.

Katharine's song blew and she didn't sing it great. And she went first. Taylor not only had the advantage of going second (though this is not the source of my fury, I hasten to add) but got to sing a better song. Even though it also blew, and he didn't sing it great. But it blew WITH A JAZZY BEAT, and again, we ask so little, we the Idol audience, but we do like a totally lame dance song better than a totally lame ballady song, because at least we can wriggle mindlessly in our seats during the former, which is two rungs up on the joy ladder from picking our cuticles during the latter. I was PISSED.

So Taylor will probably win. I tried voting for Kat but could never get through (though I didn't knock myself out, I'm forced to admit), but my understanding is that it all comes down to text-messaging anyway, given how quickly the phone lines become a hopeless snarl. And I love my Idol with a burning passion, I do, but I'm not paying jack for it, and that's all there is to it.

Tonight: the 12 Idolettes on stage together again at last! It will be fun to see Chris and Mandisa—and then I'm ready to put the season to bed. Or put Chris to bed. Or something like that . . .

Lady Chardonnay OUT.