After the travesty which was Chris' Idol exit, I have devised a theory, as follows: The American Idol winner cannot be a person of authentic sexuality. On Tuesday night Chris came with some powerful sexual energy and scared all the mamby-pamby Idol voters. I know that I was not the only one thinking-woh-he is SUPER HOT! And some scared-of-their- own-sexuality types thought, he's so sexy, I'm getting aroused - THAT'S BAD I MUST NOT LOOK AT HIM.
Look at the past winners - Kelly Clarkson, girlish, cute but not what you would call sexy. Ruben - the asexual black man, the only kind that America can accept. Fantasia, not a pretty face or a sexy look or personality. Carrie - churchy little girl next door-NOT minxy as Simon would say.
Based on this theory, Kat will be eliminated next because she is sexy. That leaves the completely unsexy, seems like he's 100 years old Taylor. (My theory is the only explanation for why he is still on the show.) Then there's the very talented, likable, but not what you would call a sexual powerhouse, Elliot. The only outcome now acceptable to me is to have Elliot win because he is the best singer remaining.
I'm pissed at prudish, hypocritical America, who spends billions on pornography, loves to watch scantily clad girls on as many TV screens as possible, but who cannot admit that they like sex. And it makes them uncomfortable to watch a real man pumping out some awesome sexual energy.
Chris - I'm sure that you will get a kick-ass record contract, and you will not have to record whatever lame-ass song that they make every winner record. Some dreck by Carol Bayer Sager. You will be able to maintain your integrity. You have already accomplished your goal of making life better for your family. You will never work retail again, brother. I love you!
With cynicism in full effect,
Mrs. Cynicletary
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3 comments:
You're right, Mrs. C., the lyrics to this song along with the boxer briefs revelation was just too much for the average Idol voter.
Thank you, cindy, for believing in my theory!
I think I am still in shock! Poor Chris looked like he would cry. I agree, Mrs. C, Chris is too hot for the pop charts....
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