What is that whisper on the wind?

I can feel it coming!
I need to email Mrs. Cyn and Lady Char and let them know that I can feel it on the air.
A few weeks of embarrassment of the "I can't believe I am watching this crap" variety and
then the wonderful week in LA
followed by the top 24 - my favorite part! -
finally its narrowed down to 12 and the countdown to me not caring anymore.
Maybe this will be the year that I make it all the way to the end of the season before losing my will to watch.
Dare to dream!

Brunie

America's Next Top Idol! or, Lady Chardonnay Blogs the Finales

I must shamefacedly admit that only this week did Mimosa and I actually watch the Idol finale. (Um, we're busy?) We're very excited that Jordin won—the first year EVER that I've actually voted for the winner! (I didn't watch Kelly/Justin, and I've picked wrong ever since—ding, dong, the streak is dead! Maybe.)

But now we've seen it, and what a spectacle it was. Though I also have some thoughts about all the season-enders I watched. It's sunny, let's share!

I liked how the finale opened, Blake and Jordin and "I Saw Her Standing There" and their sweet little kiss at the end. So cute! Mimosa's comment: "I saw them kiss in her dressing room." Ooh! Le scandale!

You know what I didn't like? The 24 finale. Lame season, desperately lame final two hours. What a disappointing use of James Cromwell, whom I love. And where was the big reveal, i.e., that Jack is the father of that cute little blond boy, rather than Baldy? Very disappointing. And I could not give a rat's patootie about that cold fish Audrey Raines; I so hope we're done with her (though I love William Devane; I'm fine with his character hanging around. I enjoy an actor having fun onstage, and Mr. Devane always brings a party). Wifey, Nina, Audrey, what a dull group of ladyfriends Jack's had. I liked the redhead he was shacked up with a few seasons back, though she's a football coach's wife in Texas now, I'm holding no hope of seeing her again. Next season, I am definitely playing the "Dammit, Chloe!" drinking game!

Back to Idol. Mimosa and I fast-forwarded through Gwen Stefani, forgive us. Then we got all giddy when we realized that Ryan was introducing Kelly, and I misted up, thinking about her journey—she's come a long way, baby. And what a hot outfit! Mimosa: "Those boots are not good for P.E." True, that.

We fast-forwarded through the flippin' Golden Idols, aka, Parade o' Freaks. Insulting. Demeaning. Time-wasting. Bring on the Idolettes, for pity's sake! Enough with the nonsense!

I also don’t care whether CSI's Sara is dead or not, as I am squarely in the "Grissom Belongs with Lady Heather" camp. However, I'm even more squarely in the "Let's See More of Scantily Clad Warrick and Catherine" camp. My friend Diva V-luscious says she can't get into Warrick and Catherine, they're too gorgeous; it's like watching the Prom King and Queen frolic, yawn. She likes Grissom and Sara because they're more lumpy and normal-looking. Which I think is a good point, except for the part where I totally disagree, I can't get enough of Warrick. As I may have mentioned, only the dust on my TV screen keeps me from jumping up and kissing his likeness. My best friend Lady Darcy actually made me a Gary Dourdan Christmas ornament, and I believe I'm the only Lady in the world to boast such a thing. Well, except Gary Dourdan's mother, maybe.

And Idol again. FINALLY, we see someone more than tangentially connected to this year's show: The Boys Are Back in Town! And . . . dear Chris Sligh seems to have found all the weight he lost. Too bad. Phil still sounds great to me, I'm absurdly pleased to see "Sanjaya!," and Brandon—woo! How he wants me! Simmer, Brandon. Then Smokey, and oh my goodness, how I love Smokey, even more when I don't actually look at him, because his alien underwater eyes are now just a bit scary.

We fast-forwarded through Blake doing whatever he was doing. Me and Mimosa, we're not so much fans of the current modern songs of today. This is why we watch Idol, for heaven's sake.

Something else I watch: Lost. And by jingo, was that a crackin' good finale or what? And we must wait YEARS for the next installment! Bye-bye, little hobbit—as my friend Young Henry said re: the death of Gary in thirtysomething, "I got to have all the excitement of a main character dying, without the sadness of actually liking that character." Sorry, Charlie. And who's in the casket? Can it be Sawyer? (Who else would Jack emphatically describe as "not a friend"?) But then who is Kate scurrying home to? Oh! Such excitement awaits! (years from now)

Back to Idol, and our female Idolettes. Finally! Mimosa was so excited about seeing Stephanie (her first favorite) again. And now, three hours into this interminable show, there's Stephanie, looking adorable and soloing for nine seconds. All right! And how cute is my Gina, even in that sack dress? And . . . goodness, it's Hayley Scarnato and her wonder crotch. Wow. I had actually forgotten her. Gladys Knight = all kinds of awesome, and I loved how awed and humbled Melinda looked, this time in the proper context.

A whole lot of nonsense followed (though I did like Simon crossing his fingers when he and Ryan were up for an award, though we fast-forwarded through the rest of it—so sad! so desperately sad!)—Sanjaya, crying girl, Joe Perry's chest hair ("What do you think of all this, Mimosa?" Mimosa: "I don’t . . . know"), and just about now it really hits me: What in the holy heck is going on? This show is supposed to be about (1) the winner, and (2) the other contestants we fell in love with this year, also the boy contestants. (Ha! I kid.) Why are we watching Green Day? Why are we singing Beatles songs, since (spoiler!) Paul McCartney does NOT make like Prince, even though I began to get my hopes up? Bette flippin' Midler? I DO NOT GET WHAT THEY ARE DOING. Why have we seen the Idolettes for barely five minutes? What is going on?

Almost as shockingly confusing was the Heroes finale—holy cow, are both brothers dead? I looooooved them! And that's huge—after playing whiny pretentious Jess, I never thought I'd like Milo Ventimiglia in anything. But the essential sweetness of Peter won me over. And Nathan—steely cold perfection. The show will miss them both.

Back to Idol. Okay, I am no Taylor fan, but I thought he looked good, way less spastic than before, and he sounded fine. Mimosa and Li'l Martini (joining us briefly) were less impressed. Mimosa: "He sounds okay." Li'l Martini: "A little dumb." Okay, and then Taylor began to spazz out, because he's Taylor, and no one should write another word about how weird Phil looks, because Taylor is now the definition of weird-looking, all buggy eyes and contorted features. He sounds great, but he is a freaky-lookin' freak.

And now it's more Beatles stuff, as Sgt. Pepper teaches the band to play and Kelly Clarkson . . . does a sort of jig, I don't know what else to call it. Mimosa: "I thought Kelly Clarkson was soft rock. This is . . . rock. Just rock." I am very excited to see the four previous Idols, and no I do not miss that grinning clown Fantasia, not a wee little bit. Taylor sounds great again (Mimosa: "Now THIS is hot. It's slow, but it's hot."). The Ruben-Jordin duet is sublime. Just loved every bit of this.

And something else I loved every single bit of: the Gilmore Girls finale, which was perfection on a plate. Only if Lauren Graham stepped out of my TV to give me a hug could it have been improved upon. Loved it.

It's Idol again, and we have our results: Jordin is officially America's sweetheart, blow me down, and she sings that very silly song very prettily and looks very pretty, and America chose well, I think, for all the reasons Mrs. Cynicletary outlined so brilliantly below. A more or less satisfying conclusion to a somewhat disappointing season.

Which could also be said of Veronica Mars, I suppose—awesome series, disappointing final season. I wish they'd been better-prepared for the series finale; we're left with one heapin' heap of unfinished business. TV movie in our future? Fingers crossed!!

So there you have it—the final blog of the finale, finally. See you in January!

Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Teatime Junior Miss) OUT.

Thanks, kids!

Well, another year of Idol has come and gone. Congratulations, Jordin! You deserved to win. I am sure we will be seeing many of this year's kids on the charts very soon.

Now - it is time for my DANCE SHOW DANCE SHOW! "So You Think You Can Dance" is on Fox on Thursdays at 8:00. I love this show! Maybe even more than I love Idol!

See you next time. Happy Summer to all of our faithful readers.

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Lewis & Sparks Expedition

There you have it, another year of American Idol. Last night's show was a tad shrill, I thought. Everything so crazy and loud.

As I have said previously, Blake is the better performer, and Jordin is the better singer. And since this is, wait for it, a singing competition, I believe that Jordin will win.

At seventeen, Jordin is not well-formed enough as an artist to protest or even mind the inevitable pop phenom that will be created out of her. By the time she is ready to make some artistic statements, she should have enough dough and credibility to do her own thing. It has worked out that way very well for Kelly Clarkson. This competition is like some kind of sorority hazing. They make you sing songs that you've just learned on live TV, criticize you in front of millions of people, then make you sing and record as your first single the worst songs ever written, before they say, OK, here's a great song for you to sing, and you will make millions and win Grammys. I think Jordin can handle that. She even sang that incredibly heinous last song with heart. (How horrible was that dreck - honestly!)

Blake will be better off in second place. He is much more formed artistically with his own established style. And let's not forget the next dance craze, "The Blake Take" (see previous post for instructions). Second through fourth places are really the best spots to get on Idol. You have an established audience, producers will take a chance on you, and you are not tied to the machine that is American Idol for years of your life.

Both Blake and Jordin will be just fine. It's been a fun musical expedition with our young explorers, Lewis and Sparks.

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

p.s. Last year Prince made magic on the final episode. There is no way to top Prince, I'm just saying. XO

Jordin Takes It In a Walk

(And it's totally deserved.)

That's my prediction, and I'm sticking to it.

Lady Chardonnay, thinking about hitting up Daughtry for some eye make-up tips, and OUT.

America is Stupid

Well, the part that voted for their "American Idol" Tuesday night. I was so mad last night that I didn't even post. If I had there would have been an -ing word in the title describing "stupid" and I know that our reader in Huntertown would have been very disappointed in me for using it!

I know it is just TV and I am aware that [crying jags over the demise of the GILMORE GIRLS - and an awesome ending it was! - notwithstanding] television is for entertainment and means nothing. And yet, I am really disappointed that I am not going to get to hear Melinda sing next week. That is what it boils down to for me. Hers is the performance that I look forward to every week. I can count on being entertained and surprised by her.

Jordin and Blake are fine. I have liked Jordin in the past a lot. I find her a bit disingenuous sometimes- she seems to slap on a look of surprise when she realizes that the camera is on her. But at other times she seems just like a kind of silly, pretty, talented, biggish girl who I would really like. And how can you not appreciate her feelings for Mmm Bop?

I bet Blake is more irritating in real life than you would think. I'd bet my big toe that he was a fat boy in middle school. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!) He has that "pay attention to me" thing running all the time and he wants to be played in the story of his life by Jim Carey. Need I say more? And he has funny lips. But he is from Washington state which is slightly in his favor. And I LOVED the way he was with Chris R. the night he went home. So my heart won't be broken if he wins either.

I guess I just don't care which way it goes. I will probably watch just to see the top 10 sing again. But I won't be emotionally invested. I mean it...

Brunie, OUT!

Three songs and you're out!

Well, that was an interesting show. Let's recap, shall we?

All three kids sang three songs, one chosen by a judge, one by the Producers and one by the kids themselves.

Jordin: First she sang Rose Royce's "Wishing on a Star", which is a very lovely song and Jordin sang it well. I can't believe that she sang it so well having never heard it before. It is a real skill to be able to learn and sing a song under pressure in just a week. Kudos Jordin! Song two: I hate that Donna Summer song - it is her worst in my opinion. Jordin was only OK on that number. Lastly, she sang that I'm-the-only-one-to-love-you song - very beautiful voice - Jordin can really sing. I did sense a certain drop in energy from her last night, and who can blame them for getting tired at this point. She did well, but maybe not as well as I thought she could have/should have/would have. I have thought that Jordin could win it all, but after last night I am less sure.

Blake. Song one - Roxanne - love the song - just liked Blake's rendition. It was OK. Song two by Maroon 5 - excellent - a really perfect performance all around. Last song - very good again.
In order to do the Blake dance, you must stand facing front, then half turn your body and look behind your right shoulder as if someone behind you has just called to you - then move back facing front. Blake does this move at least 3 times in every song. The moon walky deal is much harder, so start with the Blake Take until you are ready for the advanced Blake-isms. He did extremely well last night. As an all-around performer, I think Blake is best.

Melinda. Melinda, Melinda. A glorious night for you, my dear. First, that crazy difficult Whitney song. I heard two tiny little notes that were not perfect, but other than that - genius! And her low-notes are just gorgeous! Song two - Nutbush City - FANTASTIC! I loved the moves she did with the microphone, and she really rocked it! (Although whenever I hear that song I remember the awful scene in What's Love Got To Do With It, in which Ike Turner rapes Tina while she tries to record this, the first song she ever wrote, in her home studio. Ike is jealous and goes nuts. Again.) Fry-the-bacon-up-in-a-pan song last - excellent. I did not care for the suit she wore, but damn, that girl can SING!

Melinda most deserves a place in the finals. Jordin is a better singer than Blake, but Blake is a better performer than Jordin. It should be a very interesting night tonight.

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Not enough heaven

Barry Gibb Barry Gibb ohmygosh Barry Gibb! was my first reaction on hearing of this week's guest judge.

Alas, as Barrys go, Mr. Gibb is no Mr. Manilow. His "coaching" was beyond lame: "I was shocked that she chose that song! It was written for a man! And she's a lady!" Time to move on, falsetto boy.

I did like the music. I own Best of the Bee Gees. "How Deep Is Your Love?" is my all-time hottest slow-dance song, as its gentle driving beat requires just a little bit of . . . friction. Love it. And Barry was of course my favorite Bee Gee. But age has not been so kind to our friend, and he just didn't wow me at all.

And neither did the Idolettes, who were basically . . . fine. I thought Blake was the worst and Jordin was the best, but nobody did anything to write home about.

And yet, the fans, they clamor for a blog entry. Blessings on Brunie, who found much more to say than I'm able to!

I realized, before Chris was booted last week, that if Jordin gets cut, I'm basically done with this show for the year. It's Fantasia vs. Diana vs. Jasmine all over again, and I could not give a rat's patootie. (Though the current Top Three is more talented than that Top Three, I hasten to add. Season 3—Idol's nadir.)

So, bye-bye LaKisha. We'll miss your big ol' voice and great rack. Blake goes next, and then we have a real battle—Polished Leading Lady vs. Bubbly Ingenue—and it's anyone's guess who'll be left standing.

Unless I'm totally wrong, and Blake wins it all. Gah.

Lady Chardonnay, a bit weary (young girls, they do get weary) and OUT.

Distracted By Shiny Objects...

Last year Lady Char wrote an awesome post about how she gets to a certain point where she can't bear to think that the contestants are being sent away so she pretends that they are just sick and aren't going to be able to sing the next week. ["Oh, Kevin must have an earache tonight..."] I couldn't post last week because it seemed like too much of a coincidence that Chris and Phil were both coming down with something. Get well soon, boys!

I have to say that last week was great and I adore Jon Bon Jovi. He is truly getting hotter with age. Barry Gibb? Not so much... I was not a big hair band girl in the '80s and kind of was on the old end of the Bon Jovi experience. But you can bet that I have a make-out memory for every song in the Brothers Gibb catalog!

Melinda opened with Love You Inside and Out. [In my family the lyrics went a little something like this: "Love you inside and out, I'm in the hamper with my butt hanging out..." It's a long story involving my little sister and the laundry chute.] She sounded fantastic as usual, but didn't do anything new or amazing.

Blake stepped up with You Should Be Dancing which was fine but a little beat boxy-annoying. Now I loved his version of whatever the hell he sang on Bon Jovi night, but I grow t-t-t-t-tired of his sh-sh-sh-sh-shtick.

Lakisha was up next with a slower smokier version of Staying Alive which I loved and the judges did not.

Jordan sang To Love Somebody and hit it out of the park. I hope that little girl is sincere, because I am kind of pulling for her.

Back to Mindy-doo, bringing it after the judges told her that she really needed to sell her second song. She covered How Can You Mend a Broken Heart and she was stellar. I just love her. I don't think it is entirely fair to grade on a curve and expect more of her each time when she is so clearly amazing.

The phrase "dead to me" quickly leaped to mind when Blake sang This is Where I Came In. But the desire to detest him was just too weak and I became sleepy just watch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ching him.

Kiki sang Run To Me and sounded beautiful and looked beautiful. But just as Mr. Crow seems to be over the awesome powers of her breasts [and believe me, when I told him it was BeeGees night he ran out of the room like monsters were chasing him], so did the judges seem to be over the awesome power of her magnificent voice. I hope she's not getting the flu!

Jordan closed up with Woman in Love which sounded great, but a little one dimensional. She is only 17 and I think that kind of shone through. And as much as I like the sort of stridently demanding lyrics of the song, it really needs almost a nagging quality to sell it.

Who will go home tonight? What are you talking about? I hear Blake wasn't vaccinated for chicken pox, though.

Brunie, OUT!

Lost without you

The title of my post has nothing to do with either Phil or Chris. It has to do with my favorite song that was sung live. Lost Without You is my FAVORITE song right now. I downloaded Robin Thicke's whole album and listen to it on my MP3. Mr. Cynicletary and I sing it to each other. I just hate the fact that he is Alan Thicke's son. It damages his credibility somehow, but I have gotten over it since he is such a great song writer, and damn, Pharrel is one of the greatest producers of all time!!

Anyway, Idol, right. I was glad to see Phil go, and kind of resigned to see Chris go too. I think it was the right decision. Now it will get crazy hard!

One of our brilliant and discerning readers posted a comment about my comment that the kids have all lost weight. Indeed, with their schedule and stresses, how could you NOT lose weight after weeks and weeks on the show? I think Lakisha has lost the most and looks fab-u-lous. I did not however, enjoy the red stripe around the middle of her shirt on Tuesday. Everyone looks great in very long bootcut jeans over high heels with a not too tight top. Well, all the girls anyway.

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Put another dime in the jukebox, baby!

('Cause I love rock 'n' roll!)

******************

I've been sitting here staring at my screen for three minutes.

Really, what is there to say? Everyone performed reasonably well, and if you like Bon Jovi, you had a great night of entertainment.

Phil sang great and looked great . . . unless you don't like Phil, because at this point, it's all pretty subjective. Is LaKisha a better singer than Jordin? Is Phil better than Blake? They're all competent—it really comes down to personal taste.

Lady C's Conspiracy Theory: I haven't been keeping close track, but hasn't Phil performed in the Forgettable First spot more than any of the others? And hasn't Melinda performed in the Final Remember Me spot more than the others? That's my impression.

Jordin looked great (sporting Mrs. Cynicletary's becoming spring uniform of cropped skinny pants, tunic, and heels) and struggled with the low notes. Hopefully, her popularity will carry her through. Then again, part of being a professional is playing to your strengths and minimizing your challenges, à la Blake, and maybe she should've dropped that song once even cute Jon raised his eyebrows.

Side note: Jon Bon Jovi was a pretty good coach, I thought. It would be nice to see more of his actual coaching, but his take on each singer was right on. And oh my is he pretty !

LaKisha looked great, sounded lovely on a boring song, and was fun and sassy. Last week I would've said that she was going home next; now I have no idea.

Blake, hmm. I'm not a song purist, per se, but it really irks me that the phrase "made it your own" is applied any time someone does anything different with a song, regardless of whether said tinkering improves it or not. On Motown Night, I hated what he did with "You Keep Me Hanging On"—a song of despair shouldn't be so flippin' jazzy!—and last night I thought all the beatbox stuff, while skillful, had nothing to do with the song! He was my second-least favorite of the night.

And who was your least favorite, Lady C? That would be Tinny McNasal, back in full flower, who was even reedier than usual. (Unless you love him, in which case I'm sure he sounded fine.) His "Dead or Alive" couldn't even hold a candle to Daughtry's, let alone the original. I will be SO happy to bid him adieu. I will be SO SO SO happy if I can do so this evening!

Bringing it all home was Melinda, whom I've admired without fulling warming up to before now, but last night she blew my mind. Is there nothing the woman can't do? She is amazing.

I voted like a crazy person for Jordin and Phil, then decided that it would be hypocritical not to vote for the best performance as well, so I voted for Melinda too, and I just hope that I didn't shoot my favorites in the foot.

Going home? I've got my fingers crossed that it will be Chris and Blake, but I suspect it will be Chris and Phil. Sigh.

Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Flashdance Hits the Suburbs) OUT.

Two have to go...

Tonight will begin the tricky part. If Phil goes, which I hope he does, someone else will have to go with him and I really like everyone else. Based only on last night's performances, Jordin did the worst, but I LOVE Jordin, and in general she has been so great and could win it all. She had lots of trouble with her low notes, and she just did not seem comfortable. Bend your knees, Jordin - find your inner rocker! Even Melinda rocked better. And can we all just agree that Melinda is in a different league as the rest? No matter what, she always does well. It sounds like she has a week longer than everyone else to practice. I loved her attitude last night! And she looks great in jeans. I think she will be safe.

I loved Blake's version of Been Done Jovi. He kicked ass! He was mesmerizing and I loved the beat boxing. I think he will be safe too.

Kiki came with it last night too. A little shakey to start, but she brought it on home with conviction - righteous! I am afraid that she might be in danger tonight.

I though Chris did a very fine version of the oft covered Dead or Alive. He has really improved and his interpretation was very good. I also fear for him though.

Phil did a good enough job for someone who has been practicing a song for 15 years. I hope he goes tonight, and with him will be.... will be...someone I like much better than him.

Everyone looked really good last night. I would bet that more than 70 pounds total has been lost by the kids.

Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

I'd like to buy the world a coke

(Capitalization, or lack thereof, is intentional; in my home state of California, every soda is a coke.)

Well, the Lady has all sorts of catching up to do, does she not? First and foremost, in this week of being ostentatiously loving and giving, I apologize to Miss Martina McBride, whom I mildly dissed in my conga ditty of yesteryear. I have nothing against this very nice woman, and I enjoyed her singing, coaching, and glossy hair very much. Rather, it was the fear and loathing I feel at the words "country theme" that brought on my attack of bile, albeit in a clever rhyme. Yes, I am clever even whilst bilious. 'Tis a gift.

Second–well, that would be Country Night itself, and again I prepared to eat (country-fried) crow, as first Phil was outstanding beyond all reasonable expectations, and then Jordin was outstanding in that way that Jordin is outstanding every week, and yet it always feels so fresh! so new! and I was a born-again convert at the altar of Kenny Rogers and Dottie West—but then they let somebody else sing, it doesn't even matter who, and it was all over, and I went back to flogging my Garth Brooks action figure, and no, I don't mean in the "if you know what I mean" nudge nudge, wink wink way. I am not a country fan, I am simply a fan of good singing and entertaining entertainment, and there was precious little of either to be found that night.

(Brunie said that Melinda had her bawling, but I just missed it.)

So then Sanjaya went home, and I thought his three-hour Kiki embrace was very dear.

Fast-forward to Idol Cares Ever So Much Tuesday, and I know what Brunie means about being cynical in the face of what is clearly a good cause—you somehow can't help it, and yet you feel a bit soiled. I want to help the poor and hungry, really! Just . . . with a little less fanfare and self-congratulation and Teri Hatcher, maybe.

(All this talk of the MOST IMPORTANT NIGHT IN IDOL HISTORY reminded me of a MadTV sketch about the debut of Felicity and its resultant over-hyping, which culminated in these words: "If your children don't watch Felicity . . . KILL THEM.")

I realized that I wanted Ryan and Simon to tell me that they personally were donating every bit of money they're making this week. Instead, they looked smug while telling me how much Ford is donating . . . which just didn't do it for me.

But oh well. Wherever it came from, the money's going to excellent causes, and I tried to do my own part by voting for Jordin 25 times and Phil 15 times and Melinda 5 times, and Blake once (for Li'l Martini, who loves him), and that was a lot of busy-signal endurance, believe me.

I don't have much to say about the performances, except that Blake is kinda over for me. I don't see him growing past where he is now, and his "slower" performances just aren't so fun. Phil, in contrast, is getting better all the time.

My one question about last night's big drama (which brought Mimosa to tears, she hearts Jordin in a big ol' way): Does this mean that Jordin in fact got the lowest number of votes, or did Ryan/TPTB simply set it up this way for maximum drama? (Frankly, if they'd told me early on that Melinda and Jordin were both safe, I might not have watched any further.) They're not morons, they must know that Jordin has already been cast as America's Singing Prom Queen, with Melinda as her equally talented Consort. I wonder if we'll ever know?

And with that, I bid you good day.

Lady Chardonnay OUT.

Does Idol Hate Jordin?

I am not going to comment on all the goings on last night because I didn't really watch them. (Thank you, TiVo!) I just skittered through all the singing. I was just showing up for "the most shocking reslults ever!" And shocking they were. But were they shocking to the Idolettes?

The only thing that makes me want to write is the burning question - did the tell the Idolettes how it was going to go? I am pretty sure that they did, otherwise Chris would have to be a lot more poised than I think he is. When he was in the final two (the way he will be next week, bye!) he didn't get that dead-in-the-eyes look he has in the past. And Jordin was still sparklie as ever. If it had been me I would have bawled like a baby starting immediatly. And we all know what a crier Jordin is. So I think that Idol perhaps doesn't hate Jordin at all, after all.

I can't comment on next week with out seeing the participants sing. I'm not Nostradamus for heaven's sake. So I won't say goodbye to Phil, Chris or Lakeshia just yet.

Brunie, OUT!

Believe, Hope and Dream. Or not...

In the interest of full disclosure, I hate inspirational music. I already have a positive outlook, thank you very much. I don’t need some falsetto-ed meathead forcing me to “believe” or “hope” or “dream”. Shut up and sing about lust, revenge or driving fast…

Chris opened the show with Clapton’s CHANGE THE WORLD and he sounded great. He reminded me of Michael MacDonald a little bit. He didn’t seem smarmy or anything. And the judges loved him.

Melinda sang THERE WILL COME A DAY which I had never heard before. I think it might be Jesus-y which I am all in favor of, but seems odd on Idol. I couldn’t really focus on the words because I was so amazed at the sight of an actual neck under her fabulously singing face! She had visible neck, people! She had a kind of low riding choker which looked fantastic. Her voice was amazing, as usual. The judges loved her and Simon said “master class” again which makes him a poncy twit.

Blake sang IMAGINE. There was a question from a fan beforehand. Blake was asked “What is the biggest sacrifice you have made to be on Idol?” And Blake used tremendous effort of will and did not respond “My integrity.” The thing about IMAGINE that is so great is that it exists at all. It is the power and the message and the fact that Lennon died violently that create the perfect poignancy of this song. I don’t ever want to hear anyone sing this song other than John Lennon or a fourth grade choir.

Lakisha sang a Fantasia song that I never heard before and disliked so intensely that I have blocked out whatever the title might be. The judges went on and on about how hard it is to compare to “the Fantasia version” which made me laugh because I have managed to live this long without hearing it. But I suppose they would have been paying more attention to Fantasia than I have. Mr. Crow was unable to come up with an accurate description of her bosoms and was all snotty when I asked him for one, claiming that he barely noticed them this week. So I am left with my own description which is restrainedly restrained. Her dress was fantastic. I love it. I want it and then I want a fancy place to wear it. Sadly, I think Idol might be done with Miss Kiki.

Phil sang something like THE CHANGE which is not actually about menopause much to my dismay. He got a chance to talk about his little girls before he sang. And he got to mention Oklahoma and the OK City bomber. And damned if Lakisha isn’t going home this week. He sounded good and the judges liked him. And the kind of people who like him are the kind of people who will vote a million times just to get all those dimes for the poor children.

No no no no no no- I want Jordin’s dress. And her voice. And her hair. And I want to make her some rice pudding and give her advice about boys. She sang YOU’LL NEVER WALK ALONE which is a song I don’t really like. but she sang the hell out of it. And I love that she makes herself cry. I am this close to putting all my betting money on Jordin!

And now I am off to call on the off chance that America only votes 4,999,999 times.

Brunie, OUT!

Idol Puts Out!

I mean, Idol Gives Back...

I am torn, my friends. I am all in favor of raising money for children here and abroad. I just spent 45 minuted yesterday looking at the website of the children's home where a friend of a friend is working. It is an amazing place that takes in street kids. And yet, IGB is irritating me. I loved the little clips of Simon and the girl who mocked his boobies. But so much of it seems self serving. I will vote like a demon for whomever so that the corporations will pay up, but I am not going to bask in the glow of being a good person for doing it.

Why, why, why am I so cynical about this?

Brunie, OUT!

There is a God.

And she knows when a joke is not funny anymore. :-)

Love & kisses & happy rainbow sunshine - it's stopped raining!
Mrs. Cynicletary

Country roads, make me groan...

Brunie's right - I am still dabbing blood from my ears - God I hate country music. Only two made me care last night - the probably-gonna-win-it-Jordin, and the just-always-great-Melinda. (Sleeveless is great on her!) Blake was only OK, Chris ditto, and Lakisha was kinda screechy last night, and I really disliked the brown dress. Phil is creepy. Sanjaya was so bad - I could have sung Something to Talk About MUCH better than he. With no rehearsal. And I have better hair, but I do not look like a 14 year old girl. I agree with Brunie on what Simon should say, but what he did say was pretty accurate. We'll see if the vote for the worst crowd is getting tired of this game and is ready to do something else with their enormous amount of free time.

Buh bye to Phil.

XO,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Culling the Herd

So it was country night and while I know that Lady C and Mrs. C are probably still bleeding from the ears, I enjoyed last night/this morning. [Thank you, once again, TiVo for allowing me to view Idol in handy bite-sized pieces.]

Phil opened the show with WHERE THE BLACKTOP ENDS which I had never heard, but he sang with gusto and actually got praises from all the judges. I though he sounded great, but his affability is grating.

My first crying jag of the episode came from the nearly perfect Jordin singing BROKEN WING. I have vague knowledge of this song and I don't really know how the original sounds. But the Jordin version was beautiful. And she looked beautiful. And Simon told her that he could see her winning for the first time.

SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT, indeed. Perhaps people will finally stop talking about Sanjaya. He was bland as milk toast - the most horribly bland food ever. If Simon would just come out and say, "Listen Sanjaya, you've been a great sport and you sing better than a lot of people, but it is your personality and your looks that have kept you in the contest but you just can't compare to the others here. Soon really talented people are going to be sent home before you and that is just wrong!" I would be happy.

Lakisha had me in tears with JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL because she is a shoe-in for the bottom three this week. The song sounded fine to me, but the judges found it pitchy and nobody wants to hear a big black woman sing about Jesus on Idol. I am fearing that she is going to be Mandisa'd tonight! She has a great voice, but she was the weakest girl by far tonight.

Chris sang MAYBERRY and the less said about him the better. Oh fine - if you insist... He is DEAD TO ME!!! The song was ridiculous - "things were better when things were slower and people weren't greedy and women knew their place and the races didn't mix and if your kids were sassy you could just slap them across the face..." There is huge difference to me in Phil's song which is also nostalgic for a simpler time without making huge stupid generalizations and Chris's which was just stupid. (And just to be clear, I LOVE Mayberry R.F.D. and Andy Griffith and Otis and the south and slow talking and friendliness. I just hate that song...) And then, if I may continue my rant - Chris's "the people at Virginia Tech are in my prayers" was completely misplaced. I absolutely feel for him, he is from the state and probably has friends there, but they should have had him say something at the beginning of the show or given all the Idols a chance to say something about it. I don't think it is the case, but there was a whiff of Phil's "I dedicate this song to those fighting terror"-ness that struck me as shilling for votes. And finally, "Nasally is a style of singing." is the funniest thing that I have heard all week. (Granted, it has been a slow week comedy -wise.) Perhaps on Planet Hillbilly, Christopher...

Finally we get to Melinda who made me so happy I may be in a good mood until lunchtime! She sang TROUBLE IS A WOMAN and she won my very heart. The song was fun and fast and she just sang it like she was born to sing it. And at the end Simon warned her that he was going to compliment her and that she should not lift her shoulders or scrunch up in any way and - my land, people - you could see her EXERTING EFFORT not to do it. I really think that her shyness is sincere. She had her face immobile with the strain of accepting the compliment. And then she let herself just smile and it was magical. (I admit I felt a tear well up...) In other news, the off-the-shoulder look worked great for her and her curved in hair gave her the illusion of a neck. Kudos to her stylist.

Blake sang a vaguely familiar song called WHEN THE STARS GO BLUE. In this song a woman dances in a wedding dress with wooden shoes. Is she Dutch? An accomplished woodworker? Miss Haversham? Who knows? The song was pretty and Blake sang fine. He has such a strange twist to his face when he is just singing regular. And he sounds very much like a late 80s English emo-precursor kind of singer. I imagine he does an excellent Morrisey impression.

I leave you with my predictions - bottom three should be Lakisha, Chris and Sanjaya. Going home should be Sanjaya. In reality Phil may just be gone.

Did I mention that I cried?

Brunie, OUT!

Even as I Type~

-they are just about telling us who is in the bottom three! (Oh dear, Phil - no surprise there...)

But lets go back in time, shall we? (Insert blurry lines here...)

Last night was Latin night and it was a struggle to stay awake. Caliente? No.

Mindy-Doo started with Sway and she looked cute as a bug. The song did nothing for me, but she sounded swell as usual.

Kiki sang Conga. Her boobies entranced Mr. Crow (who just asked me just now, "They're only kicking ONE person off tonight??") but her singing didn't do much for me. It wasn't bad - just, eh...

Chris sang Smooth and I think he is about to be sent into the bottom three. [Oh how twisty the time is!] And yes, I am correct.

Haley sang Turn the Beat Around which Ryan called a Gloria Estafan song but which I know is a Vicki Sue Robinson song (Which was covered by my sworn enemy Missy Bell in the fifth grade lipsynch contest at Spruce Elementary School in 1977!) She and her slutty, slutty legs will be going home tonight. [I did love how she said she was going to put a robe on after coming off stage. I think she is probably quite fun in real life.]

Of course Phil is a proven bottom three club member. I thought he sounded pretty last night, though. The song, Maria Maria, was lovely except for the last line about a song played by Carlos Santana which was the lamest ending of a song ever. Really.

Jordin sang Rhythm is Gonna Get Ya, but I escaped. Heh, just rolled myself... (Does anyone else say that? Rolling yourself is when you say something so funny that you crack yourself up. I do it all the time. I don't know what that says about me. But what it says about Idol is that I am finding myself a hell of a lot more interesting than I did most of the performances this week...)

Except for Blake. Usually he is like vanilla ice cream, rice crispies or Sprite. They are foods that are treats for some people, but for me they do nothing. But this week, singing I Need to Know, he was like vanilla ice cream infused with caramel swirls and cashews or rice crispie marshmallow treats or ... no, Sprite always sucks. Wait a minute - like Sprite and bourbon! (I've never actually had those to beverages together but the longer this results show goes on, the better it is starting to sound.) What I mean to say is, he is essentially the same as most other weeks - but something about him catches me this week. Confidence? A sense of fun? The jaunty chapeau?

And finally, Sanjaya. I must say that he was the most true to the theme of the night. Singing Besame Mucho in Spanish, looking a little disheveled, leering into the camera like a slightly de-sexed and less skeezy Constintine Mavroulous. (The Constintine part isn't what I meant by being true to the theme, just the singing in Spanish.) Simon hit the nail on the head when he said it wasn't awful. It really wasn't.

And now I will post this so that Madame Impatient of Abominable Manor will get off my back with her incessant demands! Then I will fast forward through most all the rest of the results show and say goodbye to Haley, I think.

Here's hoping that Jordin or Lakeshia sings Jolene nest week!

Brunie, OUT!