Good news, bad news.

The good news is that Carly is gone. Good-bye Carly. I never connected with you, but that paisley mini-dress you wore kicked ass!
The bad news - Neil Diamond next week!!! GAK - are you kidding? ALW and then Neil Diamond? Is this show trying to garner the one step from the grave (literally or musically) audience?!
I'm in for another week of torture. Boo.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

There are singers and then there are vocalists.

OK, no big surprise - I LOATHE Andrew Load of Crap Weaver. However, his full-of-big-old-fashioned-melody songs, makes it clear who is a singer and who is a vocalist.
Vocalists:
Brooke - Oh, dear Honey - that was torture - not as bad as say, waterboarding, but yeesh! Buh-bye.
Jason (Donovan , Jr.)- I really like this kid, but he is a vocalist, not a singer. (Could I hate that Memories song more? Answer - no)
Singers:
David A - The boy can sing anything. His styling was MUCH better this week too.
Carly - I still don't like her, but she can sing.
David Cook - Now I would have thought that he would be more of a vocalist, but he proved himself a real singer. He just sang the song, and did a damn respectable job of it too.

So last night was not bad enough, tonight we have to hear ALW do something on stage - gerk! Will he wear a jacket and tie or continue to look like some ghastly local politician trying not to appear too rich?

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

To Sir Andrew With Love

So Brunie and I spent the day together, which was lovely and stimulating (hee! that was a secret joke for Brunie) and involved almost no alcohol! And we talked of many things, but not of Idol, not even once . . . which confirms for me that this season is, frankly, a bit dull. TPTB cannot seem to recreate the charisma of Season 5—and even though Taylor is one of my least favorite Idols (my true unfavorite, as we all know, rhymes with "aphasia"), the combo of him and Katharine and Chris and Elliot and Paris and Ace and even freakin' Kellie Pickler was some kind of crazy funky Gestalt, the likes of which we won't see again any time soon, apparently. And it wasn't even that they were the Best. Singers. Ever!! (even though they were good)—the kids this season are perfectly talented as well. But I really want to fast-forward Season 7 to the ending we all know is coming, David v. David, mano a mano, and have that sweet sweaty TV showdown: Tiny Earnest Crooner vs. Gritty Smoldering Rocker. That will be some good watching.

As for tonight—I like Andrew Lloyd Webber's stuff okay, Mr. Lady Chardonnay and I danced to "All I Ask of You" at our wedding, and Brunie and I had a swell time at a local production of "Superstar" (until the fog machines during the crucifixion set off the smoke alarms and we had to vacate the premises—fortunately, she called the theatre to find out how the story ends, so we weren't left hanging, because, that ending? Kind of a downer), but I'd rather chew off a limb than sit through "Cats" or "Joseph." The one ALW show I can wholeheartedly embrace is "Evita," which I've seen dozens of times. And did the Idolettes oblige me by singing any of those awesome songs? No. They did not. Brooke sang the crap song written for the MADONNA movie, for pity's sake, instead of "Another Suitcase in Another Hall," which would've let her emote like crazy, if that's what she wanted to do. Of course, it's sung by, basically, a teen hooker, and maybe that would be too much for our no-R-rated-movie girl. Oh, Brooke.

My 30-second take: Syesha looked and sounded fantastic; Jason looked sickly and sounded, as Brunie said, like a stone-passer; Brooke looked emotional and sounded very bad on the low notes; Arch looked dorky and sounded sweetly earnest; Carly looked like she was having a blast and sang a different chorus from the back-up singers, which I found odd; Man David looked sexy and hot and sounded sexy and hot and communicated his total devotion to me with his eyes. THAT is a skill, my friends.

I'll miss Brooke, but she seems to have lost her confidence. Actually, I've been missing Brooke for weeks, "Let It Be" was a long time ago. Can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time rewritten every line? Maybe Andrew Lloyd Webber will write a ballad about it all—"The Muzak of the Night." Fingers crossed!

Lady Chardonnay OUT!

The Night I Die A Thousand Deaths...

Wow, there are few things that instill fear in my heart like "The Music of Andrew Lloyd Weber". I am trying to think of anything this man has written that I like. I suppose the "Always thought that I'd be an apostle..." song from Superstar. That is about it. Maybe "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" as sung by a high school choir. Other than that, blech...

And I imagine my pain is infinitesimal compared to Mrs. C's!

Lady C, however (With whom I was lucky enough to spend nearly the whole day!) is in heaven, I imagine. Could be wrong I suppose.

So back to the carnage:

Syesha slammed it out of the park with ONE ROCK AND ROLL TOO MANY. She was cute and funny and lively. They loved her and so did I. I agree that it was one of her best.

Jason inexplicably sang MEMORIES and made me sad because I hate to see him go. He was pained and a little terrified looking like his parents just found his stash and he is trying to pass a kidney stone. He is certainly bottom three...

Brooke sang YOU MUST LOVE ME and had to start over because she lost the words. Even Paula couldn't think of anything to say. It was harsh. She was scared and thinks she is going home. I can't disagree.

Little Davy sang THINK OF ME which, which as everyone knows, is a girl song! His testicles dropped right off and bounced across the stage and Rickey Minor accidentally squished one with his pointy toed boots.

Carley was shockingly my second favorite of the night with JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR. She was having some fun and sounded great.

Big Dave sang THE MUSIC OF THE NIGHT and you just know that he was reliving the time he almost got to play Will Parker in the Blue Springs High School presentation of Oklahoma! And then he nearly got to play Hugo in Bye Bye Birdie and then they did Pirates of Penzance and he was so excited because it was his senior year and he knew he was perfect for Frederic, but he also loved the part of the Pirate king and even the Major-General has that great song! But then he got mono and had to miss the auditions and he was so mad. He didn't even do stage crew and everyone said how unfair it was and what a rip-off it was. Well tonight he showed them all! He emoted and sounded fine. Wilbur picked up his book about three beats into the song. And I opened my lap top. It was that gripping.

Tonight I vote for no one, and tomorrow if Syesha goes home I will be ticked off because she really did do well. But I think it will be Brooke or Jason.

Brunie, OUT!

Surprised Already...

I really thought it would be Brooke! When they had Syesha sit back down I thought "Surely they are tricking me into thinking that Kristy Lee is going home..."

I am not surprised or displeased. But she has gotten better lately and Brooke was pretty weak last night.

I knew Little Davy wouldn't pick the group that was going/staying he just sat his deliberate little fanny on the stage. Cheeky monkey! I have no feelings for him. I think he is a cylon. And how funny that big Dave felt no compunction about sashaying over and sitting right next to him safe in the knowledge that he is not going home.

In other news - check out my little man. He was in my happy meal and for the first time in years, my happy meal toy made me happy. Even though it was probably fashioned by Chinese political prisoners, it is too awesome. See how he reclines atop his cushioney bun while the drink boy screams in anguish behind him? Dinner is fun again! He also played a little tune, but Mr. Crow threw him down the stairs and struck him mute. Thanks, Mr. Crow!

Brunie, OUT!

Carey-ed away

My, my but all the A-list celebrities have embraced Idol - even Mariah! She is a vocal genius, but there's just something about her that is so irritating. The kids were super-psyched to meet her though, and she is a BIG BIG star. So, let's recap, shall we?

David A: I do not know the song he sang, but it's undeniable that the kid has superb vocal control, and the ability to really connect with the audience. He continues to impress, although he looked somehow terrified last night, and the leather pants, well, the less I say about leather pants the better. I will say that like Mariah, David is a natural born singer.

Carly: I listened to Carly without looking at her last night, and , well, it didn't help. She still does absolutely nothing for me.

Syesha: Her low notes were beautiful, but most of her singing is, like I have said before, nice, not standout, not memorable, just nice.

Brooke - Ouch - she was super pitchy last night which is too bad because it was the first time that she put some power behind her vocals, which sounded pretty good. She is just not a fancy vocal run kinda gal.

Kristy Lee - Well, I must admit that she has really improved, but that is because we have such low expectations that when she isn't horrid, she seems good.

David C. - Love that song and love his interpretation. And that last note - ROCKIN'!!!! I want to hear that song again! I remember when Simon told him months ago that he would just disappear on stage without his guitar. Although Simon is almost always right, in this case, not.

Jason - Another good arrangement, and I really like him. I think I dreamed about Jason, the details of which are...NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!

I can only hope that one of the girls goes tonight. Any girl, doesn't matter.

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

The expected unexpected

It seems that each year there is an Idol departure which shocks everyone, like Chris Daughtry's premature boot last year. So here is this year's shocker - Michael Johns dreaming on elsewhere. I thought Michael would be third in this competition. It is certainly a travesty that Kristy, Carly and Sayisha, in that order, are still in it. It is also certain that a guy named David will win this year.
Good luck, Michael. 8th is not as good a finishing place as fourth (that's the money spot it seems) but chin up. Millions of people know you, and just remember, you are as good a singer and a much better looking guy than Elliot Yamin and look at that giant monster hit he had last year that they played on VH1 constantly! It'll be all right.

In better news, did you see the opening number on charity night, with the excellent dancers - those are the kids from my FAVEE FAVE show, So, you think you can dance! Did you see the three guys doing endless perfectly controlled pirouettes? Man, you can fake singing, but you can't fake real dancing!

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Bye Mikey...

So pretty, and yet so gone. If he had sounded as good on Tuesday as he did on his sing out (and perhaps showed his tushie as much) he would not be going to Brooke White's sister's wedding this weekend! (And my favorite part of the episode was when Brooke said she wouldn't be able to attend the wedding and then chided herself for being presumptuous. Too cute!)

I barely watched this show. After my coma of boredom on Tuesday that I could barely recover from enough to go to work, much less to write about the snooze-fest that was Idol, I am lucky I took in as much as I did.

I liked seeing Jordan Sparks again.

I was surprised that it was Michael going home but he took it like a trouper and even though he was really growing on me, there was no one I would rather see leave. Other than Kristy Lee. Or David A. Or Carley. So yeah, not my favorite going away ever.

Brunie, OUT!

Can I see the list?

I wish to know, please, if the kids chose from a list of "inspirational songs" or whether they could choose any song at all. Their choices seemed so weak overall, it's like they had 30 seconds to decide on a song. I have been thinking, what are some great inspirational songs? I'll Stand by You by The Pretenders, Purple Rain, Stevie Wonder's, 10 Zillion Light Years Away, maybe What if God was One of Us? As proof yet again of how very old I am, I thought, if someone did a kick-ass acappella version of You'll Never Walk Alone - that could bring down the house. Maybe only if Tiny Blues Brother did it. I thought David A. would shine since he seems to choose "inspirational" songs every week. Unfortunately, I found that overall, last night's performances were...uninspired.

Michael Johns started out the night with Dream On - OK, Michael, you had good energy and sang well, but again you have chosen a song that suffers when it is cut down to 90 seconds.

OH NO she is not going to sing that Fantasia song - Sayisha - you have to stop singing songs made (semi) famous by women with gigantic voices. YOU DO NOT HAVE A GIGANTIC VOICE. Moreover you do not have a unique or memorable voice. I do not hear you and think, oh it's Sayisha. I think, oh it's some girl with a nice voice who wants to sound like Whitney Houston.

Donovan Jr. was sweet and charming as usual. He does seem to be putting more effort into his performances lately. He totally needs to sing Sunshine Superman or Mellow Yellow. Unlike certain Whitney-wannabees, Jason does have a unique and recognizable sound.

Winner of Best Dressed again - Kristy Lee. She still looks good and she still sounds boring. I have to give her credit though, I think it was the first time that she sang an entire song and all the notes belonged in that song.

I must break the cynical truth to David Cook that some people are evil. Tomas de Torquemada, http://sprott.physics.wisc.edu/pickover/good.html, Dick Cheney, they are NOT INNOCENT, David. I thought his performance was a little off - he couldn't really dig into that song. The GIVE BACK on his hand was almost not sickly sweet.

Carly just does not look good or sound good. I really hated that song and her singing of it. After the first verse I was bored and went to run a bath.

David A. has a beautiful voice. Just beautiful. What else can I say?

Brooke was just OK again this week. She is such a sweet little hippie girl, but she does not have the chops to win this competition.

I will be happy to see Kristy or Carly go buh-bye on Thursday night, as tonight will be Big Charity Pimpin' Night. Although, I hear that the line-up will be impressive and that some actual good was done with the money donated last year. But if all the kids hold hands and start to sing, "I believe the children are our future..." then I am CHANGING THE CHANNEL.

Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

I believe the children are our future

NO, she didn't! Aw, Brooke. The minute she said Carole King, I'm all, "NOT 'You've Got a Friend,' no no no no." But does Brooke listen to me? No, she does not, she's like one of my cats, for God's sake. And there's nothing wrong with "You've Got a Friend," heaven knows I near wore out my own "Tapestry" album, it's a lovely little song, but it is NOT the show-stopping number one should pull out for this, the most coveted Idol pimp spot, the final singer of the night!

I still love her, but I begin to believe that our Snow White is a bit simple after all.

Good night on the whole, I thought. Michael, Syesha, Kristy Lee—polished professionals, all. David Cook sounded great on a song I hated. David "Yawn" Archuleta was as pleasantly bland as ever. Only Carly was a disappointment—I thought she was beginning to pull it all together and actually develop a bit of a stage presence, but Simon called it; she came off angry tonight, rather than inspirational. She's our likely Homeward Bound girl, if we're going simply on performance.

For me, the evening star was Jason Castro, who reminds me more and more of John Travolta every week. Loved his rendition of "Over the Rainbow" (was that really a ukulele?!), every second of it. He is so goofy and dear. He needed to step up his game this week, and he totally did. Good job, Danny Zuko. You're the one that I want. (this week, anyway)

Now, learn from him, Brooke White! Carly's surprising suckitude may have saved you for another week, but you have got to step up. Otherwise Kristy Lee Bosoms is moving into the designated blonde spot, and you'll have only yourself to blame.

I know I sound angry, but I'm trying to be inspirational. Whoa, Carly, am I feeling you now.

Lady Chardonnay OUT.

Hello, Larry

So tonight I accidentally caught two minutes of Larry King — (excuse me, I had to go rinse and spit) — and who should be on but our three judges + Ryan, quelle surprise! It was fun to see them in a different setting. Simon and Randy looked much the same, Paula looked outstandingly fresh and pretty, and Ryan was—well, frankly, bumpy. I don't know if it's warts or moles or benign facial cysts, but Ryan has several noticeable bumps around and about his face, which don't show up on the expensively lit Idol stage but in Larry's cheap-ass studio you couldn't miss 'em. And given the notorious vanity of la Seacrest, if I were a certain facialist I'd be quaking in my boots tonight. But anyway.

Some learnings: All have signed on for at least two more seasons; Simon, much to his dismay, "quite likes" the song Randy just produced for Paula; and they all predict a David v. David finale. And before they've even performed, Simon thinks that Syesha or Kristy Lee will go home this week. Well, that's just math, isn't it. (Actually, he didn't say "Kristy Lee," he said, "that one whose name I can never remember." Oh, dear.)

I meant to write about Ramiele last week (the title of that post would've been "Get Shorty") but simply ran out of time. It's too bad; she was one of my favorites going in, but she seemed to peak early and never did get the hang of the big ol' stage. Good luck to you, tiny one, and we'll see you on the tour.

And now a word to Our Miss Brooke, who's had three less-than-stellar weeks and needs to step up tonight. Brooke, doll, what were you thinking with that cheerful rendition of "Jolene"? You know better than that! Quit twinkling at the audience, and focus on your song! She's still my favorite girl, but I've been burned before.

Tonight I'm hoping that Kristy Lee will drape an American flag about her shapely form, and that freakin' David Archuleta will hawk a loogy at it.

Lady Chardonnay OUT.

I know how you feel, Dolly...

Kristie Lee is still here????

Actually, she wasn't that bad, but Vote For the Worst has anointed her and that, combined with the fact that some people actually like pretty girls with great figures who can kind of sing, means that we will be seeing a few people I actually like leave.

Since Chikeze left I have been not caring too much. But I have to say that Dave Cook has really grown on me and I have a soft spot for Jason Castro. I like all the girls just fine, (with one exception) but no one is inspiring me to vote. And I did vote this week! See if you can guess who I voted for.

Anyway, I barely remember it (please pretend that you don't notice that I am posting on Saturday...) but let us go back through the mists of remembrance to a more innocent time, an old-fashioned time full of wholesome American values. A time I like to call last Tuesday...

Oh Ryan, you trickster! You nearly had me convinced that American Idol was cancelled tonight! Boy, that was a good one!

Brooke opens up with JOLENE! My favorite Dolly song! Have you heard the Rhonda Vincent version? Awesome! And Brooke makes it... dull. That will be a theme tonight, boring Barb.

David Cook and his pretty new hair-do sang LITTLE SPARROW which sounded great. And it was his own arrangement which makes me very happy. I like how he sounds and he has always been really honest about how these cool arrangements he has been doing are researched on itunes (how product placement-y convenient!) but it is nice to learn that he can put it together himself, too.

Ramilele sang DO I EVER CROSS YOUR MIND which I imagine I would like if Dolly sang it. Not so much the tiny pointy-haired one. She is cute and looking into my crystal ball (or if you prefer, TiVo) I imagine she will be leaving. If anyone would like to put some money on that, let me know!

Jason sang TRAVELING THROUGH and it was the perfect song for him. He looked and sounded like every cute boy I ever way playing their beat up acoustic guitar in front of their VW micro bus in the parking lot of a Grateful Dead show, God bless him. I like his sound, I like his look, I like his rambling last week when he was in the bottom three so I voted for him a bunch of times. I did! I felt like a naughty minx!

Carly sang HERE YOU COME AGAIN and she sounded great. I like her better and maybe she is just getting more comfortable. I still think there are a few people who need to go before. Sadly one of them is up next.

David Archuletta is "The Wheezer" according to Lacks Compassion. Nice... Now all I can hear when he sings is the huge gasps between his phrases. She also said something insanely funny about him but I can't remember it because we were eating dinner in public with 6 ten year old boys. Beh.... Anyway, he sang SMOKEY MOUNTAIN MAKES BARB FALL ASLEEP SONG. It worked. And he will be at least top 3 I guarantee it.

The less said about Kristy Lee Bosoms (as Wilbur calls her) the better. She looked fantastic. She made me wish I didn't have a snack so that I could go get one while she sang.

Syesha, who is probably my favorite girl, sang I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. LC, who was watching at my house (and dang if it isn't like old times with all the LC/Brunie time lately!), said it is her favorite movie song and is all Whitney-fied in her brain. As for me, I try not to think about Whitney and I really liked Syesha's version.

And finally Micheal Johns sounded fantastic singing IT'S ALL WRONG BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT or maybe the other way. He looked like he was passing a kidney stone while he sang but still managed to kind of be pretty. And I am relieved that he can sound so good. I found it ironic that I enjoyed watching David Cook perform tonight and had to close my eyes for MJ!

So I am just joshing about seeing the future. Ramiele went home and I didn't care. I hope it is not a dreadful theme next week. The Idols meet Henry Rollins is Mr. Crow's selection for next week. Damn, that would be awesome!

Brunie, OUT!

Ch-ch-ch-check, please

Bye, Chikeze, no more messing with your name.
How much are those stupid result night song and dance numbers like South Park's Getting Gay with Kids?!?!
Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Everyone has a birthday

The concept of last night's show - songs from your year of birth - was a good one. What is so crazy is how recent the kid's birth dates are - YIKES! I am very old. If I had to sing a song from my year of birth I would go with "Baby, It's You" by The Shirelles. That's how old I am!

Ramiele-Please-Get-Me-a-Professional-Stylist sang "Alone" by Heart. A good song, and better than anything else she has sung. If I were her, I would request a soprano back-up singer who does not blow me out of the water with her awesome voice - who is that - wow!

Birthday Boy Donovan Jr. is a good but not great singer with a chill personality. And how does he get his naturally straight hair to lock like that? Must be lots of wax. It was funny when he said he could have practiced more. I was waiting for him to say, but Dude, surf was up!

Sayisha was ok. As usual, Simon was right about how the song showed the limits of her voice. When she hit the biggest notes I thought, I am not getting chills here. She can't really get the super nasty going on those. No thrills from Sayisha but she is a competent singer.

Ch-ch-ch-cheated on your birth date (9/11) went next. Dude, sing more songs in your lower register - it is very nice and we hear very few baritone/bass notes in this competition.

Play it by ear Brooke sounded OK on a song I detest. She's a nice girl with a nice voice. That's about it.

Michael Johns managed to sing "We are the Champions" and it sounded great and he did not look like an idiot singing it. NICE, Michael.

I could not hate that Total Eclipse of the Heart song more. OK, maybe more now that Carly has sung it. She was really screechy on the big notes. She can go anytime now.

Tiny Blues Brother sang a song I don't know. He has a great voice, but he was not the best last night.

Could Kristy Lee PLEASE go home tonight? That song was like some ghastly Junior Miss Pageant performance. Is it unpatriotic not to vote for her? Then call me a traitor!

David Cox has had that same pseudo-badass expression since infancy! Maybe it will bother me less now that I know it is not put-on. That version of Billie Jean was SLAMMIN'!!! The best performance of the night with Michael Johns a close second. I feel safe in predicting that a white guy will win this year. I also feel safe in predicting that Paula, utter moron that she is, will end up living alone with 48 cats and she will tell them that they are magical, they are stars and that she loves all the colors and textures of their fur.

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Happy birth-year, babies!

("Dang me, I am old" could also be this week's title.)

Now THAT was an excellent show, in my never-humble opinion. Even the weaker performances (Ramiele, Jason, David "Slipping Halo" Archuleta) didn't cause me any real pain, and the strong singers were spot on. Loved it loved it loved it.

Okay, perhaps I should confess that I didn't actually hear David Archuleta, I had to take a phone call, but I saw the 30-second recap at the end and I heard the judges lambaste him, poor baby—but it's about time; he's always been a decent but limited performer, and I've never gotten the hoopla surrounding the child. Whatev. He's not going anywhere, this I know.

What I admire more than anything is smartness—in this case, meaning singers who know who they are and what they can do and play to those strengths. So a shout-out to pretty, pretty Michael Johns, who's been blandly forgettable up till now but pulled out the stops last night to blast me back to high school graduation, tooling around in a VW bus (it was Northern California, they're everywhere) with my pallies, singing "We Are the Champions" at full volume. We'd had three sips of Cold Duck apiece, we owned the night. Good times. It was exactly what Michael needed to do this week, and though generally the Idolettes should avoid Freddie Mercury, this one worked. Yay, Michael!

Another shout-out to Syesha, who has a good voice but hasn't been showcasing it well. Though I didn't know or love the song, she sang the hell out of it. Great job.

Props to my girl Brooke, who is second only to David Cook in her ability to reinterpret a song and make it her own. Sting's version of "Every Breath You Take" is a creepy stalker song; Brooke made it more tortured—like, I don't want to be glued to you in this way, but this is how it is and I can't stop myself. Not her best performance (because her best performances have been HELLA GOOD) but very good nonetheless, and to me: wicked impressive. Brooke is a smart smarty.

But who was the most brilliant last night, the smartest smarty of all? Honestly, I think it's a tie, and no one is more surprised than I am by that fact.

David "I Want to Marry Lady Chardonnay" Cook brought down the house with his soulful, haunting "Billie Jean." He is the master of breaking down a song to its essential parts, thinking it through, and rebuilding it again so it is 100% his. His voice is gorgeous, and he owns the stage. A truly brilliant performer and musician—the best I have ever seen on Idol. And I'm not just saying that because we're in love.

So given all that, who's he tied with, Lady Chardonnay-Cook? Folks, I hand that honor to Miss Kristy Lee Cook, who has been one of the most underwhelming performers so far, our perennial bottom-three girl, whose ouster this week, before last night, was about as sure a sure thing as one can get on this show—Kristy Lee Cook, who chose the most perfect song for herself, who did exactly what she needed to do last night to showcase her Aryan loveliness and Mom-and-apple-piehood, who displayed a canny awareness of who she is and what she can do . . . I can't say enough about her smartness here. Best performance of the night? No way. Something we'll be writing about forever? Again—no. But best evidence of knowing oneself and choosing the dead-on right song? Absolutely, no question whatsoever. And I really, really admire that. She may still go home, but she can hold her head high.

Great show. I had to take a little blog break to rediscover my Joy of Idol (trying to get the feeling again, don'tcha know), but guess what? (I'm being Randy now) Lady Chardonnay is in the house!

. . . and OUT.

God Help the USA

I took last week off because as you all know, it blew. Thank you Mrs. C for picking up the gauntlet!

This week the kids are singing songs from the year they were born. The intros were more interesting than usual. What sticks in my mind is that Ramiele was a biter, Michael has a drive to win that is more powerful than a locomotive and Carly's mom is hot. And sadly, about my age.

So let's begin with Ramiele. She sounded a little pitchy on ALONE. Still a million times better than I would, and she is sick. But she is in the death seat, the first spot where people forget that she sang at all. Randy is a bitch, Paula doesn't tell her she looks pretty, which is a good sign. And Simon was actually supportive and nice.

Jason Castro sings FRAGILE and my lord, he is not the brightest bulb on the tree. He has cute eyes (like Wilbur!) and nice parents. The song (which I love) sounded fine but there wasn't a time when I started to squee like I sometimes do when Jason and his pretty eyes sing. My favorite part was when Simon said he needed to pick up his game if he wanted to win. He had a look on his face that said, "Dude, I am baked out of my mind and even I know that if I am still here after the top three my career is dead!"

I don't know several song this week. most of these kids were born in the years where I was listening to Bob Marley and the Grateful Dead and little else. I was a rebel, a loner... Anyway, Syesha is singing IF I WAS YOUR WOMAN which I am going to assume is a Whitney song because every time I hear a crappy song that makes the singer's voice sound great it is usually Whitney. Anyway - Syesha sounds beautiful and is charming and I like her a lot. Hate the song though.

Chikeze, who I love, was as cute as a bug in 1985. As much as I do think he is adorable - Beckeye described him perfectly in her blog as "tic tac teeth and low hanging gums" which I found hysterical. And I am okay with that because he has disappointed me this week with IF ONLY FOR ONE NIGHT which I have never heard before and don't care to hear again. Oh Chikeze, don't go all Luther Vandross on me. I am I not going to throw my underpants on stage or whatever you are going for here. In fairness, his voice sounds great. I am just bored to tears.

Speaking of dull as the day is long, Brooke sang EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE. She started out in the wrong key and had to start over, which the judges liked! Good grief, how about just starting in the right key?? There is nothing wrong with taking a familiar song and slowing it wayyyyyyyyyyy down for effect (just wait, of just wait!!!) but this is not different enought to be interesting. She sure is nice, though. I wish she were my nanny. I bet she is very kind to the children and does crafts with them and doesn't just park them in front of Barney videos like I did when I nannied!

What is that on the horizon? What is that beautiful sound? Oh be still me heart - Micheal Johns is singing and I actually am enjoying it! He covers Queen's WE WILL ROCK YOU/WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS and he sounds brilliant! (And I love his mom's cute Aussie accent and his "I'm too good for you" face from his childhood. Well done Micheal!

TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART! There's nothing I can do, I'm always in the dark. We're sitting on a powder keg and giving of sparks, indeed. Carly sings this with her usual skill and lack of personality. What is it about this girl??? She is completely likable in her intros and judge-chats. But when she sings she falls into this personality vortex that just sucks the interesting right out of her. Forgive me for becoming Paula here, but she looked great tonight. She reminded me a bit of Lady C with her glammy eye make-up. Lady C is the bomb, eye make-up wise.

L'il Davy underwhelmed me with YOU'RE THE VOICE. Simon nailed it with his "theme park singing with animated creatures" comment. He's not going anywhere.

Kristy Lee Cook is a genius. She sang GOD BLESS THE USA. If she goes home tomorrow the terrorists win. I can't tell you the deep pit of loathing I have for this song. I love the USA, I am glad I live here. But this song makes me want to slap a baby. (Not a real baby, I just mean that it makes me that angry.) First of all "at LEAST I know I'm free" we are not the only free country. There are several. Canada leaps to mind, socialized medicine notwithstanding. Secondly, the line " the flag still stands for freedom, and they can’t take that away" always struck me as a little paranoid until my viewing buddy Mr. Mama said, "Well, the government is trying..." which cracked me up because I consider him something of a right wing fella for liberal New England. But I digress. Kristy Lee sounded really good. She did! This sort of country-ish song is perfect for her. She was strong and pretty and I really thing she may have sent Ramiele or Chikeze home with this.

Remember when I used to hate David Cook? It was really smart of them to preface his performance with pictures of him looking like Baby Skeletor because it made the real Dave look not-too-bad by comparison. I have to say that tonight's performance made me pack up all my furniture and move it to Camp David because he rocked the living hell out of BILLIE frickin' JEAN! It was awesome. I believe, Lady C! I believe, Southern Fried Lawyer and Mr. Lawyer! I believe, legions of fans who have less strict standards for coiffures! I found him attractive and I completely attribute that to the excellence of his performance.

So I think that it will be a vindicated Kristy Lee (and frankly, I could even hear that song again which I never thought I would say), Raimele, Chikeze or Carley. I am hoping Chikeze stays another week - other than that, I am unconcerned.

Brunie, OUT!

You could tell that Amanda HATED the stupid group song and dance crap.

Goodbye to Amanda
Consider yourself lucky
you won't be stuck doing
dance steps so sucky
Result night show torture
you will avoid it
Damn choreography
like ghastly school play shit
So be real happy
that you got the boot
If you had to keep "dancing"
through your brain
you would shoot

Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

On ruining Beatle's songs

I do not know why the Powers That Idol decided to do Beatles songs directly following a week of Lennon & McCartney songs. Did they get a two for one deal? Did Michael Jackson beg them to pay for the rights to some of the Beatle's songs that he stole from Paul? Michael needs the money. Even after losing $48 million to that gold-digger, Paul still does not need Idol money. (How nice would it be to have $48 million be only SIX PERCENT of your net worth-damn!) Anyway, here we go again with these kids who are haplessly ignorant of some of the greatest songs ever written.

Amanda has good energy on USSR. It was a good song choice for her. I miss her strip-ey pants, though.

Kristy Lee needs to go home next. She had absolutely no clue as to the melody of her song. You know you're in trouble when Paula tells you how beautiful you look. Buh-bye.

David Tiny Blues Brother - There you go, David. His voice is so calm, sweet and earnest. Mr. C thinks he is the Melinda Doolittle of this season - so humble and loveable. I still don't see how he loses.

Michael Johns - Simon was right - this song is too long and complex to break down to 90 seconds. Even with the rearrangement he screwed up the lyrics. The entire judges exchange with Paula justifying his mediocrity vis a vis the ear plug (that he did not use) was really awkward and weird.

Brooke was sweet and post-hippyish as usual, but she does better with an instrument in front of her.

David Cook - It was going so well until he threw in that totally random voicebox bit. It ruined the groove! You would have been better off without it, Dude.

Carly - eh. She does NOTHING for me.

Jason Castro - Let me be the first to declare him the new Donovan! Old folks like me will understand.

Sayeesha - How do you not already know the song Yesterday? I can never understand how people who consider themselves singers can be so ignorant of so many of the world's best classic songs. However, it was her best performance and her best cleavage display.

Ch-ch-ch-chia - You started so well and then it became Hee Haw. TERRIBLE!

Miss Can't Dress to Save her Life - Honey is that the best you can do with song choice/outfit choice?? It boggles the mind.

Overall the show was sub-par with too much time for random blabbing.

Next week - Led Zeppelin!!!!!!

Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Amazing Top 12 Performances Make Brunie Change Her Mind!

The new stage is big, the Beatles are good songwriters and away we go…

Syesha is the starter with GOT TO GET YOU INTO MY LIFE and she sounds fine, but Lennon and McCartney are not the kindest pick for a sultry R&B singer. She has a big glory note at the end, but I don’t know if that is going to make it memorable enough.

And I was wondering how they were planning on filling two hours with 12 singers. Apparently the answer is more commercials…

Chikeze blew my mind with SHE’S A WOMAN even though I knew that that was exactly what he was trying to do. I loved it.

Ramiele sang IN MY LIFE. Wilbur said, “She sounds like a girl, and a boy sings this song. Simon is going to hate it…” He also made fun of the people waving their arms. So far the girls are making me drowsy with their sweet, sleepy voices.

Jason covers IF I FELL and he sounds cute and a little dippy. He switches to the harmony parts at points and I kind of like that. He is not as good a singer as most, but he makes up for it with charm. And he makes a little “oh poopy!” face at the end of every song because he can’t the big note that they like at the end. Did you know he has dreads? I had no idea.

Carly sang COME TOGETHER. I liked her in her little film, and her song sounded good. Of the girls, she is the one that is growing on me the most. And certainly the best female performance so far. I also like how she responds to the judges.

Simon is so dang cute when he winks.

Wilbur’s advice to David Cook: shave your head and learn from Chikeze. Heh… My advice, sadly unheeded tonight, Don’t turn into Constintine. At least he is from Tulsa. I love Tulsa. I just wish he was different looking. Not necessarily cuter, just not all of the attributes I find personally distasteful – chin tufts, greasy hair, squinty soul eyes, poofy lips. He seems a likeable sort, I suppose. But like the maiden on her wedding night, I still need to keep my eyes closed. How did he do? He sounded great and everyone loved him.

Brooke played piano and sang LET IT BE. She sounded beautiful and didn’t do anything new but she has a real way with a simple song. When she let loose a little at the end it was really effective. Really nice job, my new favorite girl. Dang ugly dress though. And barefoot, hee!

David Hernandez sings I SAW HER STANDING THERE and did a nice little Elvis bit at the start. The song was a little old fashioned for Idol, I thought. He has a nice voice but in this song the bass line moves really quickly and the vocals always sound like they are trying to hold back the energy - even when the Beatles did it… Not a good choice.

Amanda has a softer haircut and looks cute and younger than she has before. She sang the hell out of YOU CAN’T DO THAT and I finally realized why people like her. She was fantastic on a song that I really don’t even like!

Michael is from Austraila? Do tell! He sings ACROSS THE UNIVERSE and looks like he is trying to pass a kidney stone. I am over the tiny little hold his undeniable good looks have had on me in the past. I hope the other women of America are with me. His voice is fine, but he has slipped comfortably into my least favorite boy seat. Welcome, Mike, I hope your stay is short.

Oh my gosh! Simon didn’t even know Carly’s name! I kind of love that. It means that he is less interested in this contest than I am. Bwahahaha! It is totally just his job. He could be sprinkling jimmies at Dairy Queen for all it means to him.

Kristy Lee sings – or yodels – EIGHT DAYS A WEEK. I think she might have tried this “turn it to country” shtick with something less famous and it might have worked. But this is country-fair painful. And her bouncy standing in one place and occasionally turn her leg to the other side movements didn’t help. At least it was brief. Please go home Kristy Lee. And AFTER I typed this Simon said, “Some ghastly country fair—” So I said Country Fair first. Copycat, Simon…

Little Davy is in the pimp spot again. (The pimp spot is what Television Without Pity calls the last performance, the one people remember.) Luckily, he is really a phenomenal performer. Except when he forgets the words. Oh my! Is this going to be a train-wreck? He keeps licking his lips like Barty Crouch’s son. His vocals sound great when they were on, but – Yikes!- you don’t forget the words! Luckily I think his army of prepubescent minions will vote him through to next week.

Chikeze, Carly, Brooke, David C, and Amanda should all be safe by virtue of being awesome.

Syesha, Raimele, Jason and Micheal didn’t make me want to barf or anything and hopefully will be back to impress me in the future.

Little Davy is going to be in the top 5 – not a chance in the world of him going home before that unless he comes up on stage and says, “I hate you America. Really, I mean it!” and then blows his nose on the flag.

So it looks like it is down to Kristy Lee or David H. going home, if the world is fair. What are you saying? Melinda Doolittle didn’t win last season? Okay, your guess is as good as mine.

Brunie, OUT!

Brief Girls and Surprise!

I was hoping that someone would pick up the gauntlet of writing about the girls since I found them ever so dull. Alas it falls to me, for now to say:

What is the deal with Sayisha singing about adultery two weeks in a row? Is she trying to tell us something? Is this a cry for help?

Brooke sat still and sounded pretty calm for singing about a battle field.

Kady sang some terrible Queen song and then sang it even worse after they sent her home last night. (Notice the shocking lack of narrative flow as I combine singing night recapse with results night spoilers!)

Asia'h was also sent home even though she was peppy and charming. Travesty.

Kristy Lee's boobs sang something that saved her and was kind of twangy and I don't care enough to remember what it was.

Lily Munster, Jr. sounded fantastic singing I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU and it was memorable enough that I didn't have to wrack my brain for the title. I think she is done with the show though. Something was going on. She seemed happy when singing and no other time. She seems like someone who doesn't think of herself as a capital-S-Singer and it might be that she misses her Harley and her patients.

Carley sounded great belting some big song and showing her tonsils. She seemed to have more personality during the give-and-take after, but I still find her technically great and totally dull.

Okay, that is 7 and I can't remember who the other girl is. Grrr... Oh yes Ramekin Mulberry! She sang AGAINST ALL ODDS which I like against all odds because it is that sort of 80s over-produced movie soundtrack song that I usually have no patience for. But I like little Rainbowbright Muldoon! She is tiny. With a big voice. And the hair that David Cook longs to have.

But since we know how it turns out - who cares?

As for the boys, I knew Luke was going. I loved his sing-out. He turned to his wife and started singing to her and then he thought "Oh, this song makes you sound like kind of a slut!" and turned back to the judges. (I am kidding, I just imagined that and it amused me...)

Then they brought Chikeze and Danny out and I thought "Curse you VFTW! You are making them send my tiny-toothed boyfriend home!" But it was not to be. Danny went home with tears in his eyes and a swivel in his hips.

Until next week-
Brunie, OUT!


Buddy TV is offering this What Would Simon Say About You personality quiz. I haven't taken it yet, but it looks fun.