How Many Are Left?

And what proportion of them completely suck? Well, I guess I would go with one twelfth. Because, seriously, Norman Gentle? I have a huge tolerance for silly, stupid humor and I am not feeling him at all. And Tatiana, yes, she can sing, but she is 47 different varieties of crazy and watching her makes me want to hurt TiVo. Don't make me hurt TiVo!!! And finally, Nathaniel. I am glad they pimped up his prison-mom because that makes me feel like he is not just garden-variety teen-goth entitled. At least I know he has had some real issues that make him completely unprepared to live in the world as we know it. I am sure that being on a show where he will be judged by millions and found alarmingly wanting is just what his fragile ego needs. What, it's NOT opposit day? Crap...

Other than that, I liked how the show played out. Danny's best friend got the boot, not with Danny actually sitting beside him. Nice restraint, AI. Lots of beefy faced men and scrawny women got through. I was sad that Frankie didn't because the girl who sang-off with her frightened me! Alas, poor competetive Frankie. A couple of the single mom's got through. Thank you patient southern grandmas for the next few months of free childcare.

Stevie! She got through. I like her. And the Fozzie-bear haired guy who played keyboards and walked off stage. I like him too.

I don't know who the girl is that kept forgetting the words but that was brilliant to let her through. "You can't forget the words or you are out! Unless we like you and think we can market you and don't really care if you are dumb as a stump." Thus spake Simon. And what is with calling the big mouthed blond girl ugly? Simon practically said pretty is more important than talent. Sometimes I just don't know what to do with that man, other than feel morally superior. And then I remember I am watching American Idol.

I am not sure how it is going to play out in the next few weeks, but I am thrilled that they are going to start singing songs, which means that Lady Char, and Mrs. Cyn are going to be chewing bubblegum and kicking ass. And I hear they are all out of bubblegum!

Brunie - OUT!

A Rose is a Rose...

Riddle me this, why am I not at all sad to see Rose go when IDOL clearly wants me to be? And why do I kind of love Danny the widower who is clearly manipulating me with his cute little widower-ness and adorable best friend? I have this idea that his wife was kind of awesome and when she was dying she was probably like, "Honey, you are going to milk this dead wife angle for all you can - Idol loves that crap!"

I loved Hollywood week! Wilbur was saying last night, "It's so awesome this year - there's so much DRAMA!" Yes, indeed son. Welcome to American Idol...

I feel bad for the girl in the Divas in the canary colored dress because not only was she called out to be the stool pidgeon, but she also got cut when her singing was perfectly lovely! And Three Shrews and a Psycho all got through? Puh-leeze! That girl whose name has been blocked from my brain because she hurts me is INSANE! "You don't know what I have gone through to be bere!" You stood in line! Like everyone else... Oh - she is a piece of work.

And finally, the drama 3 at the end were weird! That crying boy is never going to make it into the top 36 because his nickname is THE CRYING BOY! He's not even the pierced crying boy. Just crying, now. The dumb blond might be funny. When she misunderstood Simon asking if they were going to be going out to dinner that night her response was downright Pickler-esque! I felt bad for the mean read-head. All she wanted to do was practice. And they made her the bad guy. But it appears that her people skills might have needed some work.

Can't wait for next week!

Brunie-OUT!

"It's Our Biggest Season Yet"

(Quoth R. Seacrest, February 2009, and what can he possibly mean?)

I love the group sings. LOVE them. And I'm not sure that a great argument can be made that they have anything to do with the rest of the competition (though High Lord Dave makes a good case), but I missed them desperately last year and loved the heck out 'em last night.

And the drama is predictably dramatic and delightful, but I would also like to see more of the groups who do well—what's their secret? How did they find one another, choose their song, work it out? For me, seeing a job done well under trying circumstances is also very entertaining, and it makes the final product, a polished performance, mean that much more.

I'd also like to see the round where good, solid performers (Son of Alan, say, or Deaf Grandma Girl) get cut, because otherwise it's too random and unsatisfying. Did they really screw up, or was it just one of those things?

We saw SO MUCH of some groups (I was over the Nathaniel-Kristen-Pink Hair drama after five minutes, and has there been a more annoying contestant than Giggling Self-Important Tatiana in recent memory? And aren't Bikini Girl's 15 minutes up yet?) and almost nothing of groups I was really curious about. Like: Why did a pro like Tattooed Rocking Emily screw up so bad? She sings with a band! She knows how to perform! Why did she make a last-minute song switch on Day 1, and drop her lyrics so badly on Day 2? What was going on there? (And again, I love her mom to death. Emily's going to be fine, but I still feel bad for her.) And I kept catching glimpses of Ann Marie, aka You Need More Make-Up Girl, and it looked like she got through, but did we see her perform? Did she bring the star quality Simon et al. were looking for? I really want to know.

Some earlier favorites were less charming on second viewing. Homeless Rose—such a whiner! (Mimosa: "Do you think Rose is really negative?") Lil Rounds continues to wow the judges, but I thought her song choice ("I-E-I-E-I Will Always Love You" ) was boneheaded, and she sounded nowhere near as great as I remembered. I still like her—but the pedestal, it is chipped.

Here was a nice surprise: the melting voice of Stephen Fowler! Where did he come from? Have we seen him before?

I continue to loathe Von Smith, the screaming dwarf. What do the judges see in him?

All in all, they've made some changes this year that I heartily approve of (more Hollywood, fewer auditions, less time spent on freaks); now if they'll just stop showing us clips of things we saw less than five minutes ago (do they really think that new viewers are tuning in every few minutes? Or do they honestly believe we are just that moronic?), I'll be a happy Lady.

The Idol moment that made me gasp out loud followed the splendid four-way of Dead Wife Danny, BFF Jamar, and two unnamed girls:

Simon: "Danny, please step forward."

[long stricken pause]

Simon: "Danny, you have made it to the next round."

[longer pause, visibly dripping with angst]

Simon: "And the other three, you're going with him."

Oh! the drama.

Lady Chardonnay OUT!

Simon Hates a Fat Girl

Not to be all whiny but Simon is really a snot about fat girls. When that over-peppy contest winner came in I saw him shut right down. He didn't want to even look at her. If a skinny pretty girl had had that voice they would have been on her like white on rice. I didn't care for her, but listening to her with my eyes closed she sounded like any other Mariah-wanna-be that they would choose. And before you leap in, Simon, and say, "Yes, but it is a television program - people don't want to have to listen with their eyes closed. Being attractive is part of it!" I have three words for you - Scott Freaking Savol! That being said, I found her annoying as can be - but Simon found her annoying before she even had a chance to get all the way into the room.

That was only a tiny slice of the hell that was this episode. I have really enjoyed the auditions this season so this was surprising to me. (It could be because I am sick, sick, sick.) The only two parts I enjoyed were both Simon-centric. The first was when he called the first contestent's boss to get her job back. And the other was when the horribly un-funny iPod guy was auditioning and Simon said, "Okay, I can't listen to this anymore. I really, really can't. It's just awful, it's everything I hate. Everything, I mean the whole act, is excruciatingly bad." And then the kid pulled a lion out of his pocket and Simon's synapses just turned into feral cats and he manages to choke out, "What relevance is you, standing there with a lion on your hand, to a singing competition?" And then the guy yells, "It's the circle of life!" And Simon dies. Okay, he just dies inside, but it helped make up for the fact that if I were ever in the same room with Simon I would be invisible to him or worse.

Cozying up in a big hot tub of self pity -
Brunie OUT!

"You can't judge people by the cover of the book"

So true, Not Goth Girl. Except that sometimes you can.

Well, last week we clearly had Obama Fever, but I'm back to a cool 98.6 now and ready to re-assume my blogging duties. As for my sister bloggers—still sleeping it off, I expect.

Not much to say about last week, except that I very much liked the object of our final sob story, Ms. Thuggish Ways and her mega-watt smile. And I seem to recall a fellow who resembled our David Cook, only younger and sleepier, and I liked him too.

All of it pales in the glow of Obama, though, and that's that.

Moving on!

On Tuesday, I thoroughly enjoyed Joshua, who sang (and played) "Let's Get It On." I'm so glad the judges got the joke and sent him through. He's fun. And I liked Anne Marie, the girl they sent out for more make-up (?? what was their problem with her?).

Other "winners" had less appeal, particularly 16-year-old Jasmine, who sings straight through her nose, and Miss Teen Latina Something, whose singing voice is surprisingly un-awful but is nonetheless as grating as all giddy-up.

Sharon (Girl with Dog) I found bemusing, as she sang the words of "Superstar" to a completely different tune.

And then there was George Ramirez, that stone-faced wonder: "Where do you see yourself in 10 years, George?" [pause] "In a simple house, with nice floors . . . . . . marble floors." How can you not love this guy? Oh, but then he sang, and it was all over. Bye, George. (Hold on to your dream, guy!)

And on to Salt Lake City, where much to my joy we're immediately greeted with an Osmond. And not just any Osmond, but THE SON OF ALAN, Alan being my personal favorite Osmond, next to Marie, who was my idol, "Paper Roses" was my first album, oh, how I adored Marie. But I digress.

Son of Alan is an adorable boy and sings adorably and I'm simply dying of all the adorableness, except for the sad non-adorableness of Alan, my former love. MS is a terrible disease and I hate it, and not only because of its adorableness-stripping nature. Son of Alan inspires an insightful comment from Paula, even! Son of Alan is magic.

Three girls perform, who are very different from one another and yet have similar "raggedy" tones to their voices: Frankie (like her a lot), Megan with the tattooed arm (she's not for all tastes and I actually hate her voice, but I like her and can see that she's talented), and Rose, tonight's sob story, who is cute as a button and talented to boot. I like all these girls, they're interesting.

So, one more night of auditions (curious, that—auditions on a Thursday? my viewing rhythm is all off kilter!) and then Hollywood, baby! Color me excited. And the doo-wop foursomes are back!! I cannot wait.

Lady Chardonnay OUT!

Welcome to Happy-ville!

Well, other than having missed the party of the decade yesterday, (the one at Mrs. Cyn's) and being sicker than Miss Shirley's dyspeptic goat, I am a-twitter with joy. Oh, no reason!

Of course I mean because of President Barack Obama! Certainly not because of Idol...

I am enjoying it, but no one is jumping out and making me squeal. Former record label was okay. Really pretty Bad Company boy was okay. Teen mom freaked me out with her Aretha Faking voice.

I do think Leneshe (the homeless girl) is as cute as a bug and can write a song! "I like your thuggish way..." hee! Wilbur rewound her sad face when Paula said no to her about 10 times. He is either in love or a sadist.

This is craziness, but soon we will be in Hollywood!

Brunie, OUT!

Our FOURTH Season

Okay - I may be slow in the posting and I may not remember much. But aside from the pity factor, the reason Lady Char and Mrs. Cyn keep me around is that I have the uncanny ability to look at our blog archives - conveniently located 2 inches to the right and 4 inches down from HERE* - to determine that we began writing in January of 2006. Math ladies, it is what seperates us from the millipedes.

I second the emotion on both Lil and Asa. I also adore the lanky graduate student studying barbeque. I liked the voice of widow-man, but I do hate the pimpin' of the dead wife. I like to think she is looking down from heaven and laughing her butt off at the emotional manipulation.

Creepiest of the season? Love-Songs-For-My-Mother (and Grandmother)-Boy. Oh how painful. I hate it when the show acts like this. I appreciated it that the judges tried to contain the ugliness when they realized how sad he truly was. Dang...

Put me on the Kara bandwagon. I really like her. She is funny and a nice fit. I read somewhere that she and Paula go way back. I like the new dynamic.

For some reason I am not finding these auditions as mean as usual. Let's see how long I keep my youthful idealism!

Brunie, OUT!


*Distances subject to change when other people write.

Two for Two!

Another perfectly okay round, give or take a few freaks. Standouts for me:

• Matt Wrightsy, big bald guy with the sweet voice. I love me a big bald guy who can sing.
• Sweet Jessica, who lives with very deaf Grandma. (It's wrong, so wrong, to laugh at the deaf elderly, but Grandma was a hoot.) I don't even care if Jessica can sing well (though she does), I love this girl and want her to go far. She reminded me of the bespectacled cutie who auditioned in her prom dress a few years ago. In fact, I'm pretending that Jessica is Prom Girl, all grown up. A happy ending! What an inspiration!!
• Anoop, who is simply adorable.
• Asa Barnes, Band director—when he first appeared on screen, Mimosa and I, in unison, went, "Mmmm." And he has the cutest daughter.

And possibly the best:

• Lil Rounds, mother of three—gorgeous voice and a class act to boot. This year's Melinda, I think, but with a more proportional head. I really really really like her.

I was most disturbed by Brian (chest hair, medallion, "operatic" voice)—not by his audition itself, though it was dreadful, but by the sweetly hopeful looks on the faces of who I assume are his parents. Have they . . . never heard their son sing? Has their love for their child truly made them that tone deaf and and that clueless? This upset me on so many levels. Thank God for strong drink.

I was underwhelmed by Von Smith (Fedora Guy who BELTED "Over the Rainbow," though we've had great fun imitating him ever since), but I did like the dorky little skipping he did afterward. Oh, yeah—he'll go far.

Today's Idol Tale of Inspiration belongs to poor Danny with the poor dead wife and the singing BFF Jamar: "an emotional story of strength and courage." So far, all the Inspirers have been decent singers who are "going to Hollywood, baby!" I wonder if that will always be the case. Would Idol simply toy with our heartstrings with no emotional payoff? Would it? Could it?

I'm sorry we didn't see more of the blonde with the funky glasses and the purple dress (who's also going to Hollywood)—I like her look.

And finally, the unexpected joy of the night—seeing sweet Jason Castro again! Sweet spacey Jason. And I like his brother fine. Michael Castro doesn't seem to have big brother's sleepy charisma, but there's something there. We'll see. (Li'l Martini adores him and has anointed him his new favorite.)

Very promising beginning, I must say!

And that is all from Lady Chardonnay.

Here we go again...

As we begin our 20th year of Idol, (I have no idea how long we've been doing this either, Lady C.) I would like to thank my two charming, witty, comic cohorts, Lady Chardonnay and Brunhildecrow, and of course, our dedicated readers. So, here we go again. As I have written, oh 19 times before, I do not like the audition part that much. Watching the mentally ill be criticized is not my idea of a good time. There seems to have been somewhat less humiliation on show #1 last night. I cannot believe that you have memorized anyone's name so soon, Lady C. I don't even try to commit anyone to memory until after Hollywood. However, one cannot forget bikini girl, of cute little butt, and passable imitation of Mariah singing Vision of Love. I feel confident that when she has to sing a song she does not already know, she will fall apart. You can tell the one-song wonders many times. They have practiced the one song forever, and can sing it well, but when taken out of their comfort zone, they implode. I do think that tattooed girl who will abandon her band is VERY good. I think she will not fall apart under pressure, and may go far. Beyond that, it is too soon to tell, but, I remain your humble criticizer of total strangers on parade,

Mrs. Cynicletary

Here You Come Again

Hello, gentle readers! It's me, Lady Chardonnay. Welcome to Idol Season Whatever (dedicated blogger that I am, you'd think I'd remember these things—but you'd be wrong). Much of it is same ol', same ol', but there are also some ch-ch-ch-changes in store, namely: (1) a new judge! More on Care-uh/Carr-uh below. (2) a shorter audition period! All good. (3) fewer freaks! more stories of inspiration! Yeah. A part-time freak show—again, all good. The feel-good self-congratulatory portion of Idol (hint: last night's inspirer rhymes with Shmott Shmacintire)—again, more below.

This year I took almost no notes on the sad, the bad, the ugly, the freaks. The sad touch my heart, and I'm choosing not to prolong the pain. The others have already taken enough of my life. So I'm taking my cue from Newly Inspiring Idol, and here is last night's Parade O' Talent!

• Emily Wynne Hughes, who sports numerous tattoos and hair-color shades, is blessed with a completely awesome mom, and has a lovely voice! I like Emily fine, but mostly I want to see more of Mom.
• J.B., sweet-singing Utah boy with very large eyebrows. He tears up, his dad tears up, it's all very sweet.
• Arianna, cute as a button (I'm writing that just as Kara's saying it—me and Kara [I'm holding up my crossed fingers now], we are LIKE THIS), sings a song I instantly loathe. Gah, these kids and their current modern music of today! What's wrong with a pretty melody, I ask you? Or any melody? And who moved my cane? ha ha
  
• Stevie Wright, my favorite of the whole show (ma semblable, ma souer Kara loved her too)—she has the voice, she has the personality, her smile lit up the whole room. And she's only 16! Okay, a la Jordin Sparks, am I looking forward to Randy reminding us that she's only 16 for the next five months? No. No I am not. But for my girl Stevie, I will endure. (Look! I'm another Idol Inspiration story!)
• Michael Server, the semi-hunky roughneck with the surprisingly sweet voice—he sings fine, again I hate the song, but the best comment came from my eight-year-old son, L'il Martini: "He's good and delicious!" Oh, I do love my little gay son.
• Bikini Girl, to the eternal disappointment of my spotless mind, didn't suck. Nonetheless, I loathe her. (I thought Kara's rendition was fabulous. Way to support your new co-worker, Simon! Ass.) She won't make it through Hollywood—once she puts on clothes, her perfectly average nice voice will be shown the door, and Kara and I will toast our joy.
  
• Cute bouncy Brianna is cute and bouncy and I like her, because I like the spirited girls, and I'm glad they're giving her a chance—I thought her voice was fine, and not nearly as marginal as they were making it out to be. She does need to chill, though.
• Deanna, nice country girl with no family present—again, a perfectly fine voice and a nice girl, and I have NO IDEA why they're so gaga over her. I would say that her average nice voice and Brianna's average nice voice and Loathesome Bikini Girl's average nice voice are all pretty much the same, but what do I know, I'm just here to blog. Anyway, Ryan's quite adorable with her, pretending to be all the missing members of her family, which I found very dear.
• Alex has a nice voice and an almost total inability to tell a joke, but I did like when he offered to sing "God Save the Queen" for Simon. I'm betting we'll never see him again, but I like Alex.
• And finally we come to the "audition to give you hope"—oh, shoot me now. I loved Anthony Federov, it's not his fault he had a tracheotomy and that Idol decided to pimp that for all time, but I don't want to sit through it again. And the object of the pimping, sweet Scott Macintyre, who is legally blind, seems like a perfectly nice boy and does indeed have a lovely voice (and an unfortunate resemblance to Steven Tobolowsky with a moptop—again, not his fault). I truly truly hope that Idol simmers down with this guy, but I wouldn't bet the farm.

I loved Elijah Scarlett (look at that name! how can you not love him?), he of the preternaturally deep voice, but it was not to be. (I didn't love his singing voice, I hasten to add—he reminded me of the fellow who sang "Go Down Moses" last year without moving his lips. Though, come to think of it, I loved that guy too.) And I didn't hate the pink cowgirl, Lea Marie, mostly because I knew she didn't have a shot and I found her harmless—and when she rolled her stomach for the camera (which was . . . an odd choice), my 11-year-old daughter, Mimosa, remarked, "She can do that thing that Grandpa can do!" Too funny.

So, the judges chose correctly, I think—the bad went home, the good went to Hollywood. I am inspired.

And I like our new judge Kara! She's smart and direct but not overtly mean—and she'll be a more effective foil for Simon than Paula is. (Though I'm worried about her tendency to look like she's sneering when her face is still. I mentioned this to Mimosa who said, very sagely, "Maybe she's had the Botox." Maybe, indeed.)

We're off!

I would pay big money to see this. Of course I would love to see McCain and the other guy dance, too.

[KIDDING!!! Everyone knows Biden can't dance...]

I have a confession to make.

First opining, then confessing:

On April 11th I wrote, "It is also certain that a guy named David will win this year." But I must admit that I did think it would be David A. I am very very surprised that the more mature, subtle, sexually real man won. As Lady C. indicated, maybe tweenyboppers do not rule the idol world. How 'bout that?

OK, and now for my confession. I have not voted even once this whole season of American Idol. Not once. And everything turned out exactly like I wanted. I don't know what it means, but I feel better getting that off my chest.

Tonight starts my very favo fave show, So you think you can dance dance dance dance! w00t!

Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Baby What a Big Surprise

Well, color my world with love! I did NOT see that coming. My faith in the pixielike tween girls with feverishly dialing computer programs was boundless—I've never seen them, but still I believed, I believed! Maybe they aren't real. Maybe, like me, the Cookie lovers stepped up their game and actually voted on Tuesday, something that I for one have scarcely been moved to do all season (see "pixies," above). Who knows?

But for once, someone I've loved from the beginning actually made it through (I have a BAD habit of falling in love with early boots—Amy Adams and Mandisa come to mind)—and, to my and Mrs. Cynicletary's shock, the Idol is a person of "authentic sexuality," arguably a first!

This was my initial impression of David Cook, on January 30:

I liked Rocker David, with his quiet confidence ("I think my voice will get me through, but I may not be what they're looking for"—what a cutie! Daughtry 08?).

. . . and I think we're all admiring my smartness now, yes? Quiet confidence (other people have called this "smugness," but I respectfully disagree) and a determination to always be himself, to mold the show to his style rather than the other way around. That is David Cook, the best musician, I believe, that Idol has ever chosen. Good on you, America.

Lady Chardonnay, happy, proud, and OUT.

America's Next Top David

(or, The Idol We Deserve)

Man, that was a weird show! Or, I should say, a weird two shows, at the very least, because I clearly saw two different things going on. And then there was that whole other show that the judges saw, where David A. cured cancer and hung the moon, but that is another story and far beyond my limited powers of analysis, and blogging.

Show 1: David A., whom forevermore I shall call Tickle Me David (thanks to my smarty colleague, Miss WordPerfect), competed for the American Idol Championship. He brought his A game, did exactly what he needed to do, did not veer from his packaged formula one iota, sang the song we all wanted to hear again ("Imagine"), and will likely take home the title tonight, in a blaze of tears, Clearasil, and hormones.

Show 2: David C. performed, competently as ever, for another episode of American Idol. He did not seem to understand that this was THE CHAMPIONSHIP. The fighting analogies . . . puzzled him. He good-naturedly hugged his opponent and gave him head noogies. And he chose, as his final sing-out, a song we've never heard him sing, rather than "Billie Jean," the song we clamored for.

One has to wonder—does David C. actually want the title? He didn't perform badly, after all—but he also didn't sing for his life, as Tickle-Me did. Did Shoeless Joe really throw the game? Will we ever know for sure?

My excellent boss has believed that the whole thing's fixed, ever since Jason Castro flubbed the one line everyone can sing of "Mr. Tambourine Man" and didn't even seem rattled by it. I didn't think so then (little seems to rattle mellow Mr. Castro), but now I truly wonder.

Random thoughts:

• After Tickle-Me sang "Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me," Li'l Martini remarked, "I despise him, but this is a good song." Mimosa: "That's not even a sun behind him, it's a star."

• Every time they show Tickle Me Senior in the audience, I think, "Wow, Danny Bonaduce's here!" Separated at birth, those two.

• Idol should borrow a page from Survivor and do The Walk of the Fallen Idols. I would love to hear Tickle-Me's heartfelt tribute to Amanda Overmeyer. Or David C. having to wax rhapsodic over Kristy Lee Cook.

Miss WordPerfect says that she can't bear to watch two solid hours of Tickle-Me tonight, but if we go by past finales we'll see the Idolettes for maybe 15 minutes. She has other reasons to fear the finale, of course, but that ain't one of 'em.

I predict a blowout for Tickle Me David, though I did my duty and phoned it in for David C. as long as my redial held out. Hey, he phoned it in for me, it's the least I could do.

Lady Chardonnay, chilling the bottles in preparation for tonight, and OUT.

Cookie vs. Archie in the Warmest Fuzziest Hug-fest of the Year!

Wow, they really pumped this as a head to head battle. Simon said, "You must hate your competitor." No, not so much... They practically spooned each other on stage. Such nice boys, really!

First Round:
Clive "Walking Cadaver" Davis chose I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR which I though - "Wow, something from this generation!" and then I remembered that I actually heard it played at a funeral in 1989 - nearly 20 years ago. I guess "current" is a relative term. Cookie sounded great and I started to like him.

L'il Davy had to sing DON'T LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON ME which is basically a song that sings itself. It is completely awesome. And he did sound great and looked so gobsmacked when they complimented him that I started to like him too.

Second Round:
The less said about the wretched songs the better. Instead of commenting on the performances, which were both better than they should have been given the quality of the songs or the songs themselves (which sounded like DC's Disney Movie song-that-plays-over-the-credits and a high school talent show winner) I will post the lyrics to next year's wining song. (Fingers crossed!)


"I Believe in the Angel of Inspiration Now" (The Windows of My Love)

When I am feeling desperation,
I look to the sky
I see the angel of inspiration
Flying by...

When I need help
In a timely fashion
She gives a yelp
And tries to crash in...

The windows of my love.
The windows of my love.
Ooooooh
The windows of my love

When I need her aid
so quickly,
All my hopes are flayed
So sickly

She comes to me
She comes right now.
I love her so,
Oh yeah, oh wow...

The windows of my love.
The windows of my love.
Ooooooh
The windows of my love

(Repeat chorus 428 times and yodel like Mariah Carey's dyspeptic cat)
Thanks to TRISH for the title!

ROUND #:
David Cook (yes, I will use their real names this one time...) sang a song that I vaguely know and started to cry a little at the end! IT WAS AWESOME! I loved him. Not the song but the Paula-pleasing emotionality. Simon bitched him out for doing something he hadn't done before which sort of illustrated all that is wrong with this show.

David Archuletta sang IMAGINE (again...) and sounded great (again...) and all the judges had a spontaneous orgasm. It was gross to watch, frankly. If I were slightly more jaded I might think that Simon knows everyone's numbers and therefore knows who will win and wants to look like he knew it all along. Of course, it could just be that in the theater DA sounds significantly better than DC. But really it seems like DC is the more original and exciting singer.

But what do I know?

Brunie, OUT!

Bye Bye Sye...

So Mrs. C (and just about everyone else who has voiced a prediction about this week's results) was right and Syesha went home. She seemed not at all surprised.

The thing that kind of freaked me out was that they told L'il Davy he was saved before Cookie. Does this mean that he had more votes? Is there a possibility that L'il Davy could actually win this thing in spite of the fact that he has a voice and no presence at all and Cookie is actually somewhat charismatic? The mind boggles.

Entertainment Weekly had an article this week about ways that AI could change up to become interesting again and the one that most appealed to me was that they could announce the number of votes that each contestant received. I would love to know how the numbers break down each week. I know that there are sites that tell you this, but it seems to me that I heard that they are not always reliable. Or maybe I am just too lazy to go look and prefer to have "The Producers" tell me. Have you noticed how ominous "The Producers" sounds? Like "The Creators" or "The Creatures" or "The Overlords". At least they didn't make us look at the dessicated corpse of Clive Davis this year. (I almost typed Clive Owen - oh that it should never come to pass!)

Anyway, I am not even going to go into details on the performances Tuesday night because I am sure you all slept through it just like I did. They all sounded good, blah blah blah. The funniest thing all night was when Ryan asked Syesha why she wanted a chair and Mrs. Mama, my AI viewing buddy, quipped, "Because they wouldn't give her a pole." Bwahaha... Our little Syesha sure has been dancing close to the Haley Scarnato ledge. Luckily, she can sing and isn't just incredible good looking. And it is nice to have someone to even out the lack of cute in our front runners.

Seriously, look at L'il Davy and Cookie and they are a somewhat homely pair. Really pre-teen girls - wipe the hormones from your eyes and take a good long stare. That's right, not that cute...

Finally the visits home - this could be my favorite part of the whole season. I LOVE when the contestants go to their hometowns and weep like toddlers. It makes me like them so much because no matter how mildly arrogant (David Cook) or fake (Syesha) or downright irritating (Davy) they are to me at this point in the show, there is so little artifice when they go back to their homes. It humanizes them.

And the upside for me is that I actually care a little bit about what happens next week. It seems like Cook should be the clear choice, but I do remember that male AI winners usually land with a thunk and am kind of hoping for a L'il Davy upset.

Brunie, OUT!

Nap time for the kids

Is it me or did everyone seem a little tired last night? God knows these kids have been on a wild roller coaster ride of thrills, trills and kills lately, and with the big trip to their home towns this week, I think they are exhausted, and it showed in their singing.

If I've said it once, I've said it 100 times - David A. has a great voice. He can sing anything - even a Chris Brown song - almost. He messed up the lyric a little and seemed rushed and uncomfortable with that, his most current song. I'll bet his Dad, recently of the "add a quick line from the Beautiful Girls song" during Stand By Me last week, encouraged him to sing it. Methinks Dad scours the pop charts looking for ways to make David a teen sensation.

Since singing Proud Mary, Syesha has found her hotness. Or her stylist has, at least. She looked fantastic last night, and sang about as well as she can. You could tell that she really disliked that last song - Hit Me Up or whatever it was - she did not look like she was having fun, although she did look cute and tiny in those very tight jeans. She's a Broadway-bound baby, and will find much success, even if she goes home tonight. Which she will.

David C. sounded good too, although, again, tired. On The First Time Ever...he sounded just lovely, soft and yet not wimpy. With his songs, the edit to 90 seconds really hurt. Although I detest that Don't Want to Miss a Thing, Aerosmith song, and the fact that it was shortened was OK with me. Damn, of all the great Aerosmith songs, the Producers chose that one? Ick. I especially hate the lyric, "Cause I'd miss you Babe and I don't want to miss a thing." You just can't sing the word"miss" twice within eight words of each other. Was there no alternative - "Cause I love you Babe, and I don't want to miss a thing, "Cause I want you Babe, need you Babe, crave you, Babe- I mean insert almost any one syllable word and don't repeat 'MISS"!!

Overall, I recommend a day off with complete bedrest for the kids - except Syesha because she will get plenty of rest when she leaves the show. Tonight.

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Rock and Roll Hall of Flaming Talent

(Just kidding...)

There were some surprises tonight and I am writing as I watch so I am not even aware of all of them yet. There is also some tremendous pimpin' - quelle suprise...

First off was Cookie - he was HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF. I had just had a big meal and wasn't all that interested. Also, one of the top 500 most influential songs? Really??

Syesha did PROUD MARY proud. She shook it up in a not too slutty way and had a lot of fun. I thought she sounded great and looked great. I loved it.

Oh my... Jason Castro committed a heinous act of cultural decimation by attempting Bob Marley's I SHOT THE SHERIFF. It was bad. Which was too bad because he was excited about singing a song he loved. But it was just lame. He looked cute, but TPTB were very willing to let
him shoot himself in the foot. (But not the deputy.)

L'il Davy did a stellar job with STAND BY ME and finally earned the strokes that Randy seems unable to stop giving him. It was a great song for him and he mixed it up a little with BEAUTIFUL GIRLS for just a few seconds. It was a good job and my favorite LD performance since IMAGINE.

And speaking of surprises - BABA O'RILEY??? On AI??? The Who's most often miss-named song (admit it Lady C, you thought it was called TEENAGE WASTELAND, didn't you?) in a horrible arrangement. The arrangement blew hard, but this boy really can sing. I really loathed that that song was on here, but he really has a fantastic voice. When he jumped up an octave, I sat up in my seat. Very impressive.

(I am just going to take the time to say that Ryan's hair looks bizarre. He looks like Bob's Big Boy)

Syesha looked amazing (Apparently I am channeling Paula, but the girl is beautiful...) She sang A CHANGE IS GOING TO COME and sounded amazing. I love that song and she really did it justice. Now she just broke down - it seemed like when Paula complimented her. I don't know if it was the performance of a lifetime (the tears, I mean) or if she really meant it, but I like to think the latter. Ryan, Paula and Simon gave Randy all kinds of crap about making her cry (he didn't like it) but I think it was the emotions of the song getting to her. Good TV, that's for sure.

Jason did better with MR. TAMBOURINE MAN, but he did botch the lyrics and will be almost certainly going home tomorrow night. He is outclassed as a singer by the other three and he knows it. I doubt there will be tears tomorrow night when we say goodbye to him. And Simon was nice enough to advise him to get an early start on his packing.

And who is that singing LOVE ME TENDER? Why it is sultry L'il Davy! It is a "romantic love song". I have to say that he is hell of a singer and did a nice job with this. And of course 12 year old girls all over the country are dropping $4.95 for next months Teen Beat magazine with him on the cover. He is crazy strange looking when he sings, but it sounds so sweet! I am extremely uncomfortable the Randy said he "was so tender and caressed each word". He really did a great job tonight.

My pix for the night:

Love Me Tender - just as soon as I get through puberty.
A Change is Gonna Come - and has already come.
Proud Mary - and Proud Syesha, too.
Stand By Me - but don't touch me because I am 11.
Baba O'Riley - or slightly older than teenage wasteland.
Hungry Like the Wolf - hungry for victory!
I Shot the Sherrif - and should have just turned my weapon on myself.
Mr. Whatever Guy - in the jingle-doodle - blah-blah I'll do whatever.

Brunie, OUT!

Neil Diamond, I Cried...

Wow, that was a train wreck!

Randy, can you pimp Little Davy a little harder please?
Paula, WTF?
Simon, actually you kind of saved it.

And the contestants:
Jason, dull as dirt although the BLUE JEANS song was less horrible than the other.

Big Dave, choosing two songs I have never heard is a double-edged sword. On the one hand they sounded good and I didn't hear Neil Diamond (who I kind of liked as a person, but can't stand as a singer) singing along. However, they were still written by Neil Diamond. So blah...

Brooke, sweet jumpin' Jehoshaphat that first song was crap. It was her worst ever. Worse than HERE COMES THE SUN. I have never been a BELIEVER of that song, but it sucked hard. I did like her version of I AM I SAID even thought she should have kept New York and 86-ed the stupid "not even the chair" line that has always made me enraged with its stupidity. I really liked when her voice broke, I like it when she means it.

Little Davy must just stop. He makes me crazy with his lip licking and his gasping and his closed eyes and he animatronic facial expressions. SWEET CAROLINE and COMING TO AMERICA are both crimes against humanity for which Diamond will someday need to answer and now LD is guilty by association. He makes me deeply uneasy. And I hate the way Randy talks him up. He is a good technical singer, I suppose, but he screws up the words and is loathsome.

Which brings us to Syesha. She is the second best one in the competition right now all around. Both her performances kicked total butt last night. If she stays this good TPTB are going to have to give up their beloved David vs. David finale.

And here is where it lies Brunie-wise:

Best in show: David C.
Best performer: Syesha
Most inexplicably attractive: Jason
Most earnest: Brooke
Most irritating: L'il Davy (that's right, I have taken away some of his letters. So there...)

Brunie, OUT!

America the Befuddled

THAT was shite. I hate hate hate when the voting clearly reflects the size of the fan base rather than the actual performances. I love Brooke and Jason and I'm happy they're still here—but "happy" in the way that I'm happy to have doughnuts for dinner: It goes down a treat (I'm being Carly now, don't I sound wicked Irish? You'll have to take my flaming red hair and Gaelic bosoms on faith), but I know it isn't right.

Oh, well.

Moving on: Unlike my sour sister bloggers, cheese is my favorite food, I love the Up with People numbers, and Neil Diamond = all kinds of happy for me, so yay! If Man David sings "Girl You'll Be a Woman Soon," my Joy of Idol may hit nirvana and top out—and then what will be left of me? Stay tuned . . .

Lady C OUT!