This little picture came up when I googled Ace + scar. I don't know why, but since the songs were all grating on my ear it seemed approproate.
So the theme seemed to be "Songs Barb Has Never Heard". One or two sounded vaguely familiar but nothing that I could hum to.
Lisa sang Kelly and since I have never heard Kelly it meant nothing to me. She sounded terrific. Her hair was pretty too. But I suppose she's going home tonight.
Kellie sounded like hell singing the stupidest song ever. I am so over her. But my younger son has started calling his teacher Miss Pickler because her first name is Kellie. Hee.
Ace creeped me out to a degree I can't even articulate by showing us a REAL SCAR! The cheesy-ness of doing this because the lyrics mention a scar is just stupid! He must be a brainless troll. Could someone have possibly told him that this was a good idea? If Mandisa goes home before him I will be cruel to good looking stupid people forever. (This is one of the songs I had actually heard before - but it still sucked.)
Taylor didn't bug me at all. The song sounded vaguely familiar and I actually agreed with Paula that it was nice to just see him stand there and sing.
Mandisa was all gospel-y and I still love her. Apparently Jesus and I are the only ones.
Chris' light show gave me another seizure this week and he sounded more constipated than talented to me. I am with Lady C., this "Cream" or what-have-you is some hard rock that will lead kids down the rocky road to smoking the pot and petting.
Kat sounded wonderful singing a song that I have never heard by X-tina (Bwah! I feel silly just typing it.) I hate this sort of riff-y shit, but she did it well.
Bucky both looked and sounded as stupid as some folks say he is. I didn't mind him and I hope this doesn't send him home. But it was pretty lame.
I though Paris was a hoot! The song seemed dirty to me. Did it seem dirty to you? But she looked cute with her little round face and her fake hair. And her dancing was adorable too.
Elliot sounded good, as always but he moves me not even the tiniest bit. He is like the boy-Lisa. I know he sings but I don't remember it.
I am going with the popular opinion that Lisa is going home - but it could be Bucky or Chris.
I'm just kidding about Chris.
Brunie -OUT!
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Her name is Lisa, she's not Kelly
What a weird show. I only liked and voted for Taylor, Katherine, Elliot, Chris and Paris. Although, I did not love anyone's performance. There are so many great songs from this century - why didn't any of the kids choose to sing them?
Lady C. - Cream is not a 21st century band. (It is painful what I must endure with her rock "knowledge".) I agree that jeans and Mandisa do not mix.
Lisa is going home tonight. She sang a bad karaoke version of Kelly Clarkson's song. Goodbye, Dear. You will have a very nice life without us.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Lady C. - Cream is not a 21st century band. (It is painful what I must endure with her rock "knowledge".) I agree that jeans and Mandisa do not mix.
Lisa is going home tonight. She sang a bad karaoke version of Kelly Clarkson's song. Goodbye, Dear. You will have a very nice life without us.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered
[Alternate titles for today's post included WTF?, What Simon Sez, and If This Is Music, What's That Stuff Cole Porter Wrote?]
I hated last night's show. Something is deeply wrong in the world when Lisa—Lisa!—is my second favorite of the night! And one of only three performances I can even stand!
(I liked Taylor quite a bit. Kellie didn't do anything for me, but she also didn't make me wince, shudder, or mute the TV, so that was something.)
After my usual thoughtful, serious, and contemplative meditation on life, I came to the conclusion that the music of the 21st century COMPLETELY. FREAKIN'. BLOWS. Clearly, I was not the target audience.
Mandisa and Katharine may have been wonderful, I don't know the songs they sang, so those weird, off notes could actually be right-on and true. Gah! What a disappointment. Same with Elliott, though his herky-jerky "dance" moves were at least a distraction from the discordance.
Bucky and Kellie both sang country songs and both suddenly kicked their feet at what seemed odd times. Is this a country thing?
Paris said she was going to be young again, and I got all excited; then she came out looking like a 26-year-old hooker, and I grew sad and confused. Didn't like the song, hated her bumpy-grindy rendition of it. Pussycat Dolls, indeed.
Ace sang all in his nose. His scar hurt me.
I am angry with Mandisa's stylist, who keeps putting her in jeans. This is not a great look for her. She can be gorgeous and sexy, so why not go for it? It doesn't have to be a ball gown every week. Even well-cut black pants would look better.
I liked Lisa's song okay and thought she sang it nicely and with a lot of passion. Though it was a bit jarring to see her sudden switch from emoting her heart out to twinkling at the judges, like the adorable 16 year old she is. I did vote for her, but weakly.
Taylor sang beautifully and looked great. I appreciated that he sat still and just let us enjoy that voice of his. I voted for Taylor, and it was heartfelt. I feel sure that the final tally will reflect this. ("Lisa, you're safe this week, but don't get too comfy. Unlike Taylor.")
And Chris. Chris! My least favorite of the night, and possibly the only time I've ever muted Idol. Okay, I didn't actually mute it, but I turned the volume down to 4, which is almost the same, when you consider that 7 is my usual Idol volume.
When Chris said that he was singing Creed, I started to panic, then realized I was thinking of Cream. (At this point Mrs. Cynicletary is rolling her eyes, saying, "See what I have to put up with?" My rock 'n' roll ignorance never fails to both amuse and dismay her.) So then he started singing and I realized, hey, Creed, Cream, it really doesn't matter, it all falls under the umbrella I lovingly call "big ugly wall of noise," and I dove for the remote.
I agreed with almost everything Simon said, and that's never a good sign.
I don't even care who goes home tonight. (I can say this because I know it won't be Mandisa, who I still love and adore, despite her fashion faux pas and God flogging. I love God too, but honey? Enough.) I've suffered a grievous blow to the spirit, and someone should be punished!
Yuck. That's my closing word.
Lady Chardonnay OUT.
I hated last night's show. Something is deeply wrong in the world when Lisa—Lisa!—is my second favorite of the night! And one of only three performances I can even stand!
(I liked Taylor quite a bit. Kellie didn't do anything for me, but she also didn't make me wince, shudder, or mute the TV, so that was something.)
After my usual thoughtful, serious, and contemplative meditation on life, I came to the conclusion that the music of the 21st century COMPLETELY. FREAKIN'. BLOWS. Clearly, I was not the target audience.
Mandisa and Katharine may have been wonderful, I don't know the songs they sang, so those weird, off notes could actually be right-on and true. Gah! What a disappointment. Same with Elliott, though his herky-jerky "dance" moves were at least a distraction from the discordance.
Bucky and Kellie both sang country songs and both suddenly kicked their feet at what seemed odd times. Is this a country thing?
Paris said she was going to be young again, and I got all excited; then she came out looking like a 26-year-old hooker, and I grew sad and confused. Didn't like the song, hated her bumpy-grindy rendition of it. Pussycat Dolls, indeed.
Ace sang all in his nose. His scar hurt me.
I am angry with Mandisa's stylist, who keeps putting her in jeans. This is not a great look for her. She can be gorgeous and sexy, so why not go for it? It doesn't have to be a ball gown every week. Even well-cut black pants would look better.
I liked Lisa's song okay and thought she sang it nicely and with a lot of passion. Though it was a bit jarring to see her sudden switch from emoting her heart out to twinkling at the judges, like the adorable 16 year old she is. I did vote for her, but weakly.
Taylor sang beautifully and looked great. I appreciated that he sat still and just let us enjoy that voice of his. I voted for Taylor, and it was heartfelt. I feel sure that the final tally will reflect this. ("Lisa, you're safe this week, but don't get too comfy. Unlike Taylor.")
And Chris. Chris! My least favorite of the night, and possibly the only time I've ever muted Idol. Okay, I didn't actually mute it, but I turned the volume down to 4, which is almost the same, when you consider that 7 is my usual Idol volume.
When Chris said that he was singing Creed, I started to panic, then realized I was thinking of Cream. (At this point Mrs. Cynicletary is rolling her eyes, saying, "See what I have to put up with?" My rock 'n' roll ignorance never fails to both amuse and dismay her.) So then he started singing and I realized, hey, Creed, Cream, it really doesn't matter, it all falls under the umbrella I lovingly call "big ugly wall of noise," and I dove for the remote.
I agreed with almost everything Simon said, and that's never a good sign.
I don't even care who goes home tonight. (I can say this because I know it won't be Mandisa, who I still love and adore, despite her fashion faux pas and God flogging. I love God too, but honey? Enough.) I've suffered a grievous blow to the spirit, and someone should be punished!
Yuck. That's my closing word.
Lady Chardonnay OUT.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Entertainment Weekly's Perfect TV Week
Assuming that you have nothing else to do with your evnings than watch television... (click on the picture to view a larger size)
I don't know what to think about the fact that they assume that GG and VM fans aren't out having exciting adventures on Saturday nights. Maybe they think we are so cool that we don't go out until after 10 pm! (Those days are gone...)
And I already take their "watch 5 minutes of Idol on Wednesday" advice. I'm so bright!
Brunie, OUT!
I don't know what to think about the fact that they assume that GG and VM fans aren't out having exciting adventures on Saturday nights. Maybe they think we are so cool that we don't go out until after 10 pm! (Those days are gone...)
And I already take their "watch 5 minutes of Idol on Wednesday" advice. I'm so bright!
Brunie, OUT!
Saturday, March 25, 2006
1950s - The Golden Age of Propaganda and Manipulation
I enjoyed this week and I am thrilled to see Kevvie go (althought I think he gave his best performance this week) but I really saw the puppetmaster's strings this week.
"Bucky must go!" read the memo from the puppetmaster "And make sure Kellie and Ace stay!" and the fine folks at AI did what they could to make it happen. They put the big guns up front. And nobody has bigger guns than Mandisa!
She was hot and awesome and brilliant singing "I Don't Hurt Anymore". Even Simon had to admit that she was sexy as hell. And you know Simon hates the large.
(And Lady C. reminded me of a funny story. Last year or the year before they sent a sad-song-singing big-girl to Hollywood but she made the mistake of singing "I'm So Excited" and got sent home. Lady C said, "Simon doesn't like to hear fat girls sing that they are excited about sex." And I replied, "He perfer they sing that they are excited about pie." Now that I type this I realize it was much funnier when Lady C said it out loud. But it was a lot of typing and I'm not going to erased it now. So suck it up...)
So Mandisa kicked it hard. Then they made Bucky follow her with "oh, boy" (the lack of capitalization is on purpose). He sounded fine - as many have before him. As others did this very night. But the judges ripped him a new one. Okay, not ripped, but you could tell Simon was trying desperatly not to say "plane ticket home" on the off chance that it would make people pity-vote.
Then came little French-y. Paris, of Paris - I had nearly forgotten why I like you so much. She sang "Fever" like she had been doing it forever. Classy, sultry, sparkly, amazing. She looked impossibly beautiful, too. I loved it.
Chris came out and sang something that had a vague tie to Johnny Cash. He sounded great and very much like he has every week. The light show almost made me have a seizure like those Japanese children who were watching Pokemon.
Kat sounded great and looked beautiful, but she seems so forgettable to me. Don't get me wrong - she is really really talented and I think she has a real shot. She just doesn't hook me like my personal top 4 - Mandisa, Paris, Chris and - next up - Taylor.
Taylor was less irritating this week, but his song choice was bad. It sounded great, but there just wasn't much too it. I wasn't too worried about him being sent home.
Then we entered dullsville. The singers who were positioned to make the other slightly less dull singers sound better by comparison.
Lisa, Kevin and Elliot - the expendables. Everybody knows they're going - its just the order of departure that is a mystery. They were all fine. Kevin actually picked a really good song and sounded good. Elliot sounded good and made no impression on me with "Teach Me Tonight" and I remember that Lisa exists, but that's about it.
So after the doldrums came Kellie who did sound great and look trashy but not too trashy singin "Walking After Midnight". It sounded more like "I go walking after midnight with a fifth of burbon towards a roadhouse where I am going to meet a trucker or two and have some really dirty revenge sex" than "I'm walking because I miss you" but whatever - it worked.
Then Ace sang "In the Still of the Night" which sounded fine. But I am not a fan of the Ace . He has weird facial tics and gets mor Constantinified every week.
And then the next night Kevin went home. Seriously, that is all I saw. I was watching "Veronica Mars" as any sane person would be doing - and I switched channels just long enought to see Bucky and Kevin blinking away before commercial. Then I switched back to see Kevin singing. And I was pleased.
Brunhildecrow, OUT!
"Bucky must go!" read the memo from the puppetmaster "And make sure Kellie and Ace stay!" and the fine folks at AI did what they could to make it happen. They put the big guns up front. And nobody has bigger guns than Mandisa!
She was hot and awesome and brilliant singing "I Don't Hurt Anymore". Even Simon had to admit that she was sexy as hell. And you know Simon hates the large.
(And Lady C. reminded me of a funny story. Last year or the year before they sent a sad-song-singing big-girl to Hollywood but she made the mistake of singing "I'm So Excited" and got sent home. Lady C said, "Simon doesn't like to hear fat girls sing that they are excited about sex." And I replied, "He perfer they sing that they are excited about pie." Now that I type this I realize it was much funnier when Lady C said it out loud. But it was a lot of typing and I'm not going to erased it now. So suck it up...)
So Mandisa kicked it hard. Then they made Bucky follow her with "oh, boy" (the lack of capitalization is on purpose). He sounded fine - as many have before him. As others did this very night. But the judges ripped him a new one. Okay, not ripped, but you could tell Simon was trying desperatly not to say "plane ticket home" on the off chance that it would make people pity-vote.
Then came little French-y. Paris, of Paris - I had nearly forgotten why I like you so much. She sang "Fever" like she had been doing it forever. Classy, sultry, sparkly, amazing. She looked impossibly beautiful, too. I loved it.
Chris came out and sang something that had a vague tie to Johnny Cash. He sounded great and very much like he has every week. The light show almost made me have a seizure like those Japanese children who were watching Pokemon.
Kat sounded great and looked beautiful, but she seems so forgettable to me. Don't get me wrong - she is really really talented and I think she has a real shot. She just doesn't hook me like my personal top 4 - Mandisa, Paris, Chris and - next up - Taylor.
Taylor was less irritating this week, but his song choice was bad. It sounded great, but there just wasn't much too it. I wasn't too worried about him being sent home.
Then we entered dullsville. The singers who were positioned to make the other slightly less dull singers sound better by comparison.
Lisa, Kevin and Elliot - the expendables. Everybody knows they're going - its just the order of departure that is a mystery. They were all fine. Kevin actually picked a really good song and sounded good. Elliot sounded good and made no impression on me with "Teach Me Tonight" and I remember that Lisa exists, but that's about it.
So after the doldrums came Kellie who did sound great and look trashy but not too trashy singin "Walking After Midnight". It sounded more like "I go walking after midnight with a fifth of burbon towards a roadhouse where I am going to meet a trucker or two and have some really dirty revenge sex" than "I'm walking because I miss you" but whatever - it worked.
Then Ace sang "In the Still of the Night" which sounded fine. But I am not a fan of the Ace . He has weird facial tics and gets mor Constantinified every week.
And then the next night Kevin went home. Seriously, that is all I saw. I was watching "Veronica Mars" as any sane person would be doing - and I switched channels just long enought to see Bucky and Kevin blinking away before commercial. Then I switched back to see Kevin singing. And I was pleased.
Brunhildecrow, OUT!
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Everything continues to go to Mrs. Cynicletary's plan...
Fine work, America.
Next week, Lisa.
To Lady C. re Barry - I'll color you a square out on a limb! (I kid because I love. Lady C. Not Barry.)
Next week, Lisa.
To Lady C. re Barry - I'll color you a square out on a limb! (I kid because I love. Lady C. Not Barry.)
Kevin Must Have Earache Tonight . . .
Ah, well. A sweet boy with a perfectly nice voice, but out of his league, big time. As are the less-versatile Bucky and Lisa, both of whom I now like very much. But this year, you really see the difference that age and experience can make, don't you? When Mandisa or Taylor or Chris are up there on stage, in addition to their mondo talent, they also communicate a sense of gravitas. They're singing their lives with their words, and the younger kids just can't compete with that. Except for our other teenager, the "good Paris," who is clearly an old soul.
After Bucky and Lisa, I would think that the pretty-but-limited Ace would go next. But I'm out of the prediction biz now; I spent a lovely winey lunch hour yesterday explaining to Mrs. Cynicletary that Kevin is the John Stevens of our day (our day being: 2006) and will be around longer than either she or I can imagine. I have the prediction ability of a yam.
And speaking of yams (i.e.: sweet, wholesome things), there's Kellie. I like Kellie-the-girl, always have, though a little of her goes a long way. I hate feeling her shoved down my throat. (I'm generally busy drinking; get out of my throat, Pickler.) And Simon's comment that he prefers her to last year's winner = what the heck? But I must admit, because I am all about accuracy: She is getting better. She's benefiting from the vocal training and improving her game. Her rendition of "Walkin' After Midnight" was really good, and I don't say that lightly, I LOVE me some Patsy Cline. (and how could Barry not know that song?!)
Hey, speaking of Barry (all my roads do seem to lead there, don't they): Yeah, I'll never go out on a limb defending his looks. At my parents' house, he's held the title of Rat Face since I fell in love with him at age 15. I once gave my mom a coffee mug for Christmas in the shape of a mouse (mice are "her" animal); she opened it, and Dad cried, "Look! A Barry Manilow mug!" That thing still exists today, next to the sink, holding an SOS pad, and is still called The Barry Manilow Mug.
So—not a looker. On so many levels. But that music! that voice! that showmanship! Color me squarely out on that particular limb.
Lady C, still in love almost three decades later, and OUT.
After Bucky and Lisa, I would think that the pretty-but-limited Ace would go next. But I'm out of the prediction biz now; I spent a lovely winey lunch hour yesterday explaining to Mrs. Cynicletary that Kevin is the John Stevens of our day (our day being: 2006) and will be around longer than either she or I can imagine. I have the prediction ability of a yam.
And speaking of yams (i.e.: sweet, wholesome things), there's Kellie. I like Kellie-the-girl, always have, though a little of her goes a long way. I hate feeling her shoved down my throat. (I'm generally busy drinking; get out of my throat, Pickler.) And Simon's comment that he prefers her to last year's winner = what the heck? But I must admit, because I am all about accuracy: She is getting better. She's benefiting from the vocal training and improving her game. Her rendition of "Walkin' After Midnight" was really good, and I don't say that lightly, I LOVE me some Patsy Cline. (and how could Barry not know that song?!)
Hey, speaking of Barry (all my roads do seem to lead there, don't they): Yeah, I'll never go out on a limb defending his looks. At my parents' house, he's held the title of Rat Face since I fell in love with him at age 15. I once gave my mom a coffee mug for Christmas in the shape of a mouse (mice are "her" animal); she opened it, and Dad cried, "Look! A Barry Manilow mug!" That thing still exists today, next to the sink, holding an SOS pad, and is still called The Barry Manilow Mug.
So—not a looker. On so many levels. But that music! that voice! that showmanship! Color me squarely out on that particular limb.
Lady C, still in love almost three decades later, and OUT.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Cringe free entertainment
As much as Barry Manilow makes me want to spit up a bit, he was so great with all the kids last night. It really is one of my favorite parts of the show, when the kids learn from seasoned professionals, legends even, and we can really see the results of these very special private lessons. I love watching the kids grow into professionals. And I love when someone can step up and perform well in the face of great pressure. It's the same reason why I like sports. You've only got a few minutes to bring all of your training and practice to fruition. But I digress...
Mandisa - awesome-o! She looked fantastic! She sounded great! You just have to love her - even Simon acknowledged that she's sexy.
Chris - you just get hotter, and doing the faithful-to-my-woman thing will only make other women want you even more. A terrible irony. Great job of making Walk the Line work, Baby!
Paris - the cutest little talent bundle! She finally showed us what she can do - what a voice! She will leave us breathless someday soon.
Bucky - just an OK job - he will probably be in the bottom three tonight. He's very likeable though.
Katherine - beautiful, although I expected Simon to say she seemed a little old. She will go a long way.
Elliot - what a difficult song to sing, and he did extremely well with it. He is super-talented, and I really like him.
Lisa - very cute, well sung, but she just does not move me. I think she will be in the bottom three also.
Kevin - very high school musical as Simon said. He just is not the American Idol. He will be in the bottom three as well.
Taylor - there just wasn't enough singing in that song, but he performed well, and is losing weight fast.
Kelli - she was super cute and sounded great, except for the french r rolling thing she did - like she had a french accent - did anyone else notice that?
Ace - much better than last week. But how weird is it to have a four year old think you're cute?
All in all, a very good show and no one made me cringe. Not even Barry Manilow.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Mandisa - awesome-o! She looked fantastic! She sounded great! You just have to love her - even Simon acknowledged that she's sexy.
Chris - you just get hotter, and doing the faithful-to-my-woman thing will only make other women want you even more. A terrible irony. Great job of making Walk the Line work, Baby!
Paris - the cutest little talent bundle! She finally showed us what she can do - what a voice! She will leave us breathless someday soon.
Bucky - just an OK job - he will probably be in the bottom three tonight. He's very likeable though.
Katherine - beautiful, although I expected Simon to say she seemed a little old. She will go a long way.
Elliot - what a difficult song to sing, and he did extremely well with it. He is super-talented, and I really like him.
Lisa - very cute, well sung, but she just does not move me. I think she will be in the bottom three also.
Kevin - very high school musical as Simon said. He just is not the American Idol. He will be in the bottom three as well.
Taylor - there just wasn't enough singing in that song, but he performed well, and is losing weight fast.
Kelli - she was super cute and sounded great, except for the french r rolling thing she did - like she had a french accent - did anyone else notice that?
Ace - much better than last week. But how weird is it to have a four year old think you're cute?
All in all, a very good show and no one made me cringe. Not even Barry Manilow.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Monday, March 20, 2006
He Is Music! He Does Write the Songs!
Breaking news: This week's guest judge is Barry Manilow! Color me delirious!!!!
Last year, I was Caller 13 and won free tickets to see him, so Brunie and I enjoyed a glorious evening of moaning, clutching each other, and sighing. (She is a fan, though not so rabid as I, but even she was overcome by his showmanship.) A cute moment: Barry played the opening notes to "Weekend in New England," and we, the New England audience, erupted in hysteria. Barry waited a few beats and then said, dryly, 'No kidding."
Oh! How I love him!!
Lady Chardonnay, over the moon and OUT.
Last year, I was Caller 13 and won free tickets to see him, so Brunie and I enjoyed a glorious evening of moaning, clutching each other, and sighing. (She is a fan, though not so rabid as I, but even she was overcome by his showmanship.) A cute moment: Barry played the opening notes to "Weekend in New England," and we, the New England audience, erupted in hysteria. Barry waited a few beats and then said, dryly, 'No kidding."
Oh! How I love him!!
Lady Chardonnay, over the moon and OUT.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Melissa's Goin' Home
Well, I didn't get to see last night's results show but I figured Melissa was on her way out for FORGETTING THE FREAKING WORDS! And my students assured me this morning that this was the case.
But my inability to keep up with the fast pace of Idol-hood shall in no way impede my desire to bore you all with my bitchy opinions about Wednesday night's show.
I think I will assign each contestant a task for the after-life based on their performance.
ACE - Oh, he shall be responsible for feeding the hounds of hell their worm medecine. And checking their parts. He was so foul singing "Do I Do?" That he must pay, oh he must pay...
KELLIE - Every time I think of Kellie I think "she was fine". So I suppose she should do something with fines. Maybe she'll be a meter-maid in purgatory. Not good, not bad - dullish but with a cute outfit.
ELLIOT - I can't even read my notes with the name of the song. He sounded good but looked funny. I am sorry I can't get around it. He will be the dental hygenist for all the British people in heaven.
MANDISA - I can no longer be objective. I love her so much - she will get pedicures with Mrs. C, Lady Char and I every Tuesday afternoon in Paradise.
BUCKY - He will sing the National Anthem at all the NASCAR races on the streets of gold for admitting he couldn't pick a Stevie song out of a line-up and then going nuts for "Superstition". And it will be the National Anthem of heaven, not America so no accusing me of being xenophobic.
MELISSA - She will have the pretty pink trailer on the trashier side of heaven. Near the snake handlers. (I'm kidding, KIDDING!)
LISA - She sang "Signed Sealed Delivered" and earned herself a spot as the postmistress who makes deliveries from one world to another. She will live in heaven, but her boyfriend will be an unbaptized baby.
KEVIN - I think that when he goes to college and realizes how people respond to his "fame" this will be his own personal hell. And the shock and mild horror I felt at seeing him sing "Part Time Lover" will be but a memory for me.
KAT- She won't be able to make pedicure Tuesdays, but she can meet us for drinks after. She kicked ass at "'Til You Come Back To Me" the best justification of stalking ever.
TAYLOR - Will be responsible for fetching things for Ray Charles, Joe Cocker and every other scratchey-voiced tick-y singer from whom he has stolen his schtick. But he did just well enough with "Just Enough" to get in.
PARIS - You know that she sings like a cute little angel and will continue to do that onve she passes through the pearly gates. But if she ever sings to Ryan after she finishes her song again, it will make me hope she starts sooner rather than later.
CHRIS - "Higher Ground" sounded good, and I like him. He will get to design the afterlives for the people who gave him a hard time when he was in customer service.
I look forwards to 50's night. I hope somebody sings "Little Darlin'" by the Diamonds. It rules.
Brunie OUT!
*** It should be apparent that this flight of fancy in no way represents Ms Crow's actual expectations of life after death and she deeply apologizes to anyone living or dead who is offended by it.
But my inability to keep up with the fast pace of Idol-hood shall in no way impede my desire to bore you all with my bitchy opinions about Wednesday night's show.
I think I will assign each contestant a task for the after-life based on their performance.
ACE - Oh, he shall be responsible for feeding the hounds of hell their worm medecine. And checking their parts. He was so foul singing "Do I Do?" That he must pay, oh he must pay...
KELLIE - Every time I think of Kellie I think "she was fine". So I suppose she should do something with fines. Maybe she'll be a meter-maid in purgatory. Not good, not bad - dullish but with a cute outfit.
ELLIOT - I can't even read my notes with the name of the song. He sounded good but looked funny. I am sorry I can't get around it. He will be the dental hygenist for all the British people in heaven.
MANDISA - I can no longer be objective. I love her so much - she will get pedicures with Mrs. C, Lady Char and I every Tuesday afternoon in Paradise.
BUCKY - He will sing the National Anthem at all the NASCAR races on the streets of gold for admitting he couldn't pick a Stevie song out of a line-up and then going nuts for "Superstition". And it will be the National Anthem of heaven, not America so no accusing me of being xenophobic.
MELISSA - She will have the pretty pink trailer on the trashier side of heaven. Near the snake handlers. (I'm kidding, KIDDING!)
LISA - She sang "Signed Sealed Delivered" and earned herself a spot as the postmistress who makes deliveries from one world to another. She will live in heaven, but her boyfriend will be an unbaptized baby.
KEVIN - I think that when he goes to college and realizes how people respond to his "fame" this will be his own personal hell. And the shock and mild horror I felt at seeing him sing "Part Time Lover" will be but a memory for me.
KAT- She won't be able to make pedicure Tuesdays, but she can meet us for drinks after. She kicked ass at "'Til You Come Back To Me" the best justification of stalking ever.
TAYLOR - Will be responsible for fetching things for Ray Charles, Joe Cocker and every other scratchey-voiced tick-y singer from whom he has stolen his schtick. But he did just well enough with "Just Enough" to get in.
PARIS - You know that she sings like a cute little angel and will continue to do that onve she passes through the pearly gates. But if she ever sings to Ryan after she finishes her song again, it will make me hope she starts sooner rather than later.
CHRIS - "Higher Ground" sounded good, and I like him. He will get to design the afterlives for the people who gave him a hard time when he was in customer service.
I look forwards to 50's night. I hope somebody sings "Little Darlin'" by the Diamonds. It rules.
Brunie OUT!
*** It should be apparent that this flight of fancy in no way represents Ms Crow's actual expectations of life after death and she deeply apologizes to anyone living or dead who is offended by it.
So far everything has gone to Mrs. Cynicletary's plan...
Nice job voting, America!
Ace and Lisa - step it up!
Can't wait until next Tuesday!
Ace and Lisa - step it up!
Can't wait until next Tuesday!
This Is Dedicated to the One I Love
Sweet Melissa . . . girl, I'm sad for you. I did what I could, I singlehandedly got you into the Top 12, but after that, babe—as I say to my husband all the damn time, "I will do all the vacuuming, you just need to pick up your feet!" You can't be forgetting the words, hon. Not now, not ever, and especially not on live TV. This is the time to bring your A game, and if you can't run with the big dogs, best stay on the porch. And a heartfelt huzzah! to anyone who followed all my metaphors here.
So she's gone, and in a way it's a relief. I'm willing to hit redial till my pointer finger grows weary, but there are so many great voices this season, and I'm just not ready to pick the one favorite who will, in weeks to come, drive me to the precipice of obsession and hold my hand while I jump. I know that day is coming, but I'm determined to savor the pre-madness stage as long as I can. This will be a relief to Mrs. Cynicletary, who was driven to her own kind of madness by my Anthony adoration last year. (She didn't like Bo either. There is no pleasing the heartless.)
My Big Four are Elliott of the smooth-as-butter voice, Katherine, a lovely and controlled singer who is also such a giggly goofball, Chris (which shocks me! I used to be frightened of Chris!), who I fall deeper in love with every week, and my dearest darling Mandisa, who I'm also in love with. (I identified most with Ayla, the goal-focused driven girl, but Mandisa is the one I'd be BFFs with.) Chris and Mandisa, Mandisa and Chris, I want to have their bald black babies, how I love them so!
I love Taylor when he sings, but when he's not singing I need to slap him. And, sometimes he's not singing. That's all.
The beauty part is, I don't hate any of them. I've mellowed on Bucky, who has his own kind of possum-loving gap-toothed charm, I'm enjoying Kevin's sweet sass (now that I'm sure he's in on the joke, rather than being mocked on live television), Kellie and Ace are mighty pretty, despite their vocal limitations, and Lisa, who doesn't stir my heart, is nonetheless a fine singer. I would be happy if this nice group of 11 sang me through the spring. I may just skip Wednesdays and pretend they don't happen. And then say things to myself like, "Kevin must have earache tonight . . . that's why he's not here."
Baby, I'm on to something!
Lady Chardonnay, blowing a kiss to Melissa the dear departed, and otherwise OUT.
So she's gone, and in a way it's a relief. I'm willing to hit redial till my pointer finger grows weary, but there are so many great voices this season, and I'm just not ready to pick the one favorite who will, in weeks to come, drive me to the precipice of obsession and hold my hand while I jump. I know that day is coming, but I'm determined to savor the pre-madness stage as long as I can. This will be a relief to Mrs. Cynicletary, who was driven to her own kind of madness by my Anthony adoration last year. (She didn't like Bo either. There is no pleasing the heartless.)
My Big Four are Elliott of the smooth-as-butter voice, Katherine, a lovely and controlled singer who is also such a giggly goofball, Chris (which shocks me! I used to be frightened of Chris!), who I fall deeper in love with every week, and my dearest darling Mandisa, who I'm also in love with. (I identified most with Ayla, the goal-focused driven girl, but Mandisa is the one I'd be BFFs with.) Chris and Mandisa, Mandisa and Chris, I want to have their bald black babies, how I love them so!
I love Taylor when he sings, but when he's not singing I need to slap him. And, sometimes he's not singing. That's all.
The beauty part is, I don't hate any of them. I've mellowed on Bucky, who has his own kind of possum-loving gap-toothed charm, I'm enjoying Kevin's sweet sass (now that I'm sure he's in on the joke, rather than being mocked on live television), Kellie and Ace are mighty pretty, despite their vocal limitations, and Lisa, who doesn't stir my heart, is nonetheless a fine singer. I would be happy if this nice group of 11 sang me through the spring. I may just skip Wednesdays and pretend they don't happen. And then say things to myself like, "Kevin must have earache tonight . . . that's why he's not here."
Baby, I'm on to something!
Lady Chardonnay, blowing a kiss to Melissa the dear departed, and otherwise OUT.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
I "Wonder" about Melissa
How could she forget the words? She is in the final twelve on American Idol, she sings with STEVIE WONDER, one of the most gifted singer/songwriters EVER, and she forgets the words. On live TV. Goodbye Melissa, goodbye. You CANNOT forget the lyrics - ever! And how could Simon forgive her so easily? I think she must have sung well in dress rehearsal (which is what they show at the end when they flash the voting numbers) and he must have had a lingering good impression from that. She must go tonight.
Mandisa was very good, I voted for her. She looked pretty too - nice hair. And I loved it when she let Ryan take off her shoes!
Elliot was very good, I voted for him. Did you notice the improvements in his dental work already?
Kelli was boring and looked too old, I did not vote for her. I honestly thought she was going to fall off of those shoes.
Ace was off and I did not vote for him. Simon used the right adjective - manic.
Bucky was OK. The hair though - too girly - I think the stylists introduced him to conditioner. Keep it in a ponytail, Dude.
Kevin looked ridiculous, I did not vote for him. I could barely stand to watch him. He should go next after the aforementioned Melissa.
Lisa was OK. She is so not soulful, though, and kinda boring. I did not vote for her.
Katherine was great, I voted for her. She will be final four at least. She is absolutely gorgeous!
I like Taylor more every week. He is fun and full of the spirit! His voting line was busy the longest.
Paris was great, I voted for her. I am still waiting for her to break out and give me goosebumps.Come on, Paris!
Chris is excellent, and I voted for him. He is cool and chill and hot at the same time. He will go far.
It was an entertaining show, and the reactions of each of the kids when they met Stevie Wonder was very touching. Even to the cynical.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Mandisa was very good, I voted for her. She looked pretty too - nice hair. And I loved it when she let Ryan take off her shoes!
Elliot was very good, I voted for him. Did you notice the improvements in his dental work already?
Kelli was boring and looked too old, I did not vote for her. I honestly thought she was going to fall off of those shoes.
Ace was off and I did not vote for him. Simon used the right adjective - manic.
Bucky was OK. The hair though - too girly - I think the stylists introduced him to conditioner. Keep it in a ponytail, Dude.
Kevin looked ridiculous, I did not vote for him. I could barely stand to watch him. He should go next after the aforementioned Melissa.
Lisa was OK. She is so not soulful, though, and kinda boring. I did not vote for her.
Katherine was great, I voted for her. She will be final four at least. She is absolutely gorgeous!
I like Taylor more every week. He is fun and full of the spirit! His voting line was busy the longest.
Paris was great, I voted for her. I am still waiting for her to break out and give me goosebumps.Come on, Paris!
Chris is excellent, and I voted for him. He is cool and chill and hot at the same time. He will go far.
It was an entertaining show, and the reactions of each of the kids when they met Stevie Wonder was very touching. Even to the cynical.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Monday, March 13, 2006
The Darling Dozen
I was surprised that Gideon and Ayla got the big bye bye. Gideon does have a smooth voice and he takes his time within little vocal runs, but damn - he is so weird. I expect to hear his name again though. Likely on police logs. Ayla the mechanical as a Kraftwerk song is gone, and I'm glad. Kinnik is a better singer than her, but she screwed up her last song, so, buh-bye. Good riddance to Greg Brady too.
Now the real fun begins! Go Paris! Go Mandisa! Go Mary Katherine Gallagher aka Katherine McFever! Go all the boys except the tiny little boy, Kevin - he goes next I think. And Melissa has got to pull a major performance out of those tight jeans to stay another week.
I wonder what the themes will be? Will they have guest judges?
The Joy of Idol indeed!
Now the real fun begins! Go Paris! Go Mandisa! Go Mary Katherine Gallagher aka Katherine McFever! Go all the boys except the tiny little boy, Kevin - he goes next I think. And Melissa has got to pull a major performance out of those tight jeans to stay another week.
I wonder what the themes will be? Will they have guest judges?
The Joy of Idol indeed!
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Goodbye Gedeon...
My tribute to the biggest teeth in America!
Kinnik's invitation to leave, I expected. I knew that Gedeon and his scary teeth would go. I was not surprised about Will. But I must admit Ayla threw me.
I though Kinnik's speech was classy. And Will was not altogether unsurprised and very poised for a teenager. I felt so bad for Ayla - she really didn't see this coming. But she managed to get through her song and didn't lose her shit. I was pretty impressed.
Gideon, oh would that he inhabited a planet of the blind and impervious to weirdness! His voice is to pretty and smooth. But oh sweet Bessie he is strange. It was telling that they hosed him last so that he could end the night with a strong performance. And did you all get his little shout-out to Jesus? I don't know how I fell about that. As a big fan of Jesus I loved it when Mandisa put Simon in his place with the holy fire of her sanctified forgiveness. But Gedeon just belched out a little "I am saved..." under his breath and then asked America to pray for him. I am restraining myself mightily from listing the multitude of specific areas in which we could focus our collective prayers.
So the top 12 are up. My family has chosen their champions. Frank has switched his allegiance to Chris from Kevin. He is apparently a realist. Harry is still in love with Frenchie - that's Paris for those of you not keeping up. Harry's friend Matt who slept over last night and watched the tape of Thursday's show with us is an Ace-man. And I am holding out hope for Mandisa. My husband Rich who has a loathe/hate relationship with Idol says that he is putting all his money on Stan. Then he said, "If I never hear anything else about it - I am the winner."
Kinnik's invitation to leave, I expected. I knew that Gedeon and his scary teeth would go. I was not surprised about Will. But I must admit Ayla threw me.
I though Kinnik's speech was classy. And Will was not altogether unsurprised and very poised for a teenager. I felt so bad for Ayla - she really didn't see this coming. But she managed to get through her song and didn't lose her shit. I was pretty impressed.
Gideon, oh would that he inhabited a planet of the blind and impervious to weirdness! His voice is to pretty and smooth. But oh sweet Bessie he is strange. It was telling that they hosed him last so that he could end the night with a strong performance. And did you all get his little shout-out to Jesus? I don't know how I fell about that. As a big fan of Jesus I loved it when Mandisa put Simon in his place with the holy fire of her sanctified forgiveness. But Gedeon just belched out a little "I am saved..." under his breath and then asked America to pray for him. I am restraining myself mightily from listing the multitude of specific areas in which we could focus our collective prayers.
So the top 12 are up. My family has chosen their champions. Frank has switched his allegiance to Chris from Kevin. He is apparently a realist. Harry is still in love with Frenchie - that's Paris for those of you not keeping up. Harry's friend Matt who slept over last night and watched the tape of Thursday's show with us is an Ace-man. And I am holding out hope for Mandisa. My husband Rich who has a loathe/hate relationship with Idol says that he is putting all his money on Stan. Then he said, "If I never hear anything else about it - I am the winner."
Thursday, March 09, 2006
The Goodbye Boys
The boys were mostly enjoyable last night. I have to look away from the maniacal Gideon, but when I just listen - he sings great! He takes his time within the little runs, and hits every tiny note very clearly and well. But the eyes - the scary eyes! That Dude is creepy!
To the Greg Brady-looking kid who sang James Taylor - Yaaaaaawn and goodbye.
I really like needs a dentist guy, Elliot. He sings beautifully, never a wrong note, although he did seem a bit nervous last night. With more hair and dental bonding he could be great.
Bucky is OK with me. He is what he is. He should sing, "What's your name?" by Lynrd Skynrd next.
Kevin is sweet and not boring, but I think he will be the other goodbye boy tonight. Try again in 50 pounds and 6 inches, kid. And stop blinking so much.
Taylor is always interesting. I just like the surprise of him.
Rocking customer service dude, Chris, is an excellent singer. I must agree with Simon that the song was boring though.
Ace had a couple of great moments in his song. I think it will be a long time before he gets voted off.
Lady C may be on the West Coast, but she'll be back, and will read every word that we write, Mrs. B.Cow. So you'd better be careful. She could go all Gideon on your ass.
Love and kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
To the Greg Brady-looking kid who sang James Taylor - Yaaaaaawn and goodbye.
I really like needs a dentist guy, Elliot. He sings beautifully, never a wrong note, although he did seem a bit nervous last night. With more hair and dental bonding he could be great.
Bucky is OK with me. He is what he is. He should sing, "What's your name?" by Lynrd Skynrd next.
Kevin is sweet and not boring, but I think he will be the other goodbye boy tonight. Try again in 50 pounds and 6 inches, kid. And stop blinking so much.
Taylor is always interesting. I just like the surprise of him.
Rocking customer service dude, Chris, is an excellent singer. I must agree with Simon that the song was boring though.
Ace had a couple of great moments in his song. I think it will be a long time before he gets voted off.
Lady C may be on the West Coast, but she'll be back, and will read every word that we write, Mrs. B.Cow. So you'd better be careful. She could go all Gideon on your ass.
Love and kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Boys and Girls Together
Since I zoned on reporting on the girls, I will just answer Mrs. Cynicletary's post with a resounding "Amen!" Mandisa was the sun and the rest of those other people were merely little fireflies. I actually rewound my cheap-ass video and watched her three times and I even cried a little over how much I love her. And I don't even like that song that much.
I also almost cried over how hard they are trying to sell Kellie Pickler. She was then, is now and forevermore will be fine. She's not going to win and quit trying so hard AI. You look like a whore (the show, not Kellie) and you drag that sweet, wholesome, trailerpark princess down with you. SaL-mon, indeed.
The teenaged boys didn't make me cry, but Frank did a little "I told you so" dance when I said Kevin did a nice job with "Starry, Starry Night" the only song ever written that you can't screw up by singing it too earnestly. I agree that he has the "granny vote". I liked Will's version of James Taylor's bland song that I can't remember because it is the only song ever written that you can't screw up by singing it too blandly. I agree that he will have the "middle-aged vote". And as far as Gideon is concerned - he sounded great on "When a Man Loves a Woman" a song that can actually be screwed up but good (see Michael Bolton) but he really must be listened to only when singing. I was embarrassed for humanity when he said he "knew how to love a woman". I am still shuddering internally. I predict he has the blind and muting the conversation vote.
Taylor had a seizure on stage but managed to sing some nice Doobies. Chris sounded the exact same as last week, but that was good. I voted for Bucky (or his twin brother, I can't remember which) because he and his brother are named Bucky and Rocky. It is very likely that these are the names that are on their birth certificates people! He is 28 and still wears a ponytail. He needs this.
I had to go to the idolonfox.com page to remember that Elliot and Ace exist. Elliot because he made no impression at all - other than that he is generally unhealthy and should be in an iron lung rather than a cut-throat singing competition. And I am pretty sure that I just blocked Ace out of my mind completely. Wow, he sucked. He is the boy-Kellie. Do not sell me this pretty, stupid thing. Stop right now, AI. I know your evil tricks.
I can't wait to see Ace and Elliot voted off - but I assume I will be seeing Gideon and one of the other teen-boys.
I can't wait to see Ayla and Katherine voted off - but it will be Melissa and Kinnik. I think they actually have "expendable" tattooed on the back of their necks. Sad...
And I am sure that Lady C, who did not even tell me that she is way out west this week won't even be checking this blog - much less posting - so feel free to leave bitchy comments about her using florid language!
Brunie, OUT.
I also almost cried over how hard they are trying to sell Kellie Pickler. She was then, is now and forevermore will be fine. She's not going to win and quit trying so hard AI. You look like a whore (the show, not Kellie) and you drag that sweet, wholesome, trailerpark princess down with you. SaL-mon, indeed.
The teenaged boys didn't make me cry, but Frank did a little "I told you so" dance when I said Kevin did a nice job with "Starry, Starry Night" the only song ever written that you can't screw up by singing it too earnestly. I agree that he has the "granny vote". I liked Will's version of James Taylor's bland song that I can't remember because it is the only song ever written that you can't screw up by singing it too blandly. I agree that he will have the "middle-aged vote". And as far as Gideon is concerned - he sounded great on "When a Man Loves a Woman" a song that can actually be screwed up but good (see Michael Bolton) but he really must be listened to only when singing. I was embarrassed for humanity when he said he "knew how to love a woman". I am still shuddering internally. I predict he has the blind and muting the conversation vote.
Taylor had a seizure on stage but managed to sing some nice Doobies. Chris sounded the exact same as last week, but that was good. I voted for Bucky (or his twin brother, I can't remember which) because he and his brother are named Bucky and Rocky. It is very likely that these are the names that are on their birth certificates people! He is 28 and still wears a ponytail. He needs this.
I had to go to the idolonfox.com page to remember that Elliot and Ace exist. Elliot because he made no impression at all - other than that he is generally unhealthy and should be in an iron lung rather than a cut-throat singing competition. And I am pretty sure that I just blocked Ace out of my mind completely. Wow, he sucked. He is the boy-Kellie. Do not sell me this pretty, stupid thing. Stop right now, AI. I know your evil tricks.
I can't wait to see Ace and Elliot voted off - but I assume I will be seeing Gideon and one of the other teen-boys.
I can't wait to see Ayla and Katherine voted off - but it will be Melissa and Kinnik. I think they actually have "expendable" tattooed on the back of their necks. Sad...
And I am sure that Lady C, who did not even tell me that she is way out west this week won't even be checking this blog - much less posting - so feel free to leave bitchy comments about her using florid language!
Brunie, OUT.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Six little girlies...by Mrs. Cynicletary
OK, Mandisa rocks. She finally brought it! Brought it, put it on the table and opened it! Now that is singing! I also like Mary Katherine Gallagher, aka Katherine Mcfever. She sounded great and looked cute and sexy. With a stylist she could be a totally hot knock-out! Ditto to Pickler the Minx - not the best voice but very cute and you feel like she could get wild!
I still love Paris, although I wish she would bring it like Mandisa. I know she can! Lisa was OK, but she really cannot kick it up to another gear. She sings very well but she does not have spine tingling skills. I also liked Melissa for the first time with her Heart song. I did not vote for Kinik, even though I think she has a great voice, because she screwed up the song; and not for Ayla, because she did not sing well either. And like I've said before, she's as mechanical as a Kraftwerk song. And I HATED her outfit. Girl - wear some tight pants and a tight little t-shirt with some cool boots and jewelry. Those gauchos looked terrible!
So, who do I think should be the top six? Mandisa, Paris, Katherine, Kelli, Lisa and Kinik.
Who do I think will be the top six? Mandisa, Paris, Katherine, Kelli, Lisa and Ayla.
I'm psyched for the boys tonight!
I still love Paris, although I wish she would bring it like Mandisa. I know she can! Lisa was OK, but she really cannot kick it up to another gear. She sings very well but she does not have spine tingling skills. I also liked Melissa for the first time with her Heart song. I did not vote for Kinik, even though I think she has a great voice, because she screwed up the song; and not for Ayla, because she did not sing well either. And like I've said before, she's as mechanical as a Kraftwerk song. And I HATED her outfit. Girl - wear some tight pants and a tight little t-shirt with some cool boots and jewelry. Those gauchos looked terrible!
So, who do I think should be the top six? Mandisa, Paris, Katherine, Kelli, Lisa and Kinik.
Who do I think will be the top six? Mandisa, Paris, Katherine, Kelli, Lisa and Ayla.
I'm psyched for the boys tonight!
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Boys
Having watched the tape of last night's guys it strikes me that they are really young. With the exception of Taylor's toboggan covered head they all exude youth.
Speaking of Taylor (WHOO!). He sang "Easy" (WHOO!) by Lionel Ritchie (WHOO!). He sounded (WHOO!) good, but he looked (WHOO!) freaking nuts. Stay off the pipe Taylor.
(Frank's review: He's good. He's better than Ace.)
Elliot was next. He was fancy and pretty good. He sang some Stevie Wonder floopdeedoop song.
(Frank's review: I don't like him. I have no reason.)
Ace dully sang a song and looked like he was constipated during the falsetto parts. And he wears beanies!
(Frank's review: Pass, next...)
Gideon sang "A Change is Gonna Come" and I loved it. He has a beautiful voice. But I have to say that I didn't look at him even a little bit when he was singing.
(Frank's review: Too big of a smile.)
Kevin sang "Heard it Through the Grapevine" but it sure sounded like "I'm Going Home Tomorrow Night..."
(Frank: My favorite! He wanted to have a little fun.)
Sway sounded smooth but didn't leap out and polish my chrome.
(F: My fourth favorite after Kevin, Chris and Taylor.)
Will sounded pretty singing "Lady" but his diction was a little too precise. He sounded weird. But every 12 year old girl in America must surely adore him. He got shirty with with Ryan which was weird but funny.
(F:I am going to be obstinate and not help you write this any more you lazy woman!)
And I will admit that I actually liked Bucky's voice. I didn't notice him in the early episodes and then I missed the boys last week so this was my first taste of Bucky (Dirty!) and I liked his performance just fine. And I like sweet tea, too.
(F: Leave me alone. I'm trying to watch the Simpsons!)
David sucked. And I about died when he was telling the belt story and said "I thought I had found an outfit that was fitting." Yes, he said "fitting". Where is he from? 1948? But he is so pretty...
(F:[silently fuming])
Chris sang a rock song that I had never heard but he did a good job. He was growly and kind of hot.
(F: I liked the song he sang and he did a good job. You tricked me! Go away!)
And I will post on the results later...
Brunie, OUT!
Speaking of Taylor (WHOO!). He sang "Easy" (WHOO!) by Lionel Ritchie (WHOO!). He sounded (WHOO!) good, but he looked (WHOO!) freaking nuts. Stay off the pipe Taylor.
(Frank's review: He's good. He's better than Ace.)
Elliot was next. He was fancy and pretty good. He sang some Stevie Wonder floopdeedoop song.
(Frank's review: I don't like him. I have no reason.)
Ace dully sang a song and looked like he was constipated during the falsetto parts. And he wears beanies!
(Frank's review: Pass, next...)
Gideon sang "A Change is Gonna Come" and I loved it. He has a beautiful voice. But I have to say that I didn't look at him even a little bit when he was singing.
(Frank's review: Too big of a smile.)
Kevin sang "Heard it Through the Grapevine" but it sure sounded like "I'm Going Home Tomorrow Night..."
(Frank: My favorite! He wanted to have a little fun.)
Sway sounded smooth but didn't leap out and polish my chrome.
(F: My fourth favorite after Kevin, Chris and Taylor.)
Will sounded pretty singing "Lady" but his diction was a little too precise. He sounded weird. But every 12 year old girl in America must surely adore him. He got shirty with with Ryan which was weird but funny.
(F:I am going to be obstinate and not help you write this any more you lazy woman!)
And I will admit that I actually liked Bucky's voice. I didn't notice him in the early episodes and then I missed the boys last week so this was my first taste of Bucky (Dirty!) and I liked his performance just fine. And I like sweet tea, too.
(F: Leave me alone. I'm trying to watch the Simpsons!)
David sucked. And I about died when he was telling the belt story and said "I thought I had found an outfit that was fitting." Yes, he said "fitting". Where is he from? 1948? But he is so pretty...
(F:[silently fuming])
Chris sang a rock song that I had never heard but he did a good job. He was growly and kind of hot.
(F: I liked the song he sang and he did a good job. You tricked me! Go away!)
And I will post on the results later...
Brunie, OUT!
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Oh Yes It's Ladies Night / And the Singing's Trite (Oh What a Night . . .)
That thud you heard was my expectations deflating. (Alas, it was not the sound of Brenna's punctured ego, which continues impenetrable.) A good title for this story would be "Failed Promise." The usual suspects sounded good, but not as good as last week, with the exception of Ayla. Which, apparently, was a big mistake on her part—how America hates a success story! (Man, what does Simon have against her?!) The boring girls continued to be boring. Brenna continues to be . . . Brenna. I think she may be a Brittenum twin.
Kellie, despite the judges' fawning, sounded very average to me. She's Bizarro Ayla, meaning: Simon frequently makes up his mind about someone and then won't leave his script, no matter what the person actually does on stage. This year, he clearly dislikes Ayla, and he clearly adores Kellie, and no amount of good singing from one and mediocre singing from the other is going to sway him. Whatever.
I thought my girl Melissa did pretty well—she should outlast Heather Yawn, Kinnik Yawn, and Brenna Spontaneous Hurl, anyway.
Will the boys bring it tonight? I'm looking for Will to step up, Kevin and David to rock out, and Ace to father my children. Ha, kidding.
Lady Chardonnay OUT.
Kellie, despite the judges' fawning, sounded very average to me. She's Bizarro Ayla, meaning: Simon frequently makes up his mind about someone and then won't leave his script, no matter what the person actually does on stage. This year, he clearly dislikes Ayla, and he clearly adores Kellie, and no amount of good singing from one and mediocre singing from the other is going to sway him. Whatever.
I thought my girl Melissa did pretty well—she should outlast Heather Yawn, Kinnik Yawn, and Brenna Spontaneous Hurl, anyway.
Will the boys bring it tonight? I'm looking for Will to step up, Kevin and David to rock out, and Ace to father my children. Ha, kidding.
Lady Chardonnay OUT.
Pretty...
All the girls are so pretty. Even if they cant sing they are so pretty. They all look so pretty.
Except Mandisa. She has a pretty face. Don't let her forget its just her face, Paula.
I also was not that impressed.
Kat was first and she was fine. I like her voice, but she wasn't smokin'.
I liked Kinnick a lot. Her singing was also fine (just assume that everyone is fine and no better until I say otherwise.) but her attitude was totally fun.
I loved little Lisa Tucker and her face of a million contortions. Cute as a but and just the right size to slip in your pocket like an i-pod.
Melissa was also pulling out the stops to impress us with a Reba tune. Okay, I wouldn't know a Reba tune if it came over to my house and permed my hair, but I pay attention. Anyway - It was a cute song and she made an impression.
Heather (going home) sang "Hero" by someone I have never heard of and this act of sacrilige will be getting her butt kicked to the curb. I didn't know that she was funny. But she is and I voted for her, but I doubt it will help.
Brenna (please, oh please going home) sang the worst arrangement of Last Dance ever. The judges said she didn't "bring it"but I blame the arranger more than her. And frankly, at that point of the night we were still waiting for "it" to arrive because it wasn't brought.
Paris looked like a cross between Sophie Tucker and Mrs. Beasley but she sounded (say it with me) fine singing Bette Midler's ode to the dead or elderly or otherwise special "Wind Beneath My Wings". (Can you tell I am at work and thus can use italics in my post?)
Ayla and her horrible butch-no-more hair sang something about wanting or needing or something. She likes makeup and grooming now. She's fine.
Kellie gave us "Something to Talk About". If by talking about she means saying it was fine. She didn't like calamari. But shoes and indoor plumbing are a-ok with her.
Finally, Mandisa came out and sang and made me love love love her some more. I never heard that song except maybe vaguely in the background but I was planning on downloading it from itunes until I learned that it was Faith Hill who I loathe on purely on principle and so I will just wait until Mandisa records it herself!
And I await the boys with baited breath. I have not seen anyone of them sing with the band.
Brunhildecrow, OUT!
Except Mandisa. She has a pretty face. Don't let her forget its just her face, Paula.
I also was not that impressed.
Kat was first and she was fine. I like her voice, but she wasn't smokin'.
I liked Kinnick a lot. Her singing was also fine (just assume that everyone is fine and no better until I say otherwise.) but her attitude was totally fun.
I loved little Lisa Tucker and her face of a million contortions. Cute as a but and just the right size to slip in your pocket like an i-pod.
Melissa was also pulling out the stops to impress us with a Reba tune. Okay, I wouldn't know a Reba tune if it came over to my house and permed my hair, but I pay attention. Anyway - It was a cute song and she made an impression.
Heather (going home) sang "Hero" by someone I have never heard of and this act of sacrilige will be getting her butt kicked to the curb. I didn't know that she was funny. But she is and I voted for her, but I doubt it will help.
Brenna (please, oh please going home) sang the worst arrangement of Last Dance ever. The judges said she didn't "bring it"but I blame the arranger more than her. And frankly, at that point of the night we were still waiting for "it" to arrive because it wasn't brought.
Paris looked like a cross between Sophie Tucker and Mrs. Beasley but she sounded (say it with me) fine singing Bette Midler's ode to the dead or elderly or otherwise special "Wind Beneath My Wings". (Can you tell I am at work and thus can use italics in my post?)
Ayla and her horrible butch-no-more hair sang something about wanting or needing or something. She likes makeup and grooming now. She's fine.
Kellie gave us "Something to Talk About". If by talking about she means saying it was fine. She didn't like calamari. But shoes and indoor plumbing are a-ok with her.
Finally, Mandisa came out and sang and made me love love love her some more. I never heard that song except maybe vaguely in the background but I was planning on downloading it from itunes until I learned that it was Faith Hill who I loathe on purely on principle and so I will just wait until Mandisa records it herself!
And I await the boys with baited breath. I have not seen anyone of them sing with the band.
Brunhildecrow, OUT!
YAWN-O-RAMA by Mrs. Cynicletary
The girls are all too nervous and no one is bringing the kind of goosebump making performance that I know that Mandisa, Paris and Katherine can bring. And the judges were right about the young girls all singing and looking like old ladies. And I hate every single song that references a "hero".
I was shocked by the positive comments for Ayla. She is SOOOOO BORING! That hammering vibrato and almost no dynamic at all. She does work hard and I'm sure she's a nice girl, but she's as mechanical as a bull in a country bar.
And Brenna - did anyone else hear her say "f'in" to Ryan? I think it was, people are working so f'in hard, or the judges are so f'in tough. I can't remember - the shock of her saying f'in on American Idol deleted brain cells. Good gawd! And the lame fake posing all the time - she is obnoxious.
I predict a goodbye to Brenna and to Heather this week.
I hope the boys pull it together better than the girls tonight. Has anyone but me noticed that Gideon is totally scary? He has that giant toothy grin but his eyes are so angry. He looks like he could go completely psycho and axe murder all of the contestants.
I was shocked by the positive comments for Ayla. She is SOOOOO BORING! That hammering vibrato and almost no dynamic at all. She does work hard and I'm sure she's a nice girl, but she's as mechanical as a bull in a country bar.
And Brenna - did anyone else hear her say "f'in" to Ryan? I think it was, people are working so f'in hard, or the judges are so f'in tough. I can't remember - the shock of her saying f'in on American Idol deleted brain cells. Good gawd! And the lame fake posing all the time - she is obnoxious.
I predict a goodbye to Brenna and to Heather this week.
I hope the boys pull it together better than the girls tonight. Has anyone but me noticed that Gideon is totally scary? He has that giant toothy grin but his eyes are so angry. He looks like he could go completely psycho and axe murder all of the contestants.
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