Curly's main problem is that he was trying to play two roles at once—someone who thinks it's all a big joke ("I want to make David Hasselhoff cry") and someone who really wants to be on the show—and you can't pull off both simultaneously. Which is part of the reason that he began to seem more and more subdued—he just didn't know how to play it. Of the men, I thought he and Brandon had the best all-'round voices, but it just didn't translate, somehow.
But watching his post-judging behavior made me realize that there is yet another dimension to this show that affects voting, and that is: how the Idolettes receive criticism. Herewith I offer:
Lady Chardonnay's Tips for Taking It Like a Champ
1. Be grateful. Remember how many people would kill to be where you are.
2. Confidence is great. Being humble is also great. Finding a way to play both: priceless.
3. If you get totally trashed by the judges but you want to stay in, here are your best options: (1) Embrace the absurdity of the moment: You are considered awful, and yet you are still here! How funny is America! (see: Sanjaya, present day) (2) Stay silent, as your eyes widen and begin to glimmer with unshed tears. When Ryan asks your opinion, nod in a way that indicates you are too stunned to speak. (see: Sanjaya, Weeks 1 and 2; Haley) DO NOT: Argue with them (Sligh), suggest that they don't know what they're talking about (Sligh), point out that their comments are not logical or consistent, even if it's true (Sligh), or turn to the audience and say, "But YOU liked it, right?" (Gina, others) You will look arrogant and/or needy.
If you can pull it off, something like Lakisha's "If I sound this good when I'm 80, I'll be happy—I think I look good" is okay, except for the part where it is totally nonsensical. But well-applied humor is usually a good thing. Just—hard to do. Save it for the bloggers, children!
4. Your very best bet in the face of less-than-glowing comments is to appear like you are fully taking responsibility while not actually admitting that you sucked. When Ryan pushes that mike in your face demanding a confrontation, you keep your cool, reiterate how much you respect the judges, and promise to think hard about what they said. Say that you are so grateful to your wonderful and surprisingly attractive voters for giving you this chance, and you hope to make them proud. If Ryan is relentless (you know, if it's a day that ends in "y"), tell him how handsome he looks today ("Eggplant IS your color!"), and he'll back away in terror.
Haley is surviving because people want to protect her, and Sanjaya is surviving because he's having so darn much fun. Other than Blake and Jordin, is there a contestant having this much of a blast, day in, day out?
That's my theory, and I'm sticking to it.
Lady Chardonnay OUT.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Bringing Pudgy Back and then Taking Pudgy Home
Okay, I did like the sign that said "Chris Sligh is bringing pudgy back." And he was fairly amusing when he wasn't trying too hard. And the boy has a pretty voice, no denying. But I was not sorry to see him leave Wednesday. As a matter of fact I had a big ol' grin on my face in spite of the fact that Sanjaya is never ever going to leave.But that was before I found out that Sligh was kicked out of Bob Jones University! How can you not root for a guy who was kicked out of Bob Jones? Of course it was because he went to a Christian Contemporary concert. Rebel. Heh.
So I guess it is Haley next week and then the people who I actually kind of like are going to start being sent home. Goodness, how the tension mounts!
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Songs I love, songs I hate
Last night the kids sang some of my very favorite songs, and some of my least favorite. I used to love Donna Summer and danced away many a disco night to her hits. I thought Lakisha did a perfectly acceptable job with her song. I liked her outfit a lot - it was trendy and young! I think they are doing a very good job with plus-sized dressing this year, in spite of Lady C's comments.
Chris S. - I TOLD YOU NOT TO DANCE. He has no rhythm. None. He was so off beat on a really great Sting song. Dude, you are going down in every way except weight.
I love Stand by You. I love The Pretenders. And although I do not love Gina, I give her props for really improving.
I don't even know what to say about Sanjaya. If he was cool, the fauxhawk would have looked great. But he is a little teeny wussy boy who cannot cut loose and go for it. Dude, everyone in the world knows you are a rotten singer. Can't you just be a free-wheeling performer? No, too self conscious - too weak-voiced. Boo. Please go. Please.
Haley is not good enough to sing True Colors. I really love that song. I used to love a guy for whom the song was utterly perfect. Haley's hand gestures are so freakin' annoying! That stop and pull back move she does makes me nuts! She is not worthy to dye Cindy Lauper's hair.
I hate that Every Step You Take song aka the stalker song. When I first heard it like 20 years ago it was fine, but then MTV played that video with Sting and the candles every 20 minutes for 6 months. Now I just can't stand it. Phil's voice sounded good, but he sang every single note exactly like the original - hence without any originality. He has improved with time, but I still don't like him.
Melinda sounds great as usual. If her dress had a V-neck it would have been a smashing outfit. The leggings looked great on her slim legs, and her shorter hair shows us that she really does have a neck.
I hate The Cure (they whine whine whine) but I love Blake. He is cool and interesting.
I love Hey Baby, by No Doubt. Great song and Jordin did very well with it in spite of not having a band, which the song really needs.
As much as I love Gwen Stefani , I really hate their first big hit, Don't Speak. It always sounded so old-fashioned to me. Hate the song, love the Chris. He has an indefinable something that makes him cool, but in a different way than Blake. He just stands there barely moving , but like he could break out into the most awesome dance moves at any second. He looks so totally alive and slammin'!
I think Gwen Stefani is beautiful and her clothes are hot. She did seem underwhelming as a teacher, though. I did like how she said she could take voice lessons from Kiki. True that. Gwen's a great performer and vocalist, which is different from being a great singer.
I have almost given up hope that Sanjaya (or Sangina as he has been called) will ever go. Maybe that means he will. Please, oh please, oh please.
Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Chris S. - I TOLD YOU NOT TO DANCE. He has no rhythm. None. He was so off beat on a really great Sting song. Dude, you are going down in every way except weight.
I love Stand by You. I love The Pretenders. And although I do not love Gina, I give her props for really improving.
I don't even know what to say about Sanjaya. If he was cool, the fauxhawk would have looked great. But he is a little teeny wussy boy who cannot cut loose and go for it. Dude, everyone in the world knows you are a rotten singer. Can't you just be a free-wheeling performer? No, too self conscious - too weak-voiced. Boo. Please go. Please.
Haley is not good enough to sing True Colors. I really love that song. I used to love a guy for whom the song was utterly perfect. Haley's hand gestures are so freakin' annoying! That stop and pull back move she does makes me nuts! She is not worthy to dye Cindy Lauper's hair.
I hate that Every Step You Take song aka the stalker song. When I first heard it like 20 years ago it was fine, but then MTV played that video with Sting and the candles every 20 minutes for 6 months. Now I just can't stand it. Phil's voice sounded good, but he sang every single note exactly like the original - hence without any originality. He has improved with time, but I still don't like him.
Melinda sounds great as usual. If her dress had a V-neck it would have been a smashing outfit. The leggings looked great on her slim legs, and her shorter hair shows us that she really does have a neck.
I hate The Cure (they whine whine whine) but I love Blake. He is cool and interesting.
I love Hey Baby, by No Doubt. Great song and Jordin did very well with it in spite of not having a band, which the song really needs.
As much as I love Gwen Stefani , I really hate their first big hit, Don't Speak. It always sounded so old-fashioned to me. Hate the song, love the Chris. He has an indefinable something that makes him cool, but in a different way than Blake. He just stands there barely moving , but like he could break out into the most awesome dance moves at any second. He looks so totally alive and slammin'!
I think Gwen Stefani is beautiful and her clothes are hot. She did seem underwhelming as a teacher, though. I did like how she said she could take voice lessons from Kiki. True that. Gwen's a great performer and vocalist, which is different from being a great singer.
I have almost given up hope that Sanjaya (or Sangina as he has been called) will ever go. Maybe that means he will. Please, oh please, oh please.
Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Are You There, Gina? It's Me, Lady Char
I've liked Gina from Day 1 (which, faithful readers will remember, was last year, when I named her Fishnetted Dental Assistant), but now my love knows no bounds, as she clearly (1) is a reader of our blog, and (2) listens to me! Ah, there are few things more wonderful than a fan who pays attention. And what did I say: stand still, look pretty, and sing a ballad. I am flippin' brilliant. And Miss Gina, you know, she did her part too. What a perfect pair we are!
Last night was pretty good. I was saying to Brunie (we call each other during the commercials, because we are 12) that a problem with this season is that we've got one polished perfect professional (D.W.) and one kid who's clearly out of his league (Son of Apu), and everyone else is just very competent. Some are at the higher end of that scale (Jordin, LaKisha, maybe Blake) and some at the lower (the Chrisses, Haley), but at this point, no one's likely to give a truly terrible (or truly earth-shaking) performance, which is something of a challenge for we poor bloggers who must comb through our thesauruses looking for synonyms for "fine."
So last night, mostly everyone was....fine. And I don't know if that's what Gwen Stefani's usually like, but—huh. She gave new meaning to the word "phoning it in." What a strangely subdued guest.
LaKisha sounded okay (putting two syllables in the word "bad" so it was "bay-yad," which amused me) and looked terrible. Does her stylist hate her? She needs either a longer or a shorter skirt. That one inch of knee showing in between—so not good. Do the stylists on this show know how to dress big women? They struggled with Mandisa last year too, as I recall. Idiots. (Last night, for the first time, I suddenly saw that what I've been reading as LaKisha's arrogance is actually insecurity, which made me like her. Which is unfortunate, because I have a strong feeling that the Kiki Juggernaut has lost momentum. We'll see.)
Bad song choice for Sligh. I think he's peaked as well, and his humor is now coming off as defensive and somewhat desperate. I'm not sure how he can save himself at this point. (In their post-performance banter, for some reason he or Ryan said the word "Nevada," which is all I wrote down about his performance, as it's one of my pet peeves: 48 of the 50 states pronounce it "Nuh-vaw-duh," 2 of the 50 pronounce it "Nuh-vad-rhymes-with-bad-uh," and those 2 are California and Nevada. Why does the rest of the country say it wrong? And I guess it tells you something that this is the only thing I wrote down about Chris Sligh. Bye, Sligh.)
Gina—sensational. (Yes, I'm talking to YOU, girl. Keep reading!) And wasn't it fun to hear the judges pretend that this is what they've asked her for all along? Yeah.
I'm glad Sanjaya's having fun and is less terrifed on stage, because he seems like a sweet boy. However, I believe his time has come, and the Nadia Turner faux-hawk will be our salvation. Bye, Sanjaya.
Haley has likewise found herself and is no longer trying to be anything she's not (which is: pretty but limited). She sounded fine, but I agreed with Simon: forgettable. Bye, Haley.
I know I'm in the minority, but I love Phil's voice, and I think he gets better every week. His songs sound good from the beginning now, and he looks less freakish. Nice vocals! Less freakish! = All good!
Melinda was polished and perfect and looked horrifying. Her stylist must likewise hate her. ("Hmm, a short neck... I know! Let's cover it totally, so your head seems to rest ON your shoulders!") Actually, I didn't love her rendition of "Heaven Knows," but she certainly made it her own (i.e., very different from Donna Summer's version, which I can imitate in my sleep). Who knew it had a story?
Blake made Mimosa cry—she was just that moved. Or maybe sleepy, it was past her bedtime. I think I say the same thing about Blake every week: fun performance, average vocals, smart cookie.
Jordin, wow. LOVE her. HATE song.
As for Tinny McNasal (Chris R)—well, actually, he sounded a bit better last night than he usually does. But I still dislike him.
Bottom three: Some combo of LaKisha, Haley, Sanjaya, and Sligh. (It's the Stephanie thing—in the absence of a clear Final Four, it's anyone's game, and two lukewarm weeks in a row, as Kiki and Sligh have had, can really make a difference at this point.)
Going home: I really think it's Sanjaya's week, AT LAST. (see: Nadia, faux-hawk)
Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Preppy Schoolmarm) OUT.
Last night was pretty good. I was saying to Brunie (we call each other during the commercials, because we are 12) that a problem with this season is that we've got one polished perfect professional (D.W.) and one kid who's clearly out of his league (Son of Apu), and everyone else is just very competent. Some are at the higher end of that scale (Jordin, LaKisha, maybe Blake) and some at the lower (the Chrisses, Haley), but at this point, no one's likely to give a truly terrible (or truly earth-shaking) performance, which is something of a challenge for we poor bloggers who must comb through our thesauruses looking for synonyms for "fine."
So last night, mostly everyone was....fine. And I don't know if that's what Gwen Stefani's usually like, but—huh. She gave new meaning to the word "phoning it in." What a strangely subdued guest.
LaKisha sounded okay (putting two syllables in the word "bad" so it was "bay-yad," which amused me) and looked terrible. Does her stylist hate her? She needs either a longer or a shorter skirt. That one inch of knee showing in between—so not good. Do the stylists on this show know how to dress big women? They struggled with Mandisa last year too, as I recall. Idiots. (Last night, for the first time, I suddenly saw that what I've been reading as LaKisha's arrogance is actually insecurity, which made me like her. Which is unfortunate, because I have a strong feeling that the Kiki Juggernaut has lost momentum. We'll see.)
Bad song choice for Sligh. I think he's peaked as well, and his humor is now coming off as defensive and somewhat desperate. I'm not sure how he can save himself at this point. (In their post-performance banter, for some reason he or Ryan said the word "Nevada," which is all I wrote down about his performance, as it's one of my pet peeves: 48 of the 50 states pronounce it "Nuh-vaw-duh," 2 of the 50 pronounce it "Nuh-vad-rhymes-with-bad-uh," and those 2 are California and Nevada. Why does the rest of the country say it wrong? And I guess it tells you something that this is the only thing I wrote down about Chris Sligh. Bye, Sligh.)
Gina—sensational. (Yes, I'm talking to YOU, girl. Keep reading!) And wasn't it fun to hear the judges pretend that this is what they've asked her for all along? Yeah.
I'm glad Sanjaya's having fun and is less terrifed on stage, because he seems like a sweet boy. However, I believe his time has come, and the Nadia Turner faux-hawk will be our salvation. Bye, Sanjaya.
Haley has likewise found herself and is no longer trying to be anything she's not (which is: pretty but limited). She sounded fine, but I agreed with Simon: forgettable. Bye, Haley.
I know I'm in the minority, but I love Phil's voice, and I think he gets better every week. His songs sound good from the beginning now, and he looks less freakish. Nice vocals! Less freakish! = All good!
Melinda was polished and perfect and looked horrifying. Her stylist must likewise hate her. ("Hmm, a short neck... I know! Let's cover it totally, so your head seems to rest ON your shoulders!") Actually, I didn't love her rendition of "Heaven Knows," but she certainly made it her own (i.e., very different from Donna Summer's version, which I can imitate in my sleep). Who knew it had a story?
Blake made Mimosa cry—she was just that moved. Or maybe sleepy, it was past her bedtime. I think I say the same thing about Blake every week: fun performance, average vocals, smart cookie.
Jordin, wow. LOVE her. HATE song.
As for Tinny McNasal (Chris R)—well, actually, he sounded a bit better last night than he usually does. But I still dislike him.
Bottom three: Some combo of LaKisha, Haley, Sanjaya, and Sligh. (It's the Stephanie thing—in the absence of a clear Final Four, it's anyone's game, and two lukewarm weeks in a row, as Kiki and Sligh have had, can really make a difference at this point.)
Going home: I really think it's Sanjaya's week, AT LAST. (see: Nadia, faux-hawk)
Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Preppy Schoolmarm) OUT.
Coincidence?
My friend Lacks Compassion's husband - the Reverend Doctor Compassion - came up with a far kinder description of Melinda Doolittle than my Easter Island description. He is not an Idol watcher (poor deluded freak) but when catching a glimpse of her he said, "She looks just like D.W.!" Now I know how he earned that doctorate - with his amazing powers of observation...
So please help out - we have Blake as Dennis the Menace, Mindy Doo/D.W. (If you say it right it even rhymes!) what other cartoon characters are in the top 10?
And now on with the show...
Lakisha sang LAST DANCE and sounded great, as usual. And looked like the firing squad was about to offer her a last cigarette, as usual.
Chris S. sang EVERY LITTLE THING SHE DOES IS MAGIC and every little thing he did annoyed me. Although he sounded fine.
My pick for the night was Miss Gina who brought it with STAND BY YOU. She was fantastic! I love her voice when she puts aside all her "rocker" bullshit and just sings.
Which brings me to Sanjaya. Oh my goodness. I don't want to fixate on the faux-hawk but my, my, my it certainly was on top of his head, wasn't it? He sang BATHWATER which I may have vaguely heard in the background at the Roller Palace which is the only place I ever hear Gwen Stefani. I think I would like the song if it weren't sung by a malnourished Foghorn Leghorn impersonator. (I don't know - there might be someone better than Foghorn for him - keep your cards and letters coming.)
Haley sang TRUE COLORS and no one seemed to like it but me. I don't think she's going to win, but she easily sang as well as Chris R. and yet the all gave him a tongue bath and told her she was pitchy. Feh...
When I hear Phil sing I'LL BE WATCHING YOU, I get a little nervous. He has that stalker-look. I am sure he is perfectly nice. Just odd looking. How shallow... He sounded great and he isn't annoying. Just light-bulb-head-y.
Melinda sang HEAVEN KNOWS which is perhaps my favorite disco song. She sounded great but it wasn't a surprise or a show like other performances she has given in the past. I'm pretty sure she's safe...
Are those the four horsemen of the apocalypse pulling into my driveway? Did I hear a Cure song on American Idol? Goodness - who thought this day would come? Blake sang LOVE SONG which is a great song. I was just so freaked out that he really sang it that I couldn't really enjoy it. He sounded fine, but he does a weird thing with his face when he is singing a ballad that makes him look like Robin Williams making fun of singers. Pick up the beat, Blake. Dance little monkey, dance...
Jordan sang something that I don't know the title of - HEY BABY BABY maybe? Again, if I didn't hear it at the Roller Palace, I didn't hear it. She was cute and bouncy and funny and she performed. There was nothing in her performance that allowed me to look away. (Or compelled me to look away as in the case of Chris S. and Sanjaya...) After Gina, she was my fave.
Why did Chris R. close the show? He was fine. He sang DON'T SPEAK adequately. B.F.D... I hate it when Idol does this manipulative garbage. They don't want Chris to be voted off so they put him at the end to keep him fresh in the mind. He just wasn't that great. He was fine. That's it. I don't think he deserves this preferential treatment.
I don't know the Gwen Stefani story that well. I know she was a fat girl in high school which makes me love her. And I like her beats. (Damn, I'm hip...) My kids used to like Hollaback Girl (this ship sells bananas - B-A-N-A-N-A-S!) but that is about as far as my knowledge goes. I hear she is a brilliant business woman and she doesn't irritate me at all the way Madonna does. But she didn't seem all that likable on the show. She was like substitute teacher whereas Lulu was like the chorus teacher who writes you the recommendation letter that gets you into Berklee. It kind of creeped my son out that she is so hot and yet is only a couple of years younger than his auntie (who is only a couple of years younger than me!). The elderly should not be so easy on the eyes.
Good grief, I have said enough. I look forward, as ever, to Sanjaya leaving. But my money is on Phil, Haley or (dare I say it?) Lakeshia.
Brunie, OUT!
Monday, March 26, 2007
Blake Re-Defined
A list-serv I am on was discussing Idol and Ginny posted the following:
"Hmmph. I don't really ever need to hear a "fresh" version of the classic and unparalleled ~Time of the Season~. And especially not when it's sung by a guy who reminds me vaguely of Dennis the Menace."
And now all I can see is Blake in little red overalls.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
If You're Going to Bump It - Bump it With a Trumpet...
Remember Gypsy - the musical about the burlesque act with the overbearing mother played by Ethel Merman, Roz Russell or Bette Midler - depending on how old or obsessed you are? It has a song called "You've Got to Have a Gimmick" and it is certainly the case on Idol.
Our easily definable top ten are:
Beatbox Blake
Babymama Lakeshia
Background-no-more Melinda
Funny Chris
Timberlakey Chris
Bald-dad Phil
Baby Jordyn
Rockin' Gina
Formerly-hated-hot Haley
Making-the-little-girls-cry-with-love-and-everyone-else-cry-for-entirely-different-reasons Sanjaya
And going home - Stephanie. Hopefully she learned her lesson - being classy is not enough.
And in conclusion, last night Lady Char mocked me for my "constant flogging of TiVo" to which I reply, "Bite me!" And also - I managed to watch last night's entire episode - up to the last commercial break - during the very commercial break during which I turned on the the television! I will not be a slave to padding, Peter Noone's scarily insincere singing and the Ford pimp-o-mercial (trademark TWoP) - I fast forward like the wind to the good parts. And then I go back and watch Lulu whenever I want. Thank you TiVo.
Brunie (looking at America's voting record and getting grossed-) OUT!
Our easily definable top ten are:
Beatbox Blake
Babymama Lakeshia
Background-no-more Melinda
Funny Chris
Timberlakey Chris
Bald-dad Phil
Baby Jordyn
Rockin' Gina
Formerly-hated-hot Haley
Making-the-little-girls-cry-with-love-and-everyone-else-cry-for-entirely-different-reasons Sanjaya
And going home - Stephanie. Hopefully she learned her lesson - being classy is not enough.
And in conclusion, last night Lady Char mocked me for my "constant flogging of TiVo" to which I reply, "Bite me!" And also - I managed to watch last night's entire episode - up to the last commercial break - during the very commercial break during which I turned on the the television! I will not be a slave to padding, Peter Noone's scarily insincere singing and the Ford pimp-o-mercial (trademark TWoP) - I fast forward like the wind to the good parts. And then I go back and watch Lulu whenever I want. Thank you TiVo.
Brunie (looking at America's voting record and getting grossed-) OUT!
The Lady Is a Champ
Here's to Miss Stephanie, a class act, super trouper, and first-class talent. She accomplished what very few previously invisible Idolettes are able to do—outshining the better-known Alaina and (particularly) Antonella to make the Top 12—and you only do that with talent and charisma. She never sang badly, and she was completely adorable to the end. (Unlike Chris R, who maintained an I-could-barf-at-any-time grimace throughout the entire Moment of Judgment.) I'm sorry she didn't make the Top 10, and I will miss her.
America, you are one sneaky bitch, and that's all I have to say about that.
(Mimosa is sad to lose another personal favorite, but with a little coaxing from Momma, she has transferred her affections to Jordin. A safer bet, all around.)
Cheers to you, Stephanie. I look forward to your next act.
Lady Chardonnay, resigned and OUT.
America, you are one sneaky bitch, and that's all I have to say about that.
(Mimosa is sad to lose another personal favorite, but with a little coaxing from Momma, she has transferred her affections to Jordin. A safer bet, all around.)
Cheers to you, Stephanie. I look forward to your next act.
Lady Chardonnay, resigned and OUT.
America the stupidful
Ya know, America can be so great. Brave. Generous. Kind. Also, incredibly stupid and lame.It is so very annoying to have to look at Sanjaya, Haley, Gina and Phil for another week, instead of the lovely and actually talented Stephanie. That was crap. Crap crap crap. Crap!
Bad America! Bad!
No hugs or kisses for you,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Bad America! Bad!
No hugs or kisses for you,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Jordin on My Mind
Stepping farther out on the limb already holding Mrs. Cynicletary ("The winner this year will be a black woman"), I'm predicting that Miss Teen Sensation will take it all. The two powerhouse women, LaKisha and Melinda, have drawbacks; Kiki's range is somewhat limited (besides her power notes, which are truly great, there's not much else in her bag o' tricks), and Melinda, who can sing the heck out of anything, can also be . . . just a little boring, as we saw last night. Jordin hasn't had an off night yet and is also thinnish and beautiful, with a head and neck of reasonable size, and yes, I do think America is just that shallow. And this isn't to say that Jordin's not deserving, I think she's fabulous. We shall see.
That was a great show. No one was terrible, and those who were good were really, really good. "To Sir With Love" is my karaoke song, so I loved seeing Lulu. And I don't know what the history is with Simon and Peter Noone, but Peter seemed to be getting on Simon's every last nerve, which was delightful to watch. Big fun all around.
Haley and Sanjaya, you crazy kids, I salute you. You have to know that you're the weakest of the girls and boys, respectively, which means that you need to pull out all the stops right now. And you did! Good for you. Which doesn't mean that you're not going home tonight, but still. You can be proud of yourselves.
My girl Gina, I don't know. I think it's time for her to mix it up a little: wear a great dress, look beautiful, and sing a power ballad. She scored with "All By Myself" and hasn't been as successful with the rocker-chick songs. It's time to remind America that she actually does have a good voice.
I'm worried about Stephanie, too. I thought she sounded wonderful, made the song her own (she sang it very differently from Dusty), and really conveyed the emotion—and then got panned by the judges. Is it me or is it them?
Phil sang a song I don't know at all, but he kept me entertained. He's gotten a lot better at beginning a song. Alas, I don't think Phil is long for this Idol world.
Blake gave a great performance, but his vocals were weak. If you listened with your eyes closed, it was nothing to write home about.
Sligh was fine, if unmemorable.
Chris R still sings all in his nose. I really dislike his voice. Alas, the ladies seem to love him.
So, bottom three? I was two-for-three last week, let's see if I can stay on this particular roll. I think it will be Phil, Sanjaya, and Stephanie, with Phil going home. Boo-hoo!
Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Fresh-Scent Preschool Teacher) OUT.
That was a great show. No one was terrible, and those who were good were really, really good. "To Sir With Love" is my karaoke song, so I loved seeing Lulu. And I don't know what the history is with Simon and Peter Noone, but Peter seemed to be getting on Simon's every last nerve, which was delightful to watch. Big fun all around.
Haley and Sanjaya, you crazy kids, I salute you. You have to know that you're the weakest of the girls and boys, respectively, which means that you need to pull out all the stops right now. And you did! Good for you. Which doesn't mean that you're not going home tonight, but still. You can be proud of yourselves.
My girl Gina, I don't know. I think it's time for her to mix it up a little: wear a great dress, look beautiful, and sing a power ballad. She scored with "All By Myself" and hasn't been as successful with the rocker-chick songs. It's time to remind America that she actually does have a good voice.
I'm worried about Stephanie, too. I thought she sounded wonderful, made the song her own (she sang it very differently from Dusty), and really conveyed the emotion—and then got panned by the judges. Is it me or is it them?
Phil sang a song I don't know at all, but he kept me entertained. He's gotten a lot better at beginning a song. Alas, I don't think Phil is long for this Idol world.
Blake gave a great performance, but his vocals were weak. If you listened with your eyes closed, it was nothing to write home about.
Sligh was fine, if unmemorable.
Chris R still sings all in his nose. I really dislike his voice. Alas, the ladies seem to love him.
So, bottom three? I was two-for-three last week, let's see if I can stay on this particular roll. I think it will be Phil, Sanjaya, and Stephanie, with Phil going home. Boo-hoo!
Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Fresh-Scent Preschool Teacher) OUT.
They're learning...
Now that was a pretty good show! Like Brunie, I must say that I did not hate Sanjaya and Phil and Haley as much as usual. I do still hate them though. Haley is still just like a beauty pageant contestant, except this time more Pussycat Doll than Miss America. Sanjaya was just AWFUL, but I hated him less for some reason. Maybe because he sang louder than a whisper, but the Kinks who are still alive must be mor-ti-fied!Phil was OK, not great, not terrible, but I still don't like him, and I think he will leave within 2-3 weeks. And did he like drool on his shirt, or spill come coke product before he sang? What was that splatter all over the front of him? Maybe he hugged that crying little girl at rehearsal.
As usual, I liked Chris R. , but even more so last night. His voice is pure and it was lovely to see him mostly just stand there and sing well.
Stefanie was kinda off this week. The song was too low for her and it was just boring, really. Too bad - she is talented.
Blake was fantastic!!! I love that song! He looked super cool and hot simultaneously. GO Blake!He could release that song today and it would be a hit.
Kiki was just ok for me this week, dawg. I kept saying , "Sing You're my World, choose that song!" But she sang the diamonds song anyway. She's great, but she chose poorly.
Wow Jordyn - awesome! She stood and delivered. Best girl of the night!
Gina sounded bad. She was flat for almost the whole song. As a rocker, she is inauthentic.
Chris Sligh sounded better this week, but Dude, NEVER DANCE. NEVER. And put the mike stand down when you get back to the stage, don't just hold on to it throughout the ending of the song! It was good to hear another great Zombie's song, like the one Blake sang. I bet more than a few folks download some old Zombies hits today.
I like Melinda's new hairdo. And she wore a flattering low v-neck shirt with jeans. She looked younger and I think I saw her neck for the first time. I didn't love the song, but her voice is perfect.
All in all a rockin' good show. I thought that Peter Noones and especially Lulu really helped the kids. This is the part of the competition that I really like - when the professional instruction really starts to show, especially with the less-experienced singers. I love to see the progress the kids make as they get used to the big stage and really learn the craft of singing.
And I think that crying little girl will not be beat up as Brunie contests, but will be a little damp hero at her school for getting a hug from each Idol contestant, and for getting like $2 million worth of air time for herself.
Maybe Sanjaya will go because Simon tried hard not to say anything about him at all. If not him, I would be happy to say good bye to Haley or Phil or Gina.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
As usual, I liked Chris R. , but even more so last night. His voice is pure and it was lovely to see him mostly just stand there and sing well.
Stefanie was kinda off this week. The song was too low for her and it was just boring, really. Too bad - she is talented.
Blake was fantastic!!! I love that song! He looked super cool and hot simultaneously. GO Blake!He could release that song today and it would be a hit.
Kiki was just ok for me this week, dawg. I kept saying , "Sing You're my World, choose that song!" But she sang the diamonds song anyway. She's great, but she chose poorly.
Wow Jordyn - awesome! She stood and delivered. Best girl of the night!
Gina sounded bad. She was flat for almost the whole song. As a rocker, she is inauthentic.
Chris Sligh sounded better this week, but Dude, NEVER DANCE. NEVER. And put the mike stand down when you get back to the stage, don't just hold on to it throughout the ending of the song! It was good to hear another great Zombie's song, like the one Blake sang. I bet more than a few folks download some old Zombies hits today.
I like Melinda's new hairdo. And she wore a flattering low v-neck shirt with jeans. She looked younger and I think I saw her neck for the first time. I didn't love the song, but her voice is perfect.
All in all a rockin' good show. I thought that Peter Noones and especially Lulu really helped the kids. This is the part of the competition that I really like - when the professional instruction really starts to show, especially with the less-experienced singers. I love to see the progress the kids make as they get used to the big stage and really learn the craft of singing.
And I think that crying little girl will not be beat up as Brunie contests, but will be a little damp hero at her school for getting a hug from each Idol contestant, and for getting like $2 million worth of air time for herself.
Maybe Sanjaya will go because Simon tried hard not to say anything about him at all. If not him, I would be happy to say good bye to Haley or Phil or Gina.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
I'll give you something to cry about...
This was a weird little show tonight.What kind of crazy world is this where I like Haley and Sanjaya? Well, “like” is a strong word, but I was completely and utterly entertained by both of them! I also enjoyed Phil singing TOBACCO Road. I can’t stand a one of those three, but I was riveted nonetheless. Shocking. It wasn't really a quality issue - there was a train wreck component. But still...
And I was quite bored by Lakeshia and Gina who I usually really like. Although with Kiki, it was all song choice. Diamonds are forever, indeed. Gina was just too much.
DAMN! Jordin Sparks was spectacular. I am not entirely familiar with the song, but she sold the hell out of it and looked absolutely splendid doing it.
And I liked Chris R - of all people. Funniest description about him on TwoP “He's just so unfortunate. So...People's Court. He's like, maybe he has a baby in another state that he never gets to see, and sometimes when he's had a few beers he cries about it.”
Chris Sligh? I am off him. But he did sound great tonight. He is one where I feel better about how he sounds when I am not looking at him. Not the weight thing, but the pursiness of the lips. Ewwww… And I always feel like he is irritating. So I guess that, in fact, makes him irritating.
I don’t remember much about Stephanie. I don’t suppose that is any kind of good sign. And while I know in my head that Melinda was great, I just wasn’t that thrilled.
It’s a topsy-turvey world. I feel like crying all through the show. Like that little girl who is going to be completely mocked and beat-up when she gets back to her school. Now she was crying at the beginning of the show. She cried during Sanjaya (and they tried to make it look all Beatles-at-Shea-Stadium-y, but that doesn't work when it is the same girl over and over!) and then she cried over Melinda, and she cried all over the end! Good grief. Maybe her cat died today, maybe she has some issues. It isn't always about you IDOL! (Of course that has not kept me from creating the above photo-collage. It took a lot of time and several tools and it still looks like crap. But you'll look at it and like it because I worked hard.)
Brunie (with the refreshing sense of a job well done) OUT!
Thursday, March 15, 2007
With Deepest Sympathy
Please check out the heartfelt sentiments of the card that my friend Mademoiselle Vin Rouge sent after last night's shocking dismissal. It seems to be affecting no one as deeply as it is affecting me.
Before I dive into my personal pain I would like to thank M'me Vin Rouge, Frau Riesling, Millie Light and the Professor and MaryAnn (backwards) who brought food rather than hooch to the Idol viewing soiree I had Tuesday evening. We drank, ate delicious food (that was fortuitously prepared by people who are not me) and massacred some classic songs on PS2 AI Karaoke Revolution. And Mr. Crow cleaned the house in preparation! A fine time was had by all. (Except Mr. Crow because he cleaned and had some cake but still hates Idol with the passionate intensity of a thousand burning suns. I may be joining him...)
I liked Lady Char's surprises and I essentially share her thoughts. Except for Phil - he still did very little for me. And I kind of liked Chris (not the Sligh). He didn't sound that great, but he was peppy. And hell, we know this is no stinking singing competition. And I didn't think Brandon was that bad. He was weaker than usual, but he is the only cute boy singer, dammit! Sanjaya still stinks, Blake still has he finger on the pulse of a wild, sexy happening generation and I am finished with the boys. They are all dead to me.
The girls were once again so far superior that they really shouldn't sit near the boys. Lakeshia and Melinda were spectacular. Jordan and Stephanie sounded wonderful as usual. I have to say that I preferred Lakeshia and Stephanie solely on the basis of knowing their songs. Hey, I am just as stupid as the rest of America!
My Surprises were Gina and Haley. I don't think either of them has a snowball's chance but they charmed me this week. Gina looked cute and strutty in her mysteriously shiny gray pants. She sounded good, she looked fantastic. The song is dull as dirt and shouldn't really be sung by anyone not willing to wear chiffon and a bouffant - but I didn't feel the bile rising in my throat so yay Gina.
And Haley completely charmed me. I was not surprised that she wasn't in the bottom three. She sounded better than ever. [In the interest of full disclosure, "Missing You" is my favorite Diana Ross song - Sanjaya could have sung it and I would have smiled dreamily into space remembering my sweet Long Island girlhood in the '80s, when big hair was big hair and we weren't entirely sure that disco was dead.] And her little collapse at the end and her heartfelt plea of "Okay, Simon said something nice, please send me home now..." went unheeded by the voters. Your own fault for being awesome this week, Haley. Because she was. Except for the unforgivable word forgetting. I have always been more forgiving than most.
But if Sanjaya is still here next week, my wrath will be great.
Brunie, OUT!
Before I dive into my personal pain I would like to thank M'me Vin Rouge, Frau Riesling, Millie Light and the Professor and MaryAnn (backwards) who brought food rather than hooch to the Idol viewing soiree I had Tuesday evening. We drank, ate delicious food (that was fortuitously prepared by people who are not me) and massacred some classic songs on PS2 AI Karaoke Revolution. And Mr. Crow cleaned the house in preparation! A fine time was had by all. (Except Mr. Crow because he cleaned and had some cake but still hates Idol with the passionate intensity of a thousand burning suns. I may be joining him...)
I liked Lady Char's surprises and I essentially share her thoughts. Except for Phil - he still did very little for me. And I kind of liked Chris (not the Sligh). He didn't sound that great, but he was peppy. And hell, we know this is no stinking singing competition. And I didn't think Brandon was that bad. He was weaker than usual, but he is the only cute boy singer, dammit! Sanjaya still stinks, Blake still has he finger on the pulse of a wild, sexy happening generation and I am finished with the boys. They are all dead to me.
The girls were once again so far superior that they really shouldn't sit near the boys. Lakeshia and Melinda were spectacular. Jordan and Stephanie sounded wonderful as usual. I have to say that I preferred Lakeshia and Stephanie solely on the basis of knowing their songs. Hey, I am just as stupid as the rest of America!
My Surprises were Gina and Haley. I don't think either of them has a snowball's chance but they charmed me this week. Gina looked cute and strutty in her mysteriously shiny gray pants. She sounded good, she looked fantastic. The song is dull as dirt and shouldn't really be sung by anyone not willing to wear chiffon and a bouffant - but I didn't feel the bile rising in my throat so yay Gina.
And Haley completely charmed me. I was not surprised that she wasn't in the bottom three. She sounded better than ever. [In the interest of full disclosure, "Missing You" is my favorite Diana Ross song - Sanjaya could have sung it and I would have smiled dreamily into space remembering my sweet Long Island girlhood in the '80s, when big hair was big hair and we weren't entirely sure that disco was dead.] And her little collapse at the end and her heartfelt plea of "Okay, Simon said something nice, please send me home now..." went unheeded by the voters. Your own fault for being awesome this week, Haley. Because she was. Except for the unforgivable word forgetting. I have always been more forgiving than most.
But if Sanjaya is still here next week, my wrath will be great.
Brunie, OUT!
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
I Hear a Symphony!
Ask for Motown, and Lady C gets Motown. Thank you, American Idol! I had a lovely evening.
Not much to say about it all, though. The stars (Melinda, LaKisha, Stephanie, Jordin) shone brightly. The not-ready-for-prime-time players (Sanjaya) continued to underwhelm. Everyone else...well, actually, there were some surprises. (Read on!)
Surprise #1: Brandon. I generally think of him as having the strongest male voice, and maybe, objectively, he does, but I don't think he's ready for the big leagues after all. He's just not an exciting performer, which is too bad. Bye, Brandon.
Surprise #2: Chris Sligh picked..."Endless Love"? Seriously? I about fell over when he said it, so sure was I that he was joking. How could he sing that song without irony? (My BFF Lady Darcy and I, for fun, had a mock wedding our sophomore year, and our vows largely comprised the lyrics to "Endless Love." They work great as wedding vows. Though at one point I know I also said, "Ooh ooh. Crazy little thing called love." It was a killer wedding.) Also, he really, really, really needs to wear his glasses. Not his best night, for sure (though I still liked his voice).
Surprise #3: I crossed every finger and toe that I have, wishing that my girl Gina would choose "Love Child," which I thought a can't-miss combo of song and songstress. And yet—it kind of missed. Very shouty. Not poignant. Disappointing!
Surprise #4: Simon said something nice to Haley! Did you see her sweet astounded face? I know she'll not be staying long, but I was happy for her. (And I thought she did pretty well, actually, before she committed her cardinal sin. Ah, well. Bye, Haley.)
Surprise #5: Phil managed to sound good at the beginning of a song, for once! I thought he was spot on. Best male performance of the night.
Surprise #6: Despite all his skills and smartness, which are boundless, Blake didn't have the first clue what his song was about. Don't bop around the stage when you're singing about anguish, my friend. Too much disconnect.
Surprise #7: Simon FINALLY realizes that Chris R has a terrible voice! I'm not sure what he's been hearing up till now, but still—we're together on this, at last.
I expect Brandon, Haley, or Sanjaya to go home tonight—we'll see.
Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Yuppie Coed) OUT.
Not much to say about it all, though. The stars (Melinda, LaKisha, Stephanie, Jordin) shone brightly. The not-ready-for-prime-time players (Sanjaya) continued to underwhelm. Everyone else...well, actually, there were some surprises. (Read on!)
Surprise #1: Brandon. I generally think of him as having the strongest male voice, and maybe, objectively, he does, but I don't think he's ready for the big leagues after all. He's just not an exciting performer, which is too bad. Bye, Brandon.
Surprise #2: Chris Sligh picked..."Endless Love"? Seriously? I about fell over when he said it, so sure was I that he was joking. How could he sing that song without irony? (My BFF Lady Darcy and I, for fun, had a mock wedding our sophomore year, and our vows largely comprised the lyrics to "Endless Love." They work great as wedding vows. Though at one point I know I also said, "Ooh ooh. Crazy little thing called love." It was a killer wedding.) Also, he really, really, really needs to wear his glasses. Not his best night, for sure (though I still liked his voice).
Surprise #3: I crossed every finger and toe that I have, wishing that my girl Gina would choose "Love Child," which I thought a can't-miss combo of song and songstress. And yet—it kind of missed. Very shouty. Not poignant. Disappointing!
Surprise #4: Simon said something nice to Haley! Did you see her sweet astounded face? I know she'll not be staying long, but I was happy for her. (And I thought she did pretty well, actually, before she committed her cardinal sin. Ah, well. Bye, Haley.)
Surprise #5: Phil managed to sound good at the beginning of a song, for once! I thought he was spot on. Best male performance of the night.
Surprise #6: Despite all his skills and smartness, which are boundless, Blake didn't have the first clue what his song was about. Don't bop around the stage when you're singing about anguish, my friend. Too much disconnect.
Surprise #7: Simon FINALLY realizes that Chris R has a terrible voice! I'm not sure what he's been hearing up till now, but still—we're together on this, at last.
I expect Brandon, Haley, or Sanjaya to go home tonight—we'll see.
Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Yuppie Coed) OUT.
Friday, March 09, 2007
When is 50% right 100% wrong?
Answer - when America votes out Antonhella and Smarmy-boy, yet keeps Haley and...SANJAYA! It's a travershamockery! Recent discussions with Mr. Cynicletary and a friend who considers himself to be God, have brought a cogent fact to light. India is the second most populous country on earth. Sanjaya is Indian. You do the math - Sanjaya will be the next Amercan Idol!!
Next week they will start with the themes, and the kids will not be able to sing any song that they know and like, but must perform unknown ones that they have to learn in a week. Let's count the kids who will forget the words...one...two...three... Will all Sanjaya's people vote for him if he REALLY screws up? I don't think it will be too long before we find out.
I don't feel bad about Sundance, but Sabrina was robbed. Haley over Sabrina? It's just wrong!
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
p.s. For one who claims such youthfulness, it seems Lady C.'s musical tastes arrested sometime in 1975. She's a hep cat, no jive!
Next week they will start with the themes, and the kids will not be able to sing any song that they know and like, but must perform unknown ones that they have to learn in a week. Let's count the kids who will forget the words...one...two...three... Will all Sanjaya's people vote for him if he REALLY screws up? I don't think it will be too long before we find out.
I don't feel bad about Sundance, but Sabrina was robbed. Haley over Sabrina? It's just wrong!
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
p.s. For one who claims such youthfulness, it seems Lady C.'s musical tastes arrested sometime in 1975. She's a hep cat, no jive!
What the Haley?!
Wow, who saw that coming? America, you are one sneaky sister. I'd've bet anything that the upset would be Antonella over Haley, Sundance over Sanjaya. Ah, well. As has been noted (by me), I have the prediction ability of a yam.
Frankly, for anyone bitching about the decision, the blame rests squarely on one person: Simon. We don't mind him deflating the arrogant and entitled (Antonella), but when he starts savagely kicking puppies and kittens (the limited-but-sweet Sanjaya and Haley), our inner Mama Bears come roaring out. If Simon had simply said, "Okay, but not good enough" a la Jared, I think we'd see a different Top 12. (Then again, Sanjaya's working the Tiger Beat vote; I think his journey was fairly secure. But what do I know. [See "yam," above.])
Daughter Mimosa had been an Antonella fan (and wasn't this mother's heart proud? What more could one ask in a role model? ....Yeah), but the weeks of suckage took their toll, and last night, even before the big booting, she said, "Mom, I'm picking a new favorite," adding, after only a moment's thought, "....and it's Stephanie." Cool, huh? My nine year old's got class.
Li'l Martini has championed Brandon and Sanjaya throughout the competition, and recently added Blake to his roster (Li'l Martini, he's six; he don't like the ladies so much), so he is one happy little dude. I sent him to bed at 8:15, but he kept sneaking out, so what the hey. Don't tell DSS.
This is still one crazy-ass season. Two trends that disturb me:
One final note: I've got to hand it to our Miss Paula Abdul, who's had her moments of loopiness, for sure, but has been remarkably cogent for most of the season. "Girl, what are you not on?" I've marveled, more than once. She's been astute and focused more often than not, and it's nice to see. Keep saying no, Paula! Friends don't let friends judge loopy!
(The big exception, of course, was her praise of Sundance last night: "You've been one of our strongest singers!" Hello? You liked him on "Mustang Sally" and his audition. That was it, girlfriend. Me, I've never been a fan of the sweaty. Or the excessively hairy. Or those that bellow. Happy trails, Mr. Head. And, a tip? They sell antiperspirant at pretty much every drugstore. Knock yourself out.)
Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Farrah Shops at Sears) OUT.
Frankly, for anyone bitching about the decision, the blame rests squarely on one person: Simon. We don't mind him deflating the arrogant and entitled (Antonella), but when he starts savagely kicking puppies and kittens (the limited-but-sweet Sanjaya and Haley), our inner Mama Bears come roaring out. If Simon had simply said, "Okay, but not good enough" a la Jared, I think we'd see a different Top 12. (Then again, Sanjaya's working the Tiger Beat vote; I think his journey was fairly secure. But what do I know. [See "yam," above.])
Daughter Mimosa had been an Antonella fan (and wasn't this mother's heart proud? What more could one ask in a role model? ....Yeah), but the weeks of suckage took their toll, and last night, even before the big booting, she said, "Mom, I'm picking a new favorite," adding, after only a moment's thought, "....and it's Stephanie." Cool, huh? My nine year old's got class.
Li'l Martini has championed Brandon and Sanjaya throughout the competition, and recently added Blake to his roster (Li'l Martini, he's six; he don't like the ladies so much), so he is one happy little dude. I sent him to bed at 8:15, but he kept sneaking out, so what the hey. Don't tell DSS.
This is still one crazy-ass season. Two trends that disturb me:
- I am deeply tired of the weird underlying sexual vibe among the judges, night in, night out. Explaining "what he meant by that" to Mimosa is wearying. I stand ready to denounce homophobia whenever called, but for heaven's sake, I didn't expect it to become my hobby. (A quote from a resume once submitted to Mr. Lady Chardonnay: "My hobbies are playing the trombone, film-making, and civil rights.") It's still a "family show" (meaning: who's watching), and my family bears more resemblance to the Partridges than the Osbournes. Give it a rest, Rymon.
- (Bravely standing alone on this one) That newfangled music the young people listen to today—hey, it's fine for them, I'm not judging, it's just not for me. But my Idolettes are singing too much of it. I like 12 dewy youngsters singing "Build Me Up, Buttercup." Or even some nice Motown (that's edgy, right?). (Yes, Mrs. Cynicletary, I hear you snorting. Hush, I'm blogging now.) Hopefully, the theme nights will be my salvation (words I never expected to utter!), since "Pearl Jam" is an unlikely theme. You never know, though.
One final note: I've got to hand it to our Miss Paula Abdul, who's had her moments of loopiness, for sure, but has been remarkably cogent for most of the season. "Girl, what are you not on?" I've marveled, more than once. She's been astute and focused more often than not, and it's nice to see. Keep saying no, Paula! Friends don't let friends judge loopy!
(The big exception, of course, was her praise of Sundance last night: "You've been one of our strongest singers!" Hello? You liked him on "Mustang Sally" and his audition. That was it, girlfriend. Me, I've never been a fan of the sweaty. Or the excessively hairy. Or those that bellow. Happy trails, Mr. Head. And, a tip? They sell antiperspirant at pretty much every drugstore. Knock yourself out.)
Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Farrah Shops at Sears) OUT.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
America is Only One Quarter Stupid!
Okay, you may have noticed that my two bottom dwellers, Sanjaya and Haley made the final 12. But this isn't the tragedy it could have been because at least Sundance and Antonella are gone.
I am not shedding any tears for Jared. I liked him, his voice was pretty as was his face. (I suppose it still is, he isn't dead, after all - just dead to me...) But he was the Starfleet ensign in the red shirt and we all knew it.
I do feel like Sabrina got hosed. She was definitely a victim of Lady Char's "If We Didn't See You Before Top 24 Time, You Aren't Making the Final 12" theory. Her voice was miles better than Haley, but Haley was on screen slightly longer and thus will not be leaving until next week.
In closing I leave you with these thoughts. Simon and Ryan "hate" each other so much they are constantly at odds. And yet they take a trip to Africa together? Either that was not Africa at all and they just put some children on a Fox back-lot and made it look dusty or they really are friends and are just pretending to disagree to amuse the masses.
Brunie [less satisfied than I hoped, more satisfied than I expected], OUT!
I am not shedding any tears for Jared. I liked him, his voice was pretty as was his face. (I suppose it still is, he isn't dead, after all - just dead to me...) But he was the Starfleet ensign in the red shirt and we all knew it.
I do feel like Sabrina got hosed. She was definitely a victim of Lady Char's "If We Didn't See You Before Top 24 Time, You Aren't Making the Final 12" theory. Her voice was miles better than Haley, but Haley was on screen slightly longer and thus will not be leaving until next week.
In closing I leave you with these thoughts. Simon and Ryan "hate" each other so much they are constantly at odds. And yet they take a trip to Africa together? Either that was not Africa at all and they just put some children on a Fox back-lot and made it look dusty or they really are friends and are just pretending to disagree to amuse the masses.
Brunie [less satisfied than I hoped, more satisfied than I expected], OUT!
Three Distinct Groups
I have divided the girls into three distinct groups:
the Suck-bags (Antonella and Haley),
the I-Don't-Cares (Gina and Sabrina) and
the Please-Don't-Leave-Me's (Jordyn, Lakeshia, Stephanie and Melinda)
just thought you'd like to know...
Here are tonight's placements and scores. I may add some opinions because,
unlike boys' night, I didn't slip into a coma while watching. The curve
is based on Melinda's perfect score. (My own version of "Don't Think
Twice It's Alright" from the ride to work only scored a 7.4. But hey,
its Dylan - how much does the singing really mean, anyway?)
Jordyn - Heartbreaker
fourth place - 7.9
I think this song is crap, but she did a nice job and I liked her little trills and the interesting spin she puts on the ends of her phrases.
Sabrina - Some Crap
sixth place - 6.2
I was disinterested. I like Sabrina's voice generally and if she makes it
long enough to show some personality on the show it would be nice.
Antonella - Put Your Records On (and set my ears on fire)
seventh place - 5.1
She just isn't as good a singer as the other women! At least she is "herself". I think her "herselfiness" will help her in this show that is "Herself-ican Idol". Man, I hate it when people 'nad up and argue with Simon. Or when they talk to Ryan as if Simon can't hear.
Haley - If My Heart Had Wings (if would fly out of my chest attempting to escape the suck of this song)
eighth place - 4.2
I hate to place her lower than Antonella because she is more likeable
to me, but she is - as Simon so cruelly pointed out - completely
forgettable. At least Antonella could be one of those vapid pop stars -
she has some sex appeal and is unique looking. This girl is a
mannequin. She is Kate Jackson. She is one of those generic Barbie
dolls named Nancy or something.
Stephanie - Do Me Now or I Will Sing More Slightly Dirty Stuff
second place - 8.4
I know that Lakeshia
has the better voice, but Stephanie has the moves and the coolness
factor and I just think she is great. I didn't love this song, but she
sounded great.
Lakeshia - Something Slow About Arms
third place - 7.4
She didn't blow me away this week. She always sounds great, bud she didn't do anything spectacular this week.
Gina - Drunken Evanescence Song
fifth place - 8.2
I don't like her voice or style that much, but she did sound great tonight. And I think she is likeable, personality-wise. But as we all know, this is a singing contest.
Queen Melinda of the Universe
first frickin' place - 10+
Man, she was so good I watched it three times in a row. (Thank you, TiVo!) Her voice, her cute little giant head. Her equal opportuinity OCD!
I love her so much! If I chew something three times on one side of my
mouth, it is only fair to chew three times on the other side! Yes, that
is exactly right! We are sisters of the soul. I am the small headed
sister who sings okay. She is the big-headed singer who rocks to such a
degree that it can't be measured on a human scale but must be measured
by Simon's sexy-faced "Kittycat to Tiger Scale"! And we're all the better for it!
If the suckbags and Sanjaya don't go home tonight I am going to hold my breath -til I turn gay!
(and I will send a present to whoever identifies the source of my
threat...)
Brunie, taking a look at the ladies and thinking,
"Sure, its a life change - but AI is an important singing competition."
the Suck-bags (Antonella and Haley),
the I-Don't-Cares (Gina and Sabrina) and
the Please-Don't-Leave-Me's (Jordyn, Lakeshia, Stephanie and Melinda)
just thought you'd like to know...
Here are tonight's placements and scores. I may add some opinions because,
unlike boys' night, I didn't slip into a coma while watching. The curve
is based on Melinda's perfect score. (My own version of "Don't Think
Twice It's Alright" from the ride to work only scored a 7.4. But hey,
its Dylan - how much does the singing really mean, anyway?)
Jordyn - Heartbreaker
fourth place - 7.9
I think this song is crap, but she did a nice job and I liked her little trills and the interesting spin she puts on the ends of her phrases.
Sabrina - Some Crap
sixth place - 6.2
I was disinterested. I like Sabrina's voice generally and if she makes it
long enough to show some personality on the show it would be nice.
Antonella - Put Your Records On (and set my ears on fire)
seventh place - 5.1
She just isn't as good a singer as the other women! At least she is "herself". I think her "herselfiness" will help her in this show that is "Herself-ican Idol". Man, I hate it when people 'nad up and argue with Simon. Or when they talk to Ryan as if Simon can't hear.
Haley - If My Heart Had Wings (if would fly out of my chest attempting to escape the suck of this song)
eighth place - 4.2
I hate to place her lower than Antonella because she is more likeable
to me, but she is - as Simon so cruelly pointed out - completely
forgettable. At least Antonella could be one of those vapid pop stars -
she has some sex appeal and is unique looking. This girl is a
mannequin. She is Kate Jackson. She is one of those generic Barbie
dolls named Nancy or something.
Stephanie - Do Me Now or I Will Sing More Slightly Dirty Stuff
second place - 8.4
I know that Lakeshia
has the better voice, but Stephanie has the moves and the coolness
factor and I just think she is great. I didn't love this song, but she
sounded great.
Lakeshia - Something Slow About Arms
third place - 7.4
She didn't blow me away this week. She always sounds great, bud she didn't do anything spectacular this week.
Gina - Drunken Evanescence Song
fifth place - 8.2
I don't like her voice or style that much, but she did sound great tonight. And I think she is likeable, personality-wise. But as we all know, this is a singing contest.
Queen Melinda of the Universe
first frickin' place - 10+
Man, she was so good I watched it three times in a row. (Thank you, TiVo!) Her voice, her cute little giant head. Her equal opportuinity OCD!
I love her so much! If I chew something three times on one side of my
mouth, it is only fair to chew three times on the other side! Yes, that
is exactly right! We are sisters of the soul. I am the small headed
sister who sings okay. She is the big-headed singer who rocks to such a
degree that it can't be measured on a human scale but must be measured
by Simon's sexy-faced "Kittycat to Tiger Scale"! And we're all the better for it!
If the suckbags and Sanjaya don't go home tonight I am going to hold my breath -til I turn gay!
(and I will send a present to whoever identifies the source of my
threat...)
Brunie, taking a look at the ladies and thinking,
"Sure, its a life change - but AI is an important singing competition."
Thank Heaven for (talented) Girls!
Melinda just rocks doesn't she? She was the BEST last night followed by Lakisha (so likeable and gifted) and Stephanie. Jordin and Sabrina did well too. I also have to give props to the hated but yes, talented Gina. She sang well last night and wore an appropriate outfit. Even though she is not likeable, I voted for her because...wait for it...it's a SINGING competition.
Haley of beauty pageant shaking mouth on vibrato syndrome - GOODBYE!
Antonhella - OMG it seems just impossible for you to sing even 1/3 of a song in tune. And she continues to hypocritically button up to the chin, except she wore those cute little thigh-highs that only girls like her (cute, thin, young, untalented) can wear. I agree with Lady Vino that if she takes a deserving contestants spot, I will have to track her down and throttle her with her thigh-highs. It is so annoying how she tried to rebut Simon, "Yeah I am not like some of these other singers. I am just being myself and not trying to compare myself to the others." HELLO??? Honey, this is a competition. In competitions people are compared with one another. PLEASE GOOOOOOOOOOO TONIGHT!!!!!
I'll go way out on a limb and say that the winner this year will be a black woman.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Haley of beauty pageant shaking mouth on vibrato syndrome - GOODBYE!
Antonhella - OMG it seems just impossible for you to sing even 1/3 of a song in tune. And she continues to hypocritically button up to the chin, except she wore those cute little thigh-highs that only girls like her (cute, thin, young, untalented) can wear. I agree with Lady Vino that if she takes a deserving contestants spot, I will have to track her down and throttle her with her thigh-highs. It is so annoying how she tried to rebut Simon, "Yeah I am not like some of these other singers. I am just being myself and not trying to compare myself to the others." HELLO??? Honey, this is a competition. In competitions people are compared with one another. PLEASE GOOOOOOOOOOO TONIGHT!!!!!
I'll go way out on a limb and say that the winner this year will be a black woman.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Whole Lot of Nothin'
Man, I could barely manage to work up the energy to yell at my kids to shut up during the singing parts of last night's show!
Lady Char and Mrs. Cyn have already said all that needs to be said so I will merely post my Olympic score. First is singing for last night only (because this is a singing competition) and the second is their ranking in my heirarchy of hopefullness - where they would be in a perfect world.
Blake - [reggae-ish song]
8.2/second place
Sanjaya - Waiting on the World to Change
6.8 - last frickin' place
Sundance - Jeremy
8.3 - seventh place
Irritating Chris - [Keith Urban song]
9.1 - sixth place
(I can't stand him but he did sound good this week...)
Jared - If You Really Love Me
8.8 - fifth
Brandon - Celebrate
8.9 - first, baby! (but not a chance...)
Light Bulb Head Phil - [I Need You or something]
7.6 - fourth
Chris the Rounder - We All Want to be Loved
9.2 - third
And let me re-iterate that these were graded on a curve with my own performance of "Corinna, Corinna" that I sang in the car on the way to school today as the 10-point standard.
Brunie, bored and OUT!
Lady Char and Mrs. Cyn have already said all that needs to be said so I will merely post my Olympic score. First is singing for last night only (because this is a singing competition) and the second is their ranking in my heirarchy of hopefullness - where they would be in a perfect world.
Blake - [reggae-ish song]
8.2/second place
Sanjaya - Waiting on the World to Change
6.8 - last frickin' place
Sundance - Jeremy
8.3 - seventh place
Irritating Chris - [Keith Urban song]
9.1 - sixth place
(I can't stand him but he did sound good this week...)
Jared - If You Really Love Me
8.8 - fifth
Brandon - Celebrate
8.9 - first, baby! (but not a chance...)
Light Bulb Head Phil - [I Need You or something]
7.6 - fourth
Chris the Rounder - We All Want to be Loved
9.2 - third
And let me re-iterate that these were graded on a curve with my own performance of "Corinna, Corinna" that I sang in the car on the way to school today as the 10-point standard.
Brunie, bored and OUT!
Trying to Get the Feeling Again...
I haven't blogged lately because...okay, I'll just say it: The show kinda blows this year. Last year ROCKED. Best season ever. The year before—awesome!! This year—whatever. Some good singers, sure, but not one single person who knocks my socks off. And usually by now I've bonded to somebody.
Could it be that I'm—gasp!—getting older? (But I'll never be as old as Mrs. Cynicletary, ha ha! She's about five minutes older than I am, but it's an important five minutes. And should be noted whenever possible.)
Here's the thing: New Dad Phil and Funny Chris have nice voices, and I like them a lot. We'd be buddies in real life. Back-up Brandon has a very nice voice (and I love when he stands next to Ryan, because I think of Brandon as really short. Oh, Ryan is such a dear wee thing!). But are any of them good enough to be the American Idol (if, you know, it were a singing competition)? Not unless they seriously step up in the next few weeks.
The rest of them, with one key exception, just shouldn't be here. Period. I cannot believe that Sundance, Sanjaya, Chris R, and Jared (who I do like, because he reminds me of a good friend, but he is way out of his league here) are four of the best young male singers in the country today. It is nonsense.
The exception is, of course, Beatbox Blake, our one male star. Honestly, I'm not a big fan of his voice—but I am a HUGE fan of how he's playing the game. He has done an exceptional job of showcasing himself, playing to his strengths, and unerringly determining what we need to see from him each week. He brings his best game every time (dawg! I'm quoting Randy now, that's what I've come to), and he's in it to win it. And since competition is my middle name (though my parents spell it with a K), I cannot tell you how much I admire him for that. Dude is smart.
The likely Top 6 girls are a solid group: Melinda, Lakisha, Gina, Jordin, Stephanie, and Sabrina. Good singers, good performers. If someone's going to make me fall in love this year, it will be a girl. (Don't tell my parents.) But if Antonella somehow robs one of the deserving six of their rightful place.....HELL WILL HATH NO FURY LIKE MINE!!
No matter what Haley does tonight, she's going home tomorrow. So for her sake, because she seems like a nice girl, I hope she looks extra pretty and sings a sweet song, rather than go out trying to be someone she's not (i.e., every single minute of last week's performance). Nick and Leslie showed us how to do a classy exit. Let's learn, people.
Lady Kompetition Chardonnay (today's look: Freezing Soccer Mom) OUT.
Could it be that I'm—gasp!—getting older? (But I'll never be as old as Mrs. Cynicletary, ha ha! She's about five minutes older than I am, but it's an important five minutes. And should be noted whenever possible.)
Here's the thing: New Dad Phil and Funny Chris have nice voices, and I like them a lot. We'd be buddies in real life. Back-up Brandon has a very nice voice (and I love when he stands next to Ryan, because I think of Brandon as really short. Oh, Ryan is such a dear wee thing!). But are any of them good enough to be the American Idol (if, you know, it were a singing competition)? Not unless they seriously step up in the next few weeks.
The rest of them, with one key exception, just shouldn't be here. Period. I cannot believe that Sundance, Sanjaya, Chris R, and Jared (who I do like, because he reminds me of a good friend, but he is way out of his league here) are four of the best young male singers in the country today. It is nonsense.
The exception is, of course, Beatbox Blake, our one male star. Honestly, I'm not a big fan of his voice—but I am a HUGE fan of how he's playing the game. He has done an exceptional job of showcasing himself, playing to his strengths, and unerringly determining what we need to see from him each week. He brings his best game every time (dawg! I'm quoting Randy now, that's what I've come to), and he's in it to win it. And since competition is my middle name (though my parents spell it with a K), I cannot tell you how much I admire him for that. Dude is smart.
The likely Top 6 girls are a solid group: Melinda, Lakisha, Gina, Jordin, Stephanie, and Sabrina. Good singers, good performers. If someone's going to make me fall in love this year, it will be a girl. (Don't tell my parents.) But if Antonella somehow robs one of the deserving six of their rightful place.....HELL WILL HATH NO FURY LIKE MINE!!
No matter what Haley does tonight, she's going home tomorrow. So for her sake, because she seems like a nice girl, I hope she looks extra pretty and sings a sweet song, rather than go out trying to be someone she's not (i.e., every single minute of last week's performance). Nick and Leslie showed us how to do a classy exit. Let's learn, people.
Lady Kompetition Chardonnay (today's look: Freezing Soccer Mom) OUT.
no thrills TV
Well, that was a disappointment! Not one thrill from any of the boys last night. Only Chris R&S, beat box boy and back-up singer were OK. The rest were terrible. Sanjaya, even with a blow-out, you are just bad. Please, please go home this week.Sundance was flat for almost the whole song. "For the ladies" guy is just so tacky (and didn't he screw up the words?) and bald guy can only sing certain notes. Really, it was like some tasteless talent show for tired,tenuously talented tenors tending towards tone trauma.
Truly, everyone seemed really tired. It made me tired.
Let's hope the girls got a good nights sleep.
XO,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Truly, everyone seemed really tired. It made me tired.
Let's hope the girls got a good nights sleep.
XO,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Get the Antonhella outta here!
This is the point in the competition when America shows it's ass, as they say. They always play the stupid personality contest instead of choosing the best singers. As Bruni has stated eloquently, AJ should not have gone home. I would not have sent Taunton boy home either, nor Leslie. Too sleazy dude who sang Let's Get it On, and Sunjaya should have gone. I mean even he knows it! His look of shock did seem genuine, and I am sure he is a very nice boy. But kid, you've got to go. America, wake the F up! This is not a puppy dog look-alike contest!
Heinous beauty pageant singer SUCKS! She can, she will, she must, go this week. And Antonella - did you notice how her green dress covered her completely from chin to knee - oh no, she is not slutty! Just in pictures! Anyway, I would not care one teeny bit if she was slutty if only she could SING! But. She. Can't. Antonella lovers can watch her (or whatever they do) all day on the internet and leave the rest of us to listen to good singers. And didn't other people with racy pictures, like Frenchie, get kicked off the show? Why not her? Moral turpitude! Hypocrisy! Get the Antonhella outta here! She must be one of the ones that Simon refers to as having a big ego and no talent. Mm hmm.
Is tonight more of the same - sing whatever song you think will get you the most votes? I'm looking forward to it. C'mon boys - thrill me!
Heinous beauty pageant singer SUCKS! She can, she will, she must, go this week. And Antonella - did you notice how her green dress covered her completely from chin to knee - oh no, she is not slutty! Just in pictures! Anyway, I would not care one teeny bit if she was slutty if only she could SING! But. She. Can't. Antonella lovers can watch her (or whatever they do) all day on the internet and leave the rest of us to listen to good singers. And didn't other people with racy pictures, like Frenchie, get kicked off the show? Why not her? Moral turpitude! Hypocrisy! Get the Antonhella outta here! She must be one of the ones that Simon refers to as having a big ego and no talent. Mm hmm.
Is tonight more of the same - sing whatever song you think will get you the most votes? I'm looking forward to it. C'mon boys - thrill me!
Thursday, March 01, 2007
America Has Half a Mind...
Bravo, America for sending the hellacious Alaina home. I like her personality and her weirdness, but this is a singing competition (at least in the context of this paragraph) and she just wasn't as good as anyone else last night. And as much as I felt warmth towards Nick, he was also not one of the best. So I will wave him off with my hankie in the air and not a word of rebuke to the voters.
However - America, you suck for sending A.J. home. He was adorable and so so SO good. And even though Leslie was never going to win - she was not due to go home until NEXT week!
I have to admit that tonight was perhaps the best results show ever.
Nick sounded great singing off and he was so cool shaking hands with his boy-pals while he sang so much more smoothly than Tuesday night, even.
Alaina made me smile with her response of "charming" to the reminder of Simon's opinion from last night. And when Ryan asked Paula, and Paula alone, what advice she had for Alaina it was a kindness of the sort that makes me want Ryan to be visiting me in hospice care many years from now.
I was pissed when Sanjaya got a week's repieive - although I called it. But I did appreciate how very surprised he was and the genuineness of the hug he gave A.J. - although I bet those two were roommates so it probably wasn't the first time.
The low point for me was making Jordyn stand with Leslie. That should have been the stupid QUEEN OF THE NIGHT cow whose name I have forgotten on purpose because she is so lame. Now you know as well as I do that the Antonella isn't going home because she is too pretty and we know too much about her - but did you see the look on her face when Randy made it sound like she was going home? Seriously, it as much as said, "You can't be serious! Everyone knows I'm not going home!" I loathe her and I fear it is only going to get worse.
So America - get your thumb out of your butt and quit voting for Sanjaya and Antonella or I will do something rash. Or nearly certainly develop a rash.
Brunie, OUT!
However - America, you suck for sending A.J. home. He was adorable and so so SO good. And even though Leslie was never going to win - she was not due to go home until NEXT week!
I have to admit that tonight was perhaps the best results show ever.
Nick sounded great singing off and he was so cool shaking hands with his boy-pals while he sang so much more smoothly than Tuesday night, even.
Alaina made me smile with her response of "charming" to the reminder of Simon's opinion from last night. And when Ryan asked Paula, and Paula alone, what advice she had for Alaina it was a kindness of the sort that makes me want Ryan to be visiting me in hospice care many years from now.
I was pissed when Sanjaya got a week's repieive - although I called it. But I did appreciate how very surprised he was and the genuineness of the hug he gave A.J. - although I bet those two were roommates so it probably wasn't the first time.
The low point for me was making Jordyn stand with Leslie. That should have been the stupid QUEEN OF THE NIGHT cow whose name I have forgotten on purpose because she is so lame. Now you know as well as I do that the Antonella isn't going home because she is too pretty and we know too much about her - but did you see the look on her face when Randy made it sound like she was going home? Seriously, it as much as said, "You can't be serious! Everyone knows I'm not going home!" I loathe her and I fear it is only going to get worse.
So America - get your thumb out of your butt and quit voting for Sanjaya and Antonella or I will do something rash. Or nearly certainly develop a rash.
Brunie, OUT!
Seperating the wheat from the chaffe
OK, let's slice and dice through these girlies.
Gina - I really don't like you. You were so mean and bitchy to that little Shakira-lette in Hollywood, and you are just not likeable. Plus, I hate your hair. And Simon was right about the fashion thing. That red dress was just wrong for that rockin Heart song. Even though I hate you, I must admit that you sang well. And true to my style, I voted for you on that basis alone.
Alaina sucks. So bad. Bye bye to Alaina.
Melinda was the best of the night. Original, spot-on pitch on a really,really hard song to sing. I like her a lot, but is there any way to make a person's neck longer? Her head is like a jack-o-lantern plopped onto a stuffed scarecrow at Halloween. If her hair was up would it help?
Antonella - so bad AGAIN. She didn't even have a passing relationship with the right pitch. Cuteness may save her for one more week, but she does not deserve it.
I like Jordyn, but she had a bit of trouble with that Reflections song. Like Simon said, she was so much better than others - but she is capable of much better.
Dangerously in Love by Beyonce is kind of a strange song. Stephanie did very well with it, but I don't think it was the best choice of song. Lots of non-fans of Beyonce may not get it. She has a great voice.
Once again I agree with Simon re Lesley. She is in a competition with some other women who have that gift of singing, and even though in ordinary circumstances she is a perfectly good singer, compared to Lakisha, Melinda, Stephanie, Sabrina, Jordyn she, dare I say, pales in comparison. The black girls are just in a different league as the white girls this year.
Haley's performance was like some kind of ghastly beauty pageant routine. Mr. Cynicletary and I both said these words at the very same moment at the end of her song. (Except I said Beauty Pageant and he said Cruise Ship - both with that Simon accent)Bye bye Haley!
Sabrina is very talented, but she was very close to shouting at points in her song. She is an excellent singer and will stay around for a while.
So, Antonella, Alaina, and Haley - I hope you didn't fully unpack, because your days are severely numbered.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
Gina - I really don't like you. You were so mean and bitchy to that little Shakira-lette in Hollywood, and you are just not likeable. Plus, I hate your hair. And Simon was right about the fashion thing. That red dress was just wrong for that rockin Heart song. Even though I hate you, I must admit that you sang well. And true to my style, I voted for you on that basis alone.
Alaina sucks. So bad. Bye bye to Alaina.
Melinda was the best of the night. Original, spot-on pitch on a really,really hard song to sing. I like her a lot, but is there any way to make a person's neck longer? Her head is like a jack-o-lantern plopped onto a stuffed scarecrow at Halloween. If her hair was up would it help?
Antonella - so bad AGAIN. She didn't even have a passing relationship with the right pitch. Cuteness may save her for one more week, but she does not deserve it.
I like Jordyn, but she had a bit of trouble with that Reflections song. Like Simon said, she was so much better than others - but she is capable of much better.
Dangerously in Love by Beyonce is kind of a strange song. Stephanie did very well with it, but I don't think it was the best choice of song. Lots of non-fans of Beyonce may not get it. She has a great voice.
Once again I agree with Simon re Lesley. She is in a competition with some other women who have that gift of singing, and even though in ordinary circumstances she is a perfectly good singer, compared to Lakisha, Melinda, Stephanie, Sabrina, Jordyn she, dare I say, pales in comparison. The black girls are just in a different league as the white girls this year.
Haley's performance was like some kind of ghastly beauty pageant routine. Mr. Cynicletary and I both said these words at the very same moment at the end of her song. (Except I said Beauty Pageant and he said Cruise Ship - both with that Simon accent)Bye bye Haley!
Sabrina is very talented, but she was very close to shouting at points in her song. She is an excellent singer and will stay around for a while.
So, Antonella, Alaina, and Haley - I hope you didn't fully unpack, because your days are severely numbered.
Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary
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