Bye Bye Sligh

Curly's main problem is that he was trying to play two roles at once—someone who thinks it's all a big joke ("I want to make David Hasselhoff cry") and someone who really wants to be on the show—and you can't pull off both simultaneously. Which is part of the reason that he began to seem more and more subdued—he just didn't know how to play it. Of the men, I thought he and Brandon had the best all-'round voices, but it just didn't translate, somehow.

But watching his post-judging behavior made me realize that there is yet another dimension to this show that affects voting, and that is: how the Idolettes receive criticism. Herewith I offer:

Lady Chardonnay's Tips for Taking It Like a Champ

1. Be grateful. Remember how many people would kill to be where you are.

2. Confidence is great. Being humble is also great. Finding a way to play both: priceless.

3. If you get totally trashed by the judges but you want to stay in, here are your best options: (1) Embrace the absurdity of the moment: You are considered awful, and yet you are still here! How funny is America! (see: Sanjaya, present day) (2) Stay silent, as your eyes widen and begin to glimmer with unshed tears. When Ryan asks your opinion, nod in a way that indicates you are too stunned to speak. (see: Sanjaya, Weeks 1 and 2; Haley) DO NOT: Argue with them (Sligh), suggest that they don't know what they're talking about (Sligh), point out that their comments are not logical or consistent, even if it's true (Sligh), or turn to the audience and say, "But YOU liked it, right?" (Gina, others) You will look arrogant and/or needy.

If you can pull it off, something like Lakisha's "If I sound this good when I'm 80, I'll be happy—I think I look good" is okay, except for the part where it is totally nonsensical. But well-applied humor is usually a good thing. Just—hard to do. Save it for the bloggers, children!

4. Your very best bet in the face of less-than-glowing comments is to appear like you are fully taking responsibility while not actually admitting that you sucked. When Ryan pushes that mike in your face demanding a confrontation, you keep your cool, reiterate how much you respect the judges, and promise to think hard about what they said. Say that you are so grateful to your wonderful and surprisingly attractive voters for giving you this chance, and you hope to make them proud. If Ryan is relentless (you know, if it's a day that ends in "y"), tell him how handsome he looks today ("Eggplant IS your color!"), and he'll back away in terror.

Haley is surviving because people want to protect her, and Sanjaya is surviving because he's having so darn much fun. Other than Blake and Jordin, is there a contestant having this much of a blast, day in, day out?

That's my theory, and I'm sticking to it.

Lady Chardonnay OUT.