Are You There, Gina? It's Me, Lady Char

I've liked Gina from Day 1 (which, faithful readers will remember, was last year, when I named her Fishnetted Dental Assistant), but now my love knows no bounds, as she clearly (1) is a reader of our blog, and (2) listens to me! Ah, there are few things more wonderful than a fan who pays attention. And what did I say: stand still, look pretty, and sing a ballad. I am flippin' brilliant. And Miss Gina, you know, she did her part too. What a perfect pair we are!

Last night was pretty good. I was saying to Brunie (we call each other during the commercials, because we are 12) that a problem with this season is that we've got one polished perfect professional (D.W.) and one kid who's clearly out of his league (Son of Apu), and everyone else is just very competent. Some are at the higher end of that scale (Jordin, LaKisha, maybe Blake) and some at the lower (the Chrisses, Haley), but at this point, no one's likely to give a truly terrible (or truly earth-shaking) performance, which is something of a challenge for we poor bloggers who must comb through our thesauruses looking for synonyms for "fine."

So last night, mostly everyone was....fine. And I don't know if that's what Gwen Stefani's usually like, but—huh. She gave new meaning to the word "phoning it in." What a strangely subdued guest.

LaKisha sounded okay (putting two syllables in the word "bad" so it was "bay-yad," which amused me) and looked terrible. Does her stylist hate her? She needs either a longer or a shorter skirt. That one inch of knee showing in between—so not good. Do the stylists on this show know how to dress big women? They struggled with Mandisa last year too, as I recall. Idiots. (Last night, for the first time, I suddenly saw that what I've been reading as LaKisha's arrogance is actually insecurity, which made me like her. Which is unfortunate, because I have a strong feeling that the Kiki Juggernaut has lost momentum. We'll see.)

Bad song choice for Sligh. I think he's peaked as well, and his humor is now coming off as defensive and somewhat desperate. I'm not sure how he can save himself at this point. (In their post-performance banter, for some reason he or Ryan said the word "Nevada," which is all I wrote down about his performance, as it's one of my pet peeves: 48 of the 50 states pronounce it "Nuh-vaw-duh," 2 of the 50 pronounce it "Nuh-vad-rhymes-with-bad-uh," and those 2 are California and Nevada. Why does the rest of the country say it wrong? And I guess it tells you something that this is the only thing I wrote down about Chris Sligh. Bye, Sligh.)

Gina—sensational. (Yes, I'm talking to YOU, girl. Keep reading!) And wasn't it fun to hear the judges pretend that this is what they've asked her for all along? Yeah.

I'm glad Sanjaya's having fun and is less terrifed on stage, because he seems like a sweet boy. However, I believe his time has come, and the Nadia Turner faux-hawk will be our salvation. Bye, Sanjaya.

Haley has likewise found herself and is no longer trying to be anything she's not (which is: pretty but limited). She sounded fine, but I agreed with Simon: forgettable. Bye, Haley.

I know I'm in the minority, but I love Phil's voice, and I think he gets better every week. His songs sound good from the beginning now, and he looks less freakish. Nice vocals! Less freakish! = All good!

Melinda was polished and perfect and looked horrifying. Her stylist must likewise hate her. ("Hmm, a short neck... I know! Let's cover it totally, so your head seems to rest ON your shoulders!") Actually, I didn't love her rendition of "Heaven Knows," but she certainly made it her own (i.e., very different from Donna Summer's version, which I can imitate in my sleep). Who knew it had a story?

Blake made Mimosa cry—she was just that moved. Or maybe sleepy, it was past her bedtime. I think I say the same thing about Blake every week: fun performance, average vocals, smart cookie.

Jordin, wow. LOVE her. HATE song.

As for Tinny McNasal (Chris R)—well, actually, he sounded a bit better last night than he usually does. But I still dislike him.

Bottom three: Some combo of LaKisha, Haley, Sanjaya, and Sligh. (It's the Stephanie thing—in the absence of a clear Final Four, it's anyone's game, and two lukewarm weeks in a row, as Kiki and Sligh have had, can really make a difference at this point.)

Going home: I really think it's Sanjaya's week, AT LAST. (see: Nadia, faux-hawk)

Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Preppy Schoolmarm) OUT.