The Good stay good, the bad stay bad.

This week was fairly predictable. Melinda ( her voice makes me smile), Jordin (soaring - made an old song sound young), Blake (smoothy-smooth), Chris (Nice job - cute outfit), and Lakisha (looking so pretty!) sang very well. Gina (who seems to be taking a page from Melinda's book re interpretation) and Phil ( kind of dark) were good. Haley and Sanjaya (they don't even get their own color) not only stayed bad, but if possible, they got a little worse. Even as the show went to the break and previewed the two of them I cringed in anticipation of their suckiness. This week I tried not looking at Sanjaya as he sang, thinking that his goofy looks might prejudice my ears. (And to avoid seeing the John Travolta suit he was wearing - ick!) But not looking was even worse somehow. He sounded TERRIBLE. And his comment about wanting America to hear that he really can sing, well, sorry honey. You sounded worse than ever. Voice so reedy, thin and lifeless. I liked Simon for saying, "Let's try a new tactic - incredible!" Hee hee. Haley was her pageanty worst. She was flat throughout most of the song, and she did that freakin' stop and pull back hand gesture that makes me crazy again! Even Paula had nothing nice to say to her except her last resort compliment - you look good in green.

How loveable is Tony Bennett! I wish he was my Uncle. Hits over 50 years - 50!! You gotta love him. And he made me get a little weepy when he talked about the song Smile, and how he thinks of 911, and soldiers in Iraq when he sings it. Some of the good do NOT die young! God Bless Tony!

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Bye Bye Sligh

Curly's main problem is that he was trying to play two roles at once—someone who thinks it's all a big joke ("I want to make David Hasselhoff cry") and someone who really wants to be on the show—and you can't pull off both simultaneously. Which is part of the reason that he began to seem more and more subdued—he just didn't know how to play it. Of the men, I thought he and Brandon had the best all-'round voices, but it just didn't translate, somehow.

But watching his post-judging behavior made me realize that there is yet another dimension to this show that affects voting, and that is: how the Idolettes receive criticism. Herewith I offer:

Lady Chardonnay's Tips for Taking It Like a Champ

1. Be grateful. Remember how many people would kill to be where you are.

2. Confidence is great. Being humble is also great. Finding a way to play both: priceless.

3. If you get totally trashed by the judges but you want to stay in, here are your best options: (1) Embrace the absurdity of the moment: You are considered awful, and yet you are still here! How funny is America! (see: Sanjaya, present day) (2) Stay silent, as your eyes widen and begin to glimmer with unshed tears. When Ryan asks your opinion, nod in a way that indicates you are too stunned to speak. (see: Sanjaya, Weeks 1 and 2; Haley) DO NOT: Argue with them (Sligh), suggest that they don't know what they're talking about (Sligh), point out that their comments are not logical or consistent, even if it's true (Sligh), or turn to the audience and say, "But YOU liked it, right?" (Gina, others) You will look arrogant and/or needy.

If you can pull it off, something like Lakisha's "If I sound this good when I'm 80, I'll be happy—I think I look good" is okay, except for the part where it is totally nonsensical. But well-applied humor is usually a good thing. Just—hard to do. Save it for the bloggers, children!

4. Your very best bet in the face of less-than-glowing comments is to appear like you are fully taking responsibility while not actually admitting that you sucked. When Ryan pushes that mike in your face demanding a confrontation, you keep your cool, reiterate how much you respect the judges, and promise to think hard about what they said. Say that you are so grateful to your wonderful and surprisingly attractive voters for giving you this chance, and you hope to make them proud. If Ryan is relentless (you know, if it's a day that ends in "y"), tell him how handsome he looks today ("Eggplant IS your color!"), and he'll back away in terror.

Haley is surviving because people want to protect her, and Sanjaya is surviving because he's having so darn much fun. Other than Blake and Jordin, is there a contestant having this much of a blast, day in, day out?

That's my theory, and I'm sticking to it.

Lady Chardonnay OUT.

Bringing Pudgy Back and then Taking Pudgy Home

Okay, I did like the sign that said "Chris Sligh is bringing pudgy back." And he was fairly amusing when he wasn't trying too hard. And the boy has a pretty voice, no denying. But I was not sorry to see him leave Wednesday. As a matter of fact I had a big ol' grin on my face in spite of the fact that Sanjaya is never ever going to leave.

But that was before I found out that Sligh was kicked out of Bob Jones University! How can you not root for a guy who was kicked out of Bob Jones? Of course it was because he went to a Christian Contemporary concert. Rebel. Heh.

So I guess it is Haley next week and then the people who I actually kind of like are going to start being sent home. Goodness, how the tension mounts!

Songs I love, songs I hate

Last night the kids sang some of my very favorite songs, and some of my least favorite. I used to love Donna Summer and danced away many a disco night to her hits. I thought Lakisha did a perfectly acceptable job with her song. I liked her outfit a lot - it was trendy and young! I think they are doing a very good job with plus-sized dressing this year, in spite of Lady C's comments.

Chris S. - I TOLD YOU NOT TO DANCE. He has no rhythm. None. He was so off beat on a really great Sting song. Dude, you are going down in every way except weight.

I love Stand by You. I love The Pretenders. And although I do not love Gina, I give her props for really improving.

I don't even know what to say about Sanjaya. If he was cool, the fauxhawk would have looked great. But he is a little teeny wussy boy who cannot cut loose and go for it. Dude, everyone in the world knows you are a rotten singer. Can't you just be a free-wheeling performer? No, too self conscious - too weak-voiced. Boo. Please go. Please.

Haley is not good enough to sing True Colors. I really love that song. I used to love a guy for whom the song was utterly perfect. Haley's hand gestures are so freakin' annoying! That stop and pull back move she does makes me nuts! She is not worthy to dye Cindy Lauper's hair.

I hate that Every Step You Take song aka the stalker song. When I first heard it like 20 years ago it was fine, but then MTV played that video with Sting and the candles every 20 minutes for 6 months. Now I just can't stand it. Phil's voice sounded good, but he sang every single note exactly like the original - hence without any originality. He has improved with time, but I still don't like him.

Melinda sounds great as usual. If her dress had a V-neck it would have been a smashing outfit. The leggings looked great on her slim legs, and her shorter hair shows us that she really does have a neck.

I hate The Cure (they whine whine whine) but I love Blake. He is cool and interesting.

I love Hey Baby, by No Doubt. Great song and Jordin did very well with it in spite of not having a band, which the song really needs.

As much as I love Gwen Stefani , I really hate their first big hit, Don't Speak. It always sounded so old-fashioned to me. Hate the song, love the Chris. He has an indefinable something that makes him cool, but in a different way than Blake. He just stands there barely moving , but like he could break out into the most awesome dance moves at any second. He looks so totally alive and slammin'!

I think Gwen Stefani is beautiful and her clothes are hot. She did seem underwhelming as a teacher, though. I did like how she said she could take voice lessons from Kiki. True that. Gwen's a great performer and vocalist, which is different from being a great singer.

I have almost given up hope that Sanjaya (or Sangina as he has been called) will ever go. Maybe that means he will. Please, oh please, oh please.

Love & Kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Are You There, Gina? It's Me, Lady Char

I've liked Gina from Day 1 (which, faithful readers will remember, was last year, when I named her Fishnetted Dental Assistant), but now my love knows no bounds, as she clearly (1) is a reader of our blog, and (2) listens to me! Ah, there are few things more wonderful than a fan who pays attention. And what did I say: stand still, look pretty, and sing a ballad. I am flippin' brilliant. And Miss Gina, you know, she did her part too. What a perfect pair we are!

Last night was pretty good. I was saying to Brunie (we call each other during the commercials, because we are 12) that a problem with this season is that we've got one polished perfect professional (D.W.) and one kid who's clearly out of his league (Son of Apu), and everyone else is just very competent. Some are at the higher end of that scale (Jordin, LaKisha, maybe Blake) and some at the lower (the Chrisses, Haley), but at this point, no one's likely to give a truly terrible (or truly earth-shaking) performance, which is something of a challenge for we poor bloggers who must comb through our thesauruses looking for synonyms for "fine."

So last night, mostly everyone was....fine. And I don't know if that's what Gwen Stefani's usually like, but—huh. She gave new meaning to the word "phoning it in." What a strangely subdued guest.

LaKisha sounded okay (putting two syllables in the word "bad" so it was "bay-yad," which amused me) and looked terrible. Does her stylist hate her? She needs either a longer or a shorter skirt. That one inch of knee showing in between—so not good. Do the stylists on this show know how to dress big women? They struggled with Mandisa last year too, as I recall. Idiots. (Last night, for the first time, I suddenly saw that what I've been reading as LaKisha's arrogance is actually insecurity, which made me like her. Which is unfortunate, because I have a strong feeling that the Kiki Juggernaut has lost momentum. We'll see.)

Bad song choice for Sligh. I think he's peaked as well, and his humor is now coming off as defensive and somewhat desperate. I'm not sure how he can save himself at this point. (In their post-performance banter, for some reason he or Ryan said the word "Nevada," which is all I wrote down about his performance, as it's one of my pet peeves: 48 of the 50 states pronounce it "Nuh-vaw-duh," 2 of the 50 pronounce it "Nuh-vad-rhymes-with-bad-uh," and those 2 are California and Nevada. Why does the rest of the country say it wrong? And I guess it tells you something that this is the only thing I wrote down about Chris Sligh. Bye, Sligh.)

Gina—sensational. (Yes, I'm talking to YOU, girl. Keep reading!) And wasn't it fun to hear the judges pretend that this is what they've asked her for all along? Yeah.

I'm glad Sanjaya's having fun and is less terrifed on stage, because he seems like a sweet boy. However, I believe his time has come, and the Nadia Turner faux-hawk will be our salvation. Bye, Sanjaya.

Haley has likewise found herself and is no longer trying to be anything she's not (which is: pretty but limited). She sounded fine, but I agreed with Simon: forgettable. Bye, Haley.

I know I'm in the minority, but I love Phil's voice, and I think he gets better every week. His songs sound good from the beginning now, and he looks less freakish. Nice vocals! Less freakish! = All good!

Melinda was polished and perfect and looked horrifying. Her stylist must likewise hate her. ("Hmm, a short neck... I know! Let's cover it totally, so your head seems to rest ON your shoulders!") Actually, I didn't love her rendition of "Heaven Knows," but she certainly made it her own (i.e., very different from Donna Summer's version, which I can imitate in my sleep). Who knew it had a story?

Blake made Mimosa cry—she was just that moved. Or maybe sleepy, it was past her bedtime. I think I say the same thing about Blake every week: fun performance, average vocals, smart cookie.

Jordin, wow. LOVE her. HATE song.

As for Tinny McNasal (Chris R)—well, actually, he sounded a bit better last night than he usually does. But I still dislike him.

Bottom three: Some combo of LaKisha, Haley, Sanjaya, and Sligh. (It's the Stephanie thing—in the absence of a clear Final Four, it's anyone's game, and two lukewarm weeks in a row, as Kiki and Sligh have had, can really make a difference at this point.)

Going home: I really think it's Sanjaya's week, AT LAST. (see: Nadia, faux-hawk)

Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Preppy Schoolmarm) OUT.

Coincidence?

My friend Lacks Compassion's husband - the Reverend Doctor Compassion - came up with a far kinder description of Melinda Doolittle than my Easter Island description. He is not an Idol watcher (poor deluded freak) but when catching a glimpse of her he said, "She looks just like D.W.!" Now I know how he earned that doctorate - with his amazing powers of observation...

So please help out - we have Blake as Dennis the Menace, Mindy Doo/D.W. (If you say it right it even rhymes!) what other cartoon characters are in the top 10?

And now on with the show...

Lakisha sang LAST DANCE and sounded great, as usual. And looked like the firing squad was about to offer her a last cigarette, as usual.

Chris S. sang EVERY LITTLE THING SHE DOES IS MAGIC and every little thing he did annoyed me. Although he sounded fine.

My pick for the night was Miss Gina who brought it with STAND BY YOU. She was fantastic! I love her voice when she puts aside all her "rocker" bullshit and just sings.

Which brings me to Sanjaya. Oh my goodness. I don't want to fixate on the faux-hawk but my, my, my it certainly was on top of his head, wasn't it? He sang BATHWATER which I may have vaguely heard in the background at the Roller Palace which is the only place I ever hear Gwen Stefani. I think I would like the song if it weren't sung by a malnourished Foghorn Leghorn impersonator. (I don't know - there might be someone better than Foghorn for him - keep your cards and letters coming.)

Haley sang TRUE COLORS and no one seemed to like it but me. I don't think she's going to win, but she easily sang as well as Chris R. and yet the all gave him a tongue bath and told her she was pitchy. Feh...

When I hear Phil sing I'LL BE WATCHING YOU, I get a little nervous. He has that stalker-look. I am sure he is perfectly nice. Just odd looking. How shallow... He sounded great and he isn't annoying. Just light-bulb-head-y.

Melinda sang HEAVEN KNOWS which is perhaps my favorite disco song. She sounded great but it wasn't a surprise or a show like other performances she has given in the past. I'm pretty sure she's safe...

Are those the four horsemen of the apocalypse pulling into my driveway? Did I hear a Cure song on American Idol? Goodness - who thought this day would come? Blake sang LOVE SONG which is a great song. I was just so freaked out that he really sang it that I couldn't really enjoy it. He sounded fine, but he does a weird thing with his face when he is singing a ballad that makes him look like Robin Williams making fun of singers. Pick up the beat, Blake. Dance little monkey, dance...

Jordan sang something that I don't know the title of - HEY BABY BABY maybe? Again, if I didn't hear it at the Roller Palace, I didn't hear it. She was cute and bouncy and funny and she performed. There was nothing in her performance that allowed me to look away. (Or compelled me to look away as in the case of Chris S. and Sanjaya...) After Gina, she was my fave.

Why did Chris R. close the show? He was fine. He sang DON'T SPEAK adequately. B.F.D... I hate it when Idol does this manipulative garbage. They don't want Chris to be voted off so they put him at the end to keep him fresh in the mind. He just wasn't that great. He was fine. That's it. I don't think he deserves this preferential treatment.

I don't know the Gwen Stefani story that well. I know she was a fat girl in high school which makes me love her. And I like her beats. (Damn, I'm hip...) My kids used to like Hollaback Girl (this ship sells bananas - B-A-N-A-N-A-S!) but that is about as far as my knowledge goes. I hear she is a brilliant business woman and she doesn't irritate me at all the way Madonna does. But she didn't seem all that likable on the show. She was like substitute teacher whereas Lulu was like the chorus teacher who writes you the recommendation letter that gets you into Berklee. It kind of creeped my son out that she is so hot and yet is only a couple of years younger than his auntie (who is only a couple of years younger than me!). The elderly should not be so easy on the eyes.

Good grief, I have said enough. I look forward, as ever, to Sanjaya leaving. But my money is on Phil, Haley or (dare I say it?) Lakeshia.

Brunie, OUT!

Blake Re-Defined

A list-serv I am on was discussing Idol and Ginny posted the following:

"Hmmph. I don't really ever need to hear a "fresh" version of the classic and unparalleled ~Time of the Season~. And especially not when it's sung by a guy who reminds me vaguely of Dennis the Menace."

And now all I can see is Blake in little red overalls.

If You're Going to Bump It - Bump it With a Trumpet...

Remember Gypsy - the musical about the burlesque act with the overbearing mother played by Ethel Merman, Roz Russell or Bette Midler - depending on how old or obsessed you are? It has a song called "You've Got to Have a Gimmick" and it is certainly the case on Idol.

Our easily definable top ten are:

Beatbox Blake
Babymama Lakeshia
Background-no-more Melinda
Funny Chris
Timberlakey Chris
Bald-dad Phil
Baby Jordyn
Rockin' Gina
Formerly-hated-hot Haley
Making-the-little-girls-cry-with-love-and-everyone-else-cry-for-entirely-different-reasons Sanjaya

And going home - Stephanie. Hopefully she learned her lesson - being classy is not enough.

And in conclusion, last night Lady Char mocked me for my "constant flogging of TiVo" to which I reply, "Bite me!" And also - I managed to watch last night's entire episode - up to the last commercial break - during the very commercial break during which I turned on the the television! I will not be a slave to padding, Peter Noone's scarily insincere singing and the Ford pimp-o-mercial (trademark TWoP) - I fast forward like the wind to the good parts. And then I go back and watch Lulu whenever I want. Thank you TiVo.

Brunie (looking at America's voting record and getting grossed-) OUT!

The Lady Is a Champ

Here's to Miss Stephanie, a class act, super trouper, and first-class talent. She accomplished what very few previously invisible Idolettes are able to do—outshining the better-known Alaina and (particularly) Antonella to make the Top 12—and you only do that with talent and charisma. She never sang badly, and she was completely adorable to the end. (Unlike Chris R, who maintained an I-could-barf-at-any-time grimace throughout the entire Moment of Judgment.) I'm sorry she didn't make the Top 10, and I will miss her.

America, you are one sneaky bitch, and that's all I have to say about that.

(Mimosa is sad to lose another personal favorite, but with a little coaxing from Momma, she has transferred her affections to Jordin. A safer bet, all around.)

Cheers to you, Stephanie. I look forward to your next act.

Lady Chardonnay, resigned and OUT.

America the stupidful

Ya know, America can be so great. Brave. Generous. Kind. Also, incredibly stupid and lame.It is so very annoying to have to look at Sanjaya, Haley, Gina and Phil for another week, instead of the lovely and actually talented Stephanie. That was crap. Crap crap crap. Crap!

Bad America! Bad!

No hugs or kisses for you,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Jordin on My Mind

Stepping farther out on the limb already holding Mrs. Cynicletary ("The winner this year will be a black woman"), I'm predicting that Miss Teen Sensation will take it all. The two powerhouse women, LaKisha and Melinda, have drawbacks; Kiki's range is somewhat limited (besides her power notes, which are truly great, there's not much else in her bag o' tricks), and Melinda, who can sing the heck out of anything, can also be . . . just a little boring, as we saw last night. Jordin hasn't had an off night yet and is also thinnish and beautiful, with a head and neck of reasonable size, and yes, I do think America is just that shallow. And this isn't to say that Jordin's not deserving, I think she's fabulous. We shall see.

That was a great show. No one was terrible, and those who were good were really, really good. "To Sir With Love" is my karaoke song, so I loved seeing Lulu. And I don't know what the history is with Simon and Peter Noone, but Peter seemed to be getting on Simon's every last nerve, which was delightful to watch. Big fun all around.

Haley and Sanjaya, you crazy kids, I salute you. You have to know that you're the weakest of the girls and boys, respectively, which means that you need to pull out all the stops right now. And you did! Good for you. Which doesn't mean that you're not going home tonight, but still. You can be proud of yourselves.

My girl Gina, I don't know. I think it's time for her to mix it up a little: wear a great dress, look beautiful, and sing a power ballad. She scored with "All By Myself" and hasn't been as successful with the rocker-chick songs. It's time to remind America that she actually does have a good voice.

I'm worried about Stephanie, too. I thought she sounded wonderful, made the song her own (she sang it very differently from Dusty), and really conveyed the emotion—and then got panned by the judges. Is it me or is it them?

Phil sang a song I don't know at all, but he kept me entertained. He's gotten a lot better at beginning a song. Alas, I don't think Phil is long for this Idol world.

Blake gave a great performance, but his vocals were weak. If you listened with your eyes closed, it was nothing to write home about.

Sligh was fine, if unmemorable.

Chris R still sings all in his nose. I really dislike his voice. Alas, the ladies seem to love him.

So, bottom three? I was two-for-three last week, let's see if I can stay on this particular roll. I think it will be Phil, Sanjaya, and Stephanie, with Phil going home. Boo-hoo!

Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Fresh-Scent Preschool Teacher) OUT.

They're learning...

Now that was a pretty good show! Like Brunie, I must say that I did not hate Sanjaya and Phil and Haley as much as usual. I do still hate them though. Haley is still just like a beauty pageant contestant, except this time more Pussycat Doll than Miss America. Sanjaya was just AWFUL, but I hated him less for some reason. Maybe because he sang louder than a whisper, but the Kinks who are still alive must be mor-ti-fied!Phil was OK, not great, not terrible, but I still don't like him, and I think he will leave within 2-3 weeks. And did he like drool on his shirt, or spill come coke product before he sang? What was that splatter all over the front of him? Maybe he hugged that crying little girl at rehearsal.

As usual, I liked Chris R. , but even more so last night. His voice is pure and it was lovely to see him mostly just stand there and sing well.

Stefanie was kinda off this week. The song was too low for her and it was just boring, really. Too bad - she is talented.

Blake was fantastic!!! I love that song! He looked super cool and hot simultaneously. GO Blake!He could release that song today and it would be a hit.

Kiki was just ok for me this week, dawg. I kept saying , "Sing You're my World, choose that song!" But she sang the diamonds song anyway. She's great, but she chose poorly.

Wow Jordyn - awesome! She stood and delivered. Best girl of the night!

Gina sounded bad. She was flat for almost the whole song. As a rocker, she is inauthentic.

Chris Sligh sounded better this week, but Dude, NEVER DANCE. NEVER. And put the mike stand down when you get back to the stage, don't just hold on to it throughout the ending of the song! It was good to hear another great Zombie's song, like the one Blake sang. I bet more than a few folks download some old Zombies hits today.

I like Melinda's new hairdo. And she wore a flattering low v-neck shirt with jeans. She looked younger and I think I saw her neck for the first time. I didn't love the song, but her voice is perfect.

All in all a rockin' good show. I thought that Peter Noones and especially Lulu really helped the kids. This is the part of the competition that I really like - when the professional instruction really starts to show, especially with the less-experienced singers. I love to see the progress the kids make as they get used to the big stage and really learn the craft of singing.

And I think that crying little girl will not be beat up as Brunie contests, but will be a little damp hero at her school for getting a hug from each Idol contestant, and for getting like $2 million worth of air time for herself.

Maybe Sanjaya will go because Simon tried hard not to say anything about him at all. If not him, I would be happy to say good bye to Haley or Phil or Gina.

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

I'll give you something to cry about...

This was a weird little show tonight.

What kind of crazy world is this where I like Haley and Sanjaya? Well, “like” is a strong word, but I was completely and utterly entertained by both of them! I also enjoyed Phil singing TOBACCO Road. I can’t stand a one of those three, but I was riveted nonetheless. Shocking. It wasn't really a quality issue - there was a train wreck component. But still...

And I was quite bored by Lakeshia and Gina who I usually really like. Although with Kiki, it was all song choice. Diamonds are forever, indeed. Gina was just too much.

DAMN! Jordin Sparks was spectacular. I am not entirely familiar with the song, but she sold the hell out of it and looked absolutely splendid doing it.

And I liked Chris R - of all people. Funniest description about him on TwoP “He's just so unfortunate. So...People's Court. He's like, maybe he has a baby in another state that he never gets to see, and sometimes when he's had a few beers he cries about it.”

Chris Sligh? I am off him. But he did sound great tonight. He is one where I feel better about how he sounds when I am not looking at him. Not the weight thing, but the pursiness of the lips. Ewwww… And I always feel like he is irritating. So I guess that, in fact, makes him irritating.

I don’t remember much about Stephanie. I don’t suppose that is any kind of good sign. And while I know in my head that Melinda was great, I just wasn’t that thrilled.

It’s a topsy-turvey world. I feel like crying all through the show. Like that little girl who is going to be completely mocked and beat-up when she gets back to her school. Now she was crying at the beginning of the show. She cried during Sanjaya (and they tried to make it look all Beatles-at-Shea-Stadium-y, but that doesn't work when it is the same girl over and over!) and then she cried over Melinda, and she cried all over the end! Good grief. Maybe her cat died today, maybe she has some issues. It isn't always about you IDOL! (Of course that has not kept me from creating the above photo-collage. It took a lot of time and several tools and it still looks like crap. But you'll look at it and like it because I worked hard.)

Brunie (with the refreshing sense of a job well done) OUT!

With Deepest Sympathy

Please check out the heartfelt sentiments of the card that my friend Mademoiselle Vin Rouge sent after last night's shocking dismissal. It seems to be affecting no one as deeply as it is affecting me.

Before I dive into my personal pain I would like to thank M'me Vin Rouge, Frau Riesling, Millie Light and the Professor and MaryAnn (backwards) who brought food rather than hooch to the Idol viewing soiree I had Tuesday evening. We drank, ate delicious food (that was fortuitously prepared by people who are not me) and massacred some classic songs on PS2 AI Karaoke Revolution. And Mr. Crow cleaned the house in preparation! A fine time was had by all. (Except Mr. Crow because he cleaned and had some cake but still hates Idol with the passionate intensity of a thousand burning suns. I may be joining him...)

I liked Lady Char's surprises and I essentially share her thoughts. Except for Phil - he still did very little for me. And I kind of liked Chris (not the Sligh). He didn't sound that great, but he was peppy. And hell, we know this is no stinking singing competition. And I didn't think Brandon was that bad. He was weaker than usual, but he is the only cute boy singer, dammit! Sanjaya still stinks, Blake still has he finger on the pulse of a wild, sexy happening generation and I am finished with the boys. They are all dead to me.

The girls were once again so far superior that they really shouldn't sit near the boys. Lakeshia and Melinda were spectacular. Jordan and Stephanie sounded wonderful as usual. I have to say that I preferred Lakeshia and Stephanie solely on the basis of knowing their songs. Hey, I am just as stupid as the rest of America!

My Surprises were Gina and Haley. I don't think either of them has a snowball's chance but they charmed me this week. Gina looked cute and strutty in her mysteriously shiny gray pants. She sounded good, she looked fantastic. The song is dull as dirt and shouldn't really be sung by anyone not willing to wear chiffon and a bouffant - but I didn't feel the bile rising in my throat so yay Gina.

And Haley completely charmed me. I was not surprised that she wasn't in the bottom three. She sounded better than ever. [In the interest of full disclosure, "Missing You" is my favorite Diana Ross song - Sanjaya could have sung it and I would have smiled dreamily into space remembering my sweet Long Island girlhood in the '80s, when big hair was big hair and we weren't entirely sure that disco was dead.] And her little collapse at the end and her heartfelt plea of "Okay, Simon said something nice, please send me home now..." went unheeded by the voters. Your own fault for being awesome this week, Haley. Because she was. Except for the unforgivable word forgetting. I have always been more forgiving than most.

But if Sanjaya is still here next week, my wrath will be great.

Brunie, OUT!

I Hear a Symphony!

Ask for Motown, and Lady C gets Motown. Thank you, American Idol! I had a lovely evening.

Not much to say about it all, though. The stars (Melinda, LaKisha, Stephanie, Jordin) shone brightly. The not-ready-for-prime-time players (Sanjaya) continued to underwhelm. Everyone else...well, actually, there were some surprises. (Read on!)

Surprise #1: Brandon. I generally think of him as having the strongest male voice, and maybe, objectively, he does, but I don't think he's ready for the big leagues after all. He's just not an exciting performer, which is too bad. Bye, Brandon.

Surprise #2: Chris Sligh picked..."Endless Love"? Seriously? I about fell over when he said it, so sure was I that he was joking. How could he sing that song without irony? (My BFF Lady Darcy and I, for fun, had a mock wedding our sophomore year, and our vows largely comprised the lyrics to "Endless Love." They work great as wedding vows. Though at one point I know I also said, "Ooh ooh. Crazy little thing called love." It was a killer wedding.) Also, he really, really, really needs to wear his glasses. Not his best night, for sure (though I still liked his voice).

Surprise #3: I crossed every finger and toe that I have, wishing that my girl Gina would choose "Love Child," which I thought a can't-miss combo of song and songstress. And yet—it kind of missed. Very shouty. Not poignant. Disappointing!

Surprise #4: Simon said something nice to Haley! Did you see her sweet astounded face? I know she'll not be staying long, but I was happy for her. (And I thought she did pretty well, actually, before she committed her cardinal sin. Ah, well. Bye, Haley.)

Surprise #5: Phil managed to sound good at the beginning of a song, for once! I thought he was spot on. Best male performance of the night.

Surprise #6: Despite all his skills and smartness, which are boundless, Blake didn't have the first clue what his song was about. Don't bop around the stage when you're singing about anguish, my friend. Too much disconnect.

Surprise #7: Simon FINALLY realizes that Chris R has a terrible voice! I'm not sure what he's been hearing up till now, but still—we're together on this, at last.

I expect Brandon, Haley, or Sanjaya to go home tonight—we'll see.

Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Yuppie Coed) OUT.

When is 50% right 100% wrong?

Answer - when America votes out Antonhella and Smarmy-boy, yet keeps Haley and...SANJAYA! It's a travershamockery! Recent discussions with Mr. Cynicletary and a friend who considers himself to be God, have brought a cogent fact to light. India is the second most populous country on earth. Sanjaya is Indian. You do the math - Sanjaya will be the next Amercan Idol!!

Next week they will start with the themes, and the kids will not be able to sing any song that they know and like, but must perform unknown ones that they have to learn in a week. Let's count the kids who will forget the words...one...two...three... Will all Sanjaya's people vote for him if he REALLY screws up? I don't think it will be too long before we find out.

I don't feel bad about Sundance, but Sabrina was robbed. Haley over Sabrina? It's just wrong!

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

p.s. For one who claims such youthfulness, it seems Lady C.'s musical tastes arrested sometime in 1975. She's a hep cat, no jive!

What the Haley?!

Wow, who saw that coming? America, you are one sneaky sister. I'd've bet anything that the upset would be Antonella over Haley, Sundance over Sanjaya. Ah, well. As has been noted (by me), I have the prediction ability of a yam.

Frankly, for anyone bitching about the decision, the blame rests squarely on one person: Simon. We don't mind him deflating the arrogant and entitled (Antonella), but when he starts savagely kicking puppies and kittens (the limited-but-sweet Sanjaya and Haley), our inner Mama Bears come roaring out. If Simon had simply said, "Okay, but not good enough" a la Jared, I think we'd see a different Top 12. (Then again, Sanjaya's working the Tiger Beat vote; I think his journey was fairly secure. But what do I know. [See "yam," above.])

Daughter Mimosa had been an Antonella fan (and wasn't this mother's heart proud? What more could one ask in a role model? ....Yeah), but the weeks of suckage took their toll, and last night, even before the big booting, she said, "Mom, I'm picking a new favorite," adding, after only a moment's thought, "....and it's Stephanie." Cool, huh? My nine year old's got class.

Li'l Martini has championed Brandon and Sanjaya throughout the competition, and recently added Blake to his roster (Li'l Martini, he's six; he don't like the ladies so much), so he is one happy little dude. I sent him to bed at 8:15, but he kept sneaking out, so what the hey. Don't tell DSS.

This is still one crazy-ass season. Two trends that disturb me:

• I am deeply tired of the weird underlying sexual vibe among the judges, night in, night out. Explaining "what he meant by that" to Mimosa is wearying. I stand ready to denounce homophobia whenever called, but for heaven's sake, I didn't expect it to become my hobby. (A quote from a resume once submitted to Mr. Lady Chardonnay: "My hobbies are playing the trombone, film-making, and civil rights.") It's still a "family show" (meaning: who's watching), and my family bears more resemblance to the Partridges than the Osbournes. Give it a rest, Rymon.
• (Bravely standing alone on this one) That newfangled music the young people listen to today—hey, it's fine for them, I'm not judging, it's just not for me. But my Idolettes are singing too much of it. I like 12 dewy youngsters singing "Build Me Up, Buttercup." Or even some nice Motown (that's edgy, right?). (Yes, Mrs. Cynicletary, I hear you snorting. Hush, I'm blogging now.) Hopefully, the theme nights will be my salvation (words I never expected to utter!), since "Pearl Jam" is an unlikely theme. You never know, though.

(Hey, whatever happened to the wicked-hot 16-year-old boy who had all of us salivating? I find myself missing him. You know, for his personality.)

One final note: I've got to hand it to our Miss Paula Abdul, who's had her moments of loopiness, for sure, but has been remarkably cogent for most of the season. "Girl, what are you not on?" I've marveled, more than once. She's been astute and focused more often than not, and it's nice to see. Keep saying no, Paula! Friends don't let friends judge loopy!

(The big exception, of course, was her praise of Sundance last night: "You've been one of our strongest singers!" Hello? You liked him on "Mustang Sally" and his audition. That was it, girlfriend. Me, I've never been a fan of the sweaty. Or the excessively hairy. Or those that bellow. Happy trails, Mr. Head. And, a tip? They sell antiperspirant at pretty much every drugstore. Knock yourself out.)

Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Farrah Shops at Sears) OUT.

America is Only One Quarter Stupid!

Okay, you may have noticed that my two bottom dwellers, Sanjaya and Haley made the final 12. But this isn't the tragedy it could have been because at least Sundance and Antonella are gone.

I am not shedding any tears for Jared. I liked him, his voice was pretty as was his face. (I suppose it still is, he isn't dead, after all - just dead to me...) But he was the Starfleet ensign in the red shirt and we all knew it.

I do feel like Sabrina got hosed. She was definitely a victim of Lady Char's "If We Didn't See You Before Top 24 Time, You Aren't Making the Final 12" theory. Her voice was miles better than Haley, but Haley was on screen slightly longer and thus will not be leaving until next week.

In closing I leave you with these thoughts. Simon and Ryan "hate" each other so much they are constantly at odds. And yet they take a trip to Africa together? Either that was not Africa at all and they just put some children on a Fox back-lot and made it look dusty or they really are friends and are just pretending to disagree to amuse the masses.

Brunie [less satisfied than I hoped, more satisfied than I expected], OUT!

Three Distinct Groups

I have divided the girls into three distinct groups:
the Suck-bags (Antonella and Haley),
the I-Don't-Cares (Gina and Sabrina) and
the Please-Don't-Leave-Me's (Jordyn, Lakeshia, Stephanie and Melinda)
just thought you'd like to know...

Here are tonight's placements and scores. I may add some opinions because,
unlike boys' night, I didn't slip into a coma while watching. The curve
is based on Melinda's perfect score. (My own version of "Don't Think
Twice It's Alright" from the ride to work only scored a 7.4. But hey,
its Dylan - how much does the singing really mean, anyway?)

Jordyn - Heartbreaker
fourth place - 7.9
I think this song is crap, but she did a nice job and I liked her little trills and the interesting spin she puts on the ends of her phrases.

Sabrina - Some Crap
sixth place - 6.2
I was disinterested. I like Sabrina's voice generally and if she makes it
long enough to show some personality on the show it would be nice.

Antonella - Put Your Records On (and set my ears on fire)
seventh place - 5.1
She just isn't as good a singer as the other women! At least she is "herself". I think her "herselfiness" will help her in this show that is "Herself-ican Idol". Man, I hate it when people 'nad up and argue with Simon. Or when they talk to Ryan as if Simon can't hear.

Haley - If My Heart Had Wings (if would fly out of my chest attempting to escape the suck of this song)
eighth place - 4.2
I hate to place her lower than Antonella because she is more likeable
to me, but she is - as Simon so cruelly pointed out - completely
forgettable. At least Antonella could be one of those vapid pop stars -
she has some sex appeal and is unique looking. This girl is a
mannequin. She is Kate Jackson. She is one of those generic Barbie
dolls named Nancy or something.

Stephanie - Do Me Now or I Will Sing More Slightly Dirty Stuff
second place - 8.4
I know that Lakeshia
has the better voice, but Stephanie has the moves and the coolness
factor and I just think she is great. I didn't love this song, but she
sounded great.

Lakeshia - Something Slow About Arms
third place - 7.4
She didn't blow me away this week. She always sounds great, bud she didn't do anything spectacular this week.

Gina - Drunken Evanescence Song
fifth place - 8.2
I don't like her voice or style that much, but she did sound great tonight. And I think she is likeable, personality-wise. But as we all know, this is a singing contest.

Queen Melinda of the Universe
first frickin' place - 10+
Man, she was so good I watched it three times in a row. (Thank you, TiVo!) Her voice, her cute little giant head. Her equal opportuinity OCD!
I love her so much! If I chew something three times on one side of my
mouth, it is only fair to chew three times on the other side! Yes, that
is exactly right! We are sisters of the soul. I am the small headed
sister who sings okay. She is the big-headed singer who rocks to such a
degree that it can't be measured on a human scale but must be measured
by Simon's sexy-faced "Kittycat to Tiger Scale"! And we're all the better for it!

If the suckbags and Sanjaya don't go home tonight I am going to hold my breath -til I turn gay!
(and I will send a present to whoever identifies the source of my
threat...)

Brunie, taking a look at the ladies and thinking,
"Sure, its a life change - but AI is an important singing competition."

Thank Heaven for (talented) Girls!

Melinda just rocks doesn't she? She was the BEST last night followed by Lakisha (so likeable and gifted) and Stephanie. Jordin and Sabrina did well too. I also have to give props to the hated but yes, talented Gina. She sang well last night and wore an appropriate outfit. Even though she is not likeable, I voted for her because...wait for it...it's a SINGING competition.

Haley of beauty pageant shaking mouth on vibrato syndrome - GOODBYE!

Antonhella - OMG it seems just impossible for you to sing even 1/3 of a song in tune. And she continues to hypocritically button up to the chin, except she wore those cute little thigh-highs that only girls like her (cute, thin, young, untalented) can wear. I agree with Lady Vino that if she takes a deserving contestants spot, I will have to track her down and throttle her with her thigh-highs. It is so annoying how she tried to rebut Simon, "Yeah I am not like some of these other singers. I am just being myself and not trying to compare myself to the others." HELLO??? Honey, this is a competition. In competitions people are compared with one another. PLEASE GOOOOOOOOOOO TONIGHT!!!!!

I'll go way out on a limb and say that the winner this year will be a black woman.

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Whole Lot of Nothin'

Man, I could barely manage to work up the energy to yell at my kids to shut up during the singing parts of last night's show!

Lady Char and Mrs. Cyn have already said all that needs to be said so I will merely post my Olympic score. First is singing for last night only (because this is a singing competition) and the second is their ranking in my heirarchy of hopefullness - where they would be in a perfect world.

Blake - [reggae-ish song]
8.2/second place

Sanjaya - Waiting on the World to Change
6.8 - last frickin' place

Sundance - Jeremy
8.3 - seventh place

Irritating Chris - [Keith Urban song]
9.1 - sixth place
(I can't stand him but he did sound good this week...)

Jared - If You Really Love Me
8.8 - fifth

Brandon - Celebrate
8.9 - first, baby! (but not a chance...)

Light Bulb Head Phil - [I Need You or something]
7.6 - fourth

Chris the Rounder - We All Want to be Loved
9.2 - third

And let me re-iterate that these were graded on a curve with my own performance of "Corinna, Corinna" that I sang in the car on the way to school today as the 10-point standard.

Brunie, bored and OUT!

Trying to Get the Feeling Again...

I haven't blogged lately because...okay, I'll just say it: The show kinda blows this year. Last year ROCKED. Best season ever. The year before—awesome!! This year—whatever. Some good singers, sure, but not one single person who knocks my socks off. And usually by now I've bonded to somebody.

Could it be that I'm—gasp!—getting older? (But I'll never be as old as Mrs. Cynicletary, ha ha! She's about five minutes older than I am, but it's an important five minutes. And should be noted whenever possible.)

Here's the thing: New Dad Phil and Funny Chris have nice voices, and I like them a lot. We'd be buddies in real life. Back-up Brandon has a very nice voice (and I love when he stands next to Ryan, because I think of Brandon as really short. Oh, Ryan is such a dear wee thing!). But are any of them good enough to be the American Idol (if, you know, it were a singing competition)? Not unless they seriously step up in the next few weeks.

The rest of them, with one key exception, just shouldn't be here. Period. I cannot believe that Sundance, Sanjaya, Chris R, and Jared (who I do like, because he reminds me of a good friend, but he is way out of his league here) are four of the best young male singers in the country today. It is nonsense.

The exception is, of course, Beatbox Blake, our one male star. Honestly, I'm not a big fan of his voice—but I am a HUGE fan of how he's playing the game. He has done an exceptional job of showcasing himself, playing to his strengths, and unerringly determining what we need to see from him each week. He brings his best game every time (dawg! I'm quoting Randy now, that's what I've come to), and he's in it to win it. And since competition is my middle name (though my parents spell it with a K), I cannot tell you how much I admire him for that. Dude is smart.

The likely Top 6 girls are a solid group: Melinda, Lakisha, Gina, Jordin, Stephanie, and Sabrina. Good singers, good performers. If someone's going to make me fall in love this year, it will be a girl. (Don't tell my parents.) But if Antonella somehow robs one of the deserving six of their rightful place.....HELL WILL HATH NO FURY LIKE MINE!!

No matter what Haley does tonight, she's going home tomorrow. So for her sake, because she seems like a nice girl, I hope she looks extra pretty and sings a sweet song, rather than go out trying to be someone she's not (i.e., every single minute of last week's performance). Nick and Leslie showed us how to do a classy exit. Let's learn, people.

Lady Kompetition Chardonnay (today's look: Freezing Soccer Mom) OUT.

no thrills TV

Well, that was a disappointment! Not one thrill from any of the boys last night. Only Chris R&S, beat box boy and back-up singer were OK. The rest were terrible. Sanjaya, even with a blow-out, you are just bad. Please, please go home this week.Sundance was flat for almost the whole song. "For the ladies" guy is just so tacky (and didn't he screw up the words?) and bald guy can only sing certain notes. Really, it was like some tasteless talent show for tired,tenuously talented tenors tending towards tone trauma.

Truly, everyone seemed really tired. It made me tired.

Let's hope the girls got a good nights sleep.

XO,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Get the Antonhella outta here!

This is the point in the competition when America shows it's ass, as they say. They always play the stupid personality contest instead of choosing the best singers. As Bruni has stated eloquently, AJ should not have gone home. I would not have sent Taunton boy home either, nor Leslie. Too sleazy dude who sang Let's Get it On, and Sunjaya should have gone. I mean even he knows it! His look of shock did seem genuine, and I am sure he is a very nice boy. But kid, you've got to go. America, wake the F up! This is not a puppy dog look-alike contest!

Heinous beauty pageant singer SUCKS! She can, she will, she must, go this week. And Antonella - did you notice how her green dress covered her completely from chin to knee - oh no, she is not slutty! Just in pictures! Anyway, I would not care one teeny bit if she was slutty if only she could SING! But. She. Can't. Antonella lovers can watch her (or whatever they do) all day on the internet and leave the rest of us to listen to good singers. And didn't other people with racy pictures, like Frenchie, get kicked off the show? Why not her? Moral turpitude! Hypocrisy! Get the Antonhella outta here! She must be one of the ones that Simon refers to as having a big ego and no talent. Mm hmm.

Is tonight more of the same - sing whatever song you think will get you the most votes? I'm looking forward to it. C'mon boys - thrill me!

America Has Half a Mind...

Bravo, America for sending the hellacious Alaina home. I like her personality and her weirdness, but this is a singing competition (at least in the context of this paragraph) and she just wasn't as good as anyone else last night. And as much as I felt warmth towards Nick, he was also not one of the best. So I will wave him off with my hankie in the air and not a word of rebuke to the voters.

However - America, you suck for sending A.J. home. He was adorable and so so SO good. And even though Leslie was never going to win - she was not due to go home until NEXT week!

I have to admit that tonight was perhaps the best results show ever.

Nick sounded great singing off and he was so cool shaking hands with his boy-pals while he sang so much more smoothly than Tuesday night, even.

Alaina made me smile with her response of "charming" to the reminder of Simon's opinion from last night. And when Ryan asked Paula, and Paula alone, what advice she had for Alaina it was a kindness of the sort that makes me want Ryan to be visiting me in hospice care many years from now.

I was pissed when Sanjaya got a week's repieive - although I called it. But I did appreciate how very surprised he was and the genuineness of the hug he gave A.J. - although I bet those two were roommates so it probably wasn't the first time.

The low point for me was making Jordyn stand with Leslie. That should have been the stupid QUEEN OF THE NIGHT cow whose name I have forgotten on purpose because she is so lame. Now you know as well as I do that the Antonella isn't going home because she is too pretty and we know too much about her - but did you see the look on her face when Randy made it sound like she was going home? Seriously, it as much as said, "You can't be serious! Everyone knows I'm not going home!" I loathe her and I fear it is only going to get worse.

So America - get your thumb out of your butt and quit voting for Sanjaya and Antonella or I will do something rash. Or nearly certainly develop a rash.

Brunie, OUT!

Seperating the wheat from the chaffe

OK, let's slice and dice through these girlies.

Gina - I really don't like you. You were so mean and bitchy to that little Shakira-lette in Hollywood, and you are just not likeable. Plus, I hate your hair. And Simon was right about the fashion thing. That red dress was just wrong for that rockin Heart song. Even though I hate you, I must admit that you sang well. And true to my style, I voted for you on that basis alone.

Alaina sucks. So bad. Bye bye to Alaina.

Melinda was the best of the night. Original, spot-on pitch on a really,really hard song to sing. I like her a lot, but is there any way to make a person's neck longer? Her head is like a jack-o-lantern plopped onto a stuffed scarecrow at Halloween. If her hair was up would it help?

Antonella - so bad AGAIN. She didn't even have a passing relationship with the right pitch. Cuteness may save her for one more week, but she does not deserve it.

I like Jordyn, but she had a bit of trouble with that Reflections song. Like Simon said, she was so much better than others - but she is capable of much better.

Dangerously in Love by Beyonce is kind of a strange song. Stephanie did very well with it, but I don't think it was the best choice of song. Lots of non-fans of Beyonce may not get it. She has a great voice.

Once again I agree with Simon re Lesley. She is in a competition with some other women who have that gift of singing, and even though in ordinary circumstances she is a perfectly good singer, compared to Lakisha, Melinda, Stephanie, Sabrina, Jordyn she, dare I say, pales in comparison. The black girls are just in a different league as the white girls this year.

Haley's performance was like some kind of ghastly beauty pageant routine. Mr. Cynicletary and I both said these words at the very same moment at the end of her song. (Except I said Beauty Pageant and he said Cruise Ship - both with that Simon accent)Bye bye Haley!

Sabrina is very talented, but she was very close to shouting at points in her song. She is an excellent singer and will stay around for a while.

So, Antonella, Alaina, and Haley - I hope you didn't fully unpack, because your days are severely numbered.

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Little Girls, Little Girls - Everywhere I Turn I Can See Them...

Gina Glockson managed to stay another week by rocking ALONE. And Paula keeps me loving her another night by telling Gina to take fashion advice from Simon with venom in her voice.

Holy Cow – Elena just wrote her ticket home. No one will be calling from the red states for the Dixie Chicks NOT READY TO MAKE NICE. And thepitchy-ness was obvious to even me. I have to say that I really like her and I wish she was a bit more interesting of a singer.

Yay – Lakeshia didn't dedicate her song to her daughter! (Did you know she has a daughter?) She sounds fantastic on the MIDNIGHT TRAIN TO GEORGIA. She is really such a natural singer. I can see why they seem to love her so much.

Can
I be honest? The only person I like to hear sing MY FUNNY VALENTINE is me. I find it to be really fun to sing but when other people sing it. It is like listening to books on tape - which I also hate. It is just too slow. However, I have to agree that Melinda is without a doubt the best singer in the competition.

Oh my, Antonella’s mom does that creepy singing-along-because-I-am-living-my-life-through-my-daughter thing. She is singing BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME which is a wretched song. I think that her lack of confidence serves her well. She didn’t try to much fancy garbage and it made it sound less irritating than usual. I feel so bad for that girl with her naughty Internet pictures. But she pisses on my goodwill by bringing up Jennifer Hudson to Simon in an I-told-you-so fashion. Simon makes the valid point that America voter her off, not him. If nothing else she certainly inspiresI-am-stringing-a-lot-of-words-together-with-hyphens-to-make-a-point-ness in me.

[And can I tell you that I audibly “squee”ed when she won the Oscar? And my husband audibly gulped when her boobie nearly fell out of her dress several times during the Dreamgirls medley.]

Jordyn is looking adorable singing the REFLECTION song that I hate because it is not the Supremes. (I have to say that I like Christina Aquafina after seeing her James Brown tribute from the Grammy’s .) She sounded fantastic to me – although the song does nothing for me. However seeing her stand next to Ryan makes me so happy I can barely speak. I want them to trade clothes and dance the jitterbug. Or have him hop on her shoulders and fight Mel Gibson in theThunderdome.

The song that Stephanie is singing has the strangest rhythm. I kind of really hate it. And she doesn’t sound that great to me. She looks fantastic. The most attractive of the night so far. But this song is crap - DANGEROUS LOVE – maybe?

I really liked Leslie Hunt. I think she was fun and unique. She did not bore me at all which is rare. She sang that Nina Simone song with FEELING GOOD in it.

Wow, Haley’s fiancé is kind of cute. She is as orange as an Oompa Loompa tonight. She took the judges advice to go younger and sings QUEEN OF THE NIGHT. Sadly, the song is about how bad she is and she still looks like a fourth grade student-teacher. I want to bring her an apple and ask for help with my spelling words.

Sabrina can really sing. My kids call her Miss Pointy Face. I love the way she thanked the band at the end. I don’t love the song - ALL THE MAN I NEED or some such
crap. I pretty much loathe the song choices of Whitney, Beyonce, Celine, Mariah, Christina and every other pretty pop powerhouse

I am expecting Alaina and Haley to go home this week. If Antonella wasn’t so pretty it would be her. But next week she and either Leslie or Gina will be flushed. (Sorry) I am not voting tonight because I have not yet chosen my girl. It will probably beJordyn or Stephanie. I love Lakeshia and Melinda’s voices, but they remind me too much of my beloved Mandisa from last season and I haven’t yet gotten over her loss yet.

Brunie, OUT!

Last night with the guys was just ok.

Phil - yawn.

Let's get it on guy - too much, overdone, and not one note was different from the original. Yawn.

I like Brandon - even though Time after Time is Tame after Tame, he sang it beautifully. I think he does need to show his chops more - he is very talented.

Sanjaya, pack your bags, Honey, you are like human methadone. YAAAWWWNNNN!!!

Vote for Pedro dude from Taunton - it was OK. I voted for you because you sang well and because you are from Massachusetts. However, if you sing badly even once you will be cut off no matter where you're from!

Chris Curley hair - I really like him and his voice. I am waiting for him to pick the perfect song that shows off how talented he really is. But Dude, lose 30 pounds, OK?

AJ -Not bad at all - surprising!

Blake - love you! Not one single yawn!

Chris Young Guy - great job! So hard to sing that fast and stay in tune. At least you and Blake sing songs from this decade!

Sundance - you need to sing a variation on that kind of song every single week. Your crack-aided choice of Knights in White Satin last week was GHASTLY! Uptempo blues every week, youngin'!

I predict Let's get it on boy and Sunjaya will go this week.

I am hoping for yawn-free performances from the ladies tonight. But there are only four of them who are truly great. And they (and I) know who they are. I'm going to have a cup of coffee before the show just in case.

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

The Boys Are Back In Town...

Wouldn't it be great if someone sang "The Boys Are Back in Town"? I love that little bit of '70s joy. But that's not what I am here to talk about. So on to the show...

Phil (I seriously almost typed Chris!) benefits tremendously from us already liking him. I liked the end of his song, MISSING YOU, when he got all loud and emotional – but the beginning was dull as dirt.

Jared (the Eyebrow) sounds great on LET’S GET IT ON. But he sounds just like Marvin Gaye. No deviation from the record at all. But he had some snappy dance moves. I still find him cutest.

Then they all get dirty, starting with Paula who is on fire tonight. She is so cute…

A.J. made me love him with some song I never heard (NEW SOMETHING…) He sounded bluesy and a little queeny and his moves were great. Best so far, by far.

Sanjay sounds like the kid at the high school talent show who you never knew could sing and blows everyone away. But he is no American Idol. Dull dull dull… He sang STEPPING OUT WITH MY BABY but he will probably be back because he is cute. And OMG (!) Randy called the high school talent show thing just as I was typing it! But this kid seems so shy it probably hurts that he even has to talk after he sings. Damn, he is young.

Chris sang TROUBLE which I like a lot. He dedicated it to his cute little wife. I held my breath when he went to talk to the judges – but it went well without Ryan acting all pissy and trouble-makey.

Bye bye Nick… I like Nick a lot, but he was only slightly less dull than Sanjay. Although Simon appeared to be snapping his fingers. Some parts sounded really smooth and I love the tone of his voice. But it wasn’t memorable. It made me miss Paris – the little singing firecracker, not the French city.

Blake sang VIRTUAL INSANITY – he did some scat singing. He was not at all dull. I don’t know how good the singing was, but I wasn’t bored at all.

Brandon looks so hot when he is singing. He is nice looking but nothing special when he is talking. But once he starts singing – whoo! – I get all Tiger Beat-y on him. He sang TIME AFTER TIME which is kind of a dull song if you’re not Cindy Lauper. But his tone was nice and his face is just like a poem.

I am loving Paula this week! And Simon is so lively tonight. Not necessarily kind, but lively.

Chris does absolutely nothing for me. But he will stay because he looks like Justin Timberlake. He sings GEEK IN THE PINK and there is something dirty about that song. I don’t know why they like him so much. His voice is kind of reedy.

So Sundance is closing the show with MUSTANG SALLY. He sounds better than he has sounded before and that will probably be enough to keep him in another week. And I like his little dedication to his son. I love that he knows how bad he sucked last week.
I voted for A.J. a bunch of times and for Brandon because he makes me feel so special.

Strangers in Paradise

As usual, the people we never got to know are the first ones gone. (This is where Mrs. Cynicletary and I argue every year. "I vote for the best singers, every time!" she swears. "But you are not the average voter," I remind her. Also, she doesn't learn anyone's name till, like, Week 11.) Seriously — Antonella blew. She was next-to-worst last night. Amy wasn't bad—she was perfectly competent, she just wasn't exciting. Antonella, like Nicole, was actively bad. But we know Antonella, and we generally like her, so we're giving her the benefit of the doubt. THIS is where the exposure comes in handy.

(Another case in point is Sundance, who . . . I just don't have words for his performance. The unendurable ick of that giant glistening head looming over me while he bellowed, "I LOVE YO . . ." I love yo? Back OFF, giant head!)

If you're really, really good (like Stephanie and Sabrina), you can shake off the dust of obscurity, buy yourself some time, and make us learn to love you. And if you're freakin' great, like yesteryear's Bo, you're a stranger no more. But as good as most of the girls were, I saw no one rise to Bo-like heights. Or even Daughtry-like heights. They were just very good.

After next week, when the next four strangers bite the dust (Leslie, Haley or Alaina, AJ, and probably Chris R, who, despite the judges' praise, is really not a good singer at all)—well, then it gets interesting.

Shoo-in final 12 boys: Brandon Backup, Beatbox Blake, and New Dad Phil. I'll be very surprised (sadly surprised) if Funny Chris isn't there (his fans, apparently, have christened themselves the Fro Patro). I'll also be surprised (happily surprised) if Sanjaya doesn't make it, as he also seems to have a (hormonal) bustling fan base.

Shoo-in final 12 girls: Melinda Backup and Single Mom Lakisha (have you heard that she's a single mom? Wow! And me without a medal), with Stephanie, Sabrina, Jordin, and Gina likely completing the group. Which means bye-bye Antonella, which—we'll see.

One word about Miss Gina, who—yes, Brunie, you called it—is forever my girl: I thought Simon was a jerk to her. Not when he was initially critiquing her performance—he said she didn't "hit the note," meaning, the one he was expecting to hear, and she may not have. Fine. And I thought her response was likewise fine; she said—jokingly—that she hit a note (which, obviously, she did). But Simon took it all wrong and was very assy when he referenced their exchange later. I don't mind when he's rude in the context of making a good point, but I hate him when he's rude just to entertain himself.

Enough for now—I need to focus on the Oscars, which means working on perfecting my Oscar cocktails. It's a chore, but I somehow carry on.

Lady Chardonnay (today's look: Extra-Terrestrial Frumpy) OUT.

Home is Where You Go and They Have to Listen to You Sing...

Okay this is completely scary. If you look at my recap (And apparently I am the only one who is actually watching the show this season – not that that is a reflection on Lady Char and Mrs. Cynicaltary!) you will see that every performer that my husband commented on went home! He is a career killer! Beware future idols – don’t let Mr. Crow talk about you or you are going home.

There was no real disappointment for me in those who were sent home. I think Paul Kim was far better than Sundance but that is like saying small pox is better than Rocky Mountain yellow spotted fever. I was relieved for Nick. I was fine seeing Rudy leave. And I will miss Amy and Nicole not at all.

I have enjoyed this week very much. Now if someone else would post about it, I would be happy as happy can be. But who? Who will break the silence?

Brunie, OUT!

A Little Something From the Ladies...

Like the judges, I too thought the girls were significantly better than the boys. With a few dreadful exceptions.

Stephanie Edwards – How Come You Don’t Call Me Anymore
I never heard this song before – I liked it a lot and I really like Stephanie. Cute look – confident voice – I love her!

Amy Krebs – I Can’t Make You Love Me
She is not that interesting to me. She sounded fine, but that song needs to be more painful. You need the scratchy Bonnie Raitt thing. She should be singing about puppies and kitties. When Paula said she can do something to make us remember her my husband piped up in a breathy silly voice, “I could take off my top!” He is such a goober, but you can see that AI is sucking him in!

Leslie-the-Girl-Who-Scares-My-Children Hunt– Natural Woman
She doesn’t sound bad, but no one can sing this song who isn’t Aretha. It just can’t be done. It just makes everyone listening think, “Damn, Aretha cansing the hell out of this song. What is that pasty girl doing?”

Sabrina Sloane – I Never Loved a Man
Well what do you know? More Aretha. This one is better – maybe because she has a little more sass that the last girl and she is making the song a little less Aretha-like without making it sound like Karaoke. She did okay I think. Second only to Stephanie in my book.

Antonella Barba – Don’t Want to Miss a Thing
I love that this Jersey girl is singing Aerosmith! She is so danged pretty. I just want to hate her, but I don’t. I like her. When she said that her Idol journey was stressful my husband said, “So is mine!” And yet he stays in the room! I really think that Idol is slowly creeping up on him.

Jordin Sparks - Give Me One Reason
I love this song, but I don’t think it is really a voice show-casing kind of number. That being said, Little Jojo sang the hell out of it. And she made Ryan look so tiny!

Nicole Tranquillo – Some Way Some How (I am guessing, as usual…)
Wow, this blew! I like Nicole but her voice sounded just plain weird. I almost fast forwarded through her but I wanted to see if she would stop shouting. Dare I say? Goodbye, Nicole.

Haley Scarnato – Hmmmm….I’m going to guess It’s All Coming Back to Me Now
This sounds like something that Miss American would sing. Actually, this reminded me of the talent competition in the Miss America pageant. She seems pretty forgettable to me. She has nice teeth – I’ll give her that. But if she gets sent home I will not remember her.

Melinda Doolittle – Since You Been Gone
Is her face too big to win? I LOVE her voice and her sweet little personality but she looks like Linda Hunt in a wig. But I love her voice, oh yes I indeedily-doo! How shallow that I can’t seem to get beyond her Easter Island-like head. Shallow, shallow me.

Alania Alexander – Brass in Pocket
No one can sing this song but Chrissy Hynde. So reet… Too bad because I kind of liked her before this. Oh gosh – is she the one who is going to have to go to college? Poor thing… And she does look adorable with Ryan. When she gets kicked off maybe she can be his new beard.

Gina Glockson – All By Myself
You know Lady Char is going to love this girl because she has funky colored hair and a skippy personality. And she can sing! But I do think that this song is more like a week 8 kind of choice. Too swoopy. But she did really sing it. I hope to see more of her. And boy could she just slip Ryan into her pocket!

Lakisha Jones – And I am Telling You
Boy, they are selling Baby-Mama hard! She can sing and I really do like church singing girls, I just don’t like to feel manipulated. And this song is just too amazing and she sold the hell out of it. Shut up about your daughter and keep singing like that and I will love you Lakisha!

My go-the-heck-home picks are Alania and Nicole with Haley Scarnato as a spoiler. I didn’t pick the boys-go-home but I will now – they are Sundance and Rudy with Sanjaya as a possible alternate.

And maybe I will watch LOST before I slip off to sleep with a prayer of thanksgiving on my lips for the wonder of TiVo!

Brunie, OUT!

Where the Boys Are~

And here we are - where the singing begins! This is how my evening went:

Rudy Cardenes– Free Ride
He was certainly happy and he seemed peppy although not too interesting. My 8 year old said “Utterly horrible!” in a Simon voice. Paula said “I thought it started off fantastic…’ and my husband said “…but I’m drunk, so what do I know.” Which was pretty funny and prescient and the last thing I am sure I will hear out of him about Idol the entire season.

[Then I noticed that Randy is a dapper little dwarf with slightly irritating interviewing skills.]

Brandon Rogers– Rock With You
It is painful the degree to which he wants to have sex with me! The eyes, the mouth, the hair, the love… I can’t decide if I am eeked out or in love. Pretty voice, dullish arrangement, most natural movements of anyone on stage tonight.

Sundance Head – Nights in White FREAKING Satin
Goodbye Sundance, you suck.

Paul Kim – Never Gonna Dance Again
Don’t point at your feet when you sing about your feet, fool! He sounded pretty good although there was one crazy bad note and then he said, “Yuch…”

Chris Richardson (Justin Timberlake, Jr.) – I Don’t Wanna Be
Stiffest boy in the world. And he keeps looking like a youth pastor. And his voice is reedy. Blech.

Nick Pedro– Now and Forever I Will Be Your Man (or some crap like that)
Our local boy! Cute as a bug with the cheeks and the thinning hair. Quick, be a star before the hair is gone! He has a pretty, smooth voice and I can’t wait to hear him sing some Motown instead of this slop. (So I voted for him four times.)

Blake Lewis – Somewhere Only We Know
I like him, but it seemed like he lost the melody in a few spots. But it is a weird melody so I could be wrong. “An odd song” according to Paula. And I concur. Do you watch “How I Met Your Mother”? Well you should. And this guy looks like Barney. The horn-dog, not the purple dinosaur.

Sanjaya Malakar – I Love You a Whole Bunch of Times
I thought he sounded smooth – and yet the dull was nearly overwhelming. But he was cute and smiley and 17 so that may carry him through.

Chris Sligh – A Song I Have Never Heard of and Can’t Even Begin to Guess at the Title
He is a portly young man and I am a friend to the portly. He sounded good to me. I voted for him for my sons who adore him.

[At this point everyone assures us that they are not gay and Simon calls Chris fat.]

Jared Cotter – Counting Song of Some Sort
He really was the sweetest of the slow singers. I had no opinion of him before but I liked him after. Not tremendously memorable but then again, I have never heard of Brian McKnight?

AJ Tabaldo – A Thousand Kisses (well, that’s what I’d call it)
I liked him far more than I thought I would! I don’t know the song at all but I liked the way he sounded. According to Randy he brought nothing new so there’s that. But his singing was very nice.

Phil Stacey – I Could Not Ask For More
Damn! That was a scary first shot of him! He looked like a turkey. He sounded okay. He did some Bo-motional mic-stand flipping. Boy, you really need to see his mouth for his face to have any chance of being attractive.

[Then Ryan and Simon have a little bitch-fight and I finally get to go to bed.]

Nighty-night.

Brunie, OUT!

“Wait for it . . . wait for it . . . Oh, did you blink? Sorry.”

That’s my summation of Hollywood “week,” and I’m beyond furious that we had to endure 25 weeks of audition dreck for such a measly reward. Grr! Arrggh! There is not a container large enough for my wrath. (So I shall channel my rage into blogging, and it that doesn’t do it—maybe my kids will be up for a game of full-contact Twister. Yeah.)

I was sad that Army Girl didn’t make it, though the minute she sang “many” as “mini,” I knew her time was up. (Not that the judges would say it that way, exactly—“Sorry, Army Girl, but we’re wicked snobs.”) And I was very surprised not to see anything of some former audition favorites, particularly Lovely with Lots of Hair (who sang “Over the Rainbow” in Minnesota) and Ebony the roller-skating waitress, especially given how Simon wet himself over the latter. And popstar-ready Bayley (“I was born a city girl, except on a farm”)? I assumed she’d make it through even if she hawked a loogy mid-song, again given Simon’s personal pee-fest. Well, you know what they say about “assume” (namely, Don’t do it ‘cause you could be wrong!).

The one and only thing I liked was that we literally saw every one of the Top 24, albeit for only a few seconds in some cases, but in any event—they won’t be total strangers come Tuesday, and maybe the bloody slaughter of the unknowns will be less immediate this time. Though, that being said, knowing the final list makes some of their choices even more inexplicable. “Chris R” and “Jared” over Tommy, the cute Afro-ed boy who sat in judgment with Sundance? “Nicole” and “Stephanie” over Joni Mitchell-channeling lip-pierced girl? (again, whom I’d assumed a shoo-in, once more due to Simon’s relentless self-piddling)

Crazy, man.

Of the 24, I especially like the two back-up singers, Brandon and Melinda (though she has got to stop making those “I’m passing a stone” faces while singing), New Dad Philip, Jack-Osbourne guy Chris, second-timer Nick Pedro, Gina G (last year’s fish-netted dental assistant, who has lovely harmonies), and golden girl Alaina (“If I don’t make it, I might have to . . . go to . . . college!” Hold on to your dream, girl! Don’t ever let go!).

I dislike Lakisha, professional single mom (though I have nothing against single moms! Well, as a demographic, anyway), but given the aforementioned Simon incontinence as far as she’s concerned, I know she’ll be around a while (you are SHEEP, America! SHEEP!), and I’m not wild about Sanjaya or Sundance. Beat Box Boy, America Ferrara (Jordin), and Haley, the young girl with the big hoop earrings—whatever.

As for less-heinous BFF Antonella—while I do like her voice, and I don’t blame her for the sins of her truly heinous BFF Amanda, I’m still disappointed that she didn’t turn to Amanda and say, “Girlfriend? God just called and wants me to smack you.” Ah, well. She’s young. And I suspect that she’ll do just fine without my support. (BAAHHH! BAAHHH!)

The Invisible 10 (Rudy, Paul, AJ, Chris, Jared, Stephanie, Leslie, Sabrina, Nicole, and Amy)—well, here’s hoping that one of them knocks it out of the park and rocks the house, á lá Bo, Chris, La Toya. We shall see! Much more to be revealed . . .

Lady Chardonnay (today’s look: Small-Town GrAnimals) OUT.

Hollywood Grail

So we are finally done with the dreaded city auditions and have made it to Mecca and I am strangely disappointed. It seems so short! Only two nights of the stress, crying, whining, bitching, moaning and - oh yeah - singing? What a rip-off...

Tuesday night I could have stood a look at more of the groups. I LOVED the beat box boys. They were so good. I was thrilled to see Hips-don't-lie Sexy-Colombianita go. Her personality was cute, but she couldn't sing for beans. And I was shocked that they cut Too-big-for-the-farm Girl instead of Not-quite-as-pretty Best Friend.

Speaking of which - this is what ticked me off about last night - the cutting heads episode. Okay, fair enough, obviously if they show the kid singing you know they are going to stay. And I was thrilled that my children's favorites (Sundance, New Dad and Curly-haired Funny-boy) and my favorites (Pretty Best Friend, Second-dorkiest White-girl and Single Mom) made it through. But I really think that the last two cuts were cruel and stupid.

Let me back up to say that on the first Hollywood night when they cut the entire first set of girls, that was cheap. There were some girls there who were perfectly good. They just did it to make a point and to scare the rest into really performing. Well, fine - but make sure you stack it with not very good singers! It is not fair to cut the good just to make a point. The same goes for the last two cuts last night.

Skinny Former-drama-club-geek and Pretty Best Friend were very close in talent - but PBF blew her words in the final performance and SFDCG rocked the house. And yet SFDCG has to leave? That is crap. Same goes for Sundance (and how I thank him for having a memorable name - I will eventually learn names - when we're down to 12) and Confidence Man - Sundance, if the clips they showed are to be believed, blew the whole week in Hollywood and CM sounded sweet the whole time. Any yet who is going through? The unique looking feller with the interesting back story. FDCG and CM wuz robbed!

I could have lived without Seizure Dancing Redhead and Barefoot Forever. I had hoped to link pictures from Fox's site so you would know who the heck I was talking about, but they don't have the contestants up yet! You would think they would have that ready to go as soon as it aired for obsessive fans. Way to disappoint, Fox...

Brunie - OUT!

Hollywood, hurrywood

Some of these bad singers literally make me writhe in pain. I am so glad to be finished with the audition phase. In between the few really good singers, I have my fingers in my ears, screaming, "stop, please stop!!"

I did like tall, beautiful skater girl, and the big girl with big voice who sang "Think", and the very last guy, the small, happy version of Rubin, according to Simon.

I am psyched for Hollywood and the uncovering of the phonies that will no doubt ensue. Does anyone know how much time passes between the auditions and when everyone goes to Hollywood?

Love & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

Ryan and Stealth Insults

Funniest line of the night:
(at least for the first half hour - won't see the rest until after school tomorrow)
When the bad singing person became upset with the judges for being "rude" (Have they never seen the show before?) Ryan pipes up with a heartfelt defense, "Hey, those are my friends, two of them..."

Loved the cousins! Loved how the blue suited one came in and sang badly on purpose to prepare the judges. Loved how he said, with no hesitation that his cousin is better. Loved how he "represented" for the cameras on the way out. Loved how the cousin came in pissed that his cousin was badly treated. Loved that he sang pretty. LOVED that he sang LET'S GET IT ON directly to Simon. Hey pal, don't let your voice make promises that Simon's inherent homophobia won't let you keep!

I am feeling good - we're in the homestrech. Almost to Hollywood.

Hollywood, baby! (as Randy says every time...)

A Kindler Gentler Bitch-Slap

When oh when will this end? Can't we just get to Hollywood, please?

Here is what I noticed last night. Some of these people who "can't sing" according to Simon and Randy sing just fine. Just not American Idol-fine. Earnest long haired girl (who Jacob on TWoP said has hair that "whispers softly, 'My family is in a cult'.") has a perfectly pretty church singing voice. The first girl who was oh-so-confident beneath her nervousness (she sang "Reflection" which I persist in hoping is going to be the Supremes "Reflections" instead of the irritating Xtina song...) was karaoke-fine. The jumped on her like she was barbecuing kitties.

Although I enjoyed the way that Simon and Randy cut through the contestants like a hot knife through butter, I missed Paula. I was amused by her love for the Jack Osborne-ish looking funny boy. I really liked the repartee between the judges last night as a whole. It seemed much less fake-conflict-y than usual. And there were less sad-crazy people and more happy-crazy-old-big-bird-funny people. Although you could see how ticked off Simon was to have his time wasted.

Altogether - this was the first auditions episode that didn't make me feel a little dead inside. Thank you polite citizens of Birmingham for restoring my faith in humanity!

Alabama On My Mind

Right now, I'm in a haze of Oscar fever, trying to catch all the biggies before my own personal Super Bowl, February 25, so my Idol fever has abated just a tad. But daughter Mimosa, whose priorities are in the right place, woke me this morning with the cry, "Mom! Tonight Idol's in Alabama!"

Sweet home Alabama. I spoke to Mimosa of Lynyrd Skynyrd, and also of Reese Witherspoon having to choose between Patrick Dempsey and Josh Lucas and how only Hollywood could see this as a Big Problem. Okay, Alabama references? Mine are limited. (And we'd already covered the Montgomery bus boycott two weeks ago.) But I'm excited now, because every night brings us closer to the end of the audition process, and that's what I really care about.

I agree with my blogging sisters that the adopted 16-year-old boy is pretty-pretty and has a nice voice, but beyond that—we'll see. When I look back over the sad, wasted contestant pool, it's mostly girls who have stayed with me:

• Army Girl, my first favorite
• Background Singer Girl, who's more than ready for her place in the sun
• Half-Pint New York Pride, the little girl with the three different voices (more on her in a minute)
• The Glamorous BFFs, namely, untrained BFF #2, who outsang her pallie
• Bad Daughter, who's here without Daddy's permission

. . . and a handful of others.

My favorite of the freaks, hands down, was Tone-Deaf Girl, who dreamed of being the first American Idol who couldn't sing. She fascinated me, because she seemed so not-crazy at first, and I thought she had a legitimate, smart point to make . . . but I kept listening and waiting for it, and turns out? No. She did not. But I loved her weepy dripping entitled little crazy self, and I'm so glad we had this time together.

So about Little Miss New York—she has the kind of in-your-face confidence that borders on obnoxious, and right now she's on the delightful side of that line, but no guarantees that she and I won't teeter-totter across it for the rest of the season. But I'm rooting for her. She's one spicy meatball, and I can't wait to see how she plays with others.

See you in Alabama, my friends! (I choose Josh Lucas.)

Lady Chardonnay (whose look today is "Hippie Hippie Chic") OUT.

Memphis and New York

I am with Mrs. Cynicletary about the beautiful 16 year old boy. I was watching with a bunch of high school teachers - one of whom stared at him hungrily and muttered, "I'm going to jail..."

There has got to be a drinking game based on whether or not the contestants are talented or deluded or sincerely mentally ill. But I think that the game would end badly. I am going to live through the auditions, but I feel dirty somehow.

Brunie, out!

The Joy of Idol

The winner!

That 16 year old dude who looks like that model, Tyson, might win the whole shebang!

xo,
Mrs. Cynicletary

"When does the singing start?"

That's a quote from my son, Li'l Martini, who saw the first 20 minutes of the Minneapolis auditions and promptly revised his definition of injustice (which, only minutes earlier, had centered on the fact that sister Mimosa gets to stay up till 9:00 to watch Idol). Li'l Martini simply blew a kiss to the spirit of Prince and went to bed without a whimper.

I almost called this post "When Jugglers Cry," but, clearly, didn't. Big topic on GMA this morning: Has American Idol gotten too mean? "Yes!" cried the earnest author of Odd Girl Out and assorted people on the street. (Who should not be called street people, or streetwalkers. An important distinction.) But anyway, it's funny that we're all focusing on everything but the actual singing.

Because—the singing? Not so much happening.

By 9:30 I was quite cross and ready to love somebody. As sweet as Crack Baby was, as fun as Hoochie Koochie Girl was, as I-don't-have-an-adjective as Sailor Boy was, none of them grabbed me in any way. But then came Fatigue-Sporting Mechanic Girl, and I liked her instantly. Her voice isn't the best, but I don't even care; I'm just so happy to have a pulse again.

Fatigued Mechanic was immediately followed by Lovely With Lots of Hair, who was delightful, but it didn't matter, my heart was already full. (However, the sixth pick of the night gave me a freak; I love California Dreamin', but what is that thing on his nose? I'm lighting a candle for it in church this Sunday, I cannot watch a nose growth for an entire season.)

Frankly, I'm pretty much done with the audition shows. I love it when they get to Hollywood (which is actually my favorite part of all—the only time we get to see them working and being their best worst selves). We could fast-forward through all this crap, and you could color me happy. But 10 quadrillion viewers clearly have another opinion . . .

(Though the person who said it was annoying, I do love the phrase "urban Amish." I'm going to do that from now—take a random adjective and random noun and put them together to describe my fashion choices. Today I'm "1970s' Air Hostess." Really, you should see me; I have a little scarf and everything.)

It's good to be back!

Lady Chardonnay OUT.

The Joy of Idol

The Joy of Idol

All I can say is, in Seattle I would be a super-model beauty queen. How many truly unattractive people can there be in one city?

Like Brunie, I dislike this part of the show. Humiliating people who are clearly mentally ill is not funny to me.

I will remain heartlessly ambivalent until at least Hollywood.

Hugs & kisses,
Mrs. Cynicletary

P.S. Happy Birthday to Mr. Cynicletary.

I used to love Minnesota...

This is the part of Idol that I just can't stand. People who are slightly less talented then they have been led to believe, people who are trying to get on television by any means necessary and people who are so unbelieveably deluded that it is painful to watch. I can't really get behind the show until they get to Hollywood and I don't really enjoy it until they are down to the top 24.

That being said - I think we will see a little more of crack-baby girl, zit-nosed boy and this-contestant-was-brought-to-you-by-the-U.S.-Navy. I don't want to remember the rest of them.

What say you, sisters?

Brunie, OUT!

Who Wants to Be a Superhero?

Not me, that's for sure. But my children have drawn me into this craptastic show where the only way to win is by taking yourself very very seriously. There is one guy called Feedback who I think will win. He LOVES being a superhero. You know that he spent all his high school years making model airplanes. And Fat Mama is going to rid the world of bullies by, in theory, throwing donuts of justice at them. I really want to love Fat Mama, but I don't know - she seems kind of humorless. But I think humor is not highly prized. There is one guy who seems normal-ish. His name is Major Victory. And I like to imagine him rescuing me. He has a nice chin.

Dont' get me wrong - this show bites HARD. But it seems to beg to be written about. We will see if I make it through the whole show.

I have to wait to see if there is a pithy ending before I sign off.

Until next time...

Brunie